Tag Archives: Brooke Shields

a word on threading

Over the last handful of years pop-up threading joints have migrated to every corner of the country, so surely I don’t have to explain that threading is a hair removal technique traditionally popular in Asia, India, and the Middle East.  I’ve been interested in threading for awhile, but have been a little too shy to try.  The threaders nearby have these kiosks or little store fronts set up that don’t provide for much privacy.  Who wants their epilation done on display for all the lookilous?  Public hair removal is a dignity issue ya’ll.This past Tuesday it was an especially quiet morning for shopping.  When I passed by the threader’s shop, I noticed it was empty and she was sitting quietly reading a book.  After walking just beyond the window front, I decided it was now or never.  I turned around and crossed the threshold.“Hi, can you do anything with these?”  I gesticulated hesitantly to my forehead.  You see I was laboring under the delusion that threading only worked on coarse hair, and I was not bestowed with a Brooke Shields brow bounty.“Yes, Yes,” she said and motioned for me to recline in her chair.  She had me hold my own eyelid down with one hand and pull my skin tight from above by placing the other hand on my forehead.My eyes were closed, but I felt the thread running across my brow pulled taught across her fingers like dental floss.  Almost too quickly to detect, she wove the thread through a row of hairs and yanked them all out with one quick maneuver.  Does it hurt?  Well, yeah, pulling hair out by the root hurts.  However, I do find it less painful than tweezing or waxing.  Whatever discomfort does surface is over and done with quick enough; in total she spent less than 5 minutes total shaping both brows.  When she was done a single tear rolled down my cheek which she dabbed away gently with a tissue as she sat me up and placed the hand mirror in my grasp for the big reveal.As far as I’m concerned, it may be the best five minutes I’ve spent on self-improvement all week.  The lines are precise and laser sharp.  The area above the brow, the brow bone, and between the brows is completely free of errant hairs as though it was waxed.  The procedure produced some redness, but it was quick to diminish, and I haven’t experienced the attendant breakouts so common with waxing and depilatories.We all know damn well what a good eyebrow shaping can do for a person: open up their face, make them appear rested, and maybe even look a few years younger.  Most people won’t know exactly what you did, but they will know you look better.  And this shit is a lot less expensive than fillers or botox.  In fact, threading is surprisingly economical.  Most threaders charge between $7-$12 for both brows.  I am so impressed by the outcome, next time I’m considering letting her do my whole face.Threading.  If you are curious, try.  Too many times I just walked curiously by.  Now after one visit,  I’m not only a threading convert, I’m an apostle.  Piss off waxers.

The Rachel Zoe Project: Raisin Womb

This week Rachel was on the hunt for the best gowns for the 2010 Oscars.  She proclaimed a white obsession and declared everyone should have a white moment on the red carpet.  According to her, everyone looks good in white.  The truth is most people look like shit in white.  A rare woman wears white head-to-toe well, and it ain’t exactly slimming.  Occasionally, white works and when it does it can be admittedly spectacular.  More often than not, it evokes the inevitable and dreaded bridal comparisons and should be avoided.First, Rachel sycophantically gushed over the brilliant Oscar de la Renta, but it was slightly less annoying than usual since he actual deserves it.  As expected, Oscar served gown after delicious gown, but really only one princess gown stood out as a possible Oscar option.  After the show, Rachel, Rodger, and Brad piled into an SUV to go ten blocks to the Michael Kors show.  Despite sitting in gridlock traffic less than a mile away, it didn’t occur to the West Coasters to get out and walk to make it on time.  The three self-important assholes rolled in late and rude, even though all the editors and other fashion folk seemed to make it on time under identical circumstances.  On the way out, Zoe complained loudly about people sweating them for their bad manners and tardiness.

Rodger and Rachel’s sister, Pam, went to Kiki de Montparnasse to find something sexy for Rachel.  The thought of emaciated, wrinkly, Rachel ensconced in lingerie is enough to conjure the heaves (Rachel Zoe presents the Refugee Collection).  The lubricious salesgirl wasted no time breaking out an “intimacy kit” complete with vibrator.  Mortified, Rodger moved on to the French Maid getup, before settling on a simple black camisole and lace thong that he could have bought anywhere.  Proving he’s at least forty percent queen, Rodger closed the sale by saying, “We should get this because it is sexy, and she can definitely wear this with a Chanel jacket and be happy.”

Next, Brad (sans Rachel and thus relegated to the 5th row) at Derek LamBrad fixated on the modern white drapey cowl-neck high collar gown for Cameron Diaz, which was amazing (and was coincidentally included in Demeter Clarc’s selections of the best Fall 2010 gowns).  Despite the gown’s dopeness, it obviously wasn’t right for Cameron or the OscarsBrad says Taylor made him look incompetent, but so far he’s done just fine proving his lack of artistic vision.  His picks are off, and that’s why you should never trust a gay man to do a woman’s job.  Brad excels at dressing men, and that’s where he should turn his focus.

Rachel rushed waaaaay down market to style her QVC fashion show.  The collection looked cheap, budget, and utterly home shopping.  This should prove once and for all that this woman’s style and certainly her design talent, are greatly exaggerated.  Admit it, the collection was not hot.For their anniversary, Marisa gave Rodger and Rachel a DVD of their 1998 St. Barts honeymoon.  Rachel was barely recognizable in the video describing herself as “a brunette with no wrinkles.”  After, Rachel and Rodger traded gifts.  Rachel bought Rodger a gift, and a gift for herself from Rodger – rose gold and diamond handcuffs.  When Rodger busted out the Kiki de Montparnasse box, Rachel recoiled in horror repeating the mantra “not wearing it.”  When Rodger pulled the relatively benign cami out of the box Rachel’s panic subsided, but she batted down his attempt to show the thong.  Can we agree that a sex tape staring these two would be the least erotic thing ever?Rachel seemed pretty disappointed with her gifts until Rodger busted out a custom Barbie doll fashioned in her image.  First Dylan McKay’s Porsche, then Rachel Barbie, gentlemen take note.That evening at Donna Karan, Rachel chirped, “Hey Beauty!” to the likes of Demi Moore, Susan Sarandon, and Brooke Shields reminding us that Zoe herself is more hired-help than style star.  Rodger and Rachel told anybody who would listen about their wedding anniversary, and then feigned surprised when congratulated, exclaiming how nice it was that everyone remembered.

Pam sat Rachel down and gave her a serious talking to regarding her reproductive future.  Rachel blames her hectic schedule on her childless womb, but she probably just doesn’t want to get fat or quit smoking.  Hermès, Chanel, Balenciaga, these are Rachel’s babies. Getting ready for Marc Jacobs, Rachel vacillated between hair-up or hair-down, with the majority of Team Zoe preferring the hair up so as not to compete with the ruffled shoulder.  Considering the jacket choice, her hair did look better up, and that’s how she walked out the door.  However, moments later in the car, the hair was down.  How can you trust a stylist that cannot style herself?

The next morning, Brad broke the news of a ban on white gowns at the OscarsRachel whined, “I hate no white.”  Fear not, she utilized the Lam in this Bazaar spread with Atwood.Wrapping things up at Jessica McClintock Marchesa, Rachel fixated on a busy silver beaded dress with a huge bow on the shoulder.  Didn’t we learn anything from Charlize’s bow shoulder disaster from a few years back?  Even though the bow looked like a big ass parrot sitting on the model’s shoulder, Brad proclaimed the gown “the most coveted dress of the entire season.”  He stressed, “If it’s not worn by one of Rachel’s clients, Lord help me.”