After a recent disappointing visit to the medi-spa, I’m over spending big bucks for subpar beauty treatments. The aesthetician performed an unacceptably splotchy dermaplaning. In response, I ordered a box of 10 surgical scalpels from Amazon for $14.50. I’m going to dermaplane myself and save the $60-80 a month. How hard can it be? While I was trolling Amazon for beauty products inappropriate for self-administration, I stumbled on some “eyelash tint.” They can’t technically market the product as eyelash tint, but it’s understood that everybody uses this particular product off-label for eyelash tint ($13.50). At my last sorry-ass appointment at the medi-spa, not only was my dermaplaning sloppy, so was the eyelash tinting. This messy Martha allowed the dye to bleed under my eyes. When it was time to remove the dye, she had me turn my head and eyewash the dye off, but she forgot to remove the mask she applied so it all just ran into my eyes causing a searingly painful mess. When I said the mentholated mask was running into my eyes, she just cackled maniacally. Truly sinister. No more mean, messy Martha. I’m on my own.
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