Tag Archives: budget

FATTRESS

BECOME YOUR DREAMI didn’t realize my mattress sucked until someone else slept on it and informed me it sucked.  I had acclimated to the suck.  I didn’t understand that this too soft, busted-ass, brokedown mattress was contributing to chronic pain I’ve been enduring.  While I wanted a new bed desperately, shopping for mattresses isn’t fun.  I don’t want to lie down where all those people have lied down before me.  I can’t actually get in my sleep position because it’s so weird, so I just lay there like a corpse staring at the ceiling reassuring the solicitous sales guy that it indeed “feels great.”  I’d rather avoid this undignified scene at the mattress shop.  CHARLOTTE TREY BUNNY BEDI recall when I stayed with my friend AMP for Pitchfork her guest bed was amazing.  She purchased through Overstock and was quite happy with the transaction.  I didn’t do a ton of online recon.  I just ordered a competitvely priced fatty 14″ from Overstock.  My queen arrived vacuum sealed in a box and expanded when I opened the packaging.  It’s firm, but giving, quiet and cool.  When I slept on my old mattress, I woke up with numb arms.  I’ve experienced no more numb arm nonsense with my new bed.  I’m sleeping so well now.  I wish I’d done this sooner.  14 INCH FOAM

bong buy

 

CAM00700Went bong shopping on a whim with Hil yesterday and she spotted this beaut on the top shelf of the head shop.  Meet Augustus Clarc Gus for short.  At 9 millimeters thick, Gus is one durable, bitchy, glass-on-glass queen.  He’s a sturdy, flamboyant, fat, flat bottom.  Dontcha just love rainbows?CAM00701Beyond mere aesthetics and charm, practical considerations influence the purchase of a bong.  First and foremost, the glass must be thick.  Pay more for a substantial piece that can survive life’s hard knocks.  The tube to base ratio matters.  If the tube is too short relative to the size of the base, water pulls up the tube resulting in that unpleasant toilet splashback sensation.  I prefer a bong that fits comfortably from lap to mouth enabling the user to balance the instrument hands-free. CAM00702Don’t be seduced by the megahuge gimmick hamster wheel bongs.  While fun to look at in the store, they’re impossible to clean and difficult to pass in a communal circle.  Some of those devices almost require you to mount them to get a good hit.  Trust me when I say they aren’t worth the trouble.  Besides, you’ll be sad you paid so much when one of your clumsy friends breaks it. CAM00703

When you find your perfect glass slipper, upgrade the slide as the standard issue bowls are almost always shitty.  Negotiate.  At many headshops, clerks have wide discretion with pricing and steep discounts are not uncommon.

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Furthermore, It’s Not Right When…

MAD HUH…After 6 weeks of dating (including sleepovers), he still hasn’t taken down his OkCupid profile.  OKCUPID DOUCHE…He actually accepts the money you offer him for a lunch he begged you for even though he makes 3x your annual salary. CHEAP ASSHOLE…He tells you he likes you; that he’s starting to get attached; that this could get serious; and then informs you he’s planning a month-long trip to Europe with his ex’s best friend.

SERIOUSLY TRY…He’s 30 years older than you.  YOU’RE DELUSIONAL OLD MAN. Celebrities At The Kentucky Derby

 

icy

FROSTY GLASSESWhen I remodeled my kitchen, I opted out of a freezer with a built-in ice maker.  In my experience, the ice that comes out of built-in ice makers usually tastes like whatever is in the freezer.  Gross.  Personally, I’m not a daily ice consumer, but if I am going to invest in an ice maker it’s gotta be the good ice.  Nugget Ice.NUGGET ICE While I’m saving up for my very own nugget ice maker, I’ve come up with a temporary solution for my icelessness.  I fill high-ball and pint glasses one eighth of an inch (+/-) full of filtered water and then freeze.  The glass gets nice and frosty and the water conveniently freezes into a cube in the bottom of the glass.  When guests come by, you have a frosty glass + ice already to go.  The presentation is enjoyable and unexpected.  This creative chilling method beats the hell out of messy, space-sucking ice trays which produce plastic-tasting cubes.     MAC ON ICE

 

$8 flannel shirt > $88 flannel shirt

JCREW FLANNELIn perusing my closet recently, I realized all my long sleeved-shirts are either inappropriately worn or way too big.  This set me on a hunt for transitional button-downs that work as an extra thermal layer.  I love a good flannel and there were some really cute ones at J.Crew for $89.  Call me old fashioned but 90 bucks for a flannel shirt made in China is preposterous.  Kurt Cobain is rolling over in his grave.  FADED GLORY FLANNELJust two weeks later, I was at a major discount retailer where I stumbled across some super cute flannels in the boys department for $8.  Major fucking score.  I bought three.  I love the not-too-girly classic flannel patterns and the shrunken silhouette.  They are definitely as cute if not cuter than shirts 10X their price.  Boys department for phenomenal flannel.  Get into it. FADED GLORY RED AND BLACK FLANNEL

Egyptian Magic

EGYPTIAN MAGIC LARGEThe beauty industry has lead us to believe that we need a targeted cream for every part of the body.  According to savvy marketers, we need a different face cream for night and day, specific formulas for hand and eye, and a distinct lotion for the rest of the body.  Hogwash.  If you want one product that does the work of all these, look no further than Egyptian Magic.  Yup, I’m talking about that mystical old-school hippie shit from the health food store.  The formula has practically been around since the dawn of time.  Containing a blend of a mere seven basic ingredients, Egyptian Magic is simple, natural, and profoundly effective.  Use it for almost anything from lip balm to cracked heels.  EGYPTIAN MAGIC SWIRL

i hate you IKEA

I hate you IKEA because you smell funny.  I blame the restaurant.  The Swedes are not known for their cuisine.  A fellow patron spilled one of those ligonberry drinks and I watched as it penetrated the polished concrete floor like battery acid.  I want to throw a Swedish meatball at your stadium-sized head IKEAIKEA CHINAI hate you IKEA because you seduce me with your displays.  While walking through the showroom, it all looks like Oz.  When your resolve has weakened and you are ready to drop your panties for that $199 dresser, follow the yellow brick road down to the warehouse and pull back the curtain to find a sea of gray, bleak cardboard, and overwhelming confusion stacked from floor to ceiling.  IKEA WAREHOUSEI hate you IKEA because you are still the most affordable option for semi-stylish home furnishings.  What makes IKEA a hassle is what makes IKEA cheap.  THAT'S WHYI hate you IKEA because you make your employees wear the ugliest shirts ever made.  Are you furniture referees?  Lemme get you a whistle and maybe you can wrangle some of these deranged children out of the way.IKEA REFEREESI hate you IKEA because you assign homework.  I have to put this thing together now?  My friend Trish hired some dude off Craigslist to put all her IKEA furniture together – assembling shitty pre-fab furniture is a cottage industry.  Skills for life, people.  Skills for life. IKEA CRAIGSLIST

 

sink stank

SINK STANKWhen your sink stanks don’t bother with gimmicky solutions. PLINK

All you need is lemons.  Send small pieces of lemon with the peel down the disposal to eliminate the odor.  The cast off lemon wedge from your ice tea is enough to do the trick.  LEMONS

Just the Tip

JUST THE TIPWhen the squeaky door drives you crazy, but you are are too lazy to get the WD40, use cooking spray to silence the hinges. PAM DOOR HINGEKeep flossers in your makeup kit and use the gum stimulator part to separate clumped lashes and smooth unruly eyebrows. DENTEK COMPLETEObsessively moisturize your feet.  Polished toes won’t excuse or disguise dry, dirty, rough skin.    FEET