Tag Archives: Carolina Herrera

Wedding Gown Rundown

JESSICA SIMPSON WEDDINGJessica Simpson wore custom Carolina Herrera.  It’s such a princess-y Jessica Simpson dress.  It is exactly what you’d expect her to wear.  I do like the candlelight color, the snatched waist, and the how the beading catches the light.  I don’t love the pattern of the beading on the skirt and the way it creates a weighty bedspread feeling to the bottom of the dress. JESSICA SIMPSON BRIDEOLIVIA PALERMOAlso in Carolina Herrera, I feel like Olivia Palermo is trying to be the hipster chick that wears Chuck Taylors to prom.  Like she’s above the fuss of an actual wedding dress.  She can only bother with a skirt and sweater (in the summer).  I offer you begrudging props for originality paired with an eyeroll, Palermo.  She looks way baked in this picture, no?  KANDI BURRESSKandi fucking Burruss.  Did you watch that hot fucking mess of a televised shitshow?  Coming to America, for real girl?  Today is just about dresses and this one makes me recall that line from Steel Magnolias, “Looks like two pigs fightin’ under a blanket.”  What do you expect from a designer who delivers your dress in a bedsheet?TAYLOR ARMSTRONGI threw Taylor Armstrong in here for a little Real Housewives compare and contrast.  She’s wearing Chagoury Couture.  The dress is dated; it’s giving me a very 1997 prom sensation. NAYA RIVERA REFLECTIONPoor Naya Rivera, attempting to bride her post-Big Sean pain away in Monique Lhuillier.  This dress is totally inappropriate for a Cabo wedding.  Could you imagine wearing all that lace and long sleeves in Mexico in the summerNAYA RIVERA WEDDING DRESSKALEY CUOCOKaley Cuoco opted for carnation pink Vera Wang.  I’m all for non-white, but this gown isn’t really that special.  The color borders on cloying. KATIE COURICCarmen Marc Valvo made Katie Couric’s dress for her ceremony in the Hamptons.  I know she’s nearing 60, but that has nothing to do with the bad cut, fabric, and color of this frock.  She could have looked a whole lot cuter, and it’s a damn shame she wore this disservice of a dress on such a blessed occasion.  KIM AND KANYEI actually like elements of Kim’s Givenchy dress, just not the part that looks like she’s wearing North’s bib.  The back is beautiful, especially with the totally impractical exaggerated veil.  For sure, that skinny white belt will be ripped off and all over the bridal runways next season – you heard it here first. KIM K WEDDING DAY

memorial day: to those who wear white well

BIANCA JAGGERThe white-wearing original, the namesake: Bianca Jagger.

CAROLINA HERRERA WHITE SUIT

Aristocratic all-white: Carolina Herrera. SEAN COMBS WHITE TUXSean Combs: White PartyCAM D WHITE JEANSCameron Diaz: Queen of the White JeanDITA AT DIORDita von Teese: Impeccable White Dior

pre-fall 2014 / Carolina Herrera

CAROLINA HERRERA PRE-FALL 2014 6CAROLINA HERRERA PRE-FALL 2014 2CAROLINA HERRERA PRE-FALL 2014 4CAROLINA HERRERA PRE-FALL 2014CAROLINA HERRERA PRE-FALL 2014 1CAROLINA HERRERA PRE-FALL 2014 5CAROLINA HERRERA PRE-FALL 2014 3

Fall 2013 RTW: Carolina Herrera

Golden Globes 2013:…and the Award Goes to…

Salma Hayek in Gucci for the Best Bluish Black.  She has a certain carefree sparkle only a billion dollars can buy.  Nicole Richie in Naeem Khan for best Palm Beach Housewife.  Is this bitch 74?  G-jus. Amanda Seyfried in Givenchy for most Unseasonably Springy.  I should hate this doily shit, but I don’t. Claire Danes in red Versace for best Post Baby Body Bounce-Back.  Doesn’t she look 10 years younger with those 15 extra pounds?Connie Britton wins Most Consistent in KaufmanFranco.Jessica Alba for most Irrelevantly Gorgeous.  Penalty for skinning a defenseless Muppet for that embarrassing bag. Amy Adams in Marchesa wins the prize for Most Likely to be Accidentally Confused with Taylor Swift.Halle Berry for Misdemeanor Midriff Exposure in VersaceSally Field for worst Granny Globes, gown by Alberta Ferretti.Kerry Washington for Most Overrated in Miu Miu.Anne Hathaway for Most Boring Chanel.Zosia Mamet for Best of the Girls.Lena Dunham for snatching Helen Mirren’s Zac Posen gown.Allison Williams for Most Forgettable Girl.Jessica Chastain in Calvin Klein Slightly Wrong from Head to Toe.Jennifer Lawrence for failure to learn from Jessica Biel’s Weird Dior-titty Mistake. Lucy Liu for Most Incongruent in Carolina Herrera.  What is this floral fuckmess?Hayden Panettiere wins Most Repetitious in Roberto Cavalli.  Jennifer Lopez for Most in Need of a Divorce from Zuhair Murad.Zooey Deschanel in Oscar de la Renta for Most Misguided Personal Style.…Naomi Watts for Best Zac Posen.…Nicole Kidman for Most Improved Hair.  This is a chicer length for her. …Rachel Weisz in Louis Vuitton for the Worst 3-Way Split.Giuliana Rancic in Celia Kritharioti for Most Felonious Showing by an Officer of the Fashion Police.

Pre-Fall 2013: Carolina Herrera

2012 Oscars Style Review: The Best, The Worst, The Most, The Toast

The Best: Emma Stone in Giambattista Valli

This gorgeous gown fit her body perfectly, accentuated her tiny waist, and stood out in a sea of mediocrity.  Don’t love the accessories, but I’m not in the mood to quibble.

You Saw It Here First: Shailene Woodley in Valentino Couture

Fresh from the couture collections, Shailene Woodley wore this modern, white, long-sleeved number.  It might look familiar since we featured it as part of the best of Fall 2012 Couture earlier this month.  It’s a little old for her, and her face would benefit from a pop of color, but not a flop by any means.

Most Confusing: Viola Davis in Vera Wang

This looks like the homicide of Puff the Magic Dragon.  A full-on unmitigated lapse in aesthetic judgment.

Fulfilled Potential: Tina Fey in Carolina Herrera

We’ve all been waiting for Tina Fey to step out looking this good.  Finally, she’s really come into her own in this navy peplum-detailed gown.

Evoking a Cult Leader: Gwyneth Paltrow in Tom Ford

I’m not saying I don’t like this, but she’s delivering a whole lot of white here.  Can’t you picture her standing at a podium condescendingly addressing an arena full of Goopies in this odd get-up?   “Follow me, affluent women, to the land of organic peas…”

Most Offensive Overtry: Jennifer Lopez in Zuhair Murad

Nude illusion Fruit Stripe Gum.

Culmination of a Bad Fashion Awards Season Run: Jessica Chastain

Fashion-wise, Chastain hasn’t found her identity.  Her style choices were as varied and uneven as her performances this year.  It looks like she skinned Kimora Lee’s sofa.  Let this be a lesson – McQueen is not for everyone.

Let Me Upgrade You: Clooney in Armani, Keibler in Marchesa

Clooney’s clout ensures his girls-of-the-moment have access to all the best fashion houses and some very high-end clothes, but even in all their borrowed sartorial finery, his dates still look like they should be holding cards above their heads in the middle of a wrestling ring.

Most Predictable: Pitt in Tom Ford and Jolie in Versace Atelier

I’m so bored with these two.  Oh, how fucking shocking you two bitches showed up in black.  Close your legs dear, you’re not dancing the can-can.  Ever since I heard that thing she said to him at the Globes, I’ve kinda hated them.  She turned to him and said “you’re prettier than me.”  Fucking voms yo.

The Bridesmaids: Kristin Wiig in J. Mendel

While the bodice of this dress is tailored beautifully for her body, the placement of the break into the texture is awkward and unflattering.

Melissa McCarthy in Marina Rinaldi

Are we calling this mauve?  I’m pretty sure we issued a fatwa on mauve at the end of the 80′s.

Maya Rudolph in Johanna Johnson

Here’s one of the few purple looks of the night.  It’s a safe, conservative, and unoffensive choice.  The side-swept hair is very Mariah.

Building Relationships Pays Off: Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji

After favorable reviews from fashion folk for her Globes look, Octavia went back to Tadashi Shoji for her Oscar gown.  Clearly, cultivating that relationship has paid off; the designer knows her body and the fit is beautiful.  Second best of the night.

Dress I wanna like, but Don’t: Cameron Diaz in Gucci

I really want to like this Gucci gown, but I don’t.  She needs a waist and this dress gives her no shape through the torso.  It reminds me of a melting chocolate and vanilla soft-serve twist cone.

Consistently Wasted Potential: Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton

This dress is too fussy, ill-fitting, and heavy for such a delicate wisp of a girl.  This ensemble ain’t right – the necklace, the bag (and I get where they are going with the clash, but here, no), and that gawd awful frump of a saloon-girl-gone-wrong disaster of a frock.

Sure to be Critically EvisceratedRooney Mara in Givenchy

No one will get this.  Even if they did, the cut isn’t flattering to her body.  If you do avant-garde, you have to do it impeccably.

Post-baby Blah: Natalie Portman in vintage Dior

She gave birth to a new era of shitty style.

Two A-List Underwhelmers: Sandra Bullock in Marchesa and Penelope Cruz in Giorgio Armani.

Sandra’s dress isn’t doing her body any favors.  Is a gold shrub trying to munch her bush?  WTF?  Pene, you are almost forty, enough with the princess shit.  Join us in 2012.

SPRING 2012 RTW: shady lady

Christian DiorDaphne at Fendi.Marc by Marc JacobsDC favorite Ginta Lapina at Carolina Herrera.Proenza SchoulerStella McCartneyErdemViktor & RolfRochas

Spring 2012 RTW: Good Gowns Part One

Oscar de la RentaSt. JohnZac PosenIsaac MizrahiChristian CotaJenny PackhamMarchesaNorma KamaliL’Wren ScottChristian SirianoCarolina Herrera