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February 2013 Horoscope

Aquarius

Happy Birthday Aquarius!  If life were dessert, you’d be the fluffy, foamy, creamy topping.  You are truly an effervescent joy, so much so that the more cynical among us sometimes read your jubilance as disingenuous.  Depending on how you wield your charisma that reading may or may not be true.  Getting to know you can be difficult Aquarius.  Actually, sometimes just getting you to sit still long enough to have a meaningful conversation is challenging.  Aquarius likes to maintain a wide social circle and has a knack for bringing folks together, albeit, somewhat indiscriminately.  In contrast, many Aquariuses (Aquarii?) also maintain a hermit-like private life.  A flourishing spiritual life is important, and many admire your commitment, but what about LOVE?  Light up in the thrill of flirt, and if you by any chance feel a spark, fan the flame.

 Pisces

Pisces rather selective nature often means they go months without taking a lover, but when they do, watch the fuck out because it is like a thirsty man found water.  Slightly self-obsessed navel gazers, Pisces spend a significant amount of time contemplating their own process and feelings.  Close friends of Pisces know that sometimes little fishes act like life is only happening to them.  Pull your head above water and inventory your nearest and dearest.  Don’t turn every proximate drama or trauma into your own.  Pisces possess a compassionate and forgiving nature; apply these qualities in your dealings with others this month.  Your personal integrity is admired by many.

 Aries

To others, Aries seem really moody and irrational for no apparent reason.  Of course the reason is apparent to you.  When you hit your limit with other people’s inconsiderate actions you aren’t afraid to let them know.  Since the world is full of rude and hateful people, from your point of view you are doing community service by informing them of their annoying behavior.  How noble.  Channel work stress into rough sex.  The bedroom is appropriate place for Aries to aggress this month. Think more heart-felt than extravagant this Valentine’s Day, and don’t forget your Mom.  Small gestures of loving generosity pay dividends in surprising ways.

 Taurus

Taurus envisions things a certain way, and when the illusion is shattered it is truly destabilizing.  The choices of some of your most trusted mentors have come to influence your thinking in certain matters.  Where are you willing to compromise?  More importantly, where are you not willing to compromise?  Life is too fleeting to waste time on the unworthy.  For you Taurus, this is especially true.  Over the next few months, there are consistent and significant demands on your time.  Typically very responsible, there will be some days in February where you just want to blow off your responsibilities.  You can get away with playing hooky once, so choose wisely.

 Gemini

Over the next three months Gemini will experience some serious upheaval that will inevitably throw your rigid world into relative chaos.  Emotionally, this will be a challenging time.  Rely on your intelligence to make wise and thoughtful decisions.  Whatever comes of change, you will adapt, grow, and more importantly thrive.  Spend more time organizing than procrastinating.  Just choose an item of clutter and put it away or get rid of it.  Rinse.  Repeat.  It’s not that deep.  Never one for big romantic gestures, ask yourself what it means when you pass up those small opportunities to show you care.

 Cancer

February should prove especially enchanting for Cancers.  Romance, delicious food and general wooing is coming your way, so brace yourself to swoon.  They say at any given time a person juggles at least five worries.  You shoulder your share of troubles, but lately those concerns have taken a less prominent role in your thinking.  All of your hard work really benefits the bank account which allows you to pay off your debts if you choose to responsibly allocate your resources.  This is an opportunity to break a pattern.  Stay active; it will keep not only your body in shape, but quiet your mind as well.

 Leo

Oh lovely Leo, mundane repairs and maintenance dominate over the first three weeks of the month.  This is a fantastic month for collaboration both professionally and privately.  Professionally, others view you as a contributor and team player.  Your ideas are valued even if you find the perspectives of teammates ludicrous.  Listen carefully to the wise opinions of those you trust. Personally, you begin to realize that your current situation is hindering your progress in general.  When it comes to love Leo, a little strategy wouldn’t hurt.  You are a Lion, so go stalk your prey.  Nothing feels as good as being desired, so express yours.

Virgo

That hectic pace has finally caught up with you dear Virgo and whether you want to or not life has forced you to slow your roll.  Professionally, you’ve proved yourself, but at what expense?  Look at your calendar.  Is there a blank day?  Virgos tend to overschedule.  Virgos need blank days.  We all need blank days.  Towards the end of the month Virgos brim with creative and practical solutions.  February forces conversations about living situations, especially the balance of indoor outdoor space.  These considerations cause you to go back over your past which leads to some interesting personal revelations.

 Libra

After a rather lengthy gray period, February opens up some opportunities for fun, perhaps even including animals or children.  It’s been awhile since Libra enjoyed frivolous, silly fun and activities you enjoy.  Libras gain a renewed sense of confidence with a full dance card, and you come on like a tropical breeze this February.  A little levity lightens your mood and this leads to closer intimacy between you and your partner.  Already prone to nostalgia, February has you contemplating the family legacy.  Libras especially value family and therefore make the perfect candidates for creating tributes to parents.

 Scorpio

Just when you think you know a Scorpio, they totally surprise you – sometimes with their sweetness and sometimes with their stinger.  Profoundly manipulative, there are few lengths Scorpios won’t go to get what they want, especially when motivated by revenge or spite.  When Cartman tells Scott Tenorman, “I made you eat your parents,” Scorpios not only relate to the sentiment, they champion it.  If revenge is a dish best served cold, Scorpios invented the recipe.  What many Scorpios forget is that they are not exempt from the balancing forces of the universe.  What goes around comes around.  So if you are going to serve up a plate of parents, make sure you are prepared to eat yours.

 Sagittarius

Wow Sags what an amazing month!  Sincerest congratulations on all you’ve accomplished.  Sags put a lot of pressure on themselves to be the consummate everything.  You get really worked up and set personal expectations unreasonably high.  Now is the time to set the temptation of future-thinking aside and discipline yourself to fully inhabit this moment.  Humble yourself to receive information rather than suffocating the process.  Sex is important to Sags on many levels, but this month you crave substantial physical validation.  Rather than playing coy, just level with your conquest and let them know what you need to feel fulfilled.

 Capricorn

Experience the New Year as a fresh start Capricorn.  Take stock, reevaluate, and reprioritize what is most important to setting you up for success.  After doing a personal inventory, your path will appear much more clear and obvious.  February will be a social month full of face to face communication.  Pop a mint.  Two-thirds into the month, Capricorn’s focus shifts to property and material security.  Caps expend time and resources on financing and development try to maximize profit on investments.  Gotta love a Cap always trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents.  Your hustle is one of your best qualities.

Let’s Go Swimming

Happy Labor Day.  For those of you headed to the pool, just remember…

17% of adults admit to peeing in the pool, including Olympic Swimmer Michael Phelps.

Earlier this summer, a dead woman floated around in a pool in Massachusetts for two days before anybody bothered to fish her out.

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention notes the most commonly reported recreational water illness is diarrhea, which can be caused by germs such as Cryptosporidium, Giardia, Shigella, norovirus and E. coli.  These bugs contaminate the water through trace amounts of fecal matter that cling to people’s bodies.

Have a great holiday dirty sluts.