Tag Archives: cats

FB = cutesy cat poster

FB FINGEROk, so hell hath frozen over or whatever because my social media coordinator forced me to get a Facebook page.  I have staunchly avoided having a FB page.  I’ve always considered FB invasive, time-wasting, mundane, and stupid.  Gsus, was I right or was I right?   This is what you guys have been doing this whole time on the interwebs? Back in the 80’s everyone had these nauseatingly cutesy cat posters like these….HANG IN THERE OH SHITFacebook is the modern intellectual equivalent of staring at these fucking cat posters all day.  Do you think anyone gives a fuck?  I do not give a fuck about your upbeat life quote staged against a sunset.  Fucking gross, yo.  Of course, I care what is really happening with people, but none of that seems to be on FB.   (And KB, if you’re reading, this is not a dig at your Moshi post.  Moshi is allowed.)  And as an aside, what is this “poking” shit?  Poking is aggressive. KITTEN BURGER

Honestly, I’m just there to shill.  My professional FB page will never contain personal content.  From a business building standpoint, I understand why my social media coordinator forced me to launch with a three-prong approach (website, FB, IG), but now that I’m actually on the book of faces, it’s even more inane then I originally thought.  I will begrudgingly participate because it is required, but deep down you know the truth: I hate you, Facebook, and we’re not friends.   FB FACES

The Saturday Night Supper Club

LAST LADY SUPPERSuper big thanks to all the wonderful women who joined me for the first meeting of the Saturday Night Supper Club.  Gathering eight women is like herding cats, but ultimately so worth the effort.    HERD CATS

Things my friends do that I don’t understand

ESSENCE OF ASSHOLEI have a friend who takes baths in hotels, and not high-end ones either.  The kind where it is likely someone OD’d in the bathtub.BUBBLE BATHI have friends who lock their pets away all day and then accuse me of “not being an animal person.”  At least I didn’t have one for lunch, and there isn’t one locked away in a tiny dark room in my house like the Devil’s Issue in Flowers in the Attic. MEOW KITTYI have a friend with 7 figures in the bank who won’t spring for a 4 day dress rental for a black tie event.ETRO SPRING 2014 RTWI have a friend who claims to want to visit an Indian ashram, but complains about carrying her yoga mat around Telluride.HIPSTER YOGI FEET

fuck cats

Cat lovers scroll on through.  I’m about to go on an anti-cat rant that’s going to make your pussy hurt. (Michael, Katie, I mean it.)  Why am I filled with feline vitriol you ask?  Because I spent the day bleach mopping cat piss out of sub-flooring, that’s why.  WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH CAT PISS ANYWAY?I know, I know, you love your cat.  Your cat does for you what no person could.  I get it.  Do you get that when cats get old they piss everywhere and it is FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE to remove the smell?  Do you realize a nuclear apocalypse would not eradicate that stank of cat pee from your apartment?  In addition to destroying your home with their incontinence, cats can transmit diseases and parasites to people including, but not limited to: Toxoplasmosis, Leptospira, the Plague, Rabies, roundworm, hookworm, ringworm, Salmonella, and tapeworm.  Yeah, keep letting kitty climb all over your kitchen.  Add a side order of tapeworm to that PB&J. As you all know, I’m a staunch defender of our animal friends.  I don’t eat or wear them.  But I also don’t keep any pets for a variety of reasons.  Do I really hate cats?  No.  Do I really hate irresponsible dirty-ass cat owners?  Fuck yes.  And while I’m getting up after all you pet owners, dog people CLEAN UP FIDO’S SHIT.  Why don’t I take a dump on your lawn?  How about that?  Fucking gross yo.