Saj and Chanel rolled up on their 30 day anniversary still not having shared a proper fuck.  Determined to get down, Saj awoke early to cook Chanel a five star breakfast including heart shaped waffles and fresh squeezed orange juice. The two celebrated the day with pony rides followed up by a full body massage courtesy of a very horny and hopeful Saj. Of course the most clichéd and predictable move in the foreplay handbook worked like a charm.  Finally, these two consummated their relationship.  Anybody surprised Chanel topped Saj?Post-fuck, Saj called her sassy yet uninformed Mom, who asked a series of comical questions about the who, what, when, where, and why of lesbian sex. A lezzie-sex novice herself, Saj did her best to demystify the art of scissoring and other misunderstood Sapphic rituals.

Claire rocked a little side boobie when she went to pick up her stuff from Francine’s house.  At the end of last week’s episode, Francine and friends hauled all of Claire’s shit to the front porch to marinate in a messy pile of resentment overnight.  Predictably, Claire immediately called Vivian and begged her to come to L.A. for a visit.  So we all agree that selfish and immature Claire pretty much sux ass, right?Kacy and Cori further prepared for their reproductive quest this week by taking a series of ovulation tests.  After several inconclusive home results, the couple visited Dr. Morris who informed them that Cori was indeed ripe.Upon this discovery, the Doc went to fetch the iced spunk and inseminated Cori then and there. In an effort to support Kacy and Cori’s expansion plans, Whitney and Alyssa decided to create a dong mold to build a dick-shaped inseminator.  While brainstorming for a perfect candidate, Whitney thought of her well-endowed friend Caes.Proud of his package, Caes agreed to model for the dong mold and brought his girlfriend as a fluffer.  It took several frustrating attempts to sync the timing of the hard-on with the firming of the goop.  The crew experimented with different vessels, but eventually Whitney and her friend Ruby just smeared the rubbery gunk on the mang’s junk with their bare hands. After the dong mold formed, Whitney slid it off and was pleased the shape had set to her satisfaction.  Caes dried off his wenis (4 u MWY) with a towel and then chucked it at Whitney’s head to her horror and disgust.  Enjoy a shot of dude’s wang because I know you pervs are dying to see it. 

Kacy and Cori dropped $1,920 for three vials of jizz.  Don’t guys make like $100 a donation?  That’s some mark-up.  The couple paid extra for a donor who was open to being contacted when his offspring reach 18.  They celebrated with friends, family, and pizza at an informal sperm party at their home.

Whenever LA gets too thick with the stench of familiar poon, Whitney flees to San Francisco to revisit previous delicacies.  (This time thankfully she upgraded to a larger and nicer hotel room – no offense Phoenix.)  Former dish Jaq conveniently bumped into Whitney at Lexington, an SF institution.  Their fling ended the previous summer when Jaq changed her FB status to “in a relationship,” a setting that acts as Whitney repellent.Later, Whitney hosted a party at Trigger where she soaked up all the fan-love from season one.  She worked the room and provided photo ops for the star-struck crowd. “The thing I don’t understand is like girls always want to smell my hair.  You know they’ll like come up and like sneak a sniff, and it’s like, I mean you can, but I don’t know if I should hand it to ‘em or what?  But one thing I’ve made sure of is that this shit always smells on point.”Alyssa and Rachel surprised Whitney in SF.  Rachel created an awkward situation when she assumed that she would be crashing in Whitney’s hotel room.  When Jaq showed up and smooched Whitney hello right in front of Rachel, it proved that regardless of geography, with Whitney, it’s never a drama-free weekend.Sajdah and Chanel sat down for their first official date.  Sajdah laid it on thick with lines like, “What I feel now?  I ain’t even know to desire before.  Like seriously like it’s more than I even knew to want.”  She then slid a note across the table old-school style and asked Chanel to check yes or no if she’d be her girlfriend.  She gifted Chanel a necklace and sealed the deal with a kiss.  Start loading the U-Haul.

Romi threw a dinner party and realized she didn’t know how to have fun without alcohol as a social lubricant.  After the meal, the group headed to the club where Kelsey got loaded and Romi got judgmental.  On the way home in the cab Kelsey complained about how the two never have sex.  Then she started crying over the fuck shortage and collapsed in Romi’s lap.Kelsey finally wore her down with tearful begging, and Romi relented and pity-fucked her.  Dudish Kelsey hilariously grunted “shit” after a particularly satisfying orgasm and closed the every-which-way reciprocal fucksesh by ejaculating.  Literally.