Tag Archives: Christina Aguilera

Sunday with Adam Levine

Bridal Makeup: The I do’s and don’ts

My dear friend Sam is getting married soon and she recently inquired about how to achieve a natural, dewy, minimalist look for her big day.  She cited Kate’s (Moss not Middleton, ya’ll) recent nuptials as inspiration.Wedding makeup is tricky business.  The bride must consider lighting, photography, and longevity.  Often what works on camera can look down right freakish in person.  Furthermore, who can be bothered with endless touch-ups on such an important occasion?Most brides aim for subtle enhancement to show their best selves.  The approach for each bride must be individually tailored to achieve optimal results, but there are a few hard and fast rules for wedding day makeup that simply should not be ignored.Despite what you might have learned from last weekend’s Jerseylicious marathon, a smoky eye doesn’t work for everyone.  Those with hooded eyelids or smaller eyes should stick to lighter neutral shadows.  A smoky eye can easily melt into a raccoon eye without proper preservation.  If you insist on breaking out some intense shadow for the big day, have at it, but for the love of Aucoin please no super bright colors.  Save the hot pink and purple; this is your wedding day and not a club crawl through the Jersey Shore.Keep shimmer to a minimum.  A little here and there to catch the light is fine – corner of the eyes, brow bone, a smidge on the cheek bones, a dab in the center of the lip or arch of the cupid’s bow (NOT all locations por favor).  Shimmer reads prominently in photographs.  If you go crazy with the highlighter all over; you’ll appear oily and shiny in your pictures.  Soft matte works best on camera.Dramatic brides may consider a red lip.  Proceed with caution.  Red lips are extremely high-maintenance.  Gotta keep it off the teeth, off the dress, and reapply often for maximum punch.  A scarlet smoocher can easily dominate the face and take over a photo.  The wrong shade of red causes the rest of the face to recede.  The tendency is to overcompensate with too much color elsewhere or look washed out.  Consider a subtle red wash on the lips to keep features balanced.Go easy with the foundation and concealer application.  Let your skin and inner light shine through.  Remember the aim of these products is to perfect the skin, not mask it.  Splurge on high-end foundation and concealer, even if you go budget in other areas.  Without a perfected base, the whole look crumbles.Invest in a primer.  A decent primer provides staying power.  Primer is the key to 8-12 hours of longevity, so you look as good at the end of the reception as you did walking down the aisle.

 

Beyoncé’s 4 Problems

Beyoncé’s new record 4 came out this week and it isn’t very impressive or interesting.  The mainstream media blows rose petals up B’s ass all day long, but is she really all that?  The highly overrated Beyoncé has got issues, and here’s just 4.Some might argue that despite the success of Dangerously in Love and B’Day, Beyoncé has yet to release a seminal work.  In this download-the-single world, some may not see the importance of a well-constructed, complete album, but releasing an album with 2 hit singles and 10-12 tracks of filler illustrates the difference between a greedy paper chaser (Forbes top-earner 2009) and artistic integrity.  When Beyoncé is on, she’s really, really, sublime, see Ring the Alarm, Me, Myself & I, but her filler is so offensive it makes you question her overall standards.Beyoncé’s fucking boring.  Next to Gaga’s theatrics and Rihanna’s edgier sexuality, Beyoncé’s show looks like a cotillion.  Respectful, well-behaved, and lady-like, Beyoncé’s biggest rebellion is wearing a heavily-enforced diaper on stage and setting her wind-machine to high.  Hanging out with Gwyneth fucking Paltrow isn’t doing much for her swagger either.  These days, stepping out with Beyoncé is more akin to visiting with your proper aunt than raging with a rockstar.Beyoncé’s stuck in a rut.  The lyrically uninspired 4 sounds like it could have come out three years ago.  Tired and unoriginal, Beyoncé vacillates between deferential obedience and put-him-in-his place neck-rolls, all very well-tread ground for the artist. What’s new here?  Nada.

It takes more than a mythical range and amazing vocal control to make a hit record – just ask Christina AguileraBeyoncé works in all the grunts, runs, and big-note belting she can, but we’ve seen all these tricks before, and they do nothing to bring the snoozy 4 to life.

With all of Beyoncé’s access and resources, there really isn’t an excuse for this mediocre offering.  You won’t hear the truth elsewhere because Tina Knowles scares the shit out of everyone.

Sunday with Matrimony

GOLDEN GLOBES 2011: the chic and the weak

Best of the night, Anne Hathaway in a modern fashion-forward Armani Privé gown (featured here in best gowns of Fall 2010 waaaay back in August).

Worst of the night, Heidi Klum in Marc Jacobs serving Neapolitan nausea.

Calvin Klein Collection provided intense color and clean lines resulting in two of the most refreshing looks of the evening – Emma Stone and Claire Danes. The two biggest disappointments were Jennifer Lawrence in Louis Vuitton and Scarlett Johansson in Elie Saab.  These were not the most offensive gowns of the evening, but neither selection does its wearer justice.  Since this was one of Scarjo’s first appearances post-divorce announcement, her failure to turn it out is really inexcusable. More than ever, these mega-gowns feel really antiquated.  Catherine Zeta-Jones goes to prom in Monique L’huillier

Pretty pink princess Lea Michele joins her in Oscar de la Renta

Eva Longoria looks like she’s dragging her grief behind her in this Zac PosenWho invited Hewitt?

From the washed-up diva collection, Zuhair Murad dressed both Christina Aguilera and Jennifer LopezAwkward and abysmal asymmetry abounded; unfortch, no one executed this look correctly.

Julie Bowen in Tadashi Shoji – we want so much more for you Claire.

Julianne Moore tried her best to work a Lanvin dress that was in desperate need of a good steam.  Nicole Kidman bored us in Prada.Granny gown girls: Leighton Meester misfired again in Burberry and Michelle Williams continues her defiantly unappealing streak in Valentino. The two most overrated?  Sophia Vergara in Vera loves-a-sash Wang and Angelina Jolie in Versace.  Hey Angie, Joan Collins called and demanded you return her gown.  The most stylish and appropriately dressed youngin’ was Hailee Steinfeld in Prabal Gurung. Sarah Hyland could have used some guidance away from this fug Max Azria. Many folks will criticize Natalie Portman’s Viktor & Rolf gown, but who can be mad at this feminine display of whimsy?  Olivia Wilde deviated from the crowd with this full-skirted, sparkly, starry night Marchesa gown.  

The titty committee, January Jones in Versace and Halle Berry in Nina Ricci. The Glee girls gave good gownage.

Single-note strong colors adorn Kyra Sedgwick in Emilio Pucci and Elisabeth Moss in Donna Karan.

Most random?  A heavy-banged Sandra Bullock in Jenny Packham

RIHANNA: LOUD

Truthfully, Rihanna’s new record really kinda sucks.  She musta caught the Christina Aguilera Bionic virus.  Symptoms include: repetitious, unoriginal, over-sexed lyrics, forgettable beats, and rushing out an uninventive, stylistically scattershot record.  Drinking, S&M references, and cunnilingus, this tired parade of pseudo-sex-shock is all well-tread territory.She’s at her best on this record (which in this case is minimally competent) when she puts on her shiny dancehall pants and works her patois, but don’t be thinking there is an Umbrella or even Pon de Replay buried in this mediocre mess.  You’ve surely heard the Eminem track Love the Way You Lie (Blair and Chuck wore that shit out a few weeks ago).  I have no use for Eminem, and I’m telling you their duet is one of the highlights of Loud.

Dumbest song on the record: California King Bed.

Songs that won’t make your ears resent you: Man Down and Raining Men, featuring the highly anticipated Nicki Minaj.

31 Days of Halloween~Day 13~Christina and Jordan are Dead

SIA: WE ARE BORN

Sia’s new record has a little something for everyone.  Clap Your Hands and You’ve Changed are dope up-tempo dance tracks.  Bluesy Be Good To Me will appeal to the bawdy broads.  Fans of the vulnerable earnestness of Breathe Me will relate to I’m In Here.  She even dusts off Oh Father, and sangs it better than Madonna ever has or ever could. Sia had the good sense to keep all the best stuff for herself instead of putting it into Aguilera’s embarrassingly incompetent BionicChristina could take a cue from Sia’s vocal creativity and self-restraint.Sia possesses one of the most distinctive and resonant voices in modern music.  Don’t miss her vocal luminosity on this well-rounded record.