Tag Archives: Claire Danes

Admit Homeland Sux

HOMELAND SHARMA DANESIn general, the fall TV schedule has not wowed me with its genius, but this season of Homeland is downright offensive.  Was this show always so sexist and racist, and I was just too mesmerized by Claire’s windblown butterscotch layers to notice?  Seriously, put your hair in a ponytail once in awhile.  Bitch looks like she travels with Beyoncé’s wind machine.  More importantly, I hate that Carrie fucked to land an asset as if cooch-control it’s her only skill.  She’s supposed to be the head bitch in charge over there and she’s ranting around the office like a deranged lunatic even before the double dealer started fucking with her meds.  Are the racist depictions of Pakistani people not smacking you in the face?  To me, this… NUMAN ACAR

is as obviously racist

as this…BLACKFACE

Homeland = evil-ass propagandist show.

CARRIE HOMELAND

 

strong start

FALL UNIFORMToday starts a new week, and within it we welcome October, one of the best months of the year.  I love crisp October because the sun still shines, but the weather warrants an extra layer.  Is there anything better than autumnal attire?  To that end, go to your closet, rotate the summery non-transitional garb to the back and pull forth all those glorious sweaters, moto jackets, and skinny jeans.  Break out your boots girl.  Assemble 5 killer ensembles to don this week.  Find a fresh way to rework what you already love before you get caught in a buying frenzy.  Donate what you won’t wear this winter or ever again.MOTHER LOOKER

If you are feeling Sunday sluggish, set the kitchen timer for an amount of time you can stomach and organize your living space.  Sort the mail, pay the bills, dump the recycling, clean out the fridge.  Take care of the chore that subconsciously nags you to distraction.BELLE RINGER

Start thinking of your Halloween costume because we’re having a party.

AHS COVEN

Contemplate darker hair.

KK BLONDEAfter completing all of our preparations for the week, we can sit down in good conscience and enjoy the Homeland season 3 premiere without any looming Monday morning anxiety.  Mini-spoiler: I heard Brody doesn’t even appear in the first two episodes.  HOMELAND SEASON 3

p.s. Did Claire get a peel or is this just airbrushing?  She looks very dewy.

SAGS 2013: If you care what they wear

Jane Krakowski wore KauffmanFranco – best color, unforgivable tailoring.

Zac Posen really only makes variations of one basic gown, but it is a damn fine gown – as seen here on dingbat Amanda Seyfried.

Boldest couple debut: Vincent Kartheiser and Alexis Bledel.  Our little Rory Gilmore loves her co-stars doesn’t she?

Anne Hathaway demonstrates the most ill-advised use of a Giambattista Valli dress.

The Jenny Packham girls, the better version above on Jenna Fischer and the lesser below on Kelly Osbourne.

The head to toe hell no – Sofia Vergara in Donna Karan.

Claire had nowhere to go but down after her last showing, but the aging makeup and side boob vadge action aren’t working in this Givenchy. Giuliana is showing positive progress on probation after her last fashion felony in this far less offensive Max Azria.

Elisabeth Moss gives some gams in Dolce & Gabbana.

Can you feel the tension in this high-fashion face off between January Jones in Prabal Gurung and Jessica Paré in Jason Wu?  The straps on the Jason Wu look a bit like suspenders.  I appreciate that January Jones doesn’t dress for the men, but could she pick something flattering just once?

Most timelessly spectacular putting all these young bitches to shame – Mizz Jessica Lange.

Jessica Chastain contends for best dressed in Alexander McQueen, but the lipstick is wrong and she needs to whiten her teeth.

Gorgeous and talented Jennifer Lawrence has no fucking clue how to dress herself.  Christian Dior can throw couture at her the whole award season through, and she’ll waste every opportunity with the wrong hair, jewelry, and makeup.

Julianne Moore should only let Tom Ford dress her because this Chanel is a fucking floral flat-tittied disaster.

What do we think of these two?  Jennifer Westfeldt looks better than usual if a tad boobish in Blumarine.

Let’s start with the hair – an obvious hot mess, move down to the 3D bustage on this strange Vivienne Westwood, glance at those lame duck shoes and declare Nicole Kidman an epic dud.

Me likey Nina Dobrev in this Elie Saab, even if it is quite derivative of Emma Stone in Calvin Klein from a season or two ago.

Look at our little Kiernan Shipka all grown up in this Oscar de la Renta.

Golden Globes 2013:…and the Award Goes to…

Salma Hayek in Gucci for the Best Bluish Black.  She has a certain carefree sparkle only a billion dollars can buy.  Nicole Richie in Naeem Khan for best Palm Beach Housewife.  Is this bitch 74?  G-jus. Amanda Seyfried in Givenchy for most Unseasonably Springy.  I should hate this doily shit, but I don’t. Claire Danes in red Versace for best Post Baby Body Bounce-Back.  Doesn’t she look 10 years younger with those 15 extra pounds?Connie Britton wins Most Consistent in KaufmanFranco.Jessica Alba for most Irrelevantly Gorgeous.  Penalty for skinning a defenseless Muppet for that embarrassing bag. Amy Adams in Marchesa wins the prize for Most Likely to be Accidentally Confused with Taylor Swift.Halle Berry for Misdemeanor Midriff Exposure in VersaceSally Field for worst Granny Globes, gown by Alberta Ferretti.Kerry Washington for Most Overrated in Miu Miu.Anne Hathaway for Most Boring Chanel.Zosia Mamet for Best of the Girls.Lena Dunham for snatching Helen Mirren’s Zac Posen gown.Allison Williams for Most Forgettable Girl.Jessica Chastain in Calvin Klein Slightly Wrong from Head to Toe.Jennifer Lawrence for failure to learn from Jessica Biel’s Weird Dior-titty Mistake. Lucy Liu for Most Incongruent in Carolina Herrera.  What is this floral fuckmess?Hayden Panettiere wins Most Repetitious in Roberto Cavalli.  Jennifer Lopez for Most in Need of a Divorce from Zuhair Murad.Zooey Deschanel in Oscar de la Renta for Most Misguided Personal Style.…Naomi Watts for Best Zac Posen.…Nicole Kidman for Most Improved Hair.  This is a chicer length for her. …Rachel Weisz in Louis Vuitton for the Worst 3-Way Split.Giuliana Rancic in Celia Kritharioti for Most Felonious Showing by an Officer of the Fashion Police.

The Housewives are so Over

We’ve known all along that The Real Housewives of Wherever celebrates materialistic, shallow, catty, back-biting bitches.  How come watching that shit isn’t fun anymore?  A few theories…What was already artificial is now completely fake.  I have this theory about reality shows.  The first season delivers the most authentic version of a person.  When folks see themselves on TV, they change.  Who can blame them?  Yet rarely do those changes result in improvement.  See Kathy Wakile’s grotesque plastic surgery makeover as a recent example.  These women aren’t friends.  Very few, if any of the ladies, would spend time with each other if they weren’t paid per episode.  Close relationships, even among family, virtually never survive filming.  Fame, ego, and greed quickly replace love, trust, and loyalty.  The contrived drama cooked up by producers has become increasingly nonsensical.  Rather than trust the subtlety of female intrigue to unfold, Bravo impatiently forces it.  It smacks of effort and it’s boring.Two franchises are wrapping up (NYC & Miami) and two more (BH &ATL) are fixing to get underway.  Who else is tired of the constant rotation and inundation of haughty useless women?  I’m not being sanctimonious, I love a bitch fight as much as the next living and breathing person, but the desperate story lines and bad acting on reality have sent me running back into the arms of well-written scripted television.

 

Swab

I can’t hear the word “swab” without immediately thinking of Patty Chase instructing Angela on how to extract her zit.  “Just the word, swab.”  God I love that show, but this is not another MSCL post.  Nope, today I extol the virtues of the alcohol swab.  So simple: a small alcohol saturated pad that cleans the tiniest grimiest places without leaving a residue.  Some of you immediately recoil because the sight of a swab packet sends you straight to vaccination land.  Relax, nobody is going to give you a tetanus booster okay?  Though your ass probably needs one. I’m talking absterge the cell, sterilize the remote, polish the Kindle.  These little squares are marvelous for de-gunking your favorite electronics.  Your laptop keyboard is crying for a cleaning.  For some of you, every time you pull out the air duster you end up on a Demi Moore Detour.  I’ve been to that party.  These handy, inexpensive little packets of joy are great for travel too.  Sanitize the remote in your hotel room.  Get the wax out of your ears.  Alcohol swabs make refreshing ear cleaners.  Use them to disinfect your manicure tools, eye lash curler, and tweezers.  Really, the applications are endless.  Throw a few in your bag and wonder how you ever survived in this filthy world without them.

MET GALA 2012: impossible conversations about inexplicable selections

As those of us with a pulse know, last night the Met Gala threw down in NYC.  The ball celebrated the opening of the exhibit Schiaparelli and Prada: Impossible Conversations at the Costume Institute.  Let’s have a conversation about the fucking weird ass choices some of these bitches made last night. It is hard to know where to start, so let’s start with some one who should know better.  Rachel Zoe looks like a fringed push pop in this ridiculous-on-her frock.  Zoe styled Karolina Kurkova (where you been girl?) in a gown from her eponymous line. The dress appears to have been heavily influenced by the Armani gown Zoe dressed Anne Hathaway in for the Oscars not too long ago – that Zoe, always full of fresh ideas.Beyoncé loves that stupid ass pose.  Who the fuck stands like that in real life?  The way she stiffly palms her outer thighs is so forced and unnatural.  Do we need to talk about this Givenchy Couture?  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it seems to me that Givenchy cares more about appearing on the red carpet than maintaining a high standard of brand integrity.  By my totally unscientific estimation, about one in ten times Givenchy gets it right with their red carpet loaners.  Sorry B, this is definitely not one of those times.  I hate almost every single thing about this dress.  It took some nutz for Christina Ricci to rock this odd Thakoon number.  It isn’t perfect, but it is courageous.  Is she going through another praying mantis phase or is it just a pre-Met crash diet?If Laura Ashley and a flora chintz sofa made a bastard love child, this Valentino blanket that SJP is wearing would be the unholy spawn.  Jessica Paré wore the shit out of this L’Wren Scott gold cap sleeve.  No dummy, our little Megan obviously plans to squeeze every last drop of exposure from her Mad Men supporting role.  Good for her, this was one of the better ensembles of the evening. From one Mrs. Draper to another, January Jones typically pushes boundaries, at times at the expense of flattery.  The more I look at this sculpted Versace, the less it offends me.  Yeah, the peplum has been overdone this season, and yeah yellow and black tends to evoke bumble bee, but I think this is a bold and interesting post-baby choice.  She’s done worse. Lately, Emma Stone has made me forget why I like her.  The color, shape, texture, and timing of this Lanvin cocktail frock is all wrong for this season and this event.  Did she get lost on her way to homecoming?Carey Mulligan co-hosted the event and wore this shield to protect her soul from the despotic clutches of Anna Wintour. Paltrow predictably in Prada presenting a pinch of side boob.  Have we reached a consensus on whether she conservatively augmented her tatas after Moses?  If she’s going to continue to push those absurd Tracy Anderson workouts then she might want to actually wear something that celebrates her hard-fought body.  Unfinished is the word I would use to describe this look.Is Cameron just straight up old now or what?  Squint – is this Sharon Stone or Cameron DiazStella McCartney provided the matronly gown.  Stella McCartney is just mean with some of the ugly ass shit she makes her friends wear, damn.Claire Danes evoked a little Betty Draper from the neck up, which was a welcome departure from her minimalist tendency.  J Mendel conceived of the ill-fitting garment.  The cut accentuates her tiny top and then betrays her by creating the illusion of a big bottom.  Face it, she’s serving sleeveless bathrobe. First, why are these two getting married?  I dislike them each individually more when they are together.  Biel looks like she hemmed that dress with two-sided tape 5 minutes before she strode onto the carpet.  We all know very well that Jessica Biel couldn’t dress herself  if she were locked in a Chanel store.  When it comes to Biel, the expectations are very low.  Yet she still repeatedly fails to meet them.  Much like Justin Timberlake’s acting career.  Dunst looks pissed.  I’d be pissed to if I wore that random shit to the fashion event of the year.  I hate this evening suit almost as much as I hate that overrated Melancholia.Hey Flo!  I truly appreciate your willingness to go balls to the wall.  At Coachella, you served me desert couture and I’m grateful for it.  However, you are not Lady Gaga.  This fussy layered McQueen is an overreach that reads more costume than gala. Prabal Gurung is a pimp.  That’s called swagger bitches.  Recognize. One of the best dressed of the evening – Marion Cotillard in head to toe Dior.  Don’t usually love a sheer bottom, but this dress photographs and fits beautifully.  J’adore. We saw quite a few subtle variations on a very similar look; here Rihanna does the long-sleeved reflective column in black Tom Ford.  Snooze. Scarjo no!  This embellished, pink, antiquated Dolce & Gabbana mess had no bizness at the Met Gala.  I need more modernity from you Scarlett!  You are not a little girl anymore; evolve past this princessy shit. Bad Grandma!  Bad, bad Grandma!  We told you not to leave Shady Pines without a nurse’s aid.  Oh wait, that’s just Mary Kate at the Met GalaJessica Alba improved over last year, but she should have worn this dress then when this Michael Kors metallic lamé might have felt fresh.  Did Brad Goreski style her again this year?The unofficial perennial Prom King and Queen of the Met Ball, Gisele and Tom  stuck to boring black this year.  Is it me or does that photo reveal a bit of tension between the power couple?

Hey Kanye, Anna wouldn’t let you bring Kim?

Golden Globes 2012: Gowns, Gams, & Guns

Jolie served in Atelier Versace.  She turned it out to pimp her directorial debut.  Don’t love the shoes, but when she tries even a little she easily steals the show.

The most improved nod goes to Heidi Klum in Calvin Klein Collection, who usually shows up to these events looking wildly out of place and heinously attired. Mila Kunis looked bored and made this one-strap Christian Dior boring too.  She can do better, but can’t seem to shake this recent ugly frock streak.  Let’s get the brides out of the way.  First, Jessica Chastain arrived in an ill-fitting Givenchy.  In recent awards seasons, Givenchy seems to lend out dresses willy-nilly and doesn’t bother to make sure they are tailored correctly.  For as many style successes as they have, they have an equal number of fashion failures.  Kate Beckinsale always brings the over-try, sponsored here by Roberto Cavalli and accompanied by Len Wiseman.Jessica Biel wore a matrimonial Elie Saab, obviously unable to stifle her wedding enthusiasm. Sofia Vergara showed us the source of the Nile in Vera Wang Sarah Michelle Gellar drowned in a big blue and white tie-dyed Monique L’huillier. Best grown women: Downton Abbey’s Elizabeth McGovern, Diane Lane and Madge both in Reem Acra.Vivienne Westwood dressed Andrea Riseborough who stars in Madonna’s movie W.E.The gorgeous Gucci girls = Salma Hayek and Evan Rachel Wood.God bless Melissa McCarthy; she tried in Badgley Mischka.  Take a cue from Octavia Spencer who looked incredible in a light lavender Tadashi Shoji. Modern Family’s Ariel Winter looks all grown up in Dolce & GabbanaShailene Woodley chose a lovely Marchesa gown, but unfortunately paired it with bad posture.  Claire Danes deviated from her usual favorites Calvin Klein and Narciso Rodriquez in favor of this embellish-backed J. Mendel number.  I’m ambivalent – love the back, hate the front. Michelle Williams wore Jason Wu.  She should stick to Prada or Miu Miu.  Is that burned out velvet?  Emma Stone also failed to impress in a mediocre Lanvin gown. Frieda Pinto wore lapis Prada and it won’t be everyone’s favorite, but I think she’s lovely.  Juliana Marguilies also chose a bold color statement with this sleek eggplant Naeem Khan.Laura Dern sparkled in an emerald Andrew Gn gown.Did you get the memo that Reese is reinventing herself as sexy?  Zac Posen painted her red and gave her hips.  Nicole Richie is quickly morphing into a Real Housewife of Beverly Hills.  At first, I loved this Julien MacDonald metallic dress, but the more I look at it, the less excited I am, especially over that messy hem. Where have you been Natalie?  We’ve barely seen you since you gave birth.  Weird dress by Lanvin. Madeleine Stowe celebrated her career revival in Vera WangCharlize Theron is like awards show pizza; even when she’s bad she’s not that bad, and here she’s pretty decent in Dior Couture.  If only she could wipe that smug-ass look off her (recently tweaked?) face. 

emmy 2011 style review: red, wrong, and blue

The best and worst of the A-list: Kate Winslet in Elie Saab and Gwyneth Paltrow in PucciGwyneth’s face looks better than it has in a while, but the dress is confusing and wrong.  A transparent midriff, really G?Another disappointing turn for Katie Holmes in Calvin Klein Collection.  Bad fit, uninspired color, and boring shoes combined to create another dud for Mrs. CruiseEvan Rachel Wood provided a refreshing relief from the onslaught of red in an immaculately tailored Elie Saab.

Hate to say Christina Hendricks looked unnecessarily big in an embellished Johanna Johnson gown.  The open toe and low heeled shoe makes her legs appear chunky.  A darker tressed Elisabeth Moss stayed in the same color family as her co-star in a pinky-nudish Marchesa adorned with shimmering vines.  Damn, I miss Mad Men.Let’s get the Glee bitches out of the way: self-important Lea Michele vamping for the flashbulbs in Marchesa, Jenna Ushkowitz in an architectural Ghadah Paris, and Diana Agron in Roskanda Ilinic. Naya Rivera’s chic, black, subtly-detailed gown made Heather Morris‘ selection look fussy by comparison. Colfer proves that photographically satin betrays both genders.  Darren Criss showed up his more well-known cast mate in a slender suit by John Varvatos. Of the hostesses, Cat Deeley didn’t embarrass herself or wow in Monique L’Huillier.  I question the clutch choice with this particular gown.  Even with ample style resources, Padma Lakshmi in Armani Privé and Heidi Klum in Christian Siriano reinforce the notion that most models can’t dress themselves worth a shit. You would think that the Fashion Police might dress a skosh more fashionably, right?  Giuliana wore a crimson Cavalli which got lost in the sea of red gowns.  Kelly Osbourne did a bit better in plum J. Mendel.  However, for someone who regularly critiques others for failing to make fashion forward choices, this safe dress felt more Lea Michele than Kelly Osbourne.  Though let’s face it, none of these third tier hangers-on get first pick of the best gowns. Prettier than most ladies, how about a little Mario Lopez palette cleanser?  Werk those dimples son. Joel McHale also looked dapper and fresh in his icy tux coat. Not much better than that dreadful Wonder Woman costume, Adrianne Palicki arrived in anti-photogenic satin.  Super likable Connie Britton looked lovely in a deeper shade of the night’s most favored hue.  For a woman her age, the face and body are damn aspirational and underrated. Minka’s old lady Christian Dior underscored the impact of Galliano’s departure on the house.  This gown isn’t going to give Jeter any regrets.   Usually Claire does Narciso or Calvin Klein; instead she went in a different direction with this flashy Oscar de la Renta gown.  The perennially overrated Emily Blunt donned Elie SaabElie Saab provided many of the evening’s strongest looks, but this wasn’t one of them.  Why does she always have that just-ate-a-canary mug on her face?Julie Bowen did de la Renta this year and kept the accessories minimal.  Sofia Vergara rocked Wang (Vera not Alexander, obviously).  Don’t match the lipstick to the dress please.For comics,  Kristen Wiig impressed in ombre Zac Posen, and Amy Poehler rocked Peter Som.  Her dress was featured right here on Demeter Clarc in the best of blue for Fall 2011 RTW.

Pint-sized Nina Dobrev was swallowed whole by bloodshot Donna Karan.   Hate the necklace too.  Margulies‘ unseasonable white Armani Privé evoked Styrofoam cup. Let’s finish strong and severe with Game of Thrones actress Lena Headey in Alessandra Rich.  A different bag and belt could have catapulted her from an eight to a ten.  The fantastic Christine Baranski served a seasonally appropriate dark blue Zac Posen and outshone many attendees half her age.