If the day after Christmas has left you with a holiday hangover, consider using the last precious days of the year to accomplish a few unmet goals. Rather than waiting until NYE to make some phony resolution, begin the new year with the confidence that comes from triumphing over obstacles. 
First off, your space is filthy, so a good pre-New Year purge wouldn’t hurt, right? Like when is the last time you really mopped? What difference would 3 hours dedicated to tidiness make in your life? What impact could a donation of all your unused crap mean to someone in need? Now is your chance to make up for snubbing that Salvation Army bell ringer this year. It is never too late for generosity.
If your goal this year was to cultivate fun, you still have 5 days to plan an execute a bitching NYE party. How about a trade-your-most-hideous-gift exchange party? The fiesta provides another avenue to declutter (see #1) and an opportunity to trade it for something you might actually like, even if only ironically.
Schedule preventative care appointments. Now is as good a time as any to schedule dentist, mammogram, colonoscopy and all those other screenings that can save you from critical malfunctions. Maintenance is everything. I care for you and want you healthy for 2o12 and beyond.
Here’s to rising to the challenge of accomplishing more in the last week of the year than bong hits and Teen Mom 2 marathons.
Fuck for 100 minutes.
Rearrange furniture for 67 minutes.
Shop if you must: 3 hours, 6 minutes. 
Catch up on sleep; 8.5 hours burns approximately 500 calories.
Mop your dirty ass floors for 100 minutes.
Happy Labor Day. For those of you headed to the pool, just remember…
17% of adults admit to peeing in the pool, including Olympic Swimmer Michael Phelps.
Look up. If you see a ceiling fan, it is probably dirty. Today, consider cleaning it. 
Typically crud builds up on the rotating side of the blade. Let it go long enough and experience a dust shower every time you flip the switch.
Many might be tempted to take a feather duster to this mess. Don’t. That approach spreads dust everywhere, especially on the top of your head. Take the vacuum attachment to the filthy fluff first. After the bulk of the dust is removed, go over each blade and the center with a damp cloth. Don’t forget to give the light bulbs a once over if the fan has lamps. 
I’ve been away all summer under some pretty bleak circumstances, but the joint where I’m staying has a central vacuum system that is the absolute shit. 
I destroy vacuums at an alarming rate. Inexpensive or high-end, none can withstand the abuse of a long-haired neat freak. Within a short time the roller brush becomes completely tangled and immobile. Cutting the accumulation is ineffective, and I speak from personal experience when I warn you that attempting to burn the hair off is also ill-advised. 
Rather than moving a vacuum up and down and all around, central vacuums work through an internal duct system installed throughout the home. All one has to carry is the long hose and the handle attachment. Plug the end into the special central vac outlets installed around the home, and sweep your little ass off. The dust and dirt travel to a canister – usually located in the garage or basement – which gets periodically emptied.
Not going to lie, lugging the tubing around can be a tad laborious, but the suction power of this baby seriously trumps that of traditional sweepers. The simple design and lack of mechanical parts in the attachment system means that there isn’t much that hair can wind around and immobilize. 
Over time mineral deposits build up on the inside of a tea kettle which make it less efficient and visually unappealing. 
Some prefer to dilute the vinegar with water before boiling it in the kettle. Take into account the degree of build-up and weaken or strengthen the mix accordingly.
Once the vinegar reaches a boil, turn the heat down slightly to maintain a controlled bubbling. 
After at least ten minutes, remove the kettle from heat and let the vinegar slightly cool. Rather than pitching the vinegar, consider using the warm solution to clean faucets or shower heads caked with limescale. 
This easy and inexpensive method leaves kettles sparkling. Afterward, be sure to boil a few rounds of plain water to rid the kettle of any lingering vinegar taste or smell. Coffee drinker? Vinegar works equally well to descale coffee pots. 
As the sun revs up for summer, clean your windows and bathe in the brightness that shines through polished glass.
For optimal results, try enjoyable Sprayway Glass Cleaner paired with lint-free flour sack towels. 
Martha would have your ass out there with a squeegee, but a more realistic, if less effective method is to spray the exterior windows with a high pressure hose. The lazy approach results in spotting, but an intense spray will remove the dust and considerably improve the amount of light that shines though. Go back over key windows with the Sprayway for spectacular results. 
Don’t forget the car windows, inside and out! Seriously, when is the last time you cleaned out your car? 
Cleaning a bong can be really work intensive, so much so, that most of you filthy fuckers never tackle the job. This is why your bong is a smelly, resiny, clogged mess. The cleaning advice below applies to glass. I don’t fuck with plastic. 
Over the years, I’ve tried rubbing alcohol, vinegar and baking soda, sea salt and hot water, and a variety of other combinations on the quest for clean glass. The more elbow grease a particular agent requires, the more likely you will crack your glass in the process. 
The most effective and painless solution to this problem is a grip of Goo Gone. Fill your bong with Goo Gone, run a Goo Gone-soaked paper towel up the tube, cover, and leave overnight. The next morning, remove the paper towel, and thoroughly rinse repeatedly with very warm water, scrub lightly with a dish brush (set aside for only this purpose). Watch with childish delight as the resin melts away. 
Bonus tip – Goo Gone also works well for removing the sticky build up on your vaporizer. 
When is the last time you cleaned out your make-up box or bag? That bacterial orgy is nasty, for reals. Time to handle your biznass.
First things first, sort through your collection and liberally toss anything falling into one of the following categories: 1) products not used within the last three months, 2) mascara older than three months, 3) old, cracked, raggedy-ass products, sponges, tools, or brushes. Think of it this way – you are making room for a few new treats just in time for the change of season. 
