Tag Archives: cleaning

Grout Haze

GROUT HAZEI’ve been working hard to clean up my remodel so I can show you, but one problem I was repeatedly plagued with was grout haze.  As we discussed, I put in porcelain plank tile.  The grout left a residue which dimmed the shine and color of the tile.  I cleaned it once on my hands and knees with Mrs. Meyers and a scrubby sponge = still hazy. ON YOUR KNEES BIATCH I went back over the floors with Mrs. Meyers and Swiffer a second time = better, but still hazy.  Finally, I broke out the distilled white vinegar.  Is there anything distilled white vinegar can’t do?HEINZ DISTILLED WHITE VINEGAR A bucket of hot water + vinegar + hands & knees = finally clean floor.  Sometimes, I make things too complicated.  White vinegar does what other cleaners can’t.  Relax. The smell dissipates quickly.  Vinegar is natural, non-toxic, widely-available, and cheap.  Don’t bother with expensive cleaners aimed at clearing grout haze, white vinegar and a little commitment is all you need hunny.GROUT HAZE BW

dirty door

Unless you have a fleet of housekeepers like Joan Crawford, even the most well-kept homes have areas where filth inevitably accumulates.  Doors are often overlooked.  While germaphobes have made wiping the door knob de rigueur, the door itself retains its unsightly grime.  The best part of cleaning your door is that it is super easy.  For most doors, a good wipe down with a surface-appropriate cleaner produces gleaming like-new results.  You’ll be surprised how much funk you dislodge during this oddly gratifying tidy moment.

Enough with the Vessel Sinks

Is there anything more annoying than a vessel sink?  I think not.  Vessel sinks may look good in the store, but in actuality they are the most impractical and messy of all the sink options.  Sinks are like a proper fuck, you want them big and deep not perched, precious, and puny. Water splashes everywhere from this style of basin.  Many of the wide and shallow versions aren’t banked properly, so gross water collects on one end always failing to properly drain.  I’m repulsed. Like most home decorating trends that come on hard, fast, and ubiquitous, the vessel sink will soon be considered a dated vestige of a quainter time like wallpaper borders or shag carpet. 


I can’t hear the word “swab” without immediately thinking of Patty Chase instructing Angela on how to extract her zit.  “Just the word, swab.”  God I love that show, but this is not another MSCL post.  Nope, today I extol the virtues of the alcohol swab.  So simple: a small alcohol saturated pad that cleans the tiniest grimiest places without leaving a residue.  Some of you immediately recoil because the sight of a swab packet sends you straight to vaccination land.  Relax, nobody is going to give you a tetanus booster okay?  Though your ass probably needs one. I’m talking absterge the cell, sterilize the remote, polish the Kindle.  These little squares are marvelous for de-gunking your favorite electronics.  Your laptop keyboard is crying for a cleaning.  For some of you, every time you pull out the air duster you end up on a Demi Moore Detour.  I’ve been to that party.  These handy, inexpensive little packets of joy are great for travel too.  Sanitize the remote in your hotel room.  Get the wax out of your ears.  Alcohol swabs make refreshing ear cleaners.  Use them to disinfect your manicure tools, eye lash curler, and tweezers.  Really, the applications are endless.  Throw a few in your bag and wonder how you ever survived in this filthy world without them.

It Worked

Great news folks, my master plan worked, and now I’m moving into a sweet new place in a matter of days.  Gonna go meet the owner tomorrow and sign an intensely negotiated lease.  Even though my current landlord occasionally behaves like a hag, I met with her face-to-face and gave her proper written notice, respect, and gratitude.  No matter how much I wish to flee, I can’t leave a mess physically or psychologically.  My mama taught me right ya’ll.  So now, it’s onwards and upwards.  Instead of working myself ragged this move, I’m going to hire a team of professional cleaners to help with the transition from old space to new.  I’ll clean quite a bit myself too, but this time I want support.  Even though it’s a ton of work, don’t you love a good move?  New season, new energy, new space.  Happy Summer.

put it in the dishwasher

For some of you, this will be so obvious.  For others, your dish brush is dirty as fuck and you need to be reminded to run it through the dishwasher often. Dirty switch plates sparkle after a cycle in the dishwasher; ditto for vent covers.  Some folks recommend putting weird shit like shoes in the dishwasher, but that idea skeeves me out.  Experiment and broaden your notions about what “belongs” in the appliance, and save yourself significant time and effort in your cleaning routine.  


As the sun revs up for summer, clean your windows and bathe in the brightness that shines through polished glass.For optimal results, try enjoyable Sprayway Glass Cleaner paired with lint-free flour sack towels. Martha would have your ass out there with a squeegee, but a more realistic, if less effective method is to spray the exterior windows with a high pressure hose.  The lazy approach results in spotting, but an intense spray will remove the dust and considerably improve the amount of light that shines though.  Go back over key windows with the Sprayway for spectacular results. Don’t forget the car windows, inside and out!  Seriously, when is the last time you cleaned out your car? 

glove love

Don’t expect to see any “spring cleaning” proclamations here.  In the land of Demeter Clarc, cleaning is a daily activity, not just a seasonal one.  One product in particular makes cleaning tolerable and even enjoyable: True Blues.  “The Ultimate Household Gloves” protect hands, grip when wet, and allow for nimble dexterity. Even though they are called “True Blues,” they come in other colors.  Recently, an equally cleaning-obsessed friend gifted me a purple pair and they have been put to good use every day since.  (Merci Blanche)Durable, comfortable, and essential, True Blues complete a cleaning kit.  The far superiority of these gloves over cheaper versions justify the modest investment.

True Blues – for all the nasty shit you don’t want to touch.