Unless you have a fleet of housekeepers like Joan Crawford, even the most well-kept homes have areas where filth inevitably accumulates. Doors are often overlooked. While germaphobes have made wiping the door knob de rigueur, the door itself retains its unsightly grime. The best part of cleaning your door is that it is super easy. For most doors, a good wipe down with a surface-appropriate cleaner produces gleaming like-new results. You’ll be surprised how much funk you dislodge during this oddly gratifying tidy moment. 
Is there anything more annoying than a vessel sink? I think not. Vessel sinks may look good in the store, but in actuality they are the most impractical and messy of all the sink options. Sinks are like a proper fuck, you want them big and deep not perched, precious, and puny. 
Water splashes everywhere from this style of basin. Many of the wide and shallow versions aren’t banked properly, so gross water collects on one end always failing to properly drain. I’m repulsed. 
Like most home decorating trends that come on hard, fast, and ubiquitous, the vessel sink will soon be considered a dated vestige of a quainter time like wallpaper borders or shag carpet. 
This book Heads in Beds: A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality by Jacob Tomsky has been getting a lot of shine, so I Kindled it to see if it indeed included any salacious insider gossip. Let me save you the trouble – this tell-all doesn’t tell much about the hotel industry or human nature that you don’t already know.
Tomsky started in hospitality at the bottom of the valet pile in New Orleans, and eventually made his way up to third-in-command at a mid-to-high-end Manhattan hotel he calls “Bellevue” to protect its identity. 
Tomsky works primarily as a front desk clerk. The self-serving thesis of this book? Heavily tip the front desk clerk with “bricks” ($100s) or “baby bricks” ($20s) to score under-the-table upgrades. Throw some money around at the desk and you too can enjoy a $4 comped bottle of shitty pinot. How Fancy.
The inverse is also true. Mistreat your wife, make a racist comment to the cabbie, or fart downwind from the all powerful desk clerk and find yourself key bombed. Tomsky will stick you with a bunk key card, book you in the shittiest room, or one that gets all-night phone calls because the room number matches 1+ the local area code and every ninny in the hotel forgets to dial 9 for an outside line. Remember to be on your very best behavior or the desk despot will punish you!
Tomsky promises park views, late check outs, and express check-in if you slide him some cash. But I don’t really want or need any of that. Fuck the view. I’m sleeping here. Can you get me a clean room with that $20? Probably not. Even the finest hotels suffer from inconsistent housekeeping. 
I don’t care about stealing from the mini-bar. If you do, Tomsky says go wild; the hotel will comp the oft-disputed charges. 
So I mentioned before that it may not be clean if it has a ring on it, and that just isn’t always true. Hard water causes mineral deposits no matter how liberally you bleach. 
Fear not, you needn’t appear filthy when hard water is the true culprit.
For some of you, this will sounds like a skeevy suggestion. If the idea of sticking your hand in the toilet, gloved or not, makes you want to heave, delegate this task to someone less squeamish. 
Cut the water flow to the commode. Use a bucket of water to gravity flush the water level below the ring. Use fine sand paper, or I’ve also heard folks recommend a pumice stone to scrape the mineral ring away. It should chip right off. 
there’s a ring around it
there’s a layer of dust on it
there’s a pube
there are water spots
it hasn’t been washed between visitors
it’s smelly in the pits
it’s growing slime
I can’t hear the word “swab” without immediately thinking of Patty Chase instructing Angela on how to extract her zit. “Just the word, swab.” God I love that show, but this is not another MSCL post. Nope, today I extol the virtues of the alcohol swab. 
So simple: a small alcohol saturated pad that cleans the tiniest grimiest places without leaving a residue. Some of you immediately recoil because the sight of a swab packet sends you straight to vaccination land. Relax, nobody is going to give you a tetanus booster okay? Though your ass probably needs one. 
I’m talking absterge the cell, sterilize the remote, polish the Kindle. These little squares are marvelous for de-gunking your favorite electronics. Your laptop keyboard is crying for a cleaning. For some of you, every time you pull out the air duster you end up on a Demi Moore Detour. I’ve been to that party. 
These handy, inexpensive little packets of joy are great for travel too. Sanitize the remote in your hotel room. Get the wax out of your ears. Alcohol swabs make refreshing ear cleaners. Use them to disinfect your manicure tools, eye lash curler, and tweezers. Really, the applications are endless. Throw a few in your bag and wonder how you ever survived in this filthy world without them. 
Last week when my friend Lisa came over to go through my giveaways she commented that my cast-offs where always “especially soft.”
I do enjoy extra soft textiles, and I achieve the broken-in feel with a double helping of softener. 
Going against tradition, I add the liquid softener with the detergent and booster while the washer is filling. I always start with a little bit of hot water in the load to help dissolve the soap and dilute the softener. I don’t ever use the separate softener channel which usually just gunks up over time. 
Ya’ll knew it was coming, here are a few of my best packing and moving tips. First things first, before you bring in a single box, clean your new place from top to bottom or pay someone else to clean it. Please don’t move into another’s filth. Sanitize the space and clear the energy. Burn a sage bundle bitch.
5) Moving yourself? Get a bigger truck than you think you will need. Extra space is a luxury. Pick too small a truck and find yourself stressfully sacrifice-sorting as you load cargo to the gills. If renting a truck, spring for the insurance.
4) Speaking of sorting, before you ever get to the truck, mercilessly cut from your collection. Give your friends first dibs, and send the rest to charity. At least the most useless 25% of your shit needs to go. After giving friends a bunch of free stuff you won’t feel so bad asking them to help you help carry the sofa. 
3) Most major retailers give away boxes for free. That’s no big secret. So don’t skimp on purchasing accessories and packing supplies. Paper, wrap, specialty boxes; get what you need to properly prepare your belongings to survive the journey. The cost of proper packing supplies pales in comparison to the heartache of opening a box upon arrival and finding a fractured heirloom. Get a variety of box sizes, and don’t pack them so heavy you can’t carry them up and down stairs. Protect yourself with proper planning. 
2) Take care of valuables yourself. Handle special or sentimental items personally or risk possible destruction. No one will handle your most precious baubles as tenderly.
1) Get plenty of sleep and take time to eat. Once you arrive to your new home unpack as quickly and completely as possible. Don’t stop working on your new home until everything has a special place. If you just shove things in drawers and closets without care the place will remain an unorganized mess. Arrange everything carefully from the start and maintain a tidy home with ease.
As I prepare for this move, I am appalled by the number of partially used beauty products on my shelves. I usually do really well until I get 75% through the product, then I tend to move on to a new one and lose interest in the original before I get to the bottom of the jar.
Disgusted with this wasteful habit, I vow to finish this hodge-podge collection of halflings before I purchase anything new. I’ll throw out any potion outdated or past its prime, but otherwise it is time to steward the responsibility of the investment through to its natural conclusion.
-
Home > cleanliness