Tag Archives: Coachella 2012

concert commandments

I’ve been attending my fair share of live shows lately, and that means I’ve been annoyed by all the douchebag behavior of the general public.  Let’s review the basic commandments of concert-going, shall we?Thou shalt not wear a band t-shirt to that band’s concert.  We already know you are a fan.  You bought a ticket.  Attendant commandments include:  I shall not blast the performing band from my car stereo while waiting in gridlock in the parking lot of the concert venue, and under no circumstances will I emulate the dress of the performers like a pathetic, dorky lemming.  All you dress-alike Jack White fans looked like Mennonites.  I shall respect my fellow concert goers and not place the world’s largest tarp on the ground in general admission in an attempt to save room for my six late-arriving friends.  Conversely, thou shalt not dip in the show after the curtain drops and expect to shove thy way to the front.  Early birds get the good seats.  Late arrivals expect to compromise on proximity to the stage or encounter intense wrath from the long-suffering and dedicated early birds.  If your late ass wants a view, spring for the expensive assigned seating. I shall further respect my co-fans by actually watching the performance rather than spending the whole show with my back to the stage trying to get high.  But on that note…

Thou shalt share thy bud.

Thou shalt resist the temptation to sing along to every song regardless if thy know all the words

Thou shalt use the phrases “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me” liberally when negotiating the crowd.

Thou shalt not bring a beach ball.  Who are you anyway?  Every fucking show with the fucking beach ball.  Enough with the beach balls. 

Sunday with Kendrick Lamar

Coachella in sum

I know, I know, you are all Coachella-fatigued.  Tell me about it.  This is the last Coachella-related post, promise.   Just thought you would like to know a few of the less advertised secrets of the Coachella festival.Most of the hot guys were gay, most of the straight guys were doughy.  Seriously, most of these guys are in their twenties and thirties and have love handles.  Not cute.  Ratio of hot girls to hot guys 20:1.Coachella has a reputation for being a celebration of drugs in the desert.  True, the attitude towards drugs, grass in particular, is quite permissive, but considering the heat and intensity of the experience, the kiddos by and large kept it together.  That said, I did have a little fainting spell myself after a bad churro.  Stay away from the churros, cinnamon and sugar dipped Styrofoam.  Special shout out to good Samaritan “Joey” who lent a hand to my panicked pal while my brain rebooted. The dominant fashion silhouette was 80’s, 80’s, 80’s.  Think high-waisted shorts and booties.  Lots of shorts, lots of legs.  Some good legs and ass, lots of mediocre legs and ass.  Some bitches just straight up wore a 2 piece bathing suit.Who rocked?  The Rapture, Wild Flag, Santigold, Girl Talk, Florence and the Machine and EMA. Who disappointed?  Gotye, Pulp, SBTRKT, and ultimately Dre and Snoop who basically did a cheesy medley of popular rap hits over the last 20 years, some theirs, some not.  For the record, the Tupac hologram was an abomination.

3 annoying aspects of Coachella

The single most annoying thing about this whole festival is the overlapping sets.  Every 50 minutes it’s Sophie’s Choice.  Do I want to see The Rapture or Mazzy Star?  For $329, I shouldn’t have to choose.  By the way, The Rapture delivered one of the best sets of the day on Friday evening.  The second most annoying thing about Coachella is everyone’s blasé attitude.   The crowd isn’t there to see just one act.  For each entertainer, a cluster of die hard fans gathers towards the front, and almost everyone else could give a fuck.  Some artists work to win the entire crowd over, and others seem defeated by the unrelenting heat and too-cool-for-school vibe of the sweaty masses.  Seriously, they could announce that Jesus, Whitney Houston, and Santa were going to sing a medley and the level of enthusiasm would amount to a few sparse golf claps.  Jesus, who cares about Jesus?  I saw Jesus front row in ’99.  Third, I’m not so sure about the second weekend format.  All the artists kept referring to deja vu feeling of performing two weekends in a row.  It ain’t deja vu for us mutherfuckers.  Keep it fresh.  Give us a worthy experience.  As you know, we are all so jaded out here in the desert sun. 

 

My Friday Lineup

EMAGrouploveJimmy CliffPulpRefusedMazzy Star

Coachella Packing List Part 2

Bain de Soleil, an old skool guilty pleasure.  TapestriesFloppy Hat

Oversized ShadesCash

Coachella Packing List

James Perse shirts and dressesSoft Joie cotton / modal maxis

Patagonia 100% recyclable flip flops

Rebecca Taylor Hippie top

 Joe’s Jeans sandals

Coachella: Gotye

Gotye’s responsible for the most ubiquitous and addictive song on the scene right now, “Somebody That I Used to Know,” off his 2011 release Making Mirrors.  I confess I’ve overplayed it, taken a bath in it, rubbed it in my skin.  Now that Coachella is right around the corner, what are you wearing?  I know what everyone else will be wearing.  I predict a lot of boring jean shorts.  Trust, I will not be in jean shorts.  Bring your A-game bitches.

Coachella Crash Course: 4 for Friday

Looking forward to seeing First Aid Kit.  Have you heard their album The Lion’s Roar? Over the last year, Azealia Banks has bent an ear or two.  Can she take down Nicki?  Preview “212” and “Liqourice.”

Spin Childish Gambino’s latest Camp.

Yeah, yeah, Holocene, survey the full Bon Iver picture with Vernon’s equally atmospheric earlier work For Emma, Forever Ago.