Most people won’t get it, but Anja Rubik (in Anthony Vacarello) managed what many could not at the 2013 Met Gala. The model executed on the punk theme without falling into some of the most common sartorial traps of the evening (don’t worry, we’ll get there). The shape, color, and fabric reference punk while remaining high fashion. If this puresex look isn’t totally fuckable, you tell me what is? 
Let’s just get this GOOP out of the way right now before this candy-coated bitch drives me to distraction. I thought Paltrow swore off pink gowns after that cloying Ralph Lauren she donned for her Oscar win. Is she fucking with us? I loathe this Valentino Couture gown on so many levels I can only assume she chose it as her hate campaign uniform. Nude illusion, really girl? Pink shiny too short long sleeves? What? A puddle of bridesmaid satin pink? Incomprehensible. How is she going to sell those expensive gym memberships when the skinny bitch actually looks chubby (gasp!)?
Who the fuck did Kanye blow to get Kim in this year? So this florabomination is courtesy of Riccardo Tisci. I’m not sure we can blame him. All I can focus on is her Miss Piggy foot. Poor pregnant Kim is puffed up painfully and spilling over the edge of that shoe. The gloves are totally freaking me out. Hand camo. 
Cameron Diaz served up a spiky-waisted Stella McCartney in a bold blue cape style. I dislike how this frock is both droopy and restrictive. 
After all that Hathaway drama at the Oscars, Amanda drew upon all her Givenchy spokesbitch connections to score this archive gown. I think it is fucking genius. Suck it Anne! 
In Valentino, Anne Hathaway’s boobs channeled Madonna’s titties from the Express Yourself video, right? Do we like Annie as a blonde? I don’t hate it, but the brassy color is undoubtedly aging. 
Christina Ricci knocked on the door of the right fashion house – Vivienne Westwood – for a post-punk glam moment, but it looks like she got tangled up in the tartan. I do love the orange lip and fishnets. 
Ashley Olsen robbed a Palm Beach Socialite of her vintage Christian Dior Couture for her sherbet sparkling Met moment. In keeping with her body dismorphic trademark style, Mary-Kate wore Chanel and Balmain that was five sizes too big for her. 
I get the impression Allison Williams takes herself way too seriously. She smacks of try. The heinous piecemeal gown is Altuzarra.
Anna Wintour stuck with sequined floral Chanel, and Bee wore Dior. Can’t say I’m particularly wowed by the wicked stepsisters.
Does anyone wear clothes better and with more enthusiasm than SJP? Love her Giles Deacon gown and Phillip Treacy headpiece. 
Topshop dressed Nicole Richie. The overall styling isn’t that flattering, but I’m still oddly attracted to her white hair. Punk Glam Granny?
Opa! Here comes the flaming cheese – Beyoncé in Givenchy.
Uma Thurman looked absolutely snatched in this leafy Zac Posen. What did she do to her face?
Stella McCartney must be best friends with Liberty Ross because this outfit is obviously a revenge burn on Kristen Stewart. Is she smuggling honey-baked ham in there?
I’ve been loving me some Rita Ora lately. She not only successfully fucked-over that whiny Rob Kardashian, she looks super fresh in this white Thakoon.
Emma Watson worked her sexy, but she remained eternally adorable and demure in this Prabal Gurung. She’s our modern day Audrey. 
Miley really went for it in Marc Jacobs and it worked. Hate to admit she’s been serving something savory lately. Applause. 
Compare Miley to her contemporary Taylor Swift who looks about 53 in this old lady J. Mendel number.
Speaking of 53, Madonna came in her Givenchy costume. For a woman who hates her thighs, she sure is accentuating them in this fussy get-up. You could bounce a quarter off that face (and ass!). 
Dakota Fanning looked super cute in her Rodarte. Even though this look was understated compared to most, the simple and sweet styling stood out from the crowd. 
Here is Lena Dunham in Erdem with Erdem. The makeup is the best ever for her. 
Jessica Alba belongs on a Maxim list and nowhere else. Seriously, who wears Tory Burch to a punk themed gala? Sheesh. Why don’t you just wear Lilly Pulitizer bitch? 
Carey Mulligan is everything in Balenciaga. Die for the safety pin. It isn’t showy, but it doesn’t need to be. Fucking chic.
Lopez put a little leopard on it in Michael Kors. The girl gives good face, and I love the unusual hair Jen! Bonus points for not letting the cabana boy ruin the shot. 
May we all be this ravishing at her age. Diane von Furstenberg rolled in as a disco-dipped Mrs. Roper. 
Calm down Gisele. (From what I hear Cara brought the eight-ball).
Could Joan Smalls look any better in Diane von Furstenberg? Perfection. 
VPL
You know I can’t pass up a horse: Pedro Lourenco.
Costello Tagliapietra 
Prabal Gurung
Giorgio Armani
Vivienne Tam
Carlos Miele
Diane von Furstenberg
3.1 Phillip Lim
Julia Nobis for Reed Krakoff
Proenza Schouler
Badgley Mischka 
Band of Outsiders
Diane von Furstenberg
In this week’s quest for clearer skin, I bring you iS Clinical Active Serum, a product that – GASP and clutch your anus – actually delivers results. 
Made of extracts of sugar cane (glycolic), bilberry (lactic), willow bark (salicylic) , and mushroom (kojic) with a kick of menthol for tingle, not sure exactly what it is about this serum, but I saw dramatic improvements in skin texture after a few uses. It reduces inflammation, fades healing spots, and brightens overall. The cooling effect makes me a little nostalgic for Sea Breeze. 
Commuun
Christian Dior
Yohji Yamamoto
Acne
Diane von Furstenberg
Rick Owens
Barbara Tfank
Burberry Prorsum
Donna Karan
Gabrielle Greiss
J Mendel
Hermès
Valentino
Jean-Charles de Castelbajac
Loewe
Lanvin
Stella McCartney
Norma Kamali
Louis Vuitton
John Galliano
Carlos Miele
Anthony Vaccarello
Marc by Marc Jacobs
Wes Gordon
Luca Luca
Diane von Furstenberg
Hakaan
Basso & Brooke
Emanuel Ungaro
Rachel Zoe
Rebecca Taylor
Luisa Beccaria
L.A.M.B.
Kenzo
Without hesitation, we were thrown right into the thick of Jill and Ramona’s post-argument analysis. Each decamped with her respective clique to refuel and restrategize for the next go-round.
Zarin sent her spies to fetch intel from Ramona and the blondes. First the Cuntess entered and attempted to address Ramona, but her efforts were stymied by Alex and Sonja’s physical and verbal shields. Next Kelly slinked in wearing a colorful Diane von Furstenberg dress (not Pucci, she quickly corrected a complimentary Sonja). Kelly tried to invoke the neutrality clause. The blondes pretended to accept her position, but were obviously savvy to her espionage.
It wouldn’t be a trip to Morocco without the requisite henna tattoo moment. LuAnn, Kelly, and Cindy hunkered down for a painting. Before they saw her, the three heard Alex loudly and quickly clopping down the stairs. 
Alex dramatically swept her scarf around her shoulders and emphatically demanded to have a word upon the conclusion of LuAnn’s tattoo. Alex then turned on her heel and retreated as suddenly as she appeared.
Indignant at the interruption, but also piqued with interest, LuAnn, Kelly, and Cindy all summoned Alex for a chat. They looked like three lionesses waiting to devour the sad goat that lagged a little too far behind the rest of the herd.
Kelly jumped all over Alex for her bad acting and described her performance as “inauthentic.” Then she strangely ordered Alex to “reenter.” (That’s what she said.) All season, scenes have felt particularly set up. Kelly pretty much confirmed the orchestrated premeditation by requesting a redo.
Alex the conquering blonde unleashed on LuAnn, but she didn’t get too far into her diatribe before the Cuntess interrupted and curtly dismissed her by ordering her to return to the cabinet she came out of. Not particularly adept at improvisation, Alex stood slack-jawed and without comeback as the Cuntess brushed by her with her nose high and an undeniable air of superiority.
Kelly attacked from behind, leaving Alex bewildered. Alex tried to apologize, but Kelly called her weird and “not normal.” Her neck covered in stress splotches, Alex tried to articulate her frustration. Kelly responded by shhhhhhhhing her, then directing her to first close and then reopen her eyes. 
Kelly didn’t really listen to anything Alex said (did anyone?), but she responded in her standard non sequitur fashion by saying, “Sometimes Alex, it is better to just observe and not participate.”
As for this week’s moment of blatant hypocrisy, Kelly ordered Alex to cover her shoulders – even though the two appeared to be standing in the internal courtyard of their private riad. However, she threw her modesty out the window later when she decided to jog around Marrakesh in this skimpy get-up.
The ravens landed for dinner, but the butters didn’t descend at the appointed hour. The social faux pas triggered a shit talking sesh that was only interrupted by Alex’s late arrival. 
Impeccable hostess and etiquette authority that she is, the Cuntess hurled sharp barbs at Alex from the head of the table. After a few too many snarky remarks, Alex informed LuAnn that she wasn’t actually told when dinner would be served. She then snatched her plate of greens before getting bounced out of the dining room by Kelly.
Swaddled, Ramona and Sonja emerged asking what was for dinner. The request caused LuAnn to go completely cous cous. Like Alex, Sonja and Ramona also claimed that they had been uninformed of the dinner time. If LuAnn did inform them of the time, it wasn’t included in the episode footage.
Kelly coaxed Ramona to make amends. She and LuAnn progressed until the Countess broached the subject of the fortuneteller’s revelation. Caught off guard, Ramona reacted by presenting a saccharine smile and chirping “my marriage is great.” Uneasy and exposed, Ramona abruptly jerked away, insisting that they return to dinner. One can hardly blame her; Ramona’s perceptive enough to detect the blatant meangirling in the underhanded maneuver.
While packing up to return home, the women returned different articles of clothing they had borrowed from one another during the trip. Jill waived Ramona’s green bikini bottoms around like a white flag.
The two confessed to caring about one another and wanting to salvage the friendship, though neither addressed the underlying issues – alcoholism and fame intoxication. Instead, they tried to brush all previous tension under the rug and just move forward. When does that ever work?
