Unless you have a fleet of housekeepers like Joan Crawford, even the most well-kept homes have areas where filth inevitably accumulates. Doors are often overlooked. While germaphobes have made wiping the door knob de rigueur, the door itself retains its unsightly grime. The best part of cleaning your door is that it is super easy. For most doors, a good wipe down with a surface-appropriate cleaner produces gleaming like-new results. You’ll be surprised how much funk you dislodge during this oddly gratifying tidy moment. 
I can’t hear the word “swab” without immediately thinking of Patty Chase instructing Angela on how to extract her zit. “Just the word, swab.” God I love that show, but this is not another MSCL post. Nope, today I extol the virtues of the alcohol swab. 
So simple: a small alcohol saturated pad that cleans the tiniest grimiest places without leaving a residue. Some of you immediately recoil because the sight of a swab packet sends you straight to vaccination land. Relax, nobody is going to give you a tetanus booster okay? Though your ass probably needs one. 
I’m talking absterge the cell, sterilize the remote, polish the Kindle. These little squares are marvelous for de-gunking your favorite electronics. Your laptop keyboard is crying for a cleaning. For some of you, every time you pull out the air duster you end up on a Demi Moore Detour. I’ve been to that party. 
These handy, inexpensive little packets of joy are great for travel too. Sanitize the remote in your hotel room. Get the wax out of your ears. Alcohol swabs make refreshing ear cleaners. Use them to disinfect your manicure tools, eye lash curler, and tweezers. Really, the applications are endless. Throw a few in your bag and wonder how you ever survived in this filthy world without them. 
Cat lovers scroll on through. I’m about to go on an anti-cat rant that’s going to make your pussy hurt. (Michael, Katie, I mean it.) Why am I filled with feline vitriol you ask? Because I spent the day bleach mopping cat piss out of sub-flooring, that’s why. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH CAT PISS ANYWAY?
I know, I know, you love your cat. Your cat does for you what no person could. I get it. Do you get that when cats get old they piss everywhere and it is FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE to remove the smell? Do you realize a nuclear apocalypse would not eradicate that stank of cat pee from your apartment? 
In addition to destroying your home with their incontinence, cats can transmit diseases and parasites to people including, but not limited to: Toxoplasmosis, Leptospira, the Plague, Rabies, roundworm, hookworm, ringworm, Salmonella, and tapeworm. Yeah, keep letting kitty climb all over your kitchen. Add a side order of tapeworm to that PB&J. 
As you all know, I’m a staunch defender of our animal friends. I don’t eat or wear them. But I also don’t keep any pets for a variety of reasons. Do I really hate cats? No. Do I really hate irresponsible dirty-ass cat owners? Fuck yes. 
And while I’m getting up after all you pet owners, dog people CLEAN UP FIDO’S SHIT. Why don’t I take a dump on your lawn? How about that? Fucking gross yo.
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