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Saw Mizz Dita Von Teese and her burlesque buddies on Memorial Day in Portland at the Aladdin Theater. I anticipated this show for months, set out on an epic journey to be there, and even built a Pacific Northwest trip around it. So did it live up to all the expectation?
In two words: FUCK YES.
Dita started the show with her now classic martini glass routine. She lip-synched a song about liking it slow, and stripped down from a perfectly fitted tux to a gorgeous corset. Her body is every bit amazing as it looks in pictures. Her waist is really that tiny and her skin is milky white and flawless. In between Dita’s four performances, other well-known burlesque stars like Dirty Martini and Catherine D’Lish punctuated the stage with their unique flavor. This show was interesting because there wasn’t any singing and really not much in the way of dancing. I’d call it more coquettish posing and prancing. It is like watching a live editorial photo shoot. Strike a pose, click. Strike a pose, click. The audience takes in a series of beautiful images, but really not much more. The whole shebang amounts to a gorgeous puff of powder, but what it lacks in substances it makes up for in style.Not to say there are no skills involved; Dita completed much of her mirrored-compact routine en pointe in Louboutin ballet point shoes. She definitely looked a little nervous and strained during the more challenging balancing requirements of the act. Truthfully, there were more than a few moments where Dita telegraphed her anxiety. When the fasteners on her garments didn’t cooperate with her quick release commands a palpable panic swept over both her face and her gestures. I found this surprising for such a seasoned performer since I’m sure in this type of show wardrobe hiccups are par for the course. While physically stunning, there is a classic stripper disconnect between Dita and the crowd. Many of her hand-selected co-stars made more meaningful connections with the audience than Dita. No one looked better, but there was definitely a wall up between Dita and her fans. Almost as if she was looking past us, or maybe down at us? Dita closed with a big opium den number set in part to a remixed version of the Cure’s Lullaby. The incredible finale climaxed with four gloved hands pawing Dita’s body into ecstatic submission. Nary a nipple was exposed, but the entire show was a pleasing, erotic, and light-hearted delight. This show was well worth the price of admission, and even worth traveling a distance to catch. We owe Von Teese a great debt in keeping the art of burlesque alive and relevant, and she’s obviously one of the most stylishly influential women on the scene. Three cheers for Dita indeed, Strip Strip Hooray!
Gotye’s responsible for the most ubiquitous and addictive song on the scene right now, “Somebody That I Used to Know,” off his 2011 release Making Mirrors. I confess I’ve overplayed it, taken a bath in it, rubbed it in my skin. Now that Coachella is right around the corner, what are you wearing? I know what everyone else will be wearing. I predict a lot of boring jean shorts. Trust, I will not be in jean shorts. Bring your A-game bitches.
Airbrush makeup is the rage for good reason. In addition to flawless, weightless coverage, airbrush lasts and lasts. Interested in experimenting with airbrush? Check out Aero Minerale Makeup Mist Hydrating Mineral Foundation.Aero Minerale isn’t the first foundation in a spray can, but it is one of the better mass market options. Super long-wearing and matte, the finish and staying power make sense for the warmer months when emollient bases tend to migrate. A few words of advice when applying the poor woman’s airbrush. First, go easy and work in sections. This stuff dries pretty quickly. Also, keep it off the hairline and work inward. Blend with fingers or a sponge. The full coverage and finish make powder optional. With most budget foundations, the color range sucks. Spray foundation requires a perfect match or it looks very masky, so this product isn’t going to be for everyone, but Aero Minerale also makes bronzer and colorless primer versions which require less color precision.
Has Dior found its replacement whore? Word is Tisci’s the new HBIC.
Another weekend in December means more office holiday parties and more felonious fashion choices. I think it’s time we sat down and had a little chat about appropriate cleavage. Honestly, deep cleavage is gross. More porn than Prada, cleavage is a cocktease, not fashion. Sporting more than two inches of visible cleavage also guarantees no one will look at your face all night. Acknowledging that some of you bitches love your chichis, and whether they are store-bought or natural, come cocktail hour, you like to put your girls on display. Keep the following examples in mind if you must display the bust.
Dita does it right, subtle and sexy.Christina, I love you, but no. Her titties arrived fifteen minutes before she did.Blake’s so much less offensive when she doesn’t force the girls front and center.Borderline Barrymore, she saves it with soft makeup and covered arms. They shouldn’t face east and west.¡Ya basta! Vergara!A skosh too much moonz, Mz. Greene.
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