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Jane Krakowski wore KauffmanFranco – best color, unforgivable tailoring.
Zac Posen really only makes variations of one basic gown, but it is a damn fine gown – as seen here on dingbat Amanda Seyfried.
Boldest couple debut: Vincent Kartheiser and Alexis Bledel. Our little Rory Gilmore loves her co-stars doesn’t she?
Anne Hathaway demonstrates the most ill-advised use of a Giambattista Valli dress.
The Jenny Packham girls, the better version above on Jenna Fischer and the lesser below on Kelly Osbourne.
The head to toe hell no – Sofia Vergara in Donna Karan.
Claire had nowhere to go but down after her last showing, but the aging makeup and side boob vadge action aren’t working in this Givenchy. Giuliana is showing positive progress on probation after her last fashion felony in this far less offensive Max Azria.
Elisabeth Moss gives some gams in Dolce & Gabbana.
Can you feel the tension in this high-fashion face off between January Jones in Prabal Gurung and Jessica Paré in Jason Wu? The straps on the Jason Wu look a bit like suspenders. I appreciate that January Jones doesn’t dress for the men, but could she pick something flattering just once?
Most timelessly spectacular putting all these young bitches to shame – Mizz Jessica Lange.
Jessica Chastain contends for best dressed in Alexander McQueen, but the lipstick is wrong and she needs to whiten her teeth.
Gorgeous and talented Jennifer Lawrence has no fucking clue how to dress herself. Christian Dior can throw couture at her the whole award season through, and she’ll waste every opportunity with the wrong hair, jewelry, and makeup.
Julianne Moore should only let Tom Ford dress her because this Chanel is a fucking floral flat-tittied disaster.
What do we think of these two? Jennifer Westfeldt looks better than usual if a tad boobish in Blumarine.
Let’s start with the hair – an obvious hot mess, move down to the 3D bustage on this strange Vivienne Westwood, glance at those lame duck shoes and declare Nicole Kidman an epic dud.
Me likey Nina Dobrev in this Elie Saab, even if it is quite derivative of Emma Stone in Calvin Klein from a season or two ago.
Look at our little Kiernan Shipka all grown up in this Oscar de la Renta.
As those of us with a pulse know, last night the Met Gala threw down in NYC. The ball celebrated the opening of the exhibit Schiaparelli and Prada: Impossible Conversations at the Costume Institute. Let’s have a conversation about the fucking weird ass choices some of these bitches made last night. It is hard to know where to start, so let’s start with some one who should know better. Rachel Zoe looks like a fringed push pop in this ridiculous-on-her frock. Zoe styled Karolina Kurkova (where you been girl?) in a gown from her eponymous line. The dress appears to have been heavily influenced by the Armani gown Zoe dressed Anne Hathaway in for the Oscars not too long ago – that Zoe, always full of fresh ideas.Beyoncé loves that stupid ass pose. Who the fuck stands like that in real life? The way she stiffly palms her outer thighs is so forced and unnatural. Do we need to talk about this Givenchy Couture? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it seems to me that Givenchy cares more about appearing on the red carpet than maintaining a high standard of brand integrity. By my totally unscientific estimation, about one in ten times Givenchy gets it right with their red carpet loaners. Sorry B, this is definitely not one of those times. I hate almost every single thing about this dress. It took some nutz for Christina Ricci to rock this odd Thakoon number. It isn’t perfect, but it is courageous. Is she going through another praying mantis phase or is it just a pre-Met crash diet?If Laura Ashley and a flora chintz sofa made a bastard love child, this Valentino blanket that SJP is wearing would be the unholy spawn. Jessica Paré wore the shit out of this L’Wren Scott gold cap sleeve. No dummy, our little Megan obviously plans to squeeze every last drop of exposure from her Mad Men supporting role. Good for her, this was one of the better ensembles of the evening. From one Mrs. Draper to another, January Jones typically pushes boundaries, at times at the expense of flattery. The more I look at this sculpted Versace, the less it offends me. Yeah, the peplum has been overdone this season, and yeah yellow and black tends to evoke bumble bee, but I think this is a bold and interesting post-baby choice. She’s done worse. Lately, Emma Stone has made me forget why I like her. The color, shape, texture, and timing of this Lanvin cocktail frock is all wrong for this season and this event. Did she get lost on her way to homecoming?Carey Mulligan co-hosted the event and wore this shield to protect her soul from the despotic clutches of Anna Wintour. Paltrow predictably in Prada presenting a pinch of side boob. Have we reached a consensus on whether she conservatively augmented her tatas after Moses? If she’s going to continue to push those absurd Tracy Anderson workouts then she might want to actually wear something that celebrates her hard-fought body. Unfinished is the word I would use to describe this look.Is Cameron just straight up old now or what? Squint – is this Sharon Stone or Cameron Diaz? Stella McCartney provided the matronly gown. Stella McCartney is just mean with some of the ugly ass shit she makes her friends wear, damn.Claire Danes evoked a little Betty Draper from the neck up, which was a welcome departure from her minimalist tendency. J Mendel conceived of the ill-fitting garment. The cut accentuates her tiny top and then betrays her by creating the illusion of a big bottom. Face it, she’s serving sleeveless bathrobe. First, why are these two getting married? I dislike them each individually more when they are together. Biel looks like she hemmed that dress with two-sided tape 5 minutes before she strode onto the carpet. We all know very well that Jessica Biel couldn’t dress herself if she were locked in a Chanel store. When it comes to Biel, the expectations are very low. Yet she still repeatedly fails to meet them. Much like Justin Timberlake’s acting career. Dunst looks pissed. I’d be pissed to if I wore that random shit to the fashion event of the year. I hate this evening suit almost as much as I hate that overrated Melancholia.Hey Flo! I truly appreciate your willingness to go balls to the wall. At Coachella, you served me desert couture and I’m grateful for it. However, you are not Lady Gaga. This fussy layered McQueen is an overreach that reads more costume than gala. Prabal Gurung is a pimp. That’s called swagger bitches. Recognize. One of the best dressed of the evening – Marion Cotillard in head to toe Dior. Don’t usually love a sheer bottom, but this dress photographs and fits beautifully. J’adore. We saw quite a few subtle variations on a very similar look; here Rihanna does the long-sleeved reflective column in black Tom Ford. Snooze. Scarjo no! This embellished, pink, antiquated Dolce & Gabbana mess had no bizness at the Met Gala. I need more modernity from you Scarlett! You are not a little girl anymore; evolve past this princessy shit. Bad Grandma! Bad, bad Grandma! We told you not to leave Shady Pines without a nurse’s aid. Oh wait, that’s just Mary Kate at the Met Gala. Jessica Alba improved over last year, but she should have worn this dress then when this Michael Kors metallic lamé might have felt fresh. Did Brad Goreski style her again this year?The unofficial perennial Prom King and Queen of the Met Ball, Gisele and Tom stuck to boring black this year. Is it me or does that photo reveal a bit of tension between the power couple?
Hey Kanye, Anna wouldn’t let you bring Kim?
Tom FordMarc JacobsMarniAlexander McQueen3.1 Phillip LimOpening CeremonyRoberto CavalliMarc JacobsValentinoDolce & Gabbana
Ann Demeulemeester3.1 Phillip LimAcneDolce & GabbanaPaul SmithEtroVersaceThom BrowneIcebergHermès
Jolie served in Atelier Versace. She turned it out to pimp her directorial debut. Don’t love the shoes, but when she tries even a little she easily steals the show.
The most improved nod goes to Heidi Klum in Calvin Klein Collection, who usually shows up to these events looking wildly out of place and heinously attired. Mila Kunis looked bored and made this one-strap Christian Dior boring too. She can do better, but can’t seem to shake this recent ugly frock streak. Let’s get the brides out of the way. First, Jessica Chastain arrived in an ill-fitting Givenchy. In recent awards seasons, Givenchy seems to lend out dresses willy-nilly and doesn’t bother to make sure they are tailored correctly. For as many style successes as they have, they have an equal number of fashion failures. Kate Beckinsale always brings the over-try, sponsored here by Roberto Cavalli and accompanied by Len Wiseman.Jessica Biel wore a matrimonial Elie Saab, obviously unable to stifle her wedding enthusiasm. Sofia Vergara showed us the source of the Nile in Vera Wang. Sarah Michelle Gellar drowned in a big blue and white tie-dyed Monique L’huillier. Best grown women: Downton Abbey’s Elizabeth McGovern, Diane Lane and Madge both in Reem Acra.Vivienne Westwood dressed Andrea Riseborough who stars in Madonna’s movie W.E.The gorgeous Gucci girls = Salma Hayek and Evan Rachel Wood.God bless Melissa McCarthy; she tried in Badgley Mischka. Take a cue from Octavia Spencer who looked incredible in a light lavender Tadashi Shoji. Modern Family’s Ariel Winter looks all grown up in Dolce & Gabbana. Shailene Woodley chose a lovely Marchesa gown, but unfortunately paired it with bad posture. Claire Danes deviated from her usual favorites Calvin Klein and Narciso Rodriquez in favor of this embellish-backed J. Mendel number. I’m ambivalent – love the back, hate the front. Michelle Williams wore Jason Wu. She should stick to Prada or Miu Miu. Is that burned out velvet? Emma Stone also failed to impress in a mediocre Lanvin gown. Frieda Pinto wore lapis Prada and it won’t be everyone’s favorite, but I think she’s lovely. Juliana Marguilies also chose a bold color statement with this sleek eggplant Naeem Khan.Laura Dern sparkled in an emerald Andrew Gn gown.Did you get the memo that Reese is reinventing herself as sexy? Zac Posen painted her red and gave her hips. Nicole Richie is quickly morphing into a Real Housewife of Beverly Hills. At first, I loved this Julien MacDonald metallic dress, but the more I look at it, the less excited I am, especially over that messy hem. Where have you been Natalie? We’ve barely seen you since you gave birth. Weird dress by Lanvin. Madeleine Stowe celebrated her career revival in Vera Wang. Charlize Theron is like awards show pizza; even when she’s bad she’s not that bad, and here she’s pretty decent in Dior Couture. If only she could wipe that smug-ass look off her (recently tweaked?) face.
Jean Paul GaultierGiorgio ArmaniD&GYigal AzrouëlDolce & GabbanaDennis BassoJill StuartJust CavalliJoan Smalls struts at Jean Paul Gaultier.
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