Tag Archives: Dr. Amador

Four for Friday

Notice how ever since The Soup moved to Wednesday it’s lost some of its zhush?  How can you do a thorough weekly round-up on a show that airs midweek?  Explain this suicidal programming decision por favor.  Jersey Shore sputtered out like a two-pump chump.  I’m guessing that’s what the lesbians affectionately call Vinny after the world’s least erotic three-way. Notice Bethenny’s show is building up to the infamous Amador boat trip even though everyone already widely believes the entire event to be staged for the cameras?  PR strategy or arrogant stupidity?Spent the last two days learning some interesting, scientific, and at times witchy stuff about the human body.  As if I needed another reason to sleep a full 8-10 hours, apparently the only way to truly rest and repair the adrenal glands is by consistently getting a full 8 hours of sleep.  The body repairs the adrenals during a specific period later in the sleep cycle.  If sleep is interrupted, the body resets to hour one and misses the opportunity to repair.  Can you poop without a stimulant (caffeine, nicotine, etc.) in the morning?  If not, this could be a sign of adrenal insufficiency.  Stressed, pissy and fatigued?  Consider the possibility that your chronic sleep deprivation depletes important hormones.

 

Bethenny Ever After: Bethenny’s Perfect Life?

The long-awaited finale of Bethenny Ever After aired this week, long-awaited because we all couldn’t wait for this extra boring show to end.  The bulk of the lazy-ass season finale was cobbled together from moments of Bethenny’s speaking tour.Bethenny spewed clichéd self-help advice repackaged Skinnygirl-style as the secret of her success.  Let’s be honest.  Bethenny’s success stems from her willingness to offer up her most sacred relationships, private decisions, and deepest losses to Bravo for commoditization.  Personal exploitation has been the ladder upon which she climbed to the top, and it has been a lucrative ascent.Grandparents, Carol and Bob joined the tour for a night in Philadelphia.  Neither understands Bethenny’s appeal, but both gave her warm congratulations after the show.  Grandma Hoppy accidentally stumbled into some funny when she said, “There was only a cock here and there…”

Bethenny got the adrenaline shits before her Wilmington show and ran around the theater trying to empty her bowels moments before she was due on stage.  She then danced her way down the aisle of the theater late-nineties Oprah-style.

All this filler delayed the only attention-worthy moment of the season – the sale of Skinnygirl.  During her weekly sesh with Amador, Bethenny claimed to care less about the money now that she has her little family.  She also conceded that since her own success now eclipsed her deceased father’s, “It makes me happy to stuff it to him.”While the specifics of the deal were not discussed on camera, when the email came, Jason said “You are going to be a very rich woman.”  So I guess we can surmise that $120 million figure might be in the realm of truth.Now here’s what I want to know.

Is $120 million her cut, or is she divvying that up with Skinnygirl Canada?

Will she have Jason sign a post-nup or amend the pre-nup if one exists?

As contemplated last week, does this make her the richest Housewife?

Bethenny sobbed tears of joy at her unbelievable good fortune, and Jason could barely contain his glee at the luck of landing his own little jackpot.Jason returned later with their wedding album and the two oohed and aahhed over every page.  Rejoice, everything is sublime in Hoppytown.So you guys heard this got renewed for another season, right?  They better start looking for a new angle because who really wants to watch “Bethenny’s Perfect Life?”

Bethenny Ever After: Becoming Bernadette

This episode of Bethenny Ever After started in Dr. Amador’s office and flashed back through the previous week of escalating crazy.  Bravo should have structured the entire season this way and re-titled it Narcissist in the City.  Rumors circulate about Bethenny exercising EP power to have portions of the episodes re-edited so she appears more likable.  If that’s true, you have to wonder what this episode looked like before it was softened.  So without further ado, let us commence the countdown to BFrank’s big breakdown.First up, Gina informed Bethenny that she was having surgery at the end of the week, and therefore their time must come to an end.  Through tears, the two tried to envision a future apart.  After claiming G as family, Bethenny seemed mostly concerned about a replacement nanny and how this crisis might inconvenience her skating schedule.  Bethenny didn’t offer support, financial or otherwise, to Gina at any point in the conversation.  This is how rich people treat their help “family?”The whole family arrived in L.A. for Bethenny’s debut performance on Skating with the StarsJason and Bethenny drove around Beverly Hills and contemplated which area of L.A. might suit them best for a future move.  The two stopped at an empty house for sale and jumped the fence.  Feeling ultra-rebellious at first, they soon started to panic.  Getting back over the fence proved even less graceful, and Jason complained of a thumb injury while hoisting B up and over in her thigh-high boots – the worst footwear possible for a stealth breaking and entering.Bethenny performed beautifully for her first-ever televised skating routine.  Was she stiff and stifled?  A little, but as a premiere showing, she did better than the 5s she received from the judges.  Out the gate, she failed to evoke any good will from the panel.  Before the judges comments, the public criticism aspect of the competition obviously hadn’t dawned on Bethenny.  Getting picked apart like that ain’t easy.  When the feedback wasn’t all roses and sunshine, her spirit palpably plummeted.

Back in NYC, Chef Bethenny prepped for Bryn’s first Thanksgiving.  Due to technical difficulties, the turkey wasn’t cooked through and Bethenny started snapping at everyone’s attempts to console her.  Julie, Jason, the Grandparents Hoppy, and even the ancillary ghub got the sharp end of her Scorpio stinger.  When she finished screaming at her guests, Bethenny stormed off to her bedroom to pop a Xanax pout.Back to the therapist couch, Dr. Amador asked Bethenny what Thanksgiving was like for her growing up.  Bethenny said her Mom (Bernadette serving a little Priscilla Presley below) was a really good cook, but a perfectionist.  If for any reason things weren’t perfect, according to Bethenny her Mom would flip out.The phrase “walking on eggshells” popped up several times in this episode, and it dawned on Bethenny that she recreated the very scenario she resented growing up.“I end up sucking a lot of energy out of the room, and when I’m not happy it ends up being quite contagious.”The paradigm-shifting epiphany sent Bethenny into an existential tailspin where she recognized how she mirrored Bernadette in so many ways.  And like so many others before her, Bethenny was horrified at the realization that she too had become her mother.Think how distressed she’ll be when she realizes in about 30 years Bryn will be having the exact same nauseating moment of self-awareness.

Bethenny Ever After: Food God Nick

Without question the single most interesting person on this week’s Bethenny Ever After was Food God Nick.  Returning from a Fatwitch mission, Nick bumped into Jason and Bethenny at POP Burger.  Last season Nick interviewed to work as Bethenny’s assistant.  Even though he was an utter delight, she gave the job to the twinkly-eyed, smooth-talking lothario Max.  Since Max failed to follow up good interview with great assisting, Bethenny’s now regretting the decision — a lament only compounded and refreshed by continuous run-ins with Nick at the best foodie hangouts in NYC.I hope these occasional cameos get Food God Nick laid.  All ya’ll in NYC, this is a mercy fuck if I ever saw one.  Take one for the team.The next day, Bethenny and Jason bickered over (yup, you guessed it!) visiting his parents the following weekend.  As you know, Jason wants his parents there more often than not; Bethenny prefers a once a month or less rotation.Anyone catch this underhanded dick maneuver from Jason: “You need to talk to your man, whoever you talk to, your therapist or whoever it is, you need to like put that on the list, you need to get over this because I’m not wrong.”  Hey Jason, have you considered looking into therapy to sort out your weird mommy issues?

Bethenny finally gave Julie a much-deserved raise and promotion, and in a well-timed coincidence, The Rachel Ray Show offered to makeover JulieBethenny left a puddle on her seat working herself up into an embarrassing flirt frenzy with a marginally handsome segment producer.  Over-worked and underfucked must be the theme of the Frankel household because Gina tried her wiles on John, an unsuspecting sound guy.  Thank heavens Julie arrived to break up the awkwardness, and as an added bonus she seemed genuinely surprised.Bethenny took Jason’s words to heart: later in therapy she opened up to Dr. Amador about the in-law issue.  After stating the obvious, that everyone handles their families differently, Doc challenged Bethenny’s thinking on the issue.  Then he clearly and unequivocally advised her not to discuss it with Jason.So later on she couldn’t help but discuss the issue with Jason after they cheesed it up with some embarrassing role playing at A60.  The two hit a frustrated discussion impasse.  Jason insists his way is normal, and Bethenny doesn’t want to go through life feeling like a freak.  Even though in the end they hugged it out, this argument is hardly over.  It’s just going to keep popping back up, every three weeks, until something major changes.

Bethenny Ever After: Sweet Home Hazelton

We caught up with Jason and Bethenny contemplating baby number two in the face of B’s big 4-0.  After day-dreaming about the “baby stage,” Bethenny snapped back to business by complaining to Jason that Skinnygirl production can’t keep up with demand.Bethenny asked Jason to look into the delays, but he seemed concerned about commingling family and business any further.  At least he tells it to her straight, like when he said there are “going to be times when I’m like, enough Bethenny today.”  You tell her Jason – and Bethenny, if you are the mogul you claim, nut-up and solve your own damn booze production issues.It wouldn’t be a real reunion with Frankel without the obligatory boob show.  B and her hanger-on Lauren hit Linda’s for some new over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders.  According to Linda, Bethenny’s a 30G or 32FF!  Bethenny made sure we all know she got her 22 inch waist back after giving birth by standing around and flaunting her milkshake while bitching about visiting Jason’s parents.Apparently, Jason sees his parents every two weeks and Bethenny sees them every three weeks!  Holy-fucking-in-laws-dude, that’s some serious visitation.  Is this what people are doing?  Brassiere-whisperer Linda says once a month is appropriate, and even that sounds a little too frequent.  Jason’s parents spend two nights at Bethenny and Jason’s every month which would absolutely lead me to suicide.  So now we know why Jason was 39 and unmarried: he’s a major mama’s boy.  Did Bethenny know what she was signing up for?After a drawn out trip out to Jason’s hometown in Hazelton, Pennsylvania, the three arrived to an enthusiastic welcome from doting grandparents, Carol and Bob.

That afternoon, Jason took Bethenny to the local hot dog haunt where a “fan” came over to Bethenny and gushed.  Something about the whole exchange felt unnatural and Bravo-constructed.As tension built through the afternoon, it served as the amuse-bouche to the main course of conflict which rolled out before the appetizers even hit the table.  Previously, Jason and Bethenny discussed moving to California.  Jason really wants another baby, but is reluctant to move.  Bethenny really wants to explore her opportunities in Los Angeles and is willing to try for another baby in exchange for a cross-country relocation.  This type of baby-bargaining is always ill-advised, but even worse is busting out with the whole scheme to your parents before thoroughly discussing it with your spouse.  Cue Jason and his total lack of filter.Jason sums it up by saying, “She’ll give me a second child if we move to California.”  And this was Carol’s response.Carol and Bob immediately began to panic that Bryn would “forget them.”  Jason has spent his whole life trying to make it up to his parents that his brother died.  He even admits that he tries to be the perfect son.  He can’t bring himself to disappoint them, even for his wife.Both Bethenny and Jason spilled their tea (copyright MWY) all over the table by spiraling into a full-on argument in front of the world’s sweetest and most suffocating grandparents.  Bethenny complained that Jason never lets them experience anything as a nuclear family, like when Bryn reaches a milestone, he’s immediately on the phone with his parents.The next day, the visitation issue resurfaced.  After Bob passive-aggressively whined about looking forward to the days when Bryn can stay the whole summer(!) and Carol rebounded by asking what they’d all be doing for Thanksgiving (after a fun family Halloween of course), Bethenny finally lost her shit.  “We have to do some things on our own as our own little family too…we love coming here, but I want it to be that I like coming here, and I like when you come to us, not that it becomes something we have to do.  That’s the total honest truth.”Later, Bethenny and Jason hit the local dive bar for some $2.50 u-call-it-wells.  At first Bethenny was a little snobby (think Reese Witherspoon’s turn in the small town bar in Sweet Home Alabama), but after a few cocktails Jason’s local buddies began to win her over with their folksy charm.  By the end of the night, through a vodka-haze, bitch shed a big city tear over some “roots” talk from stool-warmer Smitty.If this hometown visit proved nothing else, it is that these two really don’t know each other at all.  In Bethenny’s own words, the couple is “drastically different.”  No shit.  These two met, married, and reproduced in less than 18 months, and most of it was filmed for TV.  Now they are surprised that in that time they haven’t uncovered one another’s true selves?  As if starring on a reality show lends itself to authenticity?  Maybe that’s why B’s still in therapy.

Bethenny’s Getting a Big Head?

Bethenny was invited to walk in the annual Heart Truth Red Dress Fashion Show to raise awareness for heart disease.  This event resulted in major red lipstick/red dress overkill.  Red dress, nude lip please. In general, Bethenny does look good in red; however, a belly cradle is not a runway walk.  Just walk bitch, save the cutesy shit for your lame Learning Annex lectures. Afterward, she went shamelessly trolling for compliments from Jason before turning into a four year old when he inevitably told her she did great.  What does Jason know about runway anyway?  He tucks his button-downs into his jeans.

Upholding her Skinny Girl values, Bethenny ate cake and icing for breakfast as she and Jason discussed adding an addition to Team Bethenny in the way of a new assistant.  We also got to see their new apartment in Tribeca which has a connecting office for Bethenny’s biznass.

Bethenny interviewed several candidates for the position, including an intellectual food-writer and a few gays, before settling on hot, straight, Jewish MaxCookie basically made the decision by curling up at Max’s feet instead of attacking him like she did every other candidate.  If Bethenny fails to discipline Bryn like Cookie, that kid is screwed.

At Megu, Bethenny and Jason put down half the animal kingdom while discussing their impending nuptials.  They agreed to a relatively small wedding (40 guests each), but Jason was hesitant and emphasized that his friends and family’s presence was important to him.  Then the two argued over whether Jason could watch the watermelon shoot out the cannon.  Jason wanted to see the baby born and Bethenny wanted to keep her cooch concealed; neither anticipated her guts would be laid out on a table during an emergency C-section.Bethenny confessed that she was planning on seeing a therapist to help her cope with her father’s death and all the changes in her life.  Then Jason declared, “I think if you’re a couple and you need to go to counseling, it’s over.”  This relationship is so fucked, seriously.  It really doesn’t appear that these two agree on anything.  Before you know it, Bethenny will be doing a reality show as a New York single career mom à la Kelly Cutrone. Cut to Bethenny arriving at Dr. Amador’s office, camera crew in tow, to reveal her deepest feelings about the loss of her family, her relationship, and pregnancy.  Bethenny admitted that Jason wants people around all the time and she doesn’t.  Dr. Amador inquired as to Bethenny’s parents, and she disclosed that she more or less has been out of touch with her parents since she was fifteen and never really had a relationship with her dad.  She confessed that even on his deathbed, her father failed to acknowledge her in a way she desperately needed him to for closure.  Dr. Amador concluded, “If I had the experience you described I’d be terrified of relationships.”

Max showed up for his first day of work, and Jason came in to beat his chest and mark his turf.  After giving Max a little grief, the two bonded and ended up fist bumping much to Bethenny’s chagrin.  Would you hang a picture of your bare ass in your office?  Just asking.

Jason reminded Bethenny he was leaving for Florida the next day and she panicked over the housewarming party.  Jason’s life-long friend was coming into town, and Bethenny didn’t want him and his girlfriend to stay at their apartment.  Bethenny, as a New Yorker, have you not realized that house guests are a part of urban living?  She totally over-reacted and unleashed her pregnant pit-bull attack on Jason in the kitchen.  They argued over the issue all the way to the jeweler to select their wedding bands before they agreed to shelve the argument during the shopping. Since Bethenny explicitly mentioned the name of the jeweler, the rings were probably free or deeply discounted.  Therefore, Bethenny’s statements about paying off the rings were totally disingenuous.  Me no likey that fake ass shit.

Bethenny prepped for the gathering and complained about having to meet the expectations of guests attending a chef’s party.  While she and her gay Chuck hassled Max over his metrosexuality, Bethenny received a call from Jason as the camera panned to ominous snowy weather. Jason dropped the news that he was not going to make it in time for the party, and this threw Bethenny into full on hysteria.  You already have a fucking camera crew living at your house Bethenny, what are a few more friends?  Woman up, get over it, put on a smile, and host the shit out of the party. Bethenny’s discomfort manifested itself as mania, and she prattled a little too loud and fast to all the guests as they arrived. In another sign this relationship is doomed, Riccio, Jason’s best man, clearly hated Bethenny as she interrupted and dismissed him to talk about herself.  Bethenny complains that fame went to Jill’s head, but it is moments like these where Bethenny proves just how self-important and unlikable she’s become. Alex and Simon brought a housewarming orchid (nice touch), and Alex offered to throw Bethenny a wedding/baby shower. Jason called to apologize to the group for missing the party.  Bethenny admitted all the drama was in her head, but his friends looked truly uncomfortable that they had been left alone with the megalomaniacal reality star.