Tag Archives: drink

I quit you diet coke.

DIET COKE HEADWhen I was a wayward youth, I pretty much got grounded every summer.  The summer I was 13 and stuck at home with my Mom, I picked up her Diet Coke habit.  Actually, when I think back on it, I was drinking TAB and watching Dallas in the early 80′s, so my aspartame addiction spans life-long.  I know it’s bad for me.  I’ve known it’s bad for me.  I’ve shared my Diet Coke shame before (as loyal readers remember).  Recently, while watching the documentary Hungry for Change, listening to Dr. Christiane Northrup describe the brain-cell-killing jamboree aspartame causes made me side-eye my beloved Diet Coke with new disgust.  DIET COKE ZOMBIES

I confess I drank an absurdly large amount of Diet Coke, mostly out of cans, 6 or more a day for years.  I’ll wait while you judge.  Considering the depth of my habit, I was prepared for an intensely difficult withdrawal period.  Surprisingly, I’m fine.  I’m drinking tea for caffeine and La Croix for fizz.  I haven’t had any conscious hardcore cravings.  Of course, I had a dream about popping a Diet Coke last night, but that’s just my subconscious cleansing itself of my filthy addiction.   DIET EVIL

steamy soother

GINGER HONEY LEMONIn the midst of a deep freeze, we need warming.  Bored and unsatisfied with the standard tea, coffee, hot chocolate options, I crave a more nourishing and soothing thermal beverage.  First, it’s time to resurrect my juicer.  Gather organic apples, lemons, ginger, and raw honey.  Juice 2 apples, 1/2 lemon, and a half of a thumb of ginger.  Dissolve a dime size dollop of raw honey in hot water.  Add honeyed hot water to juice to create a steamy, soothing, fruity comforting wintertime drink.  This concoction eases the sting of sore throats, provides a substantial kick of antioxidant immunity boost, and is deeply, deliciously, snug.  Ginger is an anti-microbial and steaming the root unlocks its decongestant properties.  Honey coats the throat, and lemon and apple provide vitamin C.  It’s worth the trouble if you are feeling low.  LEMON GINGER


FROSTY GLASSESWhen I remodeled my kitchen, I opted out of a freezer with a built-in ice maker.  In my experience, the ice that comes out of built-in ice makers usually tastes like whatever is in the freezer.  Gross.  Personally, I’m not a daily ice consumer, but if I am going to invest in an ice maker it’s gotta be the good ice.  Nugget Ice.NUGGET ICE While I’m saving up for my very own nugget ice maker, I’ve come up with a temporary solution for my icelessness.  I fill high-ball and pint glasses one eighth of an inch (+/-) full of filtered water and then freeze.  The glass gets nice and frosty and the water conveniently freezes into a cube in the bottom of the glass.  When guests come by, you have a frosty glass + ice already to go.  The presentation is enjoyable and unexpected.  This creative chilling method beats the hell out of messy, space-sucking ice trays which produce plastic-tasting cubes.     MAC ON ICE


Mexi-Fanta, Downton, & Suzie

MEXICAN FANTA ORANGEEven though it is so unhealthy, once in a while I allow myself a Mexi-Fanta in a glass bottle.  Mexi-Fanta is made with sugar instead of corn syrup and it is undeniably fucking sublime when served ice cold.  I justify the imported prices because glass bottled soda is cute to keep around and offer company as a fun alternative to the usual choices. SODA WITH STRAWDOWNTON ABBEY SEASON 4 LADY MARY AND GEORGEAre you watching season 4 of Downton Abbey?  I don’t want to spoil it, so I’ll give you a few days to catch up.  The ingenious among you will be able to figure out how to watch it even though it is airing now in the U.K.  The premiere was a snooze, but I’m holding out hope this show recaptures some of its season one glory.ANNA AND BATES

SUZIE KETCHAMBasketball Wives lost its luster a few seasons ago, but we need to address the Suzie situation.  I thought it would settle, but whatever “dental” work Suzie had done has rendered her unrecognizable.  I thought her cute little lisp was charming, and now she’s down right reptilian.  Unfortch.    SUZIE BB WIVES

Lovely Louisiana: Drunk, Armed, & Angry

CLASS PICTURELast weekend, I went to visit a friend in middle-of-nowhere Louisiana.  I hadn’t seen this childhood pal in 15 years, so our reunion was teary and heartfelt.  As we walked towards each other, it felt like the space-time continuum folded.  We will always have the bond of our childhood and I love her still, but if we met today, it is truly unlikely we would make friends if only for the context of our adult lives.  I consider myself modestly well-traveled, but I have never seen some of the crazy shit I’ve seen in Louisiana anywhere else in the world.   STEEL MAGNOLIASNow I can’t speak for Louisiana as an entire state.  I visited a tiny pocket of the state known for its Steel Magnolias.  I am speaking about a narrow experience and a fraction of time, so please don’t think the following conversation is meant to drape the whole state with the same Confederate flag.  Each parish has its own personality, and these are just a few of the flavorful offerings of the one I visited.


There are drive-thru liquor stores.  No shit.  Drive up to the window and getcha a frozen drink.  Why isn’t it an open container violation you ask?  Because the drive-thru liquor store attendant didn’t put a straw in it, silly.  Gotta love that Louisiana legal logic.


These bitches are armed.  For reals.  A handgun in the purse.  Another gun in the desk drawer.  A gun in the nightstand.  A few more guns scattered about for good measure.  And don’t forget the arsenal in the gun safe at Daddy’s house.  “That’s where we keep the expensive guns,” they said starry-eyed.  I asked these southern women why they keep all these guns and what it boiled down to essentially is rape fear.  These mothers and professionals truly believe that a (black!) man is going to enter their home and then enter them.  Rape happens for sure and more often than reported.  You know what happens more often?  A criminal breaks in when you aren’t home and steals all your guns and then uses them to perpetrate other crimes.  Know what else happens?  Kids stumble up on guns and shoot themselves or others.ARMED WOMEN

Shocker #3 

In a town that is 60% black and 40% white, I found it shocking that there was virtually no racial integration.  There is still a “black” part of town and a “white” part of town.  I asked the women if they frequented any black-owned businesses or socialized with any black people.  The answer was no.  Confused, I asked why?  According to them there aren’t a significant number of black middle class in their town.  Apparently, bars cater specifically to white or black people by playing either country or rap.  How progressive.  The segregation looked at lot like apartheid.  It was truly nauseating.  That may sound like some white liberal bullshit, but I mean I literally felt physically sick amidst the palpable racial tension.  I almost vomited when I heard the N-word causally dropped in conversation.  What is this Paula Deen shit?  It is shocking, disturbing, and frankly unbelievable that some parts of the country are stuck in a post-Civil war time-warp mentality.  It is difficult not to sound judgmental, so I’m just not going to bother.  The racism is gross and there is no excuse for it.     JIM CROW SEGREGATION

the diet coke tall boy

CAM00140The best day ever.

it isn’t summer until…

REED'S GINGER BREWS…you’ve enjoyed a Reed’s Ginger BrewDUCK DUCK GOOSE…you’ve played duck, duck, goose with some kids in the yard.   FEET FIRST…you’ve plunged in feet first.TRAFFIC…you’ve experienced gridlock.  MOSQUITO…you’ve been bitten by a mosquito. DRINK OUTSIDE…you’ve enjoyed a drink outdoors.WEDDING

…you’ve attended a wedding.TAN LINES

let’s picnic party


five fart facts


At the end of last year, a federal employee with the social security administration was formally reprimanded in a five page letter for excessive workplace flatulence.


Only a third of us produce methane-tinged toots.  Some research suggests it could be indicative of an imbalance.  Others believe it’s a genetic quirk.  I suspect methane production proves one’s darksidedness. YOGA FARTThe bloodstream picks up gas created in the intestines and carries it to the lungs where it is released in your hot breath.FART BREATH

The more sulfurish your diet, the stankier your butt breeze.  Meat and eggs, we are looking at you.EGGS AND MEAT

The change in atmospheric pressure experienced when flying causes intestinal bloating and a scientifically-proven need to rip ass – co-passengers be damned. LONGER LARGER FART