Tag Archives: dudes

8 douchey things dudes do at the gym

Douche dudes work out in beanies.  You might as well wear a t-shirt that says “I’m bald.”  Remove the beanie, douche.TEXTING DOUCHE

Douche dudes over train glamour muscles like biceps and under train functional strength like core.  Great, you can bench 350, but you can’t hold plank for one minute; you fucking weak-ass douche.WEAK DOUCHEDouche dudes grunt, slam weights, and engage in other attention-seeking behavior.  We don’t think you look strong, we think you sound dumb.GRUNT DOUCHEDouche dudes sit on workout machines and text.  Granted, workout machines are fucking useless and should be avoided, but they aren’t fucking bar stools, douche.TEXT DOUCHEDouche dudes swing their dick and nuts around when they should be contained in an appropriate garment.  If I can see the outline of the head of your peen through your shorts than you are a douche.DICK DOUCHEDouche dudes stand around in the locker room naked.  Put your clothes on, douche.NUDE DOUCHEDouche dudes drink protein shakes all day as if their job sitting on their ass selling insurance requires the physical stamina of erecting the Pyramids of Giza by hand.TWINKIE DOUCHE

 

peen

DUDE'S PEENWarning internet daters!  Here’s what happens when you send my friend a dick pic.  She generously shares it with me, and I in turn share it with my faithful readers.  Isn’t it bad enough that those predatory online dating sites mine your personal information and sell it off to any interested party?  Oh, you didn’t know that?  Yes Doves, all that delicate intel included in your application profile – your STD status, whether you are a drug user, whether you’re gay or straight – companies harvest that private information and use it for marketing purposes and Lord knows what else.  Now back to the peen.  What do you think?  I sense its yearning. DUDE HOLDS PEEN

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: Did You Seriously Just Fart?

Quick question, when did it become appropriate to let unrestrained farts fly in mixed company?  Just wondering, because lately dudes (in particular) have been loudly farting nearby and don’t seem to give a fuck who hears. To be clear, the offering isn’t a joke – like a ha-ha toot and run.  No, we’re talking unabashed shameless flatulence.  I notice all you “clean” eaters are especially unlimited in your willingness to share your exhaust.  Look, nobody wishes to suffer through painful bloating with no release, but can a mutherfucker please muffle that ass?  G-sus.