Gorged on E!’s I am Britney Jean which proved that behind every vacant, lithiumed, bleach-blond, lip syncher is a fleet of overworked, under-appreciated gay men. Who among her team of handlers approved this popstar propaganda? Britney’s quite clearly not in the building, ya’ll. Her retrospective should be called Incoherent. We didn’t know when, but we knew it would inevitably come: the Dean McDermott cheating allegations. What an unexpected yuletide gossip gift. Don’t side-eye me. Two cheaters get together and I’m supposed to feign surprise when one of them cheats? Bitch please. I’ll bathe in this told-you-so through the New Year. As for the Downton Abbey Christmas Special, I’m not sure I’m clear on the details of the monarchy-ruining scandal, but the clothes were EVERYTHING.