Tag Archives: Eat

nom, nom, nom…

BOULDER CANYON SP FRIESTell you what I can’t stop munching: Boulder Canyon Natural Foods Sweet Potato Fries.  Many of you will understandably cringe at the use of the term “mouth feel,” but it’s true.  The mouth feel of the sweet potato fry is mega addictive.  Buy two bags because you will tear through the first one almost immediately.  In case you’re worried that they are gross, limp, or greasy – don’t – they are airy, crisp, salty, and light.  Softly crunchy.  Very enjoyable.BOULDER CANYON SWEET POTATO FRIES

Dirty Dinner with Dez

DEZI love my friend Dez.  She’s one of the most generous, kind, and attentive friends in my circle.  I was utterly delighted when she asked me to dinner last night at a nearby bar.  This place isn’t fancy, but I wouldn’t call it a “dive” per se.  Local bar.  Bar food.  Hipsters, but still sports on screens.  You get it.  THE WHORNETSo Dez orders her buffalo burger, and I order my veggie burger.  The dry house-made black bean burger is not spectacular, but palatable.  I didn’t specifically ask, but Dez seemed content enough with her buffalo meat.  Neither of us finished our food, but we didn’t send it back either.  BURGERAs we are winding up our meal, a shocked and curious look came over Dez’s face.  My back was to a long row of windows facing the street, so I figured one of her Plenty-of-Fishermen passed by or something.

THE WHORNET EMPTY“WHAT?!”  I asked.  ROACH

“There’s a roach on the wall.”  She replied calmly.  Dez is a fantastic nurse, so she knows how to maintain composure when lesser women might squeal with girlish horror.  I turned and at shoulder height, in no particular rush, was an inch long roach.  I immediately switched seats away from our little friend and stared incredulously at its unmitigated gall.  This isn’t the roach prom, why are you out here parading around little guy?ROACH PROMWe had already turned our payment over to the waitress.  She brought around our charge slips.  I pulled her in closer, looked her in the eyes, and said “there’s a roach on the wall.”  She looked up and said, “Oh, I’ll tell the manager.”  WAITRESSAnd that was it.  No reaction.  No capturing and killing of the roach.  No apologetic manager.  No apologetic waitress.  No begging to keep this little incident off Yelp.  Concerning non-reaction, no?CLOSED

Dandies Vegan Marshmallows

DANDIESI admit I long for the classic marshmallow-topped sweet potatoes every year at Thanksgiving, but I never get to enjoy them because of the non-vegetarian friendly gelatin in the marshmallows.  This year will be different because of Dandies vegan marshmallows.  In texture, taste, and quality they equal or exceed regular non-vegetarian marshmallows without relying on gelatin or non-vegan sugar.  Substitute Dandies for this year’s topping so EVERYONE can enjoy the sweet potatoes.  Yum!  SWEET POTATOES AND MARSHMALLOWS

Monday Morning Management Meeting: Put the Cookie Down

WON'T EATI attended a meeting the other day.  As a rough estimate, there were about 40 or so people there.  The professional gathering lasted just over 90 minutes.  During the brief assembly a number of people snacked.  This is a fit crowd and not a bunch of sedentary cubicle dwellers.  Still, they munched.  Some nibbled on some really smelly and random shit.  Like did that bitch just pull out a salmon roll? BUG SUSHI When did eating every second of the day become appropriate?  Barring some sort of specific health requirement, there isn’t any constructive reason to self-soothe through a meeting with food.  I never heard of anyone dying of starvation from waiting a whole 90 minutes between meals.  Furthermore because we care about manners here at Demeter Clarc, it’s rude to eat in front of others and not share.  If you don’t have enough raspberries for the room, then put them away.  GIMME SOME

That weekend I ate a $10 box of crackers.

LESLEY STOWE RAINCOAST CRISPS FIG AND OLIVERemember when I went to Pitchfork in Chicago this summer?  My most vivid recollection of that weekend was consuming an entire box of fancy crackers at my friend’s house.  Only after a recent trip to Whole Foods did I learn that I had snacked away an entire $10 package.  I’m such a shitty house guest, for real.  Forgive me.  Your Lesley Stowe Raincoast Crisps were so tasty I couldn’t resist.   I promise to fortify your fancy cracker supply Anne-Marie.  To think that without your influence, I could have gone my whole life and never tried a $10 cracker.  LESLEY STOWE RAINCOAST CRISPS CHERRY AND HAZELNUTMORE RAINCOAST CRISPS

Listen. Read. Snack.

DAFT PUNK RANDOM ACCESS MEMORIESEven though sometimes listening to Daft Punk feels a like a serenade from an ATM machine, I admit that I must unabashedly break into car dance everytime I hear Instant Crush featuring Julian Casablancas from Random Access Memories. CAR DANCEG-sus, Meg Wolitzer turns a memorable and meaty phrase in The InterestingsMEG WOLITZERFLAX4LIFE MUFFSWho doesn’t love a muffy in the morning?  These tough muffs look like something geriatrics eat to stay regular, but I love these hearty, rib-sticking, omega-filled Flax4Life Blueberry Flax Muffins.  Unlike most commercial baked goods, these not-too-sweet slow burners will tied you over until lunch.FLAX4LIFE MUFFIN

 

OPA BITCHES! Greek Fest Favorites

TIROPITASCheesy, flaky, buttery Tiropitas, so simple, so right.ORZOPerfectly Tomato-sauced OrzoLOUKOUMADESLoukoumathes – honey-nut covered fried dough balls. Paradise. SAGANAKISaganaki: flaming cheese. Opa! required. SPANAKOPITASpanakopita, spinach and cheese pie surrounded in flaky phyllo.BAKLAVABaklava, obviously.GREEK FESTLet’s Get Hellenic Bitches.

let’s picnic party

BLUE PICNIC BASKETPICNIC FOR ONEFANCY PICNIC BASKETPICNIC BUILDINGMAD MEN PICNICHAVE A PICNICAQUA PICNIC SETRECORD PICNICWINNIE THE POOH TEA PARTY PICNICPICNIC POSTCARDTEA PARTY PICNIC BASKETPICNIC BWVINTAGE CAMPING AND PICNICTEA VINTAGE MINI BASKET

five fart facts

I LOVE TO FART

At the end of last year, a federal employee with the social security administration was formally reprimanded in a five page letter for excessive workplace flatulence.

STINKY TOOTS

Only a third of us produce methane-tinged toots.  Some research suggests it could be indicative of an imbalance.  Others believe it’s a genetic quirk.  I suspect methane production proves one’s darksidedness. YOGA FARTThe bloodstream picks up gas created in the intestines and carries it to the lungs where it is released in your hot breath.FART BREATH

The more sulfurish your diet, the stankier your butt breeze.  Meat and eggs, we are looking at you.EGGS AND MEAT

The change in atmospheric pressure experienced when flying causes intestinal bloating and a scientifically-proven need to rip ass – co-passengers be damned. LONGER LARGER FART