Know what is incredibly boring and lame? Nearly every bitch here is wearing the same fucking outfit. Dubbed “boho slut” by my witty companion, all these lemmings look exactly the same. Their uniform of rebellious conformity consists of the following: uterus and asshole revealing short-shorts, fringe bags, and crochet tops. Not only does it look like an Urban Outfitters catalog exploded all over the polo field, it’s also the same tragic shit these girls wore last year. Please enjoy these examples of fashion fuckery I covertly captured.
Check out feather butt.
Can’t forget the bathing beauties.
There were few notable exceptions. Bowl-cut chick is serving me something different here. I like where cute mint green dress girl is going with her look.
A few guys tried to come with some flavor, but more often than not it read as try-hard stunt queen dressing. See gold pants man, colorful leggings boy, and fur hat kid for clear examples of this attention-seeking. My favorite look of the day from a man hands down: I am a Bear. Bright Yellow Bear. Yes Please.
It is a musical festival, so I would be remiss in not throwing a note or two in about the actual performances. Top of the day – Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs – Miss Karen O blew us away. Most annoying = Purity Ring because the whole crowd was rolling their faces off. Hipster fuck music, gross yo. As an aside, we all know ecstasy and molly are super fun, but why you would waste/risk that experience on Coachella, where you will most likely end up fucking a stranger in a smelly port-a-potty, I don’t understand. The desert is really dehydrating enough without the E, but that’s just my personal position on the matter. Either way though, please stop rubbing your left tit on my back because rolling or not, it feels really creepy.