Tag Archives: Elizabeth Taylor

February 2015 Horoscopes


AQUARIUSHappy Birthday Aquarius!  The Sun empowers you in February and there’s an undeniable zing to your energy.  Even with your Aquarian glow, mind your manners during Mercury’s retrograde, our collective cross to bear through the 11th.  Miscommunication causes misunderstandings which have the potential for conflict.  Haven’t you seen Three’s Company?  February 18th is a particularly fortuitous day for you.  A new moon brings you the opportunity for fresh starts and planting the seedlings of future growth.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it: focus your romantic energy on one person and discover your capability for a deep and lasting partnership.



February requires a good deal of personal tidying up and the excuses must stop if you are truly going to evolve.  Pisces are a bit delusional, and that’s because you aren’t much for the nitty-gritty details.  Apply discipline to get dirty deep in minutiae in February.  Start with the stack of paperwork that serves as a wellspring of stress.  Implement and keep up with simple healthy routines.  Pisces tend towards the elaborate, but often find you lack the attention to detail to follow through on such demanding self-imposed requirements.  You are so romantic Pisces; it is one of your best qualities. Chocolate dip your Valentine in love this year.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it: organize your life to support your best health.



February is the month of love and this year is rich with possibilities for romance and pregnancy.  Have you been craving a deeper level of commitment and additional responsibility?  Take the lead and communicate your expectations to your partner.  Everyone appreciates your gutsy personal style, but lately the Aries aesthetic has skewed a bit fug.  One risky statement is fine, but keep the rest of your look simple, well-made, and tailored.  Remember that Mercury’s in retrograde through the 11th, so that explains why your cell phone is on the fritz.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it: propose.



The first half of February illuminates your career ambitions and trajectory, Taurus.  Strip away the superfluous to focus your full energy on where you really want to go.  Make plans through the 11th, and then when Mercury comes correct you can begin to implement action.  Take extra care at work where you are prone to making errors under the influence of Mercury’s retrograde.  Some of you will use the Leo full moon as a good excuse to get up and out of your current living situation.  Go for it; a change of scene would do you good.  In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, love, and goodwill, your mission should you choose to accept it: let go of that venomous grudge you’ve been clinging to like a like raft.


Mercury your ruler is in retrograde and that has you all misty-eyed for the past, Gemini.  Sentimental and nostalgic on the inside, blunt and offensive on the outside, temper your truth-telling tongue through the 11th.  Your version of the truth is a little too bitter for some to swallow.  Use your knack for technology to connect with others in February. Whatever plans you implement during the new moon on the 18th will see full bloom in July.  Think longer-term.  Also on the 18th, the light shifts towards your career and you get a surge of ambition during an already successful period for you professionally.  Your mission should you choose to accept it: exhibit as much compassion as you do intelligence.


February’s gotcha thinking about a special few, specifically those with whom you share your resources, Cancer.  Family-oriented and homespun, tap into your inner circle to firm up your sense of long-term security.  Cancer drifts towards the dramatic during Mercury’s retrograde, when you hear yourself picking an unnecessary argument, consider whether it’s a battle even worth winning.  Technological, travel, and money glitches are all on the menu through the 11th.  February 3rd is your best day for career recognition.  February 18th is the best day to evaluate your relationship for long-term viability.  Your mission should you choose to accept it: protect your assets with a financial plan.


Mercury’s still in retrograde through February 11th, Leo, and for you that means random inconvenient delays often a result of the 2nd hand effects of other folks’ bad luck.  The third’s full moon stokes your fires of self-expression.  Take advantage of this blessing of energy to recognize what you’ve manifested over the last half year or what you would like to initiate now to bloom in July.  The 18th is Leo’s most sexy and auspicious day.  Your mission should you choose to accept it: use Valentine’s Day to go hard for that cutie you’ve had your eye on.



In February, the Sun stokes your fires of organization.  Messy Virgos may balk at tidy stereotypes associated with your sign.  That’s really too narrow a reading on your kind.  What you like is control and you assert it by organizing, specifically in the areas of health and wellness.  Mercury spins retrograde through the 11th and as a governing planet; you may find your best laid plans run amok.  The 3rd presents a meaningful opportunity for healing.  Finally, you are able to see situations from a bird’s eye view providing much needed perspective.  Your mission should you choose to accept it: enough with the martyr shit.


You’re like a warm hug this in February, Libra.  Get out and flaunt that famous Libran beauty.  You’ll be welcomed at gatherings for the fun, playful, and sexy energy you add.  With this surge of outgoing communicative energy, also comes the allure to manipulate situations.  With Mercury in retrograde through the 11th, there will be times this month you think you’re cute and you’re really just rude.  Much of that discernment comes from sobriety, so ease up on the libations, bitch.  Your mission should you choose to accept it: open your heart to love.


Make way for a softer Scorpio in February.  Tidy up your nest and settle in to a couple good weeks of domesticity.  When your home is ordered, your life is easier.   You and a friend may have a come to Gsus moment this month.  Should such a conversation arise, navigate it with compassion.  You already know you can “win” any argument, but often at the cost of relationships.  Just let her have her say.  February 3rd is your superstar career day.  Your mission should you choose to accept it: focus only on what is essential.



February’s a brainy month for you, Sagittarius.  If you are thinking about sending out a round of resumes this is a great time to interview.  Sags come off especially well-spoken and confident this month.  On the 3rd, a continuing education seminar wouldn’t hurt, especially if you can turn it into a little trip.  Buzzy communication lights up your phone and you love the wellspring of attention, but a few wires may get crossed thanks to Mercury’s retrograde that runs through the 11th.  Your mission should you choose to accept it: read a book.



Capricorn amps productivity in all areas in February making this month super busy and likely to fly by.  Mercury’s retrograde annoys you with clerical errors and computer glitches through the 11th.  February 3rd is your best day for a major merger – personal or financial.  February 18th is your best day for money and setting up the groundwork of future stability.  Take some time the second half the February to enjoy creative pursuits.  Balance the work with with fun play.  Your mission should you choose to accept it: accept change like an old friend.

Sunday with James Dean

Kim’s Fairytale Pre-Divorce Party

Look, I know we’ve all suffered severe Kardashian fatigue, but I can’t deny watching the first and second parts of the Kim Kardashian wedding miniseries (like the rest of you bitches).  I think we can all agree the major takeaway is that Humphries is an insufferable asshole.   Please enjoy five reasons why Kris Humphries will be the second, but not last husband of the poorman’s Elizabeth Taylor, Kim Kardashian.1)  The Dogs.  The moment K+K began bickering over the dogs, it was obvious they were incompatible.  A neat freak will never be comfortable with animals crawling amid the duvet and contaminating the bed.  Furthermore, arriving with dogs without asking first was a totally self-important dick move on Humphries‘ part.  2) He’s late.  Setting aside the absurdity of a modern couple registering at Geary’s, when a groom is scheduled to appear on wedding related-business, he best show up on time.  Kommandant Kris Jenner calls all the shots in this family; a bad impression with her and end up with a million dollar cap on the pre-nup.  3) He talks too much.  This oversized oaf fucking talks too much, no?  He’s yapping at Khloe, poking the bear.  He talks shit behind Kim’s back.  He constantly blurts dumbass comments and causes offense.  He’s confused if he thinks he’s the star of the show, honey.  Know your place Hump; you get paid to toss balls, not provide narrative.  At the time of filming he didn’t even have a ball-tossing job; does he now? 4) He’s controlling.  Raise the red flag when the groom cares so much about the color scheme he’s Skyping the wedding planner.  A recent run-in with an über controlling groom was very unattractive.  Not to sound old timey, but go smoke a cigar and let the womenfolk fuss over arrangements.  5) He’s arrogantHumphries emits the stank of undeserved superiority.  Nobody knew who his ass was before Kim, and no one cares now.  He needs to stop acting irreplaceable.  And why did he race outta the room when Khloe pressed him on his STD history?We totally hate him, right?  If for no other reason than because he makes me sympathize with these vapid Kardashian Kuntz.  How long are second marriages running these days?  9 months?  I got $5 on 9 months in our theoretical office pool.



Sunday with a sweater

for the bride


Pisces Elizabeth Taylor – 27 February 1932

Hey there little birthday fishies.  Half the time you go with the flow; the other half you struggle against the current trying to make your way upstream.  Expect an extra dose of clumsy thanks to planetary fuckery.   Leave yourself enough time and pay attention.  Crutches really strip the swagger and ruin an outfit.  Especially enticing around the 18-19th, don’t waste your amped allure, Pisces.  Trade on the currency and let your admirers pay for the fun this month.  Wasting money ain’t an option this March.

Aries Joan Crawford – 23 March 1905

After a run of good luck Aries, sorry to say you are super fucked this month.  Blame Mercury in retrograde.  Mistakes, confusion, computer crash, accidents – you can’t stop the chaos, but try to remain supple in response.  Not all bad news this March, opportunities with long-reaching future benefits (or consequences) surface.  Best to focus efforts on friendships for the next few weeks.  Set up a few dates now, because later this month work will be miserable and tense.

TaurusKatharine Hepburn – 12 May 1907

Taurus glows this month, shining socially and professionally.  New connections and inspiring people enter the mix.  Cultivate old and new friendships; the soil is rich with all the right makings for meaningful affiliations.  Love and romance too blooms and thrives now.  The moon and planets align for Taurus this month, so take advantage and wake from the winter hibernation.

GeminiNatalie Portman – 9 June 1981

All the energy swirls around career this month for you Gemini.  A certain work project leads you down an interesting and unexpected path.  Intelligence has never been the problem; it is a lack of patience that delays your personal and professional advancement.  Invest in your career by attending trips, continuing education, or networking seminars.  Spend dough only on endeavors that pay career dividends this month – i.e. social events with a career-enhancing angle.

CancerMeryl Streep – 22 June 1949

Work has finally hit the shitter.  Save your ass by keeping a paper trail.  All the stress has got you fleeing for warmer waters.  Try checking out a new place for a quick getaway.  Communication flows and Crabs get their message across clearly now.  Don’t worry about money so much; a flux of income – maybe not yours, but at least in family – is headed your way.  Therefore, set your financial anxiety aside and think about this new career phase.

LeoAngela Bassett – 16 August 1958

Stick close to home Leos; delays, cancellations and lost luggage are on the cards for you this month.  Brace for mechanical problems with vehicles and appliances.  Set aside a safety net for repairs.  Planetary alignment creates an atmosphere ripe for learning over the next eight years.  Consider investing in new education or specialized training.  Leos are accustomed to attention, but this month folks will be especially receptive to your ideas.

VirgoIngrid Bergman – 29 August 1915

Like some of your astrological cousins, March brings chaos for you too Virgo, but this time in the form of financial mistakes.  Avoid any messiness: review statements carefully and pay bills timely.  After a rough patch personally, circumstances change and significant improvements are to your credit in the relationship realm.  Now is an excellent time to revamp your tired-ass look.  Finally things ease at work and cash-flow increases, perhaps in the form of a recognition, raise, bonus or gift.  Verify the veracity of gossip before passing it on.

Libra Susan Sarandon – 4 October 1946

Invest in some new bedding and loungewear.  March aspires to sleeping-in, relaxation, and brunch.  Take it easy, and this should be a great month for you.  Throughout the coming year, friendships will face a series of challenges.  Some amis prove their worth and others fall by the wayside.  Over the next two months in particular, focus attention on a relationship decision, but apply caution before acting.  Professionally, expect long-awaited news.

Scorpio Whoopi Goldberg – 13 November 1955

After a relatively peaceful stretch, conflict pops up again this month.  Trying to tell a Scorpio to avoid discord is like telling a fish to avoid water, but restrain from taking sides.  Domestic bliss comprised of lazy evenings and easy weekends dapple March.  Freshen the nest, clean, rearrange, and redecorate.  Friendships and romantic associations fill out the month; anticipate a few interesting new acquaintances.  Professionally, quick decisions precipitate rapid change.

SagittariusMo’Nique – 11 December 1967

March is all about competing values.  Friendships, romance, money, career, and self all struggle for attention this month.  Consciously choose where to spend your time and effort. As you may have noticed, the scattershot approach isn’t very effective.  One suggestion: turn on that Sag charm and play Betty Crocker.  Even though your words are all wit and woo, clarify thoughts before speaking, avoid assumptions, and give others the benefit of the doubt.

Capricorn  Luise Rainer – 12 January 1910

March finds Caps balancing a number of serious responsibilities.  Since juggling isn’t really your thing, the stress of it causes you to lash out.  We always hurt the ones we love and shit, right?  Always good with the pesos, the finances look stable, even though that bonus fell short of your prediction.  Purchase household items the first week of the month for value.  Shopping the last week of the month spells rip-off.

Aquarius Geena Davis – 21 January 1957

This is an interesting March for you Aquarius.  First off, surprises are on the horizon.  An extra dose of intriguing charisma increases your attraction and power.  At the very end of the month, close relationships suffer upset.  Turn the compassion way up.  Financially, now is the time to budget for the rest of the coming year.  This month, take extra care behind the wheel – no tailgating.



Happy Birthday!  Get ready to put up your dukes.


You are hiding a secret that will be revealed.


You are especially bored by the mundane.


You are gorgeous, now what else?


Devote time to quiet study.


Reign in your fiery anger.


Find some levity.


Ask yourself the tough questions.


Your careful planning will pay off.


Be careful of buying into your own mythology.


Not everything can be rationalized.


Despite your vacillations, your heart is steady and true.