Tag Archives: exhaustion

hatespring

POLLENI hate spring because intoxicating clouds of allergens trigger such an overwhelming immune response I feel exhausted all day.  I only nap in the spring.NAP

I hate spring because I never know what to wear.  It’s too early for bare legs and skirts.  Jeans and boots feel too heavy.  I’m too hot.  I’m too cold.  The erratic weather means it’s warm enough for tank tops one day and cold enough for sweaters the next.  Nothing looks or feels quite right.

OLSENS OUTFITSI hate spring because folks get yearning loins and make bad sex decisions.  Don’t get mad at me because you did something grimy.TINDER

I hate spring because Cadbury Eggs and Peeps are fucking gross.CADBURY PEEPSI hate spring because it highlights my need to shed a chunk of winter weight.  CHUBBY BABY

 

sleep better

Some people like massages.  Some people like expensive wine.  I like sleep.  For me it is the greatest luxury, but it can be quite elusive.  Meaningful sleep at times requires coddling, so I’m always exploring options for extending my stay in dreamland. 

Set the air conditioner temperature to chilly, open a window, or turn on a fan.  A cooler room makes for more restful sleep.  Lose the pajamas.  Try linen, bamboo, or modal sheets. Cut the data connection to the bedroom.  Seriously, isn’t it enough we have to endure the constant intrusion of cell phones on the dinner table, but the bedside table too?  Most modern cell phones emit significant light and noise even when dimmed and set to vibrate.  I know many folks use their cell phones as alarm clocks.  If you enjoy undisturbed sleep with a cell phone by your head, then no problem (other than that pesky radiation), but if you are up in the middle of the night obsessively texting and checking Facebook then that explains why you are acting like a cranky asshole during the day.

Maybe it is just psychosomatic, but I swear that I feel more ready to rest after a cup of Yogi Bedtime tea.  In times of desperation, the following options never fail:  1) a doobie, 2) an orgasm.  Try getting stoned or laid or both before popping one of those crazy and dangerous sleeping pills. 

 

 

 

nap time

Have you been pissy, fat and accident-prone lately?  Consider this…

1) Inadequate sleep can make you fat.  Studies show that chronic sleep debt is linked to increased appetite and energy expenditure.  Some argue that Americans aren’t gluttons, but instead just really, really tired.2) Sleep deprivation can make you psycho suggest studies from Berkeley and Harvard.  Lack of sleep can cause distortions, erratic emotional responses, and unpredictable behavior.

3) The American Academy of Sleep Medicine proved that sleep deprivation makes you sloppy.  A person’s driving ability, math aptitude, and general response time significantly diminishes when overtired.4) Sleep deprivation is torture.  At least the Russians, British, and the U.S. have used sleep deprivation as an interrogation technique.  While not every country has defined the practice as “torture,” those that have suffered through imposed sleep deprivation describe it as worse than restrictions on food or water.5) Not sleeping enough can make you vulnerable to illness.  Sleep deprivation causes our T-cells to decrease, and inflammatory cytokines to rise.  A weaker immune system leaves us open to colds, flu, and a whole lot worse…Take care of yourself this fall by extending the sleepytimes whenever possible.  Bright-eyed bitches wake up less hateful, look better, and conduct themselves more competently.  Imagine what a better world this would be if we all had the luxury of a solid nine hours.