Tag Archives: Fake Boobs

Please Don’t get a Boob Job

One of the women involved in this intensive training had her boobs done about 10 years ago.  The last couple weeks have convinced her that her silicone implants are the source of all her pain.  This is a woman who only eats raw snacks, but has plastic titties.  I ask you Ethan Hawke, is that irony?  (According to his definition, I suppose no.)Here are just a few of the possible side-effects of breast augmentation: infection, breast or nipple numbness, capsular contracture, scar tissue, breakage and leakage, necrosis, cognitive impairment, metal poisoning due to platinum exposure (in silicone implants), silicone migration into lymph nodes and other organs, autoimmune disease, and the worst case scenario – death. Were you aware that all breast implants will eventually break?  Nobody knows how long current breast implants will last.  Some break during the first few months, whereas others endure more than 15 years.  Most women had at least one broken implant within 11 years.  In over twenty percent of women, silicone migrated outside of the breast capsule and most of them were unaware of it.Health consequences aside, a boob job smacks of insecurity and vanity.  Save up for a dignity implant instead.  Men in particular, do your best to talk women out of this dumbass procedure. 

The Real L Word: A Slap in the Vadge

After their late night visit to the pussy diner, Sara and Whitney woke up and enjoyed some leftovers before heading to the dog park.  Because the L.A. lesbian geographical scope is rather limited, Rachel spotted Whitney and Sara at the local canine hotspot.  Rather than spook the two post-coital lovers, Rachel & Company slithered away unnoticed.The Real L Word’s voice of reason Alyssa confronted Whitney on seeing Sara on the low.  The most interesting trinket of information gleaned from the exchange is that Sara’s tits are fake!  I must be losing my eye, because I didn’t spot the rather conservative enhancement at first.  Did you?

Gold Star Rachel, slapped in the vadge by Whitney’s disinterest, curled up with her laptop, a vibrator, and some blow job porn to rub one out for the cameras.  She admits she leans toward the girl on guy oral stuff because the girls “look like they’re whores.”After her kitty petting sesh, Rachel wisely took an indirect approach to dismantling Sara and Whitney’s relationship.  She sat down with Alyssa and revealed that Sara has been rekindling with her significant long-term ex Hana and tried to hustle a job at an NYC salon.  Rachel played out the scenario with mastery, confident that Alyssa would run to Whitney and tattle on SaraRachel sat by innocently with all the proof conveniently saved on her cell phone.Sajdah’s straight friend Marissa arrived for an L.A. visit.  A glowing Sajdah drifted through the conversation in a muffin haze describing her lusty obsession with new lady Chanel.

Later, the three met up to march in the MLK parade.  After the march, Sajdah and Chanel shared their first kiss.  Totally love-struck, who can hate?  These two are super cute.Kacy and Cori are still on the sperm hunt after their first-choice candidate declined by text.  At first, both were wedded to the idea of knowing the donor, and so they approached good friends and gay couple Olivier & Paulo who also politely demurred.  Drawing closer to Cori’s ovulation date, the two agreed to pursue anonymous donors over the internet.  They paid $200 to access donor profiles and found several candidates they saved to their favorites.

This week finds Claire and Francine struggling to establish their respective roles in the 2.0 version of their relationship.  The vibe started off fun and upbeat, but was soon soured by oversensitivity and bickering.

Romi and Kelsey had a tense and uncomfortable dinner with Romi’s change-of-life-lesbian Mom.  The two aired their dirty relationship laundry over Sake, and reaffirmed what we all know: that this shit is DOOMED.  We also learned Romi is 29!?, bi-polar, and an alcoholic.The following evening when Romi returned from work, she sent Kelsey out to the liquor store so the two could pre-game before a night on the town.  This is only relevant because it was very amusing that as Kelsey walked out we got a glimpse of the camera crew sitting on the floor outside the apartment in the hallway.  Very profesh editing Real L Word. All the ladies of various factions coalesced at girlparty Haute for beats and booze.  Even though the community is small, a few members of the cast were introduced for the first time.  Buzzed, Romi and Rachel obsequiously flirted and eventually smooched right in front of Kelsey. Whitney took her liquid courage and confronted Sara about Hana and her backdoor dealing.  Claire got all sanctimonious about the drama in the club and split.  Don’t worry Claire, your time for scene-making shouting matches will come before the season closes.Belligerently drunk by the end of the evening, Romi and Kelsey spent several minutes trying to arrange a cab while simultaneously fighting about Romi’s unmitigated make-out moment with Rachel.  The next morning, Romi feigned blackout amnesia to skirt responsibility for her drunk, slutty behavior the night before.  Kelsey seemed to buy Romi’s excuse, but she’s the only one. Dumbass Claire ruined a successful evening with Francine by rushing home to Skype with Vivian in NYC.  Understandably pissed off by Claire’s contradictory behavior, Francine nursed her her own stinging slap in the vadge.

 

Christmas Cleavage

Another weekend in December means more office holiday parties and more felonious fashion choices.  I think it’s time we sat down and had a little chat about appropriate cleavage.  Honestly, deep cleavage is gross.  More porn than Prada, cleavage is a cocktease, not fashion.  Sporting more than two inches of visible cleavage also guarantees no one will look at your face all night.  Acknowledging that some of you bitches love your chichis, and whether they are store-bought or natural, come cocktail hour, you like to put your girls on display.  Keep the following examples in mind if you must display the bust.

Dita does it right, subtle and sexy.Christina, I love you, but no.  Her titties arrived fifteen minutes before she did.Blake’s so much less offensive when she doesn’t force the girls front and center.Borderline Barrymore, she saves it with soft makeup and covered arms. They shouldn’t face east and west.¡Ya basta! Vergara!A skosh too much moonz, Mz. Greene.

Did Claire Get a Boob Job?

Fake tittays are whack.