Tag Archives: Farrah Abraham

And my new favorite child is….

FARRAH“How does Mommy look?”

SOPHIA

Preach Sophia!

Sunday with Mom

Farrah’s Fucktape

How did the same girl who was duped by the world’s most obvious craigslist scam just negotiate a $1.5 million sex tape deal?  In the Teen Mom sea of daft, Farrah might be the daftest of all.  Let’s be honest, Farrah’s breast implants demonstrate better critical reasoning than she does, and yet she secured a pretty epic payday for unconvincingly “leaking her own sex tape.”  This genius staged a sex tape leak with a professional porn star and still got seven figures.  Kim Kardashian must be her sex-tape-selling fairy godmother.  G-Sus.  I’d like to say it wasn’t a good investment on Vivid’s part, but frankly I am DYING to see the Teen Mom’s debut.  I love me a celebrity sex tape: Kim, Paris, Colin, and the gold standard Pam.  Farrah’s tape won’t rank among the best, but it will certainly compete for the title of most unintentionally hilarious.

Please Don’t get a Boob Job

One of the women involved in this intensive training had her boobs done about 10 years ago.  The last couple weeks have convinced her that her silicone implants are the source of all her pain.  This is a woman who only eats raw snacks, but has plastic titties.  I ask you Ethan Hawke, is that irony?  (According to his definition, I suppose no.)Here are just a few of the possible side-effects of breast augmentation: infection, breast or nipple numbness, capsular contracture, scar tissue, breakage and leakage, necrosis, cognitive impairment, metal poisoning due to platinum exposure (in silicone implants), silicone migration into lymph nodes and other organs, autoimmune disease, and the worst case scenario – death. Were you aware that all breast implants will eventually break?  Nobody knows how long current breast implants will last.  Some break during the first few months, whereas others endure more than 15 years.  Most women had at least one broken implant within 11 years.  In over twenty percent of women, silicone migrated outside of the breast capsule and most of them were unaware of it.Health consequences aside, a boob job smacks of insecurity and vanity.  Save up for a dignity implant instead.  Men in particular, do your best to talk women out of this dumbass procedure. 

Listing with Craig

The invention of Craigslist has been both a blessing and a curse.  It’s convenient and easy, but also totally unregulated.  Here are five tips for success when using the free online classified.

1)      Describe the item accurately.  When listing an item on Craigslist include all relevant characteristics in your description.  Provide as much detail as possible.  Include the age and origin of the item if known.  Be honest about flaws or damage.2)      Provide recent photos.  As they say, a picture speaks a thousand words, so be sure to include several photos from different angles.  The photos should be recent and well lit.  Be sure to keep any personally identifying clues out of the background of the shot.  The more attractively you display the item, the more interest you will receive.3)      Price realistically.  It is Craigslist people, so don’t be thinking you are going to get retail value out of your item.  If you want to move the item, price it competitively while leaving yourself room to negotiate.  Be prepared to haggle, and don’t take it personally if folks offer you less.  Remember, you can always reject any unreasonable offer.4)      Don’t agree to sell an item on the phone or over email.  The item is not sold until you have cash in hand.  That touches on another important point: only accept cash.  You may feel obligated to accept a check, money order, or Paypal on big ticket items – Don’t.  The scammers will get you with fake cashier’s checks and all kinds of fraudulent bullshit.  Don’t risk it.  If folks want the item, they’ll figure out how to get the cash.  That isn’t your problem.  Ask naive Farrah from Teen Mom; she learned this lesson the hard way.5)      Don’t be a dumbass.  Always speak to the buyer over the phone first to get a feel for how they sound.  Use your intuition.  Whenever possible, meet the buyer away from your residence in a public place.  If you feel sketched, don’t risk it.  Better to be safe than dead.

FEBRUARY 2011 HOROSCOPES

AquariusAubrey O’Day (February 11, 1984)

In the soda fountain of life, Aquarius provides the bubbly carbonation.  Likable, easy-going, but still reliable, Aquarius make great friends.  However, the propensity towards adventure, travel, and moving on-to-the-next makes for a complicated love life.  Vacation sex was made for this sign, as was the cliché, “easy come, easy go.” Just remember the same cannot be said about the herp, so don’t be an airhead.  When patience seems in short supply this month, forgive short-comings with magnanimity.

PiscesDina Manzo (March 7, 1971)

Pisces, always trying to adapt and accommodate, sometimes even without an awareness to the sacrifice.  Feminine and negative in nature, it is your very mutability that attracts some and frustrates others.  It also tends to make you awesome in bed.  One of those fringe friends lurking about might be ready to step up to the plate.  Prepare a game-changing outfit for Valentine’s Day.

Aries   Jeff Lewis (March 24, 1970)

Attention-loving Aries start (and often finish) the party.  The spark that ignites the fun fire, no gathering is truly worthwhile without you.  February isn’t the best month to get slizzard.  Now is the time to turn inward and decide for sure what you want.  A task master at heart, getting your priorities in line will set the course for the immediate future.  With a plan in place, anxiety subsides.

TaurusTabatha Coffey (May 17, 1969)

House guests may be on the horizon for Taurus as this is a fabulous time for hosting.  Avoid serious home-improvement projects, or you’ll end up in a fit of frustration on the floor.  Try not to fixate on all the little annoyances that accompany visitors.  Call upon that famous Taurean patience to help you endure the irritations.  No visitors?  Look forward to a little of your favorite thing – hibernation.

GeminiFarrah Abraham (May 31, 1991)

Loosey goosey spending habits have you in the lurch this month.  Hopefully, you had the good sense to set aside a little safety net.  Money worries will have you seriously preoccupied, which could cause fallout in other areas of life left unattended.  You have a bad habit of learning life’s lessons the hard way.  Get off the carousel of mistakes.

CancerPauly D (July 5, 1980)

Moon-child Cancer, this month looks good for your bank account and bad for your genitals.  When romanticism takes over, you leap without a net, which often results in bitter disappointment.  Be careful about expecting reciprocation this early on; best to let yourself be the object of the chase this time.  Don’t even think of spending that extra dough.

LeoTiffani Faison (August 20, 1977)

The most likable person ever is a humble Leo.  Unfortch, the rarity of humility among Leos makes the combination of those two words a virtual oxymoron.  February brings the potential for a real Leo ego bath.  Resist the temptation to fill up the tub with your own self-satisfaction.  You’ll get out smelling like it, and trust me, it stinks.

VirgoCamille Grammer (September 2, 1968)

Avoid making contracts, leases, and long-term commitments this month.  The key word for February is maintain.  Keep the schedule mellow and leave room for unexpected fun.  Aflutter with the New Year, your charisma wins people over.  Enjoy the shine and don’t let your oversensitivity ruin it.

LibraAlex McCord (October 1, 1973)

After staring at the same four walls all winter, you are ready to spruce up your space.  February is the time for freshening your interiors, so think about clearing the way for new inspiration.  As a sign that recognizes and appreciates the importance of aesthetics, this should be a satisfying creative experience.  Apply self-discipline and clean first to avoid stirring up dust.

ScorpioEva Marcille (October 30, 1984)

No matter what the situation, you always have an opponent.  Why is that?  Do you realize that not everyone lives in a constant state of conflict?  Chill with the power plays this month and try to enjoy a little peace.  Interpersonal balance pays career dividends – nobody wants to work with a self-important asshole.

SagittariusNeNe Leakes (December 13, 1967)

Big thinkers, Sagittarians are typically well-traveled and well-educated.  The curse of this sign is the unrelenting itchy restlessness.  Friends keep you busy this month.  Make sure to select budget-conscious activities to avoid a financial pickle.  Back up your hard drive – literally and figuratively.

Capricorn Kyle Richards (January 11, 1969)

Venus influences the vibe this month and so you’ll be extra delectable to all those around you.  Expect several invitations.  That isn’t to say that other complications might not arise.  Unresolved issues swept under the rug in January come back to spoil the social sundae.  Cash flow is abundant this month, but your eye for detail, not so much.  Get a second pair of eyes to review any important documents before signing.