Tag Archives: Flipping Out

4 for Friday

JUSTIN PB CUPSI’m munching Justin’s Organic Peanut Butter Cups.COLLARD GREENSI’m bouncing to Collard Greens. ZOILA CHAVEZ

I’m binge watching old Bravo programming (Flipping Out season 2 = fenomenal) on the Esquire Network.

BACON BOWLI’m horrified by the Perfect Bacon Bowl?!BACON AND MAC

Rescue RHNYC

Reality stars pretty much follow the same pattern.  The first season of any show is always a little delightfully rough around the edges.  Cast members, lacking in self-awareness, most resemble their true selves (and in turn, the audience).  During this golden period of sincerity, humanity’s basest tendencies – envy, narcissism, and deceit – inevitability elbow their way into the spotlight.  This makes for excellent television.  See the first cycle of America’s Next Top Model, The Real Housewives franchises, first seasons of Project Runway, Flipping Out, Top Chef, The Real World, and many other series for prime examples.Once the first season airs and folks get plunged into a freezing cold tub of disembodied self-analysis, it forever obliterates the unguarded, pre-reality show personality.  Polished and molded by seasons of criticism, Alex and Simon now avoid overtly discussing their social climbing aspirations.  Are Alex and Simon even less genuine for having abandoned their original insincerity?By season three, staged dramatics, behind-the-scenes backstabbing, and spin-off angling is in full effect.  Nearly everyone succumbs to the self-important pseudo-celebrity syndrome.

Rumors swirl as to why the premiere of RHNYC has been delayed, but the only logical inference is that the footage lacked.  Bethenny alone didn’t make the show, but her burgeoning breakout stardom created legitimate jealous friction last season.  With Frankel spun out, Bravo should recast the entire show.  What about…. A newly engaged Dylan Lauren?  Designer Erin FetherstonPaulina Porizkova is probably available, and throw in Sherri Shepard for comic flavor.

Tori & Dean: Liam’s Third Birfday

Tori and Dean started the episode bickering over the scale of Liam’s 3rd birthday party.  Tori planned a thirty-five kid “homegrown” back yard party and rationalized the overblown affair by arguing she’d actually be saving money.  In addition to the requisite bouncy castle, there were discussions of elephants, cows, and chickens.  Tori and Liam settled on a theme: super hero.

Tori interrupted complaining to Patsy about Dean to ask Liam to get away from the dog bowls.  Liam, tells her no and persisted in admiring his reflection in the dog dish while luring Stella into his toddler rebellion.Like most of the straight men in Tori’s life, Liam totally disrespected her and continued to blatantly disobey her despite her repeated admonitions.  Grow a pair with your son too Tori.

Dean put on his spectacles to studiously prepare for his single camera comedy dream role audition while Liam pitched a dick fit at the imaginary grocery store.

Dean’s solution was to take both carts away and yell at his kids.  What the fuck did Stella do?  Let Stella have both carts and tell Liam to fuck off.

Always on the hustle, Tori auditioned for a voice over for a mattress commercial.  Pas chic Tori, pas chic.Tori indirectly called Dean fat and lectured him on the importance of keeping in shape for his craft.  The conversation ended with her ordering him out for a jog.Cut to speakerphone and a camera crew on Candy SpellingLiam invites Candy Gram to his party for Superman cake before requesting a conference with her dog Madison.

Dean took Patsy for a ride.  As a result of this episode, she’s going to get a lot of Dykes on Bikes fan mail.  Post-ride, Dean attacked Tori over the hummus carrot planters she prepared for Liam’s class.  The carrot to hummus ratio was seriously off.Dean accused Tori of showing off with her intricate sweets and trying too hard to appear “normal.” That struck a nerve, and she definitely didn’t want that insecurity offered up to camera. She returned the barb with some stank eye before retreating to PatsyDean returned later to apologize and blamed his dickery on resentment over Tori not wanting to ride his stupid fucking motorcycle.  Get over it douche, what a pussy-hurt little bitch, jeesh.

Liam served up a side order of tantrum with dinner while everyone once again pretended his stalemate with mac-n-cheese was cute.Tori complained about the paparazzi and said they made her protective of her children.  If she’s so fucking protective, why does she exploit them for her reality show?

Liam can’t resist the opportunity to pillage the village.

With all her self-proclaimed party planning prowess, it still didn’t occur to Tori that a three year old would bring an accompanying adult.  Thirty-five children + thirty-five adults + ten hangers-on = a fuckload of people.  Dean’s right, Tori’s party planning for a three year old is out of control.  At that age, three to five kids is plenty.  After all, do you remember your third birthday?

Surprise, surprise, Dean didn’t get the part.  Hand me a hanky.

Dean pulled himself together for a visit to the baby animal depot.  After selecting some weird looking fancy-ass chickens, Tori put a deposit down on a baby goat.  This unrealistic idealization of farm life will literally butt them in the ass when that goat gets a little bigger, Trust.  How long before the Hollywood hills coyotes munch those poor defenseless chickens?

Dean felt sorry for himself as Tori tried to give him a pillow pep talk.  After an awkward stab at pity sex, the two tried to get some rest before Liam’s big 0-3.

Super Douche!

Candy brought an afternoon delight.  Tori took her straight over to the food table where Candy critically surveyed the scene before the whole party was forced to endure another Jumpits performance. The Jumpits lick balls.  Get Jenni Pulos from Flipping Out to do a number next time.  She killed at Chloe’s birthday.

Liam rounded out his third birfday by finger fucking the cake.