Tag Archives: Francine

The Real L Word: A Lesbian Field Day

Whitney fetched SF fling Jaq from the airport to help organize The Pants & Pumps ThrowdownWhitney explained the event as a lesbian field day that pits the fem lezzies against the butch gals all for the benefit of charity.  Upon the conclusion of an afternoon of prop making, the two dropped trou for a slow, yet surprisingly lackluster showerfuck.

Francine’s mom Yoko flew in to LA and arrived dressed like a slot-machine-addicted Vegas retiree.  Even after throwing back two poolside cocktails and chain smoking a few cigarettes, Franny still couldn’t muster the courage to reveal her girl-loving proclivities to her strict Japanese mother.The next day Franny brought Yoko back to her house and tried to ply her with rice wine before dropping the gay sake bomb.  Yoko took it surprisingly well, probably because like most mothers of homosexual children, she’s known of her daughter’s predilection perhaps even before Francine did.  When Franny mentioned Claire and admitted the two were once lovers, Yoko echoed the sentiment of the season: “that girl really really bad.”In their on-going attempts to reproduce, Kacy and Cori assembled a group of friends for a fertility ceremony on the beach.  Using a traditional symbol of fecundity – lilies – the gang focused their energy on inviting a new soul to join them.  Then they optimistically tossed the flowers into the ocean one by one.

With a ripe follicle detected, Cori and Kacy underwent another round of insemination with the hope that this time the procedure would produce a baby.  A quick search did not reveal any confirmation that the two have since successfully conceived, but best of luck on their quest to breed.

After completing preparations for The Pants & Pumps Throwdown, Jac and Whit hit the club.  Sara turned up with new girlfriend Erica, and Whit was completely distracted by their drunk and fervent PDA.  Always caving to her carnal desires against her better judgment, it was obvious how this scenario would play out for WhitneySara’s been the one cooch she could never lock down, so Whit will keep going back over and over until she gains the upper-hand.  Whitney doesn’t love Sara. Whitney loves the chase.

The whole idea of a lesbian field day seemed lame at first, but in actuality the event looked pretty fun.  The series of contests from tying a tie to applying false eye lashes were meant to provoke stereotypes.  In some ways the contest just reinforced traditional notions, especially when the Pants predictably emerged victorious.

The day peaked with chocolate syrup kiddie pool wrestling.  Kacy and Cori got so hot watching nearly nude Scarlett and Eli struggle against one another they had to discreetly retreat to the bushes to alleviate the intolerable sexual tension.

After a challenging season, good news for Romi, her accessory line Hija Por Vida was well received by Udi Behr of Love and Pride.  The promising professional step left Romi and her partner Vanessa feeling elated.  However, Romi still can’t take credit for single-handedly starting the tired-ass feather earring trend.  Though she does deserve credit for pulling her life together and doing something more this season than get wasted and fucked with a second-hand strap on.

The Real L Word: I think you are confusing me with your other Asian.

Rookie lesbian Saj and her girlfriend of one month Chanel burned through the courtship period of their relationship and jumped right to the bickering.  This classic lesbian relationship foible of too-much-too-soon ruins so many unions before they even get started that it has become a gay shorthand cliché.Uncontrollably aroused by the spin cycle, Saj insisted on excessive PDA, going so far as to pin Chanel in a variety of compromising positions at the laundromat.  Embarrassed and smothered, Chanel literally had to fight off her aggressive advances.How can you tell when a lesbian is desperate to reproduce?  She hits up the Catholic fucking Church to light a candle for whatever Saint bestows such miracles. (St. Jude, patron saint of lost causes perhaps?)  Kacy did just that, hoping a pew and a prayer would result in a preggers Cori.Sadly, Cori came home that night with symptoms of menstruation and not pregnancy.  Just to be absolutely sure, she wasted a pregnancy test to confirm what she already knew was true.  The couple’s first attempt at insemination failed.  Supportive Kacy cushioned the disappointment by procuring two cigarettes which the two smoked with heavy hearts.Claire’s “other Asian” flew in from NYC to nurse the brat’s wounded ego after Franny wasn’t feeling her selfishness.  Personally, Vivian is more physically attractive, but Franny’s got more personality and verve.  Vivian donned this infantilizing pedo-bait lingerie and played little girl lezzie for her sexy time reunion.Well aware of Vivian’s arrival, jealousy and spite drove Franny to inform HBIC Whitney that she and the other girls had been the subject of Claire’s criticism concerning their jobs, looks, and style.  Franny is quite the little shit stirrer, going so far as to provide textual support for her claims. Skills for life people, skills for life.  DO NOT repeat something that you know will hurt someone’s feelings.  Remain suspicious if a person reveals mean secondhand gossip about you to your face; the bearer of the message has an agenda and cares more about manipulating you than about your hurt feelings. At Haute, Whitney confronted Claire on Franny’s accusations.  Clearly rattled, she unconvincingly denied smack talking the other castmates.  Whitney more or less saw through Claire’s denials, but really didn’t seem all that upset about being called a “professional partier.”  She’s admitted as much herself this season.With Vivian and Claire together, Franny felt extra insecure and launched a new round of petty attacks.  Eventually, Claire and Franny ended up on the same sofa where Franny blew up at Claire in a scene Viv aptly described as “messy.”  Indeed, the screaming match between Claire and Franny caused a loud public scene, but the fact that Viv sat there silently like an obedient geisha while her girlfriend was getting reamed explains why Claire revisited fiery Franny in the first place.Franny threw a “landscaping party,” which is basically an excuse for her friends to do her yard work in exchange for free booze.  At the get-together, Chanel started feeling sorry for herself and threw a pity party of her own in the bathroom.  Her childish behavior had Saj chasing after her at first.  As Chanel persisted in her antics however, Saj got super aggravated and decided to quit the relationship.  Break-ups like these usually don’t stick, but Chanel stormed out anyway for dramatic effect.

The Real L Word: A Slap in the Vadge

After their late night visit to the pussy diner, Sara and Whitney woke up and enjoyed some leftovers before heading to the dog park.  Because the L.A. lesbian geographical scope is rather limited, Rachel spotted Whitney and Sara at the local canine hotspot.  Rather than spook the two post-coital lovers, Rachel & Company slithered away unnoticed.The Real L Word’s voice of reason Alyssa confronted Whitney on seeing Sara on the low.  The most interesting trinket of information gleaned from the exchange is that Sara’s tits are fake!  I must be losing my eye, because I didn’t spot the rather conservative enhancement at first.  Did you?

Gold Star Rachel, slapped in the vadge by Whitney’s disinterest, curled up with her laptop, a vibrator, and some blow job porn to rub one out for the cameras.  She admits she leans toward the girl on guy oral stuff because the girls “look like they’re whores.”After her kitty petting sesh, Rachel wisely took an indirect approach to dismantling Sara and Whitney’s relationship.  She sat down with Alyssa and revealed that Sara has been rekindling with her significant long-term ex Hana and tried to hustle a job at an NYC salon.  Rachel played out the scenario with mastery, confident that Alyssa would run to Whitney and tattle on SaraRachel sat by innocently with all the proof conveniently saved on her cell phone.Sajdah’s straight friend Marissa arrived for an L.A. visit.  A glowing Sajdah drifted through the conversation in a muffin haze describing her lusty obsession with new lady Chanel.

Later, the three met up to march in the MLK parade.  After the march, Sajdah and Chanel shared their first kiss.  Totally love-struck, who can hate?  These two are super cute.Kacy and Cori are still on the sperm hunt after their first-choice candidate declined by text.  At first, both were wedded to the idea of knowing the donor, and so they approached good friends and gay couple Olivier & Paulo who also politely demurred.  Drawing closer to Cori’s ovulation date, the two agreed to pursue anonymous donors over the internet.  They paid $200 to access donor profiles and found several candidates they saved to their favorites.

This week finds Claire and Francine struggling to establish their respective roles in the 2.0 version of their relationship.  The vibe started off fun and upbeat, but was soon soured by oversensitivity and bickering.

Romi and Kelsey had a tense and uncomfortable dinner with Romi’s change-of-life-lesbian Mom.  The two aired their dirty relationship laundry over Sake, and reaffirmed what we all know: that this shit is DOOMED.  We also learned Romi is 29!?, bi-polar, and an alcoholic.The following evening when Romi returned from work, she sent Kelsey out to the liquor store so the two could pre-game before a night on the town.  This is only relevant because it was very amusing that as Kelsey walked out we got a glimpse of the camera crew sitting on the floor outside the apartment in the hallway.  Very profesh editing Real L Word. All the ladies of various factions coalesced at girlparty Haute for beats and booze.  Even though the community is small, a few members of the cast were introduced for the first time.  Buzzed, Romi and Rachel obsequiously flirted and eventually smooched right in front of Kelsey. Whitney took her liquid courage and confronted Sara about Hana and her backdoor dealing.  Claire got all sanctimonious about the drama in the club and split.  Don’t worry Claire, your time for scene-making shouting matches will come before the season closes.Belligerently drunk by the end of the evening, Romi and Kelsey spent several minutes trying to arrange a cab while simultaneously fighting about Romi’s unmitigated make-out moment with Rachel.  The next morning, Romi feigned blackout amnesia to skirt responsibility for her drunk, slutty behavior the night before.  Kelsey seemed to buy Romi’s excuse, but she’s the only one. Dumbass Claire ruined a successful evening with Francine by rushing home to Skype with Vivian in NYC.  Understandably pissed off by Claire’s contradictory behavior, Francine nursed her her own stinging slap in the vadge.

 

The Real L Word: younger, thinner, nakeder

The Real L Word is back with Season 2, this time younger, thinner, and nakeder.  The only Sapphic star to make the second season cut…

Welcome back Whitney.

It will surprise no one to learn that Sara and Whitney are still doing the on and off thing.  Whitney’s closest friends oppose a relationship between her and Sara.  A more svelte appearing Alyssa suspects Sara’s true intentions are more starfucker than sweetheart.  Alyssa has always been and will always be the Yoda of this program.

Whitney’s only significant ex, Rachel, arrived in LA with her own intentions to complicated things further for the locked lezzie.  Whitney has no sympathy for jet-lag, so after Rachel hit the hay, Whitney snuck out the back door to meet Sara for a secret, yet fully-filmed fuck sesh.

Romi and the Rebound

Romi’s been promoted to full cast member this season season because she agreed to show full frontal.  She’s got a new rebound girlfriend named Kelsey who looks eerily like Jennifer Lawrence in Winter’s Bone.  Hovering around ten months, the relationship grieves the honeymoon stage and struggles with the transition into LTR.  The two admit they haven’t fucked in three weeks.After a tension-filled night on the town with another couple, Romi and Kelsey drunkenly groped on the bed, nearly breaking their 3 week dry spell before Romi abruptly fell asleep.  If that’s not a sign of imminent demise, what is?

Rice Chaser

New cast member Claire, dubbed a “rice chaser” by her own girlfriend for her tendency to date ladies of the pan-Asian variety, is leaving her east coast lesbiasian Vivian to rekindle the flame with her west coast lesbiasian FrancineClaire gives Whitney a run for the money in the narcissism department, but unlike the ladies of Whitney’s harem, Francine has no trouble putting Claire in her place.  In fact, Francine has the kind of nutsack most men would envy.  Upon Claire’s arrival to L.A., the two immediately started bickering.  Claire looks like a young Erica Jong, and carries all the tension in her mouth as she kisses one parliament light after another.

The Baby Makers

The show wouldn’t be complete without married baby makers Kacy and Cori.  Is the pussy willow picture a joke?  To further their steps towards procreating, the couple visited the sex store in search of something with which “you can strap on and squirt material at people.”  The helpful salesman offered a butt douche, but the two decided to return to more familiar waters and check out the DIY possibilities at Home Depot.

Later on, the baby makers swallowed their first bitter mouthful of disappointment when prospective sperm donor Brent backed out by text message.

Fresh out the Closet

Meet Sajdah, fresh out the closet and new to LA.  She takes no time in breaking into the scene via internet dating.  Using Facebook to connect with Chanel, she agrees to meet up for an open mic night.  Quietly eager, Sajdah rolled up to the date with laid back game.  The two had palpable chemistry and before long worked the latest dance craze – the pussy bump.