Tag Archives: friends

Most Annoying

LAUREN CONRADIt is most annoying when I am making plans with a friend and she frames the agenda around her boyfriend’s needs.  “My boyfriend wants to stay here.” or “I can’t.  My boyfriend’s work schedule changed.”  I get partnership, responsibility sharing and whatnot, but I don’t give a fuck about your boyfriend’s preferences.  I’m friends with you and not your boyfriend.  Chances are I’ve known you longer than you’ve known your boyfriend.  I was here before your boyfriend.  I will be here long after your boyfriend is gone.  Please remember that truth when you dick me to swing off your boyfriend’s nutsack.  Furthermore, your boyfriend would find you a lot more interesting if you had your own life and exercised a modicum of independence.NUTSACK

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KB

HAP COLORSPYBIRT EDITH HATDA LCY GINGHAMKBHAPPY BIRTHDAY PINUP

Skills for Life: Accountability

MISS WILCOXLately, accountability is my trigger.  I work really hard at keeping my word.  Sometimes I fail (eehhm late post), but when I act irresponsibly I feel it with a heavy heart.  Am I the only one?  Last month, I tried to plan a trip with a friend and she just wouldn’t get back to me.  I asked two different people to help with home repairs, both committed to a specific day, both bailed.  A friend still owes me money from this fall.  When I plan a dinner now, I just assume someone will back out with a bullshit excuse at the last minute – because someone always does. ACCOUNTABILITY DOODLE I was going deep with my friend the other night on the issue of accountability.  I was bitching about feeling let down.  She basically informed me my expectation that people follow through is unrealistic.  I should just accept that most people are flaky, and if I did I would feel less dismay.  No doubt there’s some wisdom there, but aren’t basement level expectations doing everyone a disservice?  I expect more out of myself, and I expect more out of you.  The universe is a tricky mistress.  As soon as I started sending out an energetic desire for accountability, who comes along to offer help?  An unusually sexy and handsome accountant.  For crying out loud.  ACCOUNTANT

“Stolen”

KEYS IGNITIONI ran into my friend and mentioned I hadn’t seen her in awhile.  She told me her car was stolen which curtailed her recent mobility.  After providing the obligatory and sincere “that sucks!”,  I started fishing for details.  Newish cars aren’t that easy to steal.  With a little tender probing, she confessed she left her unlocked car running with the keys in the ignition in front of her house.  Let’s put some air quotes around “stolen” girl.  IGNITITION

 

Tortoise Tuesday

CAM00591I met up with this tortoise in the hall today.CAM00592CAM00593 He stared me down.  I let him pass. CAM00595CAM00596CAM00598

Giving Granola

Think occasionally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight.

 - Albert SchweitzerHOMELESS HELP

For many years, I have struggled with how to respond to people standing on medians and corners waiving signs for money.  My knee-jerk response is at first sympathy, followed up immediately with a wallop of shame for my own abundance.  To talk myself out of doing something generous and to assauge my own guilt, I told myself that these desperate people were scammers or presumed how they might use any spare change I might give.  These excuses have never really sat quite right when deep down I knew I was just selfishly ignoring the obvious suffering of others.  BAD HEART GOD BLESSI consulted with my good friend Lisa, who has virtually single-handedly reformed syringe access legislation in Colorado (to support Lisa’s good work please visit and donate to the www.harmreductionactioncenter.org).  Lisa spends a significant amount of time involved with outreach, much of which involves contact with the homeless.  She’ll tell you stories that will crack your heart in two.  Seeing as I can’t afford to place cash to every outreached hand, I asked Lisa if she thought it would be appropriate to share food – granola bars – or something similarly individually pre-packaged – with those in need.  She concurred that from her experience with the community, this gesture would be welcomed and not ridiculed.    NEED HELPWouldn’t you know that just a day later, a rep for Kind Snacks stopped by my work and dropped off a few boxes of granola bars.  So technically, I was supposed to share the swag with my co-workers, but those bitches eat enough fucking granola, so I stashed the snacks in my car with the intention of distributing them to those lonely median-dwellers.  KIND BARSI’ve given out a few bars to different folks and the snacks are met with delight.  Yesterday, I gave a bar to a girl standing in the cold by an exit off-ramp.  The next day, at the same exit, in the same bitter cold, was the same girl.  I held another bar out the window.  She walked up to the car and took it from my hand.  HOMELESS HELP APPRECIATED

She lit up, “Thank you!  Did you give me one of these yesterday?”  

“Yes” I smiled back.

She looked at the bar in her hand, “These are good!  I was so hungry yesterday and I’m so hungry now.  Thank you so much.”

“I’m so glad you like them.” I choked back through a broken heart.

With this small exchange came total confirmation, and then the light turned green.  BIEBER GIVES

 

She Forgave Me

MACAQUE DOVE FRIENDSA few weeks ago I posted about a friend I offended.  Recently, she and I had an honest talk and buried the proverbial hatchet.  During the conversation, she admitted that one of her standard responses to conflict was to just cut the person off completely.  She had considered such a response to our situation, but thankfully felt sadness at the idea of us not talking again.  This got me thinking.  When should you cut somebody off and when should you graciously forgive?GANDHI FORGIVE

I keep a very tight-knit coven comprised of a select group.  You are either in or you are out.  I do not take shit.  But I am forgiving.  I’ve had friends drift in and out of the circle over the years.  When someone approaches me with sincere contrition, my compassion won’t let me hold a grudge.  Most friendship offenses I can forgive and forget.  There are major exceptions to this rule.  Betrayal breaks us.  Publicly embarrass me more than once and you’re out.  I can’t with the raging Narcissists anymore.  If you’re a bigot, a liar, a thief, or suffer some other sort of basic fundamental character flaw than you would never make it into my inner-circle anyway.  The lengthy application process and a number of time-honored tests weed out the weak and unworthy.440 GIRLSAlmost everything else, I eventually let go.  Small infractions, petty grievances, thoughtless comments, who among us isn’t guilty of saying or doing something stupid?  Major life events like death, divorce, and disease deserve MAJOR friendship leeway.  Empathy looks good on everyone.  I offer my friends the same grace I wish to receive in response to my less graceful moments.  I rely on them to steer me straight when I veer off course. STEER ME STRAIGHT

In my humble experience (which includes relationships that span 25+ years), the friendships that last are the ones that are allowed to morph, change, and grow with the people involved.  Over a lifetime, friendships may include periods of great intimacy or estrangement, but true pals are always welcomed back into the fold.RORY LANE

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: Don’t Post About Your Friends Without Permission

BACKSTABBERWow.  I really shit the bed you guys.  A couple of weeks ago, I threw up a post willy nilly that hurt my friend’s feelings.  I’m concerned I’ve done irreparable damage to the relationship.  I’m heartsick at the thought because I truly love, value, respect, and honor this person.  This woman is generous, kind, intelligent, caring, and fun, so I’m a real asshole for hurting her feelings.DON'T BE MADOver dinner with other friends, one of my nearest and dearest leveled that she thought is was definitely off-side that I hadn’t given our other friend a head’s up on the post.  Duly Noted.  In fairness, if someone put me on blast on the internet, I would be IRATE.  Hypocrisy is just another of my more charming qualities.A TRUE FRIENDMy friend is super pissed and she has every right to be.  I have apologized in writing because she understandably isn’t interested in talking to me right now.  I hope she gives me the opportunity to make amends in person.  I make really good amends.FORGIVE METo this dear and cherished friend:  I apologize.  I was wrong.  I mishandled the situation.  My intention was never to hurt you, and I feel terribly that I did through my own thoughtlessness.  I hope you will forgive me because you are like a sister.I'M SORRYIf it makes you feel better you can call me a bitch on Facebook.  I deserve it.CALL ME A BITCH

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: The Noid

CAT AND BRAINS

Okay, so the Halloween Party last night was super fun.  Good Group.  Except for one.  You know the one.  That one motherfucker nobody likes: the Noid. THE NOIDHe would splooge into the circle, and I would politely duck elsewhere.  Illiterate to basic social cues, when this dude approaches, people look around nervously.  He’s a loud, rude, narcissistic, interrupting attention hog.  He eyefucks the women and cock compares men.  He’s that guy.HATE THAT GUY

And my friend is dating him.  Uhggg.TEEN MOM 3

When I was younger and more naive, I would have tried to fervently convince her that this dude was at best annoying and at worst predatory, but now I’m wise enough to know that it would do no good.  I’ve learned you just have to put up with the obnoxious people your friends date and hope none marries the Noid.

OWL AND GANESHA

No matter how gross, unfaithful, violent, offensive, or irritating your friend’s fucktoy is, you just have to put up with him until they get tired of fornicating.  Once the delusion of lust wears off, hopefully your smart friend will see this asshole for who he is – an embarrassing douche.

cid_444

In addition to getting bossy with my friend, the younger, dumber me would have allowed aforementioned asshole to drag me into his asshole Olympics during which I would have felt compelled to win the gold medal in assholery.  The older and tireder me has no extra energy for such fuckery.  A confrontation would have fueled his attention-suck and ruined my fun time.  So when he appeared, I disappeared.  Nothing needles an attention whore like non-reaction.

NOT THE NOID

 HALLOWEEN FIRESIDE