Tag Archives: Frothy Beach Reads

Listen. Read. Snack.

DAFT PUNK RANDOM ACCESS MEMORIESEven though sometimes listening to Daft Punk feels a like a serenade from an ATM machine, I admit that I must unabashedly break into car dance everytime I hear Instant Crush featuring Julian Casablancas from Random Access Memories. CAR DANCEG-sus, Meg Wolitzer turns a memorable and meaty phrase in The InterestingsMEG WOLITZERFLAX4LIFE MUFFSWho doesn’t love a muffy in the morning?  These tough muffs look like something geriatrics eat to stay regular, but I love these hearty, rib-sticking, omega-filled Flax4Life Blueberry Flax Muffins.  Unlike most commercial baked goods, these not-too-sweet slow burners will tied you over until lunch.FLAX4LIFE MUFFIN

 

gone girl

By now many of you have torn through Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn’s two-sided tale of a wife’s disappearance.  Word on the street is that 20th Century Fox snatched up the film rights for 7 figures.  Reese Witherspoon is set to produce and star.  This project is exactly what Reese needs to resuscitate her struggling and aimless career.  Amy Dunne = Reese’s revival.  Now who shall we cast as Nick?  If you haven’t read it, get Gone Girl now or risk finding yourself hopelessly out of touch.  The big twist?  Many of you, like me, will see it coming from a mile up river.

Story of O > Fifty Shades of Grey

While traveling this week, I broke down and read the much-hyped Fifty Shades of Grey.  Don’t waste your time; it’s total drivel.  Author E L James routinely refers to the female genitalia as “there.”  The writing is consistently atrocious.  People claim it is a pager turner?  Yeah, because you want it to be over.  Want classic BDSMStory of O exceeds Fifty in every way.  It is better written, more graphic, and a timeless classic.  If you actually like Fifty, you’ll fucking love O.

OPRAH, By Kitty Kelley

If you like a good unauthorized biography, pick up Kitty Kelley’s OPRAH, an impeccably researched behemoth that will likely change your perspective on Ms. Winfrey.  For instance, did you know….Oprah’s “dad” Vernon Winfrey does not enjoy Oprah’s BFF Gayle King.  I believe his words were “that dirt hog Gayle.”

Vernon had a sign in his grocery store that read: “Attention Teenagers: If you are tired of being hassled by unreasonable parents, now is the time for action.  Leave home and pay your own way while you still know everything.”

Oprah, a voracious eater, once allegedly devoured two entire pecan pies while Stedman was out golfing. Oprah can cry on cue, and it was reported that she said every tear is worth half a ratings point.

The beef between Whoopi Goldberg and Oprah dates back to The Color Purple days.  Whoopi compared Oprah to Lonesome Rhodes in A Face in the Crowd, and in turn, Oprah omitted her from her Legends Ball. Word on the street is that Oprah gave Gayle $1,250,000 (a million bucks plus taxes), so they both could be millionaires for Christmas.  Other gifts Oprah has allegedly given Gayle: a $7.5 million Manhattan apartment, $3.6 million house in Greenwich, the head bitch in charge position at O Magazine, and private school for Gayle’s kids.My most favorite tidbit of all?  If her royal highness Oprah Winfrey is asleep on either leg of a flight in her private jet, her pilots are under strict orders not to wake her until she’s slept a minimum of eight hours.  Seriously, the pilots, crew, and her staff must wait until she wakes up or has slumbered a full eight hours.  Bitch needs her beauty rest; it is exhausting running the world.

FROTHY BEACH READS

When the mercury rises, find relief in a trashy novel and an afternoon in the sun. If you have never had the pleasure of devouring a Jacqueline Susann, definitely check her out this summer.Of course Valley of the Dolls is classic, but The Love Machine and Once Is Not Enough also warrant attention.

Before you turn up your snotty elitist literary nose, I know these books never won any Newbery Medals or anything, but the writing beats the hell out of that Stephenie Meyer shit.