Tag Archives: Gayle King

Dear Oprah, OWN Sucks

Even us schadenfreuders hoped Oprah’s OWN might serve up a programming highlight or two, but we’ve generously given Ms. Winfrey more than a month to win us over, and she’s already squandered most of our patience and good will.  If Oprah’s foray into OWN proves nothing else, it illustrates that there is a huge difference between running a successful talk show and overseeing an entire network.The first of many problems with OWN is lack of original programming.  In the age of streaming, old movies ain’t gonna cut it, and reruns of Dr. Phil definitely ain’t gonna cut it.  She’d be better off showing reruns of her own show if the network needs filler.  Oprah’s so technologically out of touch she quaintly believes that we’re all going to sit down and watch an edited version of Postcards From the Edge during primetime?  Up against Jersey Shore, is she bananas?Let’s discuss the original programming that has aired so far.  Basically, it generates hostility.  The Gayle King Show is some seriously amateur shit.  King’s sloppiness only serves to highlight the rather obvious coattail-riding nepotism which landed her the position in the first place.  Next, tune into Season 25: Oprah Behind the Scenes and watch the production team shield Oprah from any backstage complication while simultaneously anticipating and meeting her every high-maintenance whim.  Even if you liked Oprah before, you won’t after you watch this.  Her staff gives new meaning to the term sycophant.OWN’s self-proclaimed mission is to “entertain, inform and inspire people to live their best lives,” but is this really the best Oprah can do?Oprah has approximately six months or less to turn things around at OWN before becoming a cautionary tale.  Some have already dubbed the venture a failure, and the ratings continue to drop, but don’t count Ms. Winfrey out just yet.Oprah, first things first, you need some appointment television, and no, your reality show definitely doesn’t count.  OWN needs an unmissable water cooler show.  Try bankrolling forward-thinking, risky artistic projects that more conservative networks reject – find OWN’s version of Mad Men, Sex and the City, or Sons of Anarchy.Despite rumors of upcoming Tatum O’Neal and Shania Twain reality shows, Oprah has yet to bring an interesting celeb-reality entry into the programming mix.  If she knew anything, she’d give Nicki Minaj her own show.OWN’s definitely squandered an opportunity on cornering the healthy lifestyle angle.  How about a vegetarian cooking show?  We all know you have Kathy Freston on speed dial.  What about giving Michael Pollan a camera and letting him explore where our food comes from?Most importantly, where the fuck is the fashion, beauty, and interior design?Come on Oprah, we all expect more of you.  Time is running out for you to salvage this disaster.  Start by cutting Gayle a severance package.

Sunday with Oprah

OWN Preview

On January 1, 2011, Oprah unleashes her network across the country.  Here’s a preview of the very self-helpy and reality-heavy lineup.

The Gayle King Show.  A given.

Season 25: Oprah Behind the Scenes is a backstage doc-style look at the final year of The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Oprah called upon all her favorites for Master Class including Jay-Z, Simon Cowell, Sidney Poitier, Dr. Maya Angelou, Diane Sawyer, Lorne Michaels, and Dr. Condoleezza Rice.

Also in the mix, a reality show about an Indiana prison, a couple cooking shows, myth-busters for miracles, and a Hoarders ripoff with Peter Walsh.  Both Laura Berman and Lisa Ling snagged shows, along with several other Oprah Winfrey Show regulars, but the most exciting notion of all is the return of Rose O’Donnell to the daily talk show format.

OPRAH, By Kitty Kelley

If you like a good unauthorized biography, pick up Kitty Kelley’s OPRAH, an impeccably researched behemoth that will likely change your perspective on Ms. Winfrey.  For instance, did you know….Oprah’s “dad” Vernon Winfrey does not enjoy Oprah’s BFF Gayle King.  I believe his words were “that dirt hog Gayle.”

Vernon had a sign in his grocery store that read: “Attention Teenagers: If you are tired of being hassled by unreasonable parents, now is the time for action.  Leave home and pay your own way while you still know everything.”

Oprah, a voracious eater, once allegedly devoured two entire pecan pies while Stedman was out golfing. Oprah can cry on cue, and it was reported that she said every tear is worth half a ratings point.

The beef between Whoopi Goldberg and Oprah dates back to The Color Purple days.  Whoopi compared Oprah to Lonesome Rhodes in A Face in the Crowd, and in turn, Oprah omitted her from her Legends Ball. Word on the street is that Oprah gave Gayle $1,250,000 (a million bucks plus taxes), so they both could be millionaires for Christmas.  Other gifts Oprah has allegedly given Gayle: a $7.5 million Manhattan apartment, $3.6 million house in Greenwich, the head bitch in charge position at O Magazine, and private school for Gayle’s kids.My most favorite tidbit of all?  If her royal highness Oprah Winfrey is asleep on either leg of a flight in her private jet, her pilots are under strict orders not to wake her until she’s slept a minimum of eight hours.  Seriously, the pilots, crew, and her staff must wait until she wakes up or has slumbered a full eight hours.  Bitch needs her beauty rest; it is exhausting running the world.