Tag Archives: Gilmore Girls

Dear Demeter Clarc, Am I Inn or Am I out?

DRAGONFLY INNDear Demeter Clarc,

There is an interesting opportunity for me to leave my current position and take a very big risk to purchase a small hotel in the mountains.  My boyfriend and I have quit our jobs and are prepared to move out of the city to take on this new challenge.  The owner of the motel is old and burnt out.  He’s ready to retire.  He’s bending over backwards to help us secure financing.  We have never run a motel before or any business for that matter.  Are we crazy to uproot our lives for this unique opportunity? 

Sincerely,

The Newharts

Dear Mizz Newhart,

May I first congratulate you on your courageous spirit of adventure?!  I’m all for calculated risks.  Agree to run the motel for a year.  See if you and your boyfriend like the lifestyle and responsibility before you commit.  There’s no need to go ballsdeep in financial risk when you don’t even know if running the motel is a sustainable and enjoyable choice for you both.  Since the owner is desperate to unload the property (a red flag, btw), when negotiating a year-long management deal write in a right of first refusal, so you get the first option to buy the place should somebody else come sniffing around.  During this year, you will learn all the “inns” and outs which will allow you to make an educated decision about investing your money and taking on a major mortgage.  After a year of hard work at the motel, you’ll discern whether the arrangement is both feasible and sufficiently rewarding enough for you both to commit to this project long-term.  ANTHONY MELCHIORRI

Girl in a Band: A Memoir

KIM THURSTON COCOI’ve always admired Kim Gordon.  I’ve listened to her music.  I’ve followed her efforts at fashion.  I delighted at her family’s cameo on Gilmore Girls and her scrunchy moment on Girls.  One of my first and most memorable boyfriends loved Sonic Youth, and every time I hear Mildred Pierce I think of him.   As some of you know, Kim and Thurston recently split.  Sonic Youth is no more.  Gordon wrote a memoir, and yes, it includes some mention of the other woman, but Kim Gordon’s life is so fucking interesting and intersected with dynamic and influential people that her split with Moore represents just one sad (but matter of fact) song in the EP of her life.  I love her straight-forward and insightful writing.  You will too.  Read Girl in a Band: A MemoirKIM GORDON GIRL IN A BAND

She Forgave Me

MACAQUE DOVE FRIENDSA few weeks ago I posted about a friend I offended.  Recently, she and I had an honest talk and buried the proverbial hatchet.  During the conversation, she admitted that one of her standard responses to conflict was to just cut the person off completely.  She had considered such a response to our situation, but thankfully felt sadness at the idea of us not talking again.  This got me thinking.  When should you cut somebody off and when should you graciously forgive?GANDHI FORGIVE

I keep a very tight-knit coven comprised of a select group.  You are either in or you are out.  I do not take shit.  But I am forgiving.  I’ve had friends drift in and out of the circle over the years.  When someone approaches me with sincere contrition, my compassion won’t let me hold a grudge.  Most friendship offenses I can forgive and forget.  There are major exceptions to this rule.  Betrayal breaks us.  Publicly embarrass me more than once and you’re out.  I can’t with the raging Narcissists anymore.  If you’re a bigot, a liar, a thief, or suffer some other sort of basic fundamental character flaw than you would never make it into my inner-circle anyway.  The lengthy application process and a number of time-honored tests weed out the weak and unworthy.440 GIRLSAlmost everything else, I eventually let go.  Small infractions, petty grievances, thoughtless comments, who among us isn’t guilty of saying or doing something stupid?  Major life events like death, divorce, and disease deserve MAJOR friendship leeway.  Empathy looks good on everyone.  I offer my friends the same grace I wish to receive in response to my less graceful moments.  I rely on them to steer me straight when I veer off course. STEER ME STRAIGHT

In my humble experience (which includes relationships that span 25+ years), the friendships that last are the ones that are allowed to morph, change, and grow with the people involved.  Over a lifetime, friendships may include periods of great intimacy or estrangement, but true pals are always welcomed back into the fold.RORY LANE

3 things you should never say when someone dies

I’ve experienced significant loss and am close to others who have experienced major loss, and I still stutter for the right words to speak amidst a tragedy.  When searching for the right words to say, remember these are not them…

What are you going to do now?

I’m going to grieve, bitch.

At least her suffering is over.  

But my suffering has only begun.

What can I do to help?

I know this is the most obvious and seemingly kind offering in a crisis, but the truly helpful don’t ask, they just do.  Not all of us operate on that level of selflessness (myself included), but remember if you do offer help be prepared for the person to take you up on it.  If they do, YOU MUST FOLLOW THROUGH.

 

Sunday with Alexis Bledel

Sunday with Melissa McCarthy

Negotiation, Mattie Ross-Style

The remake of True Grit deservingly pocketed a few gold pieces at the box office this weekend, which indirectly means most of you avoided Country Strong like the plague….didn’t need my tarot deck to predict that outcome.True Grit is enjoyable and surprisingly restrained for a Coen picture, but the Oscars have already honored this film back in ’70.  Nominating a remake of an academy award-winning film is redundant as fuck, and hardly encouraging for an already creatively stagnant industry.Wanna know the most valuable lesson of True Grit?  The movie provides brilliant instruction on how to negotiate – specifically the scene with Col. Stonehill (aka Headmaster Charleston) and Mattie.  Here are the top five best negotiation skillz as demonstrated by the badass Mz. Ross.Lesson #1 Don’t take it personally, even if it’s personal.  People are self-interested; we can’t help it.  It is the nature of man.  Don’t confuse selfishness with an insult toward you or the subject of the negotiation.  Assume your opponents will do everything within their power to protect their assets, just as you will do everything within your power to protect yours.Lesson #2 Establish credibility, but learn to bluff.  Everyday thousands of folks threaten to sue each other.  Very few actually file suit, and even fewer make it in front of a judge.  Know the law and use it appropriately to strengthen your negotiating position.  Empty, uneducated threats only undermine your credibility and ultimately destroy your bargaining power.Lesson #3 Bundle.  Determine the interests of the other party and then bundle an offer that meets both parties’ agendas.  Try this technique at antique or thrift stores.  Group several items together and offer one amount for everything.Lesson #4 Start high/low.  Never begin the negotiation where you would like it to end.  Go back and forth as many times as it takes.  Control your emotions and use polite persistence to wear them down.  Balance a propensity for cheapness by recognizing that some will interpret a low-ball offer as an insult (see #1).  Gauge your first offer accordingly.Lesson #5 There is no such thing as a final offer.  Whenever the phrase, “This is my final offer…” is uttered you know you have ’em exactly where you want them.  This signals your opponent is tired, confused, and wants the negotiation to be over.  Time to go in for the kill.

PLEASE, FOR YOU TO WATCH

10.   Beverly Hills 90210, Season 3

We all know that like many shows Beverly Hills, 90210 stuck around long after its expiration date, but that does not diminish the pure back stabbing joy of season three.  While Brenda and Donna eat brains, fake French accents, and narrowly escape dabbling in porn, Kelly and Dylan heat things up back in L.A.  I can already hear Sadie B. Hawkins “Damn, I Wish I was Your Lover” swelling in the background.

9.   The Comeback

Fuck Friends, this is Lisa Kudrow at her very best.  At times squeamishly uncomfortable, this show hits a pitch perfect tone that feels totally authentic.  Look for early performances from Malin Akerman, Laura Silverman (Sarah Silverman‘s sister), and Kellan Lutz.  Brought to you by Michael Patrick King of SATC fame.

8. That 70’s Show, Seasons 1-4

This show is a stoner’s delight.  Seasons 1-4 maintain consistent laughs with enjoyable fashion and Ashton Kutcher before his ego made him unattractive.  Pull out the bong, gather your friends, and revisit this hilarious series.  Don’t bother with seasons 5+, it’ll just make you wonder how they managed to fuck up such a good thing.

7.   The L Word

To really enjoy a show I need some juicy women characters, and The L Word is in no short supply of strong female leads.  Jennifer Beals of Flashdance nostalgia anchors the show with gravitas; while the poor man’s Jennifer Connelly, Mia Kirshner, brings a certain goth Lolita charm.  Good fashion, great hair, and with all the girl on girl action you might even be able to get your boyfriend on board.

6.  True Blood

I won’t bore you by recapitulating the heaps of praise already ladled on this show, but if you are staying away because you are over the vampire thing, you are really missing out.  True Blood’s heady mood stanks like a Louisiana swamp, think Anne Rice + Twin Peaks + Cheers + a healthy dose of homoeroticism thrown in for good measure.  Don’t worry, after the first or second episode you’ll forget about that huge fucking gap in Paquin’s teeth.

5.  Mad Men

Painstaking research and attention to detail goes into making this show as historically accurate as possible.  No sloppy anachronisms here.  The award-winning costume designers bring bold fashion, raising the stakes each episode.  I don’t know if I love Don Draper or hate him, but I do know I would kill to raid Betty’s closet.

4.  Freaks and Geeks

As far as I’m concerned this is where James Franco, Seth Rogen, and Jason Segel got their start, and they aren’t even the best part of this show. Gets the feeling of early 80’s Detroit just right, and is probably the most accurate depiction of high school of all the high school series.

3.  My So-Called Life

Jordan fucking Catalano bitches!  Jared Leto justifies his increasingly irrelevant existence by having served as Jordan fucking Catalano.  Trust me, this was his peak.  Beyond that muffin, Claire Danes does good work here, as does A.J. Langer as Rayanne Graff.  This show succeeds where many fail in seamlessly integrating the parental story lines with that of the teenagers.  Endlessly quotable dialogue makes up for the dreadful fashion.

2.  Gilmore Girls

When I criticized Gossip Girl for its failure to create over-arching story lines to sustain the series, I was thinking about how Gilmore Girls did this so brilliantly.  The Luke/Lorelai relationship stretched seven seasons without contrived delays.  Lauren Graham was fucking robbed in having never been nominated for an Emmy.  She really shows her chops with her natural delivery of quick-fire witty dialogue.  I will never tire of this show.

  1. Sex and the City

I recently re-watched the entire series to see if it holds up, and I’ll be damned if it doesn’t feel as fresh now as it did in the late 90’s.  Patricia Field created genius, detailed, memorable images.  Every time I watch it, I see something new and brilliant.  She succeeded in never dating the series with clothes.  The themes remain relevant, and Sarah Jessica Parker is at her very best as Carrie Bradshaw.