Tag Archives: Girls

read. saw. splurged

NOT THAT KIND OF GIRLObviously, I bought Lena Dunham’s book Not That Kind of Girl because I’m a voracious consumer of all of Dunham’s creative output.  It doesn’t disappoint.  Girls fans will enjoy retreading source material in what I guess you would call her first book of essays.  What I like most is her intelligent use of rarely used four letter words – example “ford the river.”GONE GIRLI sat through a matinee of Gone Girl with the AARP set today.  In case you haven’t heard, there’s Affleck and NPH peen involved.  It’s a totally serviceable adaptation; true to the novel and stylish, but the movie lacks the urgency I felt while reading the book.  At well over 2 dragging-ass hours, the movie could have benefited from an little edit to accelerate the overall pacing.  In reflecting back, the best part of the cinema experience was listening to the grayhairs chuckle at the preceding Fifty Shades of Grey trailer.LIPSHTICKDid you hear that Wendy Williams is doing another couple shows at the Venetian for their Lipshtick series?  With the exception of the Veggie House, I don’t love Las Vegas, but I do love Wendy Williams.  Snag a ticket and I’ll meet you there.  We’ll make it cute.WENDY WILLIAMS LIPSHTICK


GIRLS pearls

GIRLS SURPRISE KINDA OF STILL SUCKSThe highlights of the double Girls premiere didn’t involve any of the actual GirlsNATALIA GIRLS S3

You’re not going to get any milk out of those tits.” GIRLS SEASON 3 MILK(*honorable mention for Ray’s Indiana shirt.)


Hannah’s peak posture was wood clogs wedgie.  I used to find her whiny neurosis endearing; less so now.

tonight is for GIRLS


March 2013 Horoscopes


Happy Birthday Little Fishies!  Truth be told, I have a soft spot for Pisces.  They truly are the kindest and tender-heartedest folks, but I do like to joke that if Pisces are fish then their subspecies is Self-fish.  Don’t fret little Fishies, I mean that in a loving way.  It isn’t that you aren’t generous; you are very giving, but also very self-involved.  Pisces just aren’t capable of personal objectivity, but it isn’t a deep character flaw and you make up for it in many other ways.  Pisces are super charming, fun to be around and usually decent in bed (don’t expect them to choke you out or anything though).  This year has all the makings for wonderful growth opportunities if you wildly abandon your drippy fears.  Grab opportunities when they come, but maintain your integrity at all costs.  Without your honor, you have nothing.


Aries, one of your best traits is your dependability and general talent for making shit happen.  A true energetic catalyst, you draw people near and then get them all buzzed up.  This Aries flame gets some people all hot and bothered, so watch out for relationship interlopers.  If you are single, watch out for the HPV – contrary to the Girls propaganda not All Adventurous Women Do…  What else?  March asks you to dig deep and make some decisions about work.  What do you really want and what are you willing to sacrifice with regard to your quality of life?  Time is your most precious gift; use it wisely.


With the wake of February’s crazy upheaval behind you, now you must put one foot in front of the other and make decisions to right the course.  Determine what you really want from your life and relationships.  Vigorously pursue the very best for yourself because you deserve thorough satisfaction.  Talented and trusted, professionally Taurus has no where to go but up, up, up.  Those threatened by your success turn an evil eye on your back.  Repel the negativity with a shield of confidence.  Even though you are deeply sensitive, don’t let ’em get you down.  Stand strong in the face of evil.


Intellectually Gemini surpasses most, but they can be some of the dumbest motherfuckers when it comes to common sense.  Focus.  When you are scattered you are at your least effective.  Ruthlessly clear obstructions blocking your path.  Gemini excels with a plan and plenty of time.  The question is whether you are able to truly formulate a plan of your own volition and with your own dreams in mind.  Let go of the coattails of those you’ve been clutching and move forward on crafting the life you truly desire.  If you want to be admired, turn yourself into someone admirable.


Recently Cancer has experienced some of the calmest waters in recent memory.  Professionally, you’ve made critical gains.  Personally, Cancer experiences greater and more intense intimacy than ever before.  So what is missing little Crab?  When completing your moral inventory do you get paper cuts?  You can’t go back and change the past, but you can stop recapitulating the same mistakes while recreating the same situations.  Look at what is going well in your life right now and properly nourish these areas.  Distractions are landmines for Cancer; remain committed to the beneficial.


Bold Leos occasionally write checks their asses can’t cash, and this March they find themselves overdrafted.  Friends and family react with impatience at the pickles you get yourself into in March, Leo.  Hopefully, you’ve banked some goodwill because you are going to need it.  Let me spell it out for you: Leos need help this month.  What all this drama reveals is an unexpected confidant.  You’ll grow closer to a person you weren’t even sure you liked and that will surprise you.  Whether or not this person has romantic inclinations is yet to be determined, but you certainly have some sway in intensifying or deflating the potential suitor’s feelings.


Mostly Tauruses wear the stubborn crown in the astrological court, but you could really threaten to dethrone Bulls this month Virgo.  For some reason you refuse to accept certain realities of your situation.  A change is in order and you must abide the universe and what it has in store for you.  No amount of digging in of the heels will prevent the inevitable.  Resistance is futile.  Virgo has been looking better than ever lately.  Goes to show your commitment to certain regimes provide legitimate results.  This month invest in a good moisturizer and perhaps even splurge on a facial if time and finances permit.


In some ways February felt like the longest month for Libra, and you welcome March with open arms.  Don’t worry, this month will embrace Libra with affection in return.  Simple pleasures like long walks bring deep satisfaction as you peek towards an early spring.  These easy afternoons and honest conversations begin to stir Libras from their winter funk.  While flipping through fashion magazines you contemplate a new look for spring.  You always do well with black & white in modern shapes, but how can you add some unexpected sex appeal to your daily swagger?


Oh Scorpio what are we going to do with you?  Some may perceive your recent course of action as impulsive, but you never act rashly.  Quite the opposite actually, Scorpios ruminate on decisions at length before setting forth with a decisive and definite plan.  Get on board or get out of the way.  Conduct yourself with integrity and kindness regardless of how momentarily impatient or hostile you may feel.  When you look back at your greatest regrets, you’ll note they almost universally involve your mistreatment of others, especially those you love.  Remember Karma is only a bitch if you are.


Sags always try to paint everything with a pretty pink rosy brush.  One Sag I know just told me a long story culminating in a dead dog and she still tried to tie it up with a positive bow.  It’s a dead dog, lady.  There really isn’t an upside.  After a period of aimlessness, Sags find clear and unequivocal direction in the coming months.  Just because you follow the map doesn’t mean it will lead you to your destination.  Ballsy Sags explore detours to get where they really want to go.  There will be a few moments that test your honor and dignity.  These tests you must not fail.


Dutiful Capricorns feel particularly put-upon and resentful recently.  The hang-dog looks have been dimming your shine and bringing down your daily circle.  Expressions of gratitude help reverse your sad-Sally attitude.  Maybe when you realize how good appreciation feels you’ll send some to the deserving.  Caps excel at sweet and attentive gestures.  It is the grander proclamations of love that choke you up.  Clear your throat Cap.  Nut up and make your intentions clear.  You know what you want, that’s never been the problem.  Effectuating your desires is a different story.  Get out of your own way Capricorn.


Aquarius floats in and out of March like a feather.  Mostly you spend the next few weeks in a period of preparation, setting everything up to properly execute on future plans.  Richly talented and great at navigating the nuances of your professional world, there is really no excuse for you not to succeed.  Two possibilities?  Aquarius isn’t punctual and occasionally lacks gravitas.  Consider if one or both of these qualities limits your growth.  A cleanse could do you good right about now.  Abstain from food and alcohol for a day and see what good comes of it.

Sunday with Girls

Girls returns tonight.Can it possibly live up to the expectation?I’ve OD’d on hyperbolic praise all week.And we all know 2nd seasons tend to suck. I want to believe this time it can be different. Don’t let me down Girls.

Buyers’ Remorse: skinny jeans

Look, I don’t have any official numbers or anything, but my hunch is that these super skinny jeans just aren’t selling.  When I pass by my local high-end retailers, I see the same display, stacked deep with skinny, left untouched.  When we are fatter than ever, why are the jeans getting smaller and smaller?For those of you with the genetic gifts to pull this look off, well God Bless You.  For the other 98% of the population, the super skinny silhouette is a cruel joke.  Like when Ray tells Hannah not to come back without a slim leg.  We were all thinking, hunny you do not want to put Hannah in a slim leg.  That’s just mean.I blame the group-think buyers for the proliferation of skinny jeans.  The bitches at Neiman Marcus and Saks need to recognize Mama June is America’s new treasure.  A mass conversion to skinny jeans just isn’t going to happen. 

A Gallery of Real Life Girls

I really don’t want to talk about this show Gallery Girls, but I feel like I must.  What can I say that hasn’t already been said?  Yes, it is essentially the reality show version of Girls.  Yes, it is filled with superficial, naïve, spoiled, NYC hipsters with zero work ethic paired with struggling, status-climbing wannabes who would sell their first born child in exchange for bonafide status in the art scene. Gallery Girls is embarrassingly predictable with each girl fulfilling a roll as a specific niche stereotype. Lazy and spoiled Liz has got a rich art collector daddy (Martin Margulies!) and won’t hesitate to remind you she could buy and sell you twice.  Don’t ask her to actually lift a finger at her Eli Klein Gallery internship; she’s just there for the cocktail parties.  Insecure, entitled, and snobby, she reminds me a lot of Paris Hilton, which means you will hate her immediately. Cut from similar cloth as Liz, Maggie’s a DuPont heiress living off her trust fund as she sporadically attends her unpaid internship at the Eli Klein Gallery in a sad attempt to recreate Charlotte’s fictional life from SATC.  The only plausible explanation for Maggie is mood stabilizers.  When she comes back to Eli asking to resume her internship, she almost expresses a cogent thought.  Almost.  The third lady of privilege is called AmyAmy means well, but is just sort of dopey, drunk, and desperate.  Liz spends most of the episode looking down her beak at Amy even though they are both equally insufferable in different ways.  Amy’s just a little too loud, a little too enthusiastic, and a little too bow-clad for this whole scene, despite her best efforts to assimilate. 

Of the struggling Brooklynites, first we have Chantal – a pale, nasally, broke-down ballerina type who wanders around oblivious, but occasionally and unintentionally drops a dead-pan one-liner that will crack you in half.  The best part of Chantal is her utter lack of self-awareness – which makes her secretly amusing, if you can get past the annoying voice.

Whiny yet winsome Claudia has partnered with Chantal and Lara to open End of Century, a boutique/gallery in Manhattan.  Claudia borrowed fifteen grand from her family to get the space up and running and is now realizing her hipster friends aren’t so reliable when it comes to actual work.  A true twenty-something, her guiding ideal for this endeavor: “Friendship comes first, business comes second, and that’s what makes it work.”  Feel free to condescendingly chuckle to yourself. Angela, raised in Orange County by her doctor parents, rebelled against her strict Vietnamese upbringing and moved to Brooklyn to try to make it as a photographer.  An admitted narcissist, Angela comes off as flighty, ungrounded, self-absorbed, attention-seeking, and a bit slutty.  Here’s hoping.  Kerri is the hard-working middle-class type.  You know, the one you are supposed to relate to; the “normal” one.  Kerri has a hard-edged drive that definitely gives the impression that she would step a stiletto on your spine to claw her way to the top.  Her face is all hard angles, and I suspect her personality and ambition are too.  Best believe that kut-throat Kerri is hongrey hunny. After the premiere, I predict we will learn absolutely nothing about art from these real-life Girls, but I do predict this show will serve as more than a cautionary tale for the hazards of wearing red lipstick.  (Why don’t those Brooklyn girls tell each other their grills are smeared with MAC?)  If nothing else, those born and bread on SATC might see all their Carrie Bradshaw ideals come crumbling down in this semi-idealized real-life copycat incarnation.

Three for Thursday + The Conversation

First, congratulations to Giuliana and Bill, who predictably selected the gestational carrier option in their quest for offspring that shares their genetic material.  Will they include the child in next season of their reality show?  I predict the calculated couple film the whole entire birth, hand-off, and reception.  Just a hunch.  Second, Tyra fired Nigel, Miss J and Mr. Jay!  That’s everybody.  I don’t even watch ANTM anymore, but really what is Top Model without those three? Third, you’re watching Girls right?  I enjoyed Tiny Furniture, and after two episodes of Girls, I think I’m enjoying it too.  I’m cautiously optimistic for the painfully self-aware HBO series.Gonna tune in tonight to watch The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet?  (Ever seen Fall?  1997 cult classic.  Look into it.  Fun fromage.)  Gwyneth is on the premiere.  The Conversation will be annoyingly pretentious and therefore unmissable.