Tag Archives: Giuliana & Bill

Three for Thursday + The Conversation

First, congratulations to Giuliana and Bill, who predictably selected the gestational carrier option in their quest for offspring that shares their genetic material.  Will they include the child in next season of their reality show?  I predict the calculated couple film the whole entire birth, hand-off, and reception.  Just a hunch.  Second, Tyra fired Nigel, Miss J and Mr. Jay!  That’s everybody.  I don’t even watch ANTM anymore, but really what is Top Model without those three? Third, you’re watching Girls right?  I enjoyed Tiny Furniture, and after two episodes of Girls, I think I’m enjoying it too.  I’m cautiously optimistic for the painfully self-aware HBO series.Gonna tune in tonight to watch The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet?  (Ever seen Fall?  1997 cult classic.  Look into it.  Fun fromage.)  Gwyneth is on the premiere.  The Conversation will be annoyingly pretentious and therefore unmissable.

Giuliana & Bill Back Tonight with Sadtimes

Tonight Giuliana and Bill try to squeeze lemons into lemonade with the reality show reveal of G‘s cancer diagnosis.  I’m sincerely thrilled G appears to have beat her illness and come through the other side to thrive.  She seems to have handled the news with tremendous grace and fortitude.  Sheesh, she barely took a day off filming.  I’ve taken more time off waiting for a zit to heal. I do wonder how many folksy Midwestern platitudes and sports-themed analogies we will have to endure from Bill this season.  His Coach Rancic pep talks and relentless optimism don’t always land authentically.  Can you coach someone through a cancer diagnosis?  We’re about to find out.

Giuliana & Bill: Two in the Gut

Over the last two seasons we’ve watched Bill and Giuliana’s fertility struggles, and something ain’t sittin’ right.  After a recent miscarriage, Giuliana continues to jack her body full of hormones using needles long and short.  Ominously grinning, Bill stabs her in the belly and then attempts to sooth her with his rah-rah football field clichés.  Does anyone think Bill would endure the same risks and abuse to his body if the tables were turned?  Hell Nah.Giuliana, afraid of disappointing Bill, undergoes procedure after invasive fertility procedure even though her body clearly ain’t having it.  She reacted so badly to the last retrieval that she ended up in the hospital with serious complications.  A human child is supposed to spring forth from this madness?Bill distracts himself with his construction projects and speaking engagements, while Giuliana jetsets between L.A. and Chicago in the service of E! News, all with a reality show camera crew following to capture every medical appointment.  Apparently, natural conception is a ludicrous notion.  The two never entertain it as a viable option, probably because intercourse would conflict with their self-important work schedules.Instead of taking two in the gut, Giuliana may wanna consider inserting Bill’s optimistic sports metaphors up his smug, all-American ass.  Review his behavior this season for numerous examples of a very sinister streak lurking beneath his Ralph Lauren veneer.No one begrudges these two a baby.  If 2011 brings them a bundle of joy, I’ll be the first to offer Mazels; however, it’s possible Giuliana’s uterus is sending her a clear message not to procreate with this dick.