Tag Archives: guest

It’s not clean if….

there’s a ring around itthere’s a layer of dust on itthere’s a pubethere are water spotsit hasn’t been washed between visitors

you just febrezed itit’s smelly in the pitsit’s growing slime

 

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: Thanks for the Hospitality

As far-flung relatives fling themselves back to wherever they came from, the horror stories of bad manners, ungrateful behavior, and petty criticisms have begun to trickle in from weary hosts.  Since apparently many of us are totally lacking in self-awareness, here are a few examples of how we drive our thankless hosts to the brink.

Even though curious and tempted, don’t snoop.  Most obviously, it is rude and invasive.  When you go where you aren’t supposed to, you may not like what you find.  Even though I’m a big proponent of honesty, guests should compliment and not criticize.  Not feeling flush with praise?  Then just shut the fuck up.  Don’t feel the need to fill the silence with negative picky noise. Arrive and depart in a timely fashion.  When a person prepares an elaborate sit down meal, timing matters.  Your tardiness fucks up the delicate order.  On the flip side, hosts please plan your meal with room to spare.  Nobody really enjoys waiting four hours to eat.  A substantial wait guarantees that guests will get hungry, cranky and bitchy. 

Don’t with Decorative Towels

What the fuck is the deal with the decorative towels?  Can someone explain this fug phenom to me please?Daily readers know, last weekend I went to the Telluride Yoga Festival.  Saw Ralph Lauren’s ranch while I was there.  Major.  Telluride is major in many ways, but that’s a story for another day.  And I do have a story about puffing on the gondola and then having a pushy Texan wedding party come crashing into our little hot box.  But today we are talking towels; specifically, decorative towels and what purpose, (if any) they serve.I stayed at a friend’s in-laws.  Possibly awkward to begin with right?  Well we rolled up to their 2 year old mountain home and our host showed me to my quarters – a single fold-out cot set up in the office.  No problem, I’m not a snob.  Some curtains or blinds on the windows would be nice for privacy, but the sleeping accommodations were adequate, and let’s face it the price (free) was right.

The hostess provided a diminutive hot pink polyester bath towel.  One small towel for 3 nights.  No washcloth.  No hand towel.  Then I’m shown to the bathroom and I see at least a dozen decorative towel sets layered on three different rods.  A large bath towel, a hand towel, and a washcloth were stacked 2 to a bar all around.  Since the host pointedly provided me a different sad little towel, I assumed these towels weren’t for actual use.  So what’s the fucking point of having towels that no one ever uses? Ask me if the bathroom in this million+ dollar home was clean.  No it wasn’t.  In fact in the two years it has existed I wonder if it has ever been properly cleaned.  Nasty.  I’m not asking for much, but clean the goddamn bathroom for crying out loud.  I’d rather be poor and tidy than rich and filthy.  Is that why they call it filthy rich?  If you are one of those matchy-matchy mutherfuckers, I ask you to reconsider the useless decorative towels.  Towels are meant for absorbing water off the body, not for gazing at reverentially as if they are priceless art.  It’s a fucking towel. If you host a guest for three days provide the following at minimum: 2 large bath towels or bath sheets, 2 hand towels, and 1 or 2 washcloths.  They should preferably be white, soft, clean, and fluffy cotton. 

 

 

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: side conversations

Picture it – an eight person dinner party at a round table.  Is one group conversation best or is it appropriate for folks to pursue side conversations among themselves? A graceful host thoughtfully initiates the conversation at a dinner party.  No matter how artfully the host opens, I know a guest who inevitably turns to a neighbor and partakes in a side conversation within seconds of the first toast.  I don’t necessarily think this behavior is unforgivably rude, but it is a subtle form of interruption.  Personally, I prefer a more inclusive conversational approach where everyone at the table participates. Lively, entertaining, crackling conversation feeds a successful gathering.  Ultimately, it probably doesn’t matter if there are one or many chats as long as everyone is having a super fun time.  I take my cue from the host, mostly listen, laugh when appropriate, and come prepared with at least one witty anecdote in the event it’s required.  I’m not claiming the prize as most well-mannered dinner guest or anything.  As a strict vegetarian, some hosts regard me as the most high-maintenance dinner guest of all, and I completely understand.