Tag Archives: Gwen Stefani

only as faithful as his opportunities

DOGS LOVE YOGAAs many of you know, I’m a yoga teacher.  Whatever, roll your eyes.   This one dude has been sporadically coming to my class for a couple years.  He’s nice enough, I guess; albeit a little clingy.  He’s always trying to hug.  (Stop hugging your yoga teacher.  We don’t want to hug everybody.)  Recently, he’s been pressing me to have an “evening tea with him.”  He’s married and his wife is out of the country on the front side of relocating the family.  So the wife takes the kids to Europe to get settled, and the chubby little skeeze of a husband hits on his yoga teacher.  Fucking Gross.  I tried to just dust him off, but he keeps coming back with pressured persistence.  Asshole, I’m not going to participate in your piggish fuckery.  I am not going to carry on with you in a way that disrespects your wife.  I decline to create the appearance of impropriety or compromise my character, dickwad  Do not be naively drawn into these nefarious shenanigans under false pretenses, folks.  He’s really trying to fuck. They’re always trying to fuck. GWEN

Sunday with a sweater

Sunday at the Beach

Sunday with Naomi

Sunday with Matrimony


Rachel Zoe

Rachel Zoe rolled out her self-titled collection this season.  Some of you may be familiar with the little copycat scandal served up à la Teen Vogue.  In Rachel’s defense, every non-designer with a label does this – mines their own closet for inspiration (including Kate Moss).  Zoe’s rookie mistake was particularly conspicuous because she didn’t even bother to tweak her version. Truthfully, the entire collection looked eerily familiar.  Here’s a summary of Zoe’s take on suiting.This red suit was one of the stronger looks, but we’ve seen Valentino do this better.  What is Zoe bringing to the table that is new and fresh?  Really, we need another version of a white suit?  Master tailors offered up a hundred versions of the white suit over the past five seasons.  We’ve seen the white suit done better Rach, but thanks for playing. Rachel hopped on the one-shoulder, sequin train a few seasons too late.  This look is so tired, and for the most part so are the rest of her cocktail offerings.. This cape is pretty cute, but I don’t die for the color.  Her coat looks a lot like the one Gwen Stefani modeled during Zoe’s visit to the L.A.M.B. showroom last season. Can we let the fucking shorts go?  And Gwyneth, I’m talking to your ass too.  Grown-ass women have no business in shorts outside the gym or the beach, maybe even ever.  Please stop trying to make fashion shorts happen.  Enjoy Rachel Zoe’s take on the unwearable trend.  Having thoroughly considered the collection, all in all, I say Rachel No.

The Rachel Zoe Project: King McQueen

Across the coast in NYC, Rachel’s first stop was L.A.M.B for a little pow-wow with Gwen StefaniZoe undulated over the clothes, but Gwen maintained her distance and even gave a little cut eye.  Stefani modeled this dope coat.  L.A.M.B. is okay except for their tendency to recapitulate the same trends: plaid, leather, zoot suit.  Also, you really need to be at least 5’7″ to wear her wide leg pants or risk drowning.After her meeting with Gwen, Rachel got a call from Naomi Campbell who requested that she pull 90-100 looks for Fashion for Relief Haiti scheduled to open Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week 72 hours later.  Despite the short-notice, Rachel of course agreed – nobody says no to Mz. Campbell.The huge project meant Brad had to hop the first flight to NYC to help Rachel throw together the benefit.  Through flurries, Rachel arrived at the Haiti for Relief production offices and surveyed the pitiful clothing selection. The snowy weather caused the whole city to grind to a halt, and the samples weren’t exactly pouring in.  Brad pled, begged, and blackberried every contact he had in the industry with virtually no results.  Rachel tried to put together outfits with the meager pickings, but without accessories, shoes, or a wide variety of clothes, the looks were more Filene’s Basement than Fendi.Brad’s frustrating lack of urgency panicked Rachel even further.  Nobody wants to be at the receiving end of Naomi Campbell’s dragon fire, and Rachel should be skerred since Naomi could crack her open like crème brûlée.

Rachel complained to Brad about the lack of clothes, and in turn Brad kvetched to the others about being on Rachel’s shit list.  A minion asked Brad if he’d contacted Jimmy Choo, and he responded, “Let’s do Choo!”  No fucking shit dumbass.  You’ve been sitting around all fucking day creasing your brow and whining about not having shoes, and it didn’t occur to you to call Jimmy Fucking ChooBrad is officially useless.Naomi rolled in and doled out “hellos” mistakenly calling Brad “Brian,” as he turned bright red with embarrassment and fear.  Naomi surveyed the scene and immediately freaked out at the shortage.  Brad tried to serve Naomi excuses, but she wasn’t having it, arguing he should have brought any problems to her attention sooner.  Duck Brad!Overnight, the news of Alexander McQueen’s untimely demise broke, and this cast a dark shadow over all of fashion week.  To honor him, Naomi planned to add a small McQueen tribute to the end of the Fashion for Relief runway show.One of the models, Ralph Plaisimond, a Haitian, was in the country during the earthquake.  As he told of his experience, Rachel couldn’t cope with anything beyond the superficial, so she departed to self-soothe in the other room.  Proving once again white people suck, Rachel launched into a racist diatribe claiming she’s always been “obsessed” with Haitians (like Haitians are the new must-have Chanel bag), before turning to Brad and pawing a rack bragging, “they are all Giamba…”The next day, looks started pouring in.  This was more likely a result of Naomi connections than Brad’s hustle, but either way the influx saved Brad’s ass.

On the morning of the show, Rachel hurried to order the looks and finish the fittings while Brad wandered around aimlessly, failing to take charge of the chaos backstage.  Despite the general disorganization, the models managed to execute the extremely complicated task of getting dressed and walking down the runway.  In the end, the show came together and was surprisingly not a total clusterfuck.The show closed with a tribute to King McQueen where everyone choked up at the loss of a true genius.  The void he left will never be filled.  We love and admire you always Alexander.

Who delivered at the 2010 Met Costume Institute Gala?

Anne Hathaway in Valentino, one of the best of the night.

Blake wasted her banging body in this Versace mistake.

I’m not mad at Gwen for this.

January, no, oh no…..

Mila, kinda drowning, but not bad.

Biel puts the ralph in Ralph Lauren.Why Gisele, why?Bad fit in YSL.

Diane von Furstenberg does Kristin Bell right.

Padma proves shiny fabric is no woman’s friend on the red carpet.

JLO’s done this look before, but it is done well here.