Tag Archives: gym

8 douchey things dudes do at the gym

Douche dudes work out in beanies.  You might as well wear a t-shirt that says “I’m bald.”  Remove the beanie, douche.TEXTING DOUCHE

Douche dudes over train glamour muscles like biceps and under train functional strength like core.  Great, you can bench 350, but you can’t hold plank for one minute; you fucking weak-ass douche.WEAK DOUCHEDouche dudes grunt, slam weights, and engage in other attention-seeking behavior.  We don’t think you look strong, we think you sound dumb.GRUNT DOUCHEDouche dudes sit on workout machines and text.  Granted, workout machines are fucking useless and should be avoided, but they aren’t fucking bar stools, douche.TEXT DOUCHEDouche dudes swing their dick and nuts around when they should be contained in an appropriate garment.  If I can see the outline of the head of your peen through your shorts than you are a douche.DICK DOUCHEDouche dudes stand around in the locker room naked.  Put your clothes on, douche.NUDE DOUCHEDouche dudes drink protein shakes all day as if their job sitting on their ass selling insurance requires the physical stamina of erecting the Pyramids of Giza by hand.TWINKIE DOUCHE

 

Fitness Fashion Splurge: Lululemon

The idea of spending $100 on workout pants seemed ludicrous.  Then one day it became clear why Lululemon is worth the investment.  During yoga, your pants may be revealing more than you realize.  Less substantial yoga pants are so transparent that the entire outline of your junk can be seen in certain poses.  Straight up Penthouse Pet inner-labia bitches. Celeb-preferred and now ubiquitous, Lululemon, the pricey Vancouver-based company, has become the fitness apparel choice for runners, yogis, and gym bunnies.  This shit ain’t cheap.  Choke the price down. The thick, absorbent, wicking, compressing, miraculously flattering proprietary fabric won’t reveal your noni, and will flatter your body before you even work up a sweat.  With common sense care, this gear last years.  Serious durability means no buyer’s remorse.Start with one pair of pants and marvel at how good they make your ass look, but please don’t become one of those dumbass bitches so intoxicated with the sight of  her own ass that she uses these pants to shamelessly troll for men at the gym.