Tag Archives: herpes

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: Forbidden Friday

So no matter what happens this weekend, we are absolutely forbidden from partaking in the following behaviors.

Childish Alcoholic Douchebaggery.

No belly shots, keg stands, quarters, beruit, or other drinking games spawned from the land of Kappa Kappa Kunts.  Trust me – you’ve graduated.

Enjoy no more than 5 cocktails, and if any one of you makes that Mercy-laced cocktail recipe courtesy of GOOP then I will issue an official fatwa on your ass.  Take that shit to Gwyneth’s townhouse.  Wanna cure your hangover?  Set aside a fat rail from your eight ball and reserve it for breakfast.  Problem solved.  Put that in your newsletter Mizz Martin.

Mopping up the Dregs.

No matter how desperate, horny, or lonely, avoid finding a fuck partner the last twenty minutes the bar is open.  When has a truly satisfying sexual experience come from sorting through the dregs at last call?  Better question, how many of these encounters require a side order of Valtrex with the following morning’s Mimosa brunch.  Don’t kick off 2012 with a trip to the free clinic.

Including the drama couple.

Most of us are friends with at least one couple that can’t make it through an entire evening without getting into some loud dramatic stunt queen shit that sours the fun for everyone.  Avoid those assholes this weekend.

Drinking and Driving

DUI’s are so 2007 and so inexcusable.  For those dumbasses thinking of riding home on their bikes drunk (FYI, you can still get a DUI on a bike), did I ever tell you about that night I spent in the hospital with my friend Oskar after he cracked his head open drunk biking home from the bars one night?  Fun story.

Bitch & Complain

Nothing sucks up fun like a whiny bitch.  I’ll sum this up with one of my favorite quotes (which has been attributed to several different people including: Katharine Hepburn, Wallis Simpson, Henry Ford II, Benjamin Disraeli, and John Wayne, but who knows where it originated?)

Never Complain.  Never Explain.

Lysine: Sorry for the Herpes

Not long ago, an acquaintance had a cold sore the size of Saturn festering on her lip for at least two weeks.  The eruption was down right distracting, like one of those car crash situations where you don’t want to look, but absolutely can’t look away. I was dying to throw some Lysine in her direction.  Lysine inhibits the herp by repressing the metabolism of Arginine, another amino acid which acts as herpes food. Many foods contain Lysine in various levels.  For example, beans and lentils contain quite a bit.  Generally speaking, most of us don’t get enough of this essential amino acid to effectively inhibit canker sores without a dietary supplement. Clinical studies suggest that at least 1250 milligrams must be taken for significant results.  Keep in mind that gelatin contains Arginine, so definitely avoid Lysine supplements containing this counterproductive ingredient.Synthetically produced Lysine is cheaper than naturally sourced, but both seem to do the trick to combat fever blisters.  Use Lysine to ward off an attack, shorten its duration, and speed healing.  Lysine is a cheap, natural, and effective treatment for the herp – pass it on. 

WHY WAIT?

Over the weekend I had a lengthy discush with a good friend about giving it up too early.  Well past virgin territory, arguments for waiting have nothing to do with Jesus or wedding nights.  In no particular order, a few good to reasons slow down…1. Jumping into the kip on the first night has become a tired cliché.  It’s neither sexy nor rebellious.  It is expected and ordinary.  Nobody’s talking purity rings here, but honestly, some of ya’ll don’t even get a first and last name before getting naked.2. After a certain age, one realizes authentic chemistry is exceedingly rare.  If another person gives you butterflies, delight in the magic and draw out the phenomenon for as long as possible.  Fuck too soon and bang the butterflies to death.3. Most people are selfish and dirty.  In a one night stand situation, most people won’t confess to the herp, hep, HIV, or clap.  A greater majority don’t even know they are spreading warts all around town.

4.  Reasonable delay allows anticipation and tension to build.  Courtship creates mystery and interest.  Easy = Boring. 5. Holding out for a minute also allows you to weed out the following: 1) stage 5 clingers, 2) assholes, and 3) beer-goggle regrets.

Skills for life: protect your vagina and your wangXO,DC