Tag Archives: hike

Needling part deux

Tapping in acupuncture needleAfter my first dry needling sesh, I experienced immediate and miraculous relief from a nagging pain in the ass.  Post-treatment, I am enveloped in self-producing chemical euphoria.  The next day, I felt sore locally as if these muscles had endured a strenuous workout.  A day or so later, I completed a light hike, but that seemed to reaggravate the old injury and trigger tightness in the recently released area.  During the first appointment, Casey only treated my symptomatic left side, but once those myofascial trigger points released it made my right side feel tight and fucked up by comparison.DON'T KNOW WHY THIS BITCH IS SMILINGFor my second appointment, I requested needling on both the right and left sides.  A few tight points had indeed returned in the left glute med and piriformis, so he needled three spots.  It felt different, in some respects more painful and needle-y than the first time, but also the bundles of tension seemed to dissipate more quickly than before.  When Casey turned his attention to the right cheek, the needling electro-pinged with virgin intensity.  I just screamed, “Oh Fuck, Oh Fuck, Fuck Casey.”  Casey just loves to sheepishly exit my treatment room and face all his nervous waiting patients after they overhear my loud hysterics penetrating through the walls.DRY NEEDLE NECKThe day after my second sesh, I felt super sore and ass-weak.  A couple days later, my butt felt better than ever.  The true test will come this weekend when I attend Pitchfork.  Standing around all day smelling bearded hipsters tends to twerk my ass into a tizzy.  If I can survive a festival without a major pain in the ass, than I will be really impressed with the benefits of dry needling.PITCHFORK

Things I do that make no sense…

9 OF SWORDSRead my own tarot and then ignore the outcome to my own worst detriment.  DERMAPLANINGSpend more money on fancy facial treatments than I do on health insurance. ALEC BALDWINYell at people for things that aren’t my business and I don’t really care about. ONLY IF I LET YOU IN

Seriously consider purchasing a house you can only access by a treacherous and steep hiking path up a mountain.  For real.  Y U MAKE NO SENSE

The Kalalau Death March

Okay, so I’m not the super most hardcore hiker in the world, but I’ve hiked some shit and don’t get easily intimidated by physical challenges.  When I researched hiking the Kalalau Trail, one of the few ways to access the rugged Nā Pali Coast, I didn’t necessarily get hysterical when people on Tripadvisor proclaimed “You can die on this hike!”  Those bitches were right!First, Kaua’i is (obviously) muddy because of frequent rains.  Therefore, the trail is usually super muddy and slick.  It begins with difficult slippery, steep rock terrain, dries out into an exposed root section, and requires crossing a fast moving stream several times before tunneling into a terrifying stretch of super muddy path with a sheer drop-off.  I spent most of the hike repeating the mantras, “I am the rock.  I am the mud.  I am the mountain” hoping the affirmations would please the Garden Isle Gods and they might spare me a broken bone or twisted ankle.  To add another layer of intrigue, in December of 2012, apparently some methy jungle-living asshole pushed a Japanese tourist off a 15 foot cliff on this very trail.  She did not die, but was critically injured.  When I wasn’t watching the ground to ensure my footing, I was looking up the hill to make sure a psycho tweeker wasn’t about to descend on my ass.  Good times on Kaua’i!In total, I hiked 8 miles in 5 hours.  The ranger predicted it would take me 7, but he doesn’t know me.  I do work, son.Considering the difficulty and intensity of the hike, I can’t let the opportunity pass to share with you some of the profound displays of stupidity I encountered along the way.  1)  Did you really bring your infant?  Look, I know parents don’t want to leave their little babies at the resort with a sitter, but this hike was no place for a child.  Several parents carried babies in backpacks on this trail.  Without a backpack and even with three points of contact on the mountain, I still found the terrain extremely slippery and treacherous.  What happens when you slip and drop your child?  Not a good look.  Most young children will not enjoy this experience.  You will spend the whole time worrying about them, and it won’t be fun for anyone.  Depending on the child, 10 and under can sit this one out.  Drop them at the kiddie pool with Nana.2) Are you seriously wearing a skirt?  I passed a girl who was ordering everyone around wearing a khaki mid-thigh skirt.  Bitch stop supervising everyone else and put on some fucking pants.  This is not a day of shopping at the GAP.  G-sus. 3) Do you really need that tripod?  About 2/3 of the way into the 8 mile hike, I saw a couple trying to negotiate a huge tripod and some intense camera equipment through this mess.  We all enjoy a good vacation photo, but a full size tripod is overkill and trying to haul one up this gnarly trail could very well kill you.  If your name is not Ansel Adams, pack a point and click and get over it.  Best to keep your hands free and pack as light as possible. 

4)  Make sure your entire party is able-bodied.  If one or more persons in your group is scared or even lukewarm on this adventure, leave them behind.  Don’t drag folks down this path.  They will bitch throughout, possibly injure themselves, and then blame you.  Even the enthusiastic will be daunted early on, so prepare yourself to turn around if someone in your group isn’t feeling the intensity. 

5)  Check your ego.  Even the most mountain-y among you aren’t likely to have experience with this type of terrain.  The combination of ascent, rocks, roots, mud, crowds, narrowness, and consistent difficulty make this one of the most challenging hikes I’ve encountered and I live in a place with some big ass mountains. 

 

Merrell Barefoot

I thought I liked those stupid J-41 shoes, but after shredding 2 pairs in quick succession the shoddy fabrication became a deal-breaker.  I’m on to a fresh set of Merrell Barefoot which are so much more durably constructed. Super lightweight and narrowly tailored to the foot in keeping with the latest running principles, these shoes work for the daily grind and rise to the challenge of a hike.  I find them comfortable, cute, and travel-friendly. 

before the end of summer…

Go outside.  Wasted the summer on the sofa?  There is still plenty of time to get off your ass and feel the sun on your face.  It doesn’t have to be an all day commitment.  My friend Trisha and I took a short but challenging hike over the weekend and celebrated with smoothies and pancakes.  I was back on the couch with the bong by 3 pm, but this time with a misguided sense of accomplishment. Go natural.  Lose the make-up, hair dryer, and trappings of effort and just go as you are for at least a day.  See how good you look free from all the cosmetic “enhancement.”  Ever since I stopped brushing my hair like an Olsen everyone keeps saying how great it looks.  A dialed-down you might receive surprisingly interesting reactions.  Why not cultivate an effortless look by actually using less effort?Embrace frivolity.  Before September strikes, enjoy a moment of total silliness.  Play in a sprinkler.  Wear ridiculous vintage.  Smile at strangers.  Read Jacqueline Susann.  Send a postcard.  Shamelessly court fun.