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Last week I went to Costco on a Sunday. As I entered the store, I heard this woman in her late sixties muttering complaints ferociously under breath. It was too crowded. There were no carts. She was bitching to herself out loud. I wanted to turn to her and say, bitch it is Sunday at the Costco, what did you expect?One of my shopping companions always starts an irrational rant before we even enter the threshold of the store. How long is this going to take? Do you have a list? Can we be out of here in 20 minutes? After vigorously wiping the cart down with an anti-bacterial wipe, he death grips the cart handle and aggressively plunges forward. Elderly, children, and pregnant women be damned.If a trip to the store is on your to do list this week, please save yourself the frustration and accept a few realities. First, it will be crowded. Second, certain popular items may not be in stock. Third, it will be the most exhausting and unpleasant experience. Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s are virtually unnavigable on a good day; rolling into a holiday weekend it’s beyond bananas. Surviving the parking lot is an achievement. If crowds conjure anxiety, go at an off-peak time – like an hour before closing. Eat before so you don’t get stuck in the free sample gridlock. Have patience. Be Kind. Say excuse me. Leave plenty of time. Don’t ram the elderly. An enterprising SuperTarget employee will upload the security camera footage on YouTube, and then you’ll be the asshole that assaulted grandma. It’s a cruel world. Happy Holidays.
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