Tag Archives: home

hausplantz

TALL SUCCULENTI enjoy a houseplant.  I just recently repotted a few that had outgrown their containers and it tickled me to no end.  I tell you, it’s the little things.

SPIDER PLANT REPOT

Folks spend a fortune on fancy air purifying systems.  We buy low VOC paint.  Parents work to eliminate every microbe and allergen from their child’s room.  We make things too complicated.  A few scattered houseplants will purify the air while producing oxygen.  Some plants are better at cleaning the indoor air than others, but mercifully these inexpensive and widely available varieties grow easily.

Spider SPIDER PLANT WHITE POT

Removes: benzene, formaldehyde, carbon monoxide and xylene

Snake SNAKE PLANT

Removes: formaldehyde

MumMUM

Removes: benzene

English IvyENGLISH IVY

Removes: airborne fecal matter, formaldehyde

Aloe Vera ALOE VERA

Removes: formaldehyde, benzene

HOUSEPLANTS

10 Best Aspects of Living Alone

LIVE ALONE…never having to smell another person’s fart.DUTCH OVEN

…never finding a strange hair in the shower.FUCKING GROSS

…sleeping in the middle of the bed and stretching out your limbs to every corner.BALLS UP

…never having to cook when you aren’t hungry.

FUCK THIS HOUSEWIFE SHIT

…maintaining the home at your ideal temperature.

WINDOWS OPEN

…leaving the dishes until tomorrow.

DISHES

…complete silence.

SILENCE

…half the laundry.

LAUNDRESSES

…total solitude.

LEAVE ME ALONE

…the rush of liberation and total independence.

WELCOME TO INDEPENDENCE

i hate you IKEA

I hate you IKEA because you smell funny.  I blame the restaurant.  The Swedes are not known for their cuisine.  A fellow patron spilled one of those ligonberry drinks and I watched as it penetrated the polished concrete floor like battery acid.  I want to throw a Swedish meatball at your stadium-sized head IKEAIKEA CHINAI hate you IKEA because you seduce me with your displays.  While walking through the showroom, it all looks like Oz.  When your resolve has weakened and you are ready to drop your panties for that $199 dresser, follow the yellow brick road down to the warehouse and pull back the curtain to find a sea of gray, bleak cardboard, and overwhelming confusion stacked from floor to ceiling.  IKEA WAREHOUSEI hate you IKEA because you are still the most affordable option for semi-stylish home furnishings.  What makes IKEA a hassle is what makes IKEA cheap.  THAT'S WHYI hate you IKEA because you make your employees wear the ugliest shirts ever made.  Are you furniture referees?  Lemme get you a whistle and maybe you can wrangle some of these deranged children out of the way.IKEA REFEREESI hate you IKEA because you assign homework.  I have to put this thing together now?  My friend Trish hired some dude off Craigslist to put all her IKEA furniture together – assembling shitty pre-fab furniture is a cottage industry.  Skills for life, people.  Skills for life. IKEA CRAIGSLIST

 

Demeter Clarc Tidy Tip: Smooth-Sided Toilets

AMERICAN STANDARD SMOOTH SIDED TOILETSome of the filthiest and most difficult areas to clean are the bends, folds, and bolts of the toilet.  I confess, I hate cleaning this area so much.  It feels like no matter how many times I go over it, I uncover more dust, dirt, hair, and grime.  Why is it a harbor for mystery pubes?  So gross.  Truly, it is one of my most despised cleaning tasks. GROSS DIRTY TOILETTOP FLUSH SMOOTH SIDED TOILETWhen I remodeled recently, I opted for a smooth-sided toilet.  The shape eliminates all those little areas where disgusting funk collects.  With this style commode, a good once or twice over and the gunk is gone.  SQUARE SMOOTH SIDED TOILETSmooth-sided toilets are a skosh more expensive than the cheapest entry-level traditional style thrones, but how many toilets are you going to buy in your life?  When considering the number of times you will perch here as well as the frequent cleanings, it makes sense to spring for the modern smooth-sided one piece.  AMERICAN STANDARD SMOOTH SIDED TOILET

Things I do that make no sense…

9 OF SWORDSRead my own tarot and then ignore the outcome to my own worst detriment.  DERMAPLANINGSpend more money on fancy facial treatments than I do on health insurance. ALEC BALDWINYell at people for things that aren’t my business and I don’t really care about. ONLY IF I LET YOU IN

Seriously consider purchasing a house you can only access by a treacherous and steep hiking path up a mountain.  For real.  Y U MAKE NO SENSE

organiZING

After some healthy snowfall, I stayed in today and spent several hours organizing.  As much as staring at a heap of clutter induces anxiety, cleaning up the mess feels equally, if not more, stress relieving.Today I focused on the office.  To the extent I can, I try and go paperless, for the trees and to reduce the management of physical paperwork.  However, one cannot transact all biz electronically.  Set up a home filing system so you have a place to put the records that must be kept.  Deal with paper as it comes in by sorting it into categories for recycling, shredding, requiring action, and filing.  Invest in a filing cabinet.  Document storage furniture can be pricey new, but there are always an abundance of options on craigslist and 2nd hand stores that are more economical.  If you do want to spring for a new one, these from CB2 are pretty enjoyable.

 

retro appliances, fun or lame?

salvage

I’ve been meeting with professionals to consult on a building project.  Even though I’m at the very beginning of the process, talking to these narrow-minded folks is frustrating.  When I tell them the intended budget – which I assure you is not wildly unrealistic, they look at me like I’m morphing into a giant blueberry.  One of the main goals of the project is to use reclaimed, recycled, and locally sourced materials.  We don’t want to kill anything to build the structure.  Waste is plentiful in this world, so why not literally build something constructive out it?  I’d like to gently remind the condescending experts that sustainably can function, and it can do so economically.  Every home in this collection of photos is made from majority reclaimed, recycled, or repurposed materials. So it can be done.  The challenge is finding the genius with the skills to effectively execute the vision and the creativity to inexpensively source materials. Not all of these dwellings may appeal to your personal taste, but you have to tip your hat to the ingenuity and resourcefulness that went in to constructing them.

easy fixes for big impact

The media latched onto Madonna’s alleged tour contract rider request for a new toilet seat at each venue as if it were the most extravagant thing in the world.  In truth, you can pick up a new toilet seat for next to nothing.  If yours is nasty, replace it.  Changing a toilet seat is simple and cheap, and so there really is no excuse for having a worn, discolored or decaying throne.  The house I just moved into has wooden seats.  Best believe those came off right away.  I personally prefer a white seat, but a clean seat in any color or pattern will do.How do you really get yourself or your shower clean without a detachable shower head?  Masturbatory importance aside, a detachable shower head is a must.  Much like a new toilet seat, a handheld shower is easy to install and is completely DIY.  This fix is a cheap investment in exchange for a major upgrade in luxury.

The final fix is a little more involved, but also well worth it under certain circumstances.  First, why does every kitchen sink leak?  Today the all volunteer in-house maintenance crew came and switched out the kitchen faucet from a shitty, standard, non-hand sprayer variety to a super modern style.  Like the shower, I find a hand sprayer essential to effectively cleaning the kitchen sink.  When he put the house on the market, the owner did a crappy glamor install on a new faucet instead of a proper job and it gushed water from beneath.  Thankfully, my super skillful and handsome handyman fixed it all up and now not only does it not leak, but I have a hand sprayer pull out that I really need to be happy.