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April 2013 Horoscopes

Aries

Happy Birthday Aries!  You little dirty bitch!  You’ve been up to no good and causing drama in all four corners.  Your reactive emotions fuel this behavior.  Aries tend to externalize which means you are always looking outside for sources of glory, security, joy and gloom.  It also means that those around Aries feel every ping of their energetic pong.  It’s more exhausting than that unrelenting table tennis fuck scene in Girls this season.  Aries generously offer wit, spark, and fun to the mix.  Don’t just skip past the word fun like its three little letters of meaninglessness.  Instead, consider how many people you know that are actually really good fun?  Remarkably few.  That’s why we appreciate you Aries.  Save the yelling, stomping, and fit throwing energy for more productive endeavors this April.  Let’s be honest: you’ve fallen a bit behind in some areas and need to quickly come correct.

Taurus

When the Bull makes up its mind there is no budging her no matter how insane and illogical her position.  Sometimes, Taurus wears this fixedness like a Girl Scout badge sewn arrogantly across the heart.  In other moments of great introspection, the Bull sees the folly in taking such unyielding stances.  Narrow, inflexible thinking limits you.  The sooner you learn that stubbornness is not a reliable power source, the better.  The corresponding positive trait to your stubborn nature is that you have grit and strength like no one else.  When you decide to do, you do.  When you commit, you are sincerely committed.  This tenacity basically guarantees you success if you can stay out of your own damn way.

 Gemini

Gemini takes April by the balls and executes on a number of important projects.  Geminis get a little muddled in their own dithering.  The theme for this year is clarity, power, and control.  Decide what you truly want without external influences.  Gather the resources to move forward.  Guide the process with a specific goal in mind.  How much time did you waste last month on activities that propelled you nowhere?  Exactly.  Now is the time to really examine yourself at the most basic and mundane levels, Gemini.  As a highly intelligent and skilled person, many ask for your help.  Remember you control the gauge on the generosity meter.  Give when it feels right, not out of a misguided sense of obligation.

 Cancer

The idiom “she has her heart in the right place” must have first been spoken about a Cancer.  Certainly, intention matters when you are navigating the world.  Just remember that other old saying – the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  Accountability has never been your strength Crab.  Rather than deal with the consequences of your decisions, you’d rather hole up in your shell and hope the cloudy days and bill collectors pass.  To quote Heathers, “get crucial.”  None of this shit is going away.  One particularly interesting and frustrating thing about you Cancer is that once you decide to change, you do so rather easily.  Use this adaptability to move past some of your most childish and selfish behaviors.

Leo

Lately Leo has ladled up bowlfuls of excuses for bad behavior.  Little Lion is such a busy bee: too taxed for friends, too overstretched to lend an extra hand at work, too exhausted for family dinner.  We get it Leo.  You are much in demand.  Keep on keeping on with the one-sided relationships and you’ll see the demands on your time greatly diminish because no one will want to hang out with you anymore.  This April, concentrate on small gestures that demonstrate that you care about others.  Open doors.  Take the time and courtesy to smile.  Use please and thank you gratuitously.  Your kindness will have ripple effects.  Beyond mundane acts of common courtesy, reach out to that friend that obviously needs you, but that you keep blowing off.

 Virgo

Big change has ruptured the Virgo routine and it’s thrown your world and relationships into a chaotic tailspin.  Denial continues to plague Virgo’s advancement.  Acceptance is the first step, hunny.  Acknowledge the great success you have made in certain areas.  The respect you’ve earned and deserve is truly remarkable and rare.  Accepting your great strengths as part of a total package, it is only fair to consider your shortcomings too.  Virgos have a slow burn rager of a temper.  Adversaries who stoke that fire should prepare for a thrashing.  Virgos won’t hesitate to tell you how much you suck when you fail to meet their typically unreachable standards.  Instead of getting so angry, just get out.

 Libra

Always accommodating, Libra’s relationship idealism often clouds their common sense and better judgment.  Everyone you know isn’t going to move to the same block, line their yards with picket fences, and live happily ever after.  That’s not real life.  Rather than trying to cultivate this false Truman Show ideal, overcome your fear of disharmony.  Conflict and disappointments are realistic counterpoints to the greatest joys of life.  To live fully, Libras must embrace the full spectrum of relationship interactions, including discord.  Less prone to clutter than filth, dust bunnies do not constitute an Easter celebration.  You feel me?

 Scorpio

Unusually scattered Scorpios have been living a-maybe-this-maybe-that existence recently.  This out-of-character approach has you feeling flush with choices and the stress that accompanies multiple opportunities.  So what the fuck do you want to do Scorpio?  Rarely one to take the easy choice just because it’s easy, many won’t understand the reasoning behind your future course of action.  It won’t matter what anyone thinks if you are actually capable of executing on your grand plans.  Let the critics motivate your success.  Expect major breakthrough moments during this year of physical and emotional transit.

 Sagittarius

When Sags get into something, they really immerse themselves in a subject.  You love to learn every nuance and detail until you qualify as an expert in your area of interest.  Mastery fascinates you.  Sags learn with a child-like innocence that makes them excellent and dedicated pupils.  With all this energy directed towards your goals and intention, what time is left for your nearest and dearest?  Remember, other people have shit going on too.  We all enjoy celebrating your successes and joys, but avoid becoming a one-note Nancy.  Make sure your friends and family feel the same intensity of affection.  Meet others’ celebratory moments with the same enthusiasm you expect when sharing yours.

 Capricorn

Nerves.  Let’s talk about your nerves Cap.  You gotta lot of nerve, as demonstrated by your rather audacious and reckless choices.  Lately, all your nervous energy has wrecked your progress with a potential conquest.  At work, your nerves are frayed and your bitchy attitude is getting on everyone’s nerves.  Spend April soothing yourself and calming the fuck down.  Messy skin, dull eyes, clenched jaw, and the constant fidgeting are all evidence of your tightly wound personality.  You are serving us a clenched-ass Cameron from Ferris Bueller and it’s not a good look.  Relax.  Puff a doob.  Sip a scotch.  Enjoy an orgasm.  Meditate.  Find a way to relax.

Aquarius

Aquarius has undergone a period of self-flagellation recently which may have manifested in weight-loss, sleeplessness, and love lost.  Whatever it takes to make it back home, get there.  Now is the time to stabilize, center, and secure.  Get your bearings by surrounding yourself with people who really know you and want only the best for you.  April leaves Aquarius vulnerable to users, manipulators, and liars.  Guard your heart and secrets carefully this month.  Spend time alone walking in nature or playing with pets.  At least the animals won’t betray you.

 Pisces

Pretty Pisces articulates needs clearly this month.  Fishes feel deeply.  This spring, they are ready to reveal their honest sentiments without barriers of insecurity.  A new confidence and swagger comes with a clear understanding of what and who you want.  Just be careful what you wish for little dove.  Pisces tend to extend and then retract themselves, never really exposing true vulnerability.  What if you extended yourself with no expectation in return?  By adapting this courageous approach, you will profoundly evolve.  Pain is an inextricable part of life.  The Piscean tendency to recoil from discomfort explains why they often seek comfort in drugs, sex, or food to destructive ends.

February 2013 Horoscope

Aquarius

Happy Birthday Aquarius!  If life were dessert, you’d be the fluffy, foamy, creamy topping.  You are truly an effervescent joy, so much so that the more cynical among us sometimes read your jubilance as disingenuous.  Depending on how you wield your charisma that reading may or may not be true.  Getting to know you can be difficult Aquarius.  Actually, sometimes just getting you to sit still long enough to have a meaningful conversation is challenging.  Aquarius likes to maintain a wide social circle and has a knack for bringing folks together, albeit, somewhat indiscriminately.  In contrast, many Aquariuses (Aquarii?) also maintain a hermit-like private life.  A flourishing spiritual life is important, and many admire your commitment, but what about LOVE?  Light up in the thrill of flirt, and if you by any chance feel a spark, fan the flame.

 Pisces

Pisces rather selective nature often means they go months without taking a lover, but when they do, watch the fuck out because it is like a thirsty man found water.  Slightly self-obsessed navel gazers, Pisces spend a significant amount of time contemplating their own process and feelings.  Close friends of Pisces know that sometimes little fishes act like life is only happening to them.  Pull your head above water and inventory your nearest and dearest.  Don’t turn every proximate drama or trauma into your own.  Pisces possess a compassionate and forgiving nature; apply these qualities in your dealings with others this month.  Your personal integrity is admired by many.

 Aries

To others, Aries seem really moody and irrational for no apparent reason.  Of course the reason is apparent to you.  When you hit your limit with other people’s inconsiderate actions you aren’t afraid to let them know.  Since the world is full of rude and hateful people, from your point of view you are doing community service by informing them of their annoying behavior.  How noble.  Channel work stress into rough sex.  The bedroom is appropriate place for Aries to aggress this month. Think more heart-felt than extravagant this Valentine’s Day, and don’t forget your Mom.  Small gestures of loving generosity pay dividends in surprising ways.

 Taurus

Taurus envisions things a certain way, and when the illusion is shattered it is truly destabilizing.  The choices of some of your most trusted mentors have come to influence your thinking in certain matters.  Where are you willing to compromise?  More importantly, where are you not willing to compromise?  Life is too fleeting to waste time on the unworthy.  For you Taurus, this is especially true.  Over the next few months, there are consistent and significant demands on your time.  Typically very responsible, there will be some days in February where you just want to blow off your responsibilities.  You can get away with playing hooky once, so choose wisely.

 Gemini

Over the next three months Gemini will experience some serious upheaval that will inevitably throw your rigid world into relative chaos.  Emotionally, this will be a challenging time.  Rely on your intelligence to make wise and thoughtful decisions.  Whatever comes of change, you will adapt, grow, and more importantly thrive.  Spend more time organizing than procrastinating.  Just choose an item of clutter and put it away or get rid of it.  Rinse.  Repeat.  It’s not that deep.  Never one for big romantic gestures, ask yourself what it means when you pass up those small opportunities to show you care.

 Cancer

February should prove especially enchanting for Cancers.  Romance, delicious food and general wooing is coming your way, so brace yourself to swoon.  They say at any given time a person juggles at least five worries.  You shoulder your share of troubles, but lately those concerns have taken a less prominent role in your thinking.  All of your hard work really benefits the bank account which allows you to pay off your debts if you choose to responsibly allocate your resources.  This is an opportunity to break a pattern.  Stay active; it will keep not only your body in shape, but quiet your mind as well.

 Leo

Oh lovely Leo, mundane repairs and maintenance dominate over the first three weeks of the month.  This is a fantastic month for collaboration both professionally and privately.  Professionally, others view you as a contributor and team player.  Your ideas are valued even if you find the perspectives of teammates ludicrous.  Listen carefully to the wise opinions of those you trust. Personally, you begin to realize that your current situation is hindering your progress in general.  When it comes to love Leo, a little strategy wouldn’t hurt.  You are a Lion, so go stalk your prey.  Nothing feels as good as being desired, so express yours.

Virgo

That hectic pace has finally caught up with you dear Virgo and whether you want to or not life has forced you to slow your roll.  Professionally, you’ve proved yourself, but at what expense?  Look at your calendar.  Is there a blank day?  Virgos tend to overschedule.  Virgos need blank days.  We all need blank days.  Towards the end of the month Virgos brim with creative and practical solutions.  February forces conversations about living situations, especially the balance of indoor outdoor space.  These considerations cause you to go back over your past which leads to some interesting personal revelations.

 Libra

After a rather lengthy gray period, February opens up some opportunities for fun, perhaps even including animals or children.  It’s been awhile since Libra enjoyed frivolous, silly fun and activities you enjoy.  Libras gain a renewed sense of confidence with a full dance card, and you come on like a tropical breeze this February.  A little levity lightens your mood and this leads to closer intimacy between you and your partner.  Already prone to nostalgia, February has you contemplating the family legacy.  Libras especially value family and therefore make the perfect candidates for creating tributes to parents.

 Scorpio

Just when you think you know a Scorpio, they totally surprise you – sometimes with their sweetness and sometimes with their stinger.  Profoundly manipulative, there are few lengths Scorpios won’t go to get what they want, especially when motivated by revenge or spite.  When Cartman tells Scott Tenorman, “I made you eat your parents,” Scorpios not only relate to the sentiment, they champion it.  If revenge is a dish best served cold, Scorpios invented the recipe.  What many Scorpios forget is that they are not exempt from the balancing forces of the universe.  What goes around comes around.  So if you are going to serve up a plate of parents, make sure you are prepared to eat yours.

 Sagittarius

Wow Sags what an amazing month!  Sincerest congratulations on all you’ve accomplished.  Sags put a lot of pressure on themselves to be the consummate everything.  You get really worked up and set personal expectations unreasonably high.  Now is the time to set the temptation of future-thinking aside and discipline yourself to fully inhabit this moment.  Humble yourself to receive information rather than suffocating the process.  Sex is important to Sags on many levels, but this month you crave substantial physical validation.  Rather than playing coy, just level with your conquest and let them know what you need to feel fulfilled.

 Capricorn

Experience the New Year as a fresh start Capricorn.  Take stock, reevaluate, and reprioritize what is most important to setting you up for success.  After doing a personal inventory, your path will appear much more clear and obvious.  February will be a social month full of face to face communication.  Pop a mint.  Two-thirds into the month, Capricorn’s focus shifts to property and material security.  Caps expend time and resources on financing and development try to maximize profit on investments.  Gotta love a Cap always trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents.  Your hustle is one of your best qualities.

November 2012 Horoscopes

Scorpio

Happy Birthday Scorpio!  The month of November celebrates gratitude, and you can be sure that more than a few are grateful for you.  Unlike some of their astrological brethren, Scorpios aren’t attention-seeking stunt queens.  Rather, this enigmatic sign attracts others because they are mysterious and interesting.  Scorpios have a quiet and under-credited talent for bringing folks together.  Dependable and loyal friends, Scorpios add texture to the social circle – as long as they aren’t crossed.  The upcoming year has much in store for you Scorpio.  The theme of the last quarter of the year is self-improvement.  More specifically, what can you leave behind in 2012 that is no longer serving you?  Purge vampiric people and habits and begin anew.  Embrace the best and worst of what’s to come free from unnecessary burdens.

Sagittarius

Brave Sags are prepping to for the holidays (perhaps hosting their very first Thanksgiving this year?), and with that responsibility comes heaps of anxiety.  You understandably want everything to be perfect down to the last yam, but release some of the perfectionistic pressure or your ass is going to blow.  Besides, like all meals, there will be highlights and lowlights.  Remember, no one expects Martha Stewart.  After the holidays, prepare for a bit of an energy crash which triggers some reevaluation on your part.  Sags act as loving caretakers, and this physical dedication at times tricks others into believing that you are present when you really aren’t.  What disservice are you doing yourself and your relationships when you dial it in absentmindedly?

Capricorn

The winter holidays get Caps all nostalgic for home and family traditions.  You tend to romanticize the past and get a little weepy and lovelorn this time of year.  This unusual foray into your feelings brings out a tenderness that others find endearing.  Reconsider indulging your moodiness just like you would that second helping of pie.  A packed schedule delivers the end of the year in a flurry.  Prioritize the most important commitments.  Duck out of less critical gatherings early.  Take opportunities for extra cash and then spoil your loved ones rotten.

Aquarius

Oh Aquarius, what a delightful presence you add this November.  Level-headed and neutral, others find your company comforting and non-political when competing interests create tension.  New friends (and perhaps more?) come your way.  Add them to your already wide circle of acquaintances.  Lately a few basic responsibilities have been overlooked because Aquarius is too busy examining the meaning of life or whatever existential bullshit occupies your mind.  We all appreciate a little esoteric thinking now and again, but don’t forget somebody has to pay the electric bill and load the dishwasher.  At the very least scrub the toilet.  You know it’s been an embarrassingly long time.

 Pisces

Pisces fills November with equal amounts of fun and work.  You deserve some extra credit for striking an elegant balance between competing commitments.  Style-wise, it is time for an overhaul.  You love cutesy shit, and that’s all fine, but at some point consider a grown-up investment in quality pieces.  It would not kill you to purchase an impeccably tailored classic garment.  Pisces in love continue to cook in the kitchen and the bedroom.  Make sure the calories from one activity offset the other.  Even though Pisces are gettin’ it good, that’s no excuse to let yourself go – quite the opposite actually.

 Aries

Aries enters a full-on plaza queen phase in November, complete with a ton of high maintenance demands.  Thankfully, Aries add a lot to the party, so most of the antics get a pass.  Add please and thank you liberally.  A snappy outfit boosts your mood at anxiety-inducing social obligations.  Put some thought into what you want to wear, and you’ll have more confidence as a result.  Aries work hard and deserve a break; try to steal some afternoons for lying around on the sofa.  Eat high quality food and lay off the drinking.  Now is the time when your body is most vulnerable, and Aries need a strong immune system to survive the harsh winter months to come. 

 Taurus

Taurus spent the last several months externalizing their energy towards others.  After all this giving, what is left for you little dove?  Since November is all about thanks, open yourself up to receiving gratitude rather than hastily brushing it aside.  Let the kind words land.  Bulls possess an unparalleled work ethic.  Intellectually sharp, no bullshit, and driven, Taurus succeeds for obvious reasons.  Interpersonally however, that same recipe won’t make for pleasing cake.  Wear something subtly incredible to family gatherings.  Good clothes act like armor against cutting comments.

 Gemini

Change ain’t easy, but Geminis have really pulled it together over the last few months.  Well done indeed.  You’ve taken responsibility for past mistakes and demonstrated positive growth.  Maintain the forward momentum.  Work demands significant resources for much of the month, but Gemini can look forward to an enjoyable and relaxing holiday…if you finish all your work on time.  Generous, kind, and loving, Gemini shines this month and positivity radiates your central relationships.  On balance, November looks very kind to your pocketbook, social life, and bedroom.

Cancer

Lovely Cancers enjoy nothing more than a table full of food surrounded by a large and loving family.  Whether hosting or attending, many Crabs get their wish this year and make the most of it, though overindulgence may have you swimming in regret.  On the upside, at least you’ll be exercising.  Burn off some extra calories and guilt by doing the dishes.  Cancers get wrapped up in their own perceptions, much of which are utter bullshit.  Sorry, it’s true.  Step out of the walls of the past depression, self-doubt, and bad decision-making and start running your life.

 Leo

Leo, lemme tell you the truth.  It is super rude to constantly let your eyes wander during a conversation.  That habit demonstrates a fundamental belief that many Leos hold: that there is always something better just over the shoulder of the person they are talking to.  Because they are so big, bright, and bold, Leos take for granted the amount of attention they receive.  Turn some of that radiance back around to the depleted masses huddled around your glowy flame.  When making clothing selections, camouflage becomes an increasingly important consideration.  Do you want to be a creative dresser or rock a killer figure?

 Virgo

Virgos’ singular intent and drive makes them super effective, but also self-righteous and narrow-minded at times.  A generous and caring friend and companion, know that your inner circle deeply cares for you.  Virgos grow more selective with their expenditure of time and energy as they grow wiser.  Remember that if you want an area of your life to grow, you have to nourish it.  If you really want to manifest change, then provide the space for that change to happen.  Otherwise, it’s just lip service, and we all know you are a person of action.  Virgo’s style inspiration for this winter is dewy on the tundra.  Bonus points for those who get the reference.

 Libra

November serves up a round of disappointments to Libra.  You’ve spent a great deal of time planning things which cannot be planned.  There’s that expression, we plan and God laughs.  That cliché is your theme song this month.  So what can you control?  How about your own reaction to disappointing news?  Libras can stew in self pity and entitlement or dust themselves off and get back on the ornery old nag that is life.  To your credit, you’ve stylishly adapted to a number of challenges that have shifted your life in unexpected ways.  Cultivate yourself in the soil where the wind decided you should land.  No one is suggesting you hand your life over to the whim of fate, just recognize where your power lies and where it does not.

September 2012 Horoscopes

Virgo

Happy Birthday Virgo!  You’ve been experiencing quite the career trajectory and are rapidly advancing in the professional world.  Some folks get lucky; Virgos get their hands dirty with hard work.  This dedication, attention to detail, and commitment is what we love about you most dear Virgo.  You stomped down the path, pounded on the door, and success had no choice but to let you through.  Saturn ushers concerns over financial and material security which have you making decisions about savings, possessions, and domicile.  You’ve spent time trying to improve your circumstances, but the leap ahead in lifestyle isn’t coming quite as quickly as you would like.  Commit what resources you can to your nest and make it as cozy and clean as you can.  Personal relationships shift into a new and unexpected dynamic.  Re-imagine the division of responsibility and jointly held resources.  Mystery still surrounds your mate’s true intentions.  Why are you giving your power away?  This year, cultivate change, growth, and creativity on the journey towards the wealthiest time of your life.

Libra

Welcome to a period of intense learning Libra – whether you are ready or not, life’s about to teach you some lessons.  This fall your worldview expands, you will experience a wider range of opportunities, and grow a great deal from exposure to new perspectives.  Now is the time to spread your ideas, assert your intelligence, and develop wide-reaching contacts.  Think Huge.  Over the last several months, Libras have gotten serious about creating the life they want to live.  These efforts – towards sobriety and caution – will ultimately lead to an easier and happier life, but the investments will not result in immediate change.  In September, you’ll find yourself authentically mirrored in a way that has you feeling exposed.  Unpack that baggage from the past to overcome the emotional obstacles that are limiting your power.

Scorpio

Scorpios hit a proactive streak that makes September especially dynamic and fruitful.  Supportive energy from community helps lift you up and give you the push you need to move ahead.  Intellectually, technical details take over and Scorpios apply their side eye to untangle the complications in a novel way.  Who you know becomes very important to your progress this month.  Authority figures perceive you positively which leaves you with an unusual feeling of support, especially since you tend to see the world as acting against you.  The first half of the month, Scorpios are externally rotated.  The second half of the month that rotation turns inward for some heavy navel gazing.  This period of introspection is positive for Scorpios as long as you don’t become too fixed in your thinking or too over-reactive.  An agile mind and openness to the unexpected is required for you to discover the gifts the world has to offer you this September.

Sagittarius 

Sags become super conscious of their overall direction and how their decision-making influences their life course.  You may find yourself desperately seeking validation from external sources.  Your image, appearance, and first impression worry you.  Now more than ever you are invested in how you come off to others.  Sags spend a significant amount of time this month packaging their ideas in ways that are palatable for others.  More than ever, Sags want to instill confidence.  Paternalistic feelings surface as you want to maintain control over a project.  You’ll find yourself connecting with foreign people with cultural differences.  Even though you consider yourself well-traveled and educated, some of the customs will prove surprising and interesting.  Others seek your advice and counsel based on your wealth of experience in a particular area.  Spend the rest of the year weeding out those draining friendships.

Capricorn

Capricorn experiences September as a progressive time.  First and most important, you really need a break – a serious refresher.  Exhale the stale air.  Plan a holiday.  You tend to think of vacations as frivolous, but a trip away to recalibrate is exactly what you need.  When you return, your mind will be ripe for learning from experts.  Ask questions and don’t be shy about it.  Get professional and impartial legal advice.  Caps get a kick out of serving others this month, and this service is greatly appreciated by its recipients.  Avoid hasty professional decision-making; you’ll be tempted to grab at a mediocre opportunity when a better one is around the way.  Funnel extra time and energy into healthy daily routines and practices.  Throw that typical Cap caution to the wind this September in favor of fun, freedom, and humility.

Aquarius

Aquarius feels especially emotional this month.  Others trigger your touchy spots and even though you’re dying to express yourself, you seal all your powerful emotions up like Tupperware.  Suppressing all your feelings makes you moody.  Rather than seethe under the surface, recognize the pattern and find a way to constructively free this energy.  Root out tired habits, cyclical patterns, and counter-productive knee-jerk responses.  Replace your ingrained attitude with a spontaneous one.  Enjoy the children and animals.  Color in a coloring book.  Play fetch.  One of your greatest strengths is your concentration.  Focus now on meaningful communication.  Learn new skills and see how it expands your world view.

Pisces

Pisces find great inspiration in partnership this September.  Collaboration is where you’ll find your greatest professional and personal traction.  Give freely of yourself when joining forces with others.  Let go of any fear of judgment.  Your ideas will be accepted and celebrated.  Pisces discover new ways to make moolah this year that change your finances for the next six years.  Keep a fresh perspective, even when concerns over financial stability arise.  A thought revolution shifts your perceptions of what security means.  Consider valuing your happiness over your hourly rate.  This month many of your Piscean traits get magnified – find yourself more creative and compassionate, but also even more deluded and unrealistic.  Even though you are a loyal and devoted friend, you will see your social circle shift.  Pisces are more willing now to play along nice with the others for the sake of the collective.

Aries

September is a transformational time where Aries shifts from one phase to another or learns how to bridge a transition for others.  The devil is in the details this month – at work, in relationships, and especially with regard to your health.  Don’t ignore the signals your body is sending.  In small increments, Aries gain insight into confidential information.  Keep it a secret.  Make time for repairs – internal or external – you decide what requires more immediate attention.  September provides time for leisure, playtime, and fun.  The stage is set for romance.  Decide which part you want to play in the production.  Are you ready to travel to consummate a long-distance opportunity?  The fall brings a stable home life and from this secure base Aries can focus on external obligations and negotiate the outside world.

Taurus

Taurus enjoys September and shines bright with happiness.  Spend time with people you love, partake in activities that lift your spirit, and spread joy all around.  Others value you and will especially value your positive energy this month.  Bulls experience lucrative advancements which extend into next summer.  These opportunities may present themselves in unexpected and unconventional ways which repel you at first (dumb luck could be one of them).  Allow things to be different while still valuing your experience.  September offers chances for healing yourself and others.  Physically, get back at it in one way or another.  Bulls should not slack on fitness or mindful eating.  To be completely blunt, if you haven’t taken a shit in a while, you really should look into that.

Gemini

Gemini connects with family, home, and neighborhood through property investment in September.  This gets right to the heart of where and with whom you want to live.  Gemini feels and thinks deeper in September, getting philosophical in a quest to determine what you really want.  Insecure about an area requiring attention?  Get over it by moving forward.  You’ll figure it out as you go.  Much of the wisdom you seek comes from life experience.  Dig into new experiences.  Organization is a long running theme for Geminis and simply put – you must improve in ordering your life.  Speculative projects will never come to fruition without a methodical approach.  Apply structure and discipline to your love life.  If that sounds like work, that’s because it is.  Relationships take work; you can’t just float along and hope everything works out okay.

Cancer

Cancers keep busy, busy both socially and professionally in September.  This month is all about forward motion, so much so that you many find yourself spinning.  Get grounded by prioritizing.  What is the most important use of your energy right now?  That is the question you should ask yourself before you go wasting time and effort on detours and frolics.  Some of you will deal with health issues this month, yours or someone close.  Look outside traditional remedies.  Look to your dreams for clues.  That relationship you’ve had on simmer?  Ready to bring it to a boil?  Right now others are relying on and making demands upon you, and their expectations are high.  Prepare to face resistance from others that causes frustrating delays.

Leo

Leos spend much of the month fussing over their stuff.  Watcha gonna do with it?  Donate?  Repair?  Replace?  Move it or lose it?  September brings basic necessities to the forefront – get healthy food on the table, get the house together, these are your goals for the month.  Leo enters a new social circle which provides ample networking opportunities through next summer.  Remember not to ditch your old tried-and-true buddies as your circle broadens.  Internally, you spend much time and energy pondering your future, hopes, and aspirations.  Share some of your insecurities because your friends will prove surprisingly helpful.  Stay organized with correspondence and especially email.  Fail to manage your inbox and you may find yourself mixing up messages to embarrassing results.

 

August 2012 Horoscopes

 Leo

Happy Birthday LionsLeos focus on self-improvement in August starting with a make over.  New hair, new clothes, and a fresh look will serve you well and actually aid in your character and personality ambitions.  Leos radiate energy and magnetic charisma.  At work, people around you will be attracted by your communication skills.  Tighten the purse strings; August is not for expensive luxuries.  Save your money and devote your time to casual get-togethers with friends you enjoy.  Try to avoid driving the last week of the month when the likelihood of an accident, especially at night, is particularly high.

 Virgo 

August provides the opportunity for spiritual awakening for Virgos.  Lately your focus has been very cerebral, but quite rooted in the real world.  Now think bigger, broader, higher, and through the usual.  Virgos spend a significant amount of time pondering the past to prepare for the future.  Keep the ego in check, and adopt an empathetic and humble attitude when dealing with your significant other.  Most importantly, admit when you are wrong.  Single Virgos should stay that way through August.  The first two weeks of the month are perfect for pursuing self-starting business deals.

 Libra

Libras embrace freedom and strength in August by rebelling against many self-imposed restraints.  Professionally you flourish.  Expect accolades and recognition as you position yourself for a meteoric rise.  Treat people kindly.  Your bitchiness is limiting your personal relationships.  Extra demanding to your partner in August, remember if you want space you have to give space.  Keep a conservative profile with regard to investments.  Now is not the time to risk the farm or lend money.

 Scorpio

Scorpios excel professionally this August and enjoy their career more than ever.  When enthusiastic about work, Scorpios shine and inevitably find success.  Now more than ever is the time to push forward with your professional aspirations.  You may even find yourself contemplating an interesting offer.  Mull over any big decisions.  Scorpios require a tremendous amount of emotional support this month.  Ask for what you need.

 Sagittarius

Impatient Sags want everything right now and when you don’t get it you get depressed.  Your desire to succeed and sheer determination can be off-putting, especially when you stampede over those around you.  Relax.  Use your charm to finesse situations.  Explore cultural activities this month like food fairs, carnivals, and neighborhood celebrations.  Keep it local from the 21st-26th, use the time at home to clarify your next move.  Stress manifests in the stomach this month.

 Capricorn

Capricorns experience intense intimacy in August with a shift in your current relationship or the blossoming of a new love.  A tussle with a friend resolves in due time, but the misunderstanding leaves a sourness between you.  Keep the focus on your personal life; this is not the time to get embroiled in petty office politics.  Caps experience financial losses with investments between the 19th-24thCapricorns suffer from distraction and therefore make shitty drivers this month.  Watch out.

 Aquarius

August tests Aquarius on several levels.  First, unless you are exceedingly cautious in your professional dealings, you are likely to offend a few folks in your work circle.  Second, a crisis of confidence erodes your chances at success.  Third, those around you are especially stressed this month and the ill effects spill over.  Focus on love; stoking it and growing it into every nook and cranny of your life.  Curb your blunt tongue.  Keep financially conservative or find yourself preoccupied and obsessed with your own overspending.

 Pisces

Money, money, money, Pisces who owe it must repay it in August.  Find yourself in a position to lend later in the month.  Pisces possess a knack for cultivating opportunities out of thin air.  Maximize this talent in August.  You might be surprised how many people are willing to invest in your ideas.  Wanna get married?  August proves productive with personal relationships as long as you focus on positivity.  Invest energy in a strong foundation before proceeding with any permanent plans.

Aries

Aries enjoy fun times in August as you frolic about from one social engagement to the next.  An upcoming event may very well include a “meet the parents” visit or the coming together of family and friends.  The stars look favorable for introducing your partner to the family. Think like a European: August makes a great time for a leisurely trip.  Students can relax; those of you preparing to study in the fall will receive some good news mid-month, but the last week of the month live especially cautious.  Those on the grind contemplate a new venture.  Get ready to blow a load on home improvement in an end of summer fit of redecoration.

 Taurus

Bulls lead with their horns this August, demonstrating aggression in negotiations and decision-making.  Rather than acting in haste, take time with the major choices and before snapping at colleagues.  Whiny and oversensitive from the 12th to 18th, try not to give in to your worst asshole tendencies.  Towards the end of the month, energies shift for the better and happy folks flock to you.  All this positivity spikes your creativity.  Get ready for some serious and meaningful relationship talks.  August is not the month for proposals or engagements.

Gemini

In August, Gemini’s talent for communication gets plenty of exercise both at work and home.  Towards the end of the month, you fail to do as you promise.  This time it really bites you in the ass, especially at work.  You make a bad situation worse when you say something you shouldn’t in front of your boss.  This month a stressed partner requires extra support and patience.  Try hiking, yoga, and meditating together to strengthen your relationship in a new way.

Cancer

An energetic backspin has Cancers feeling stuck.  This ongoing series of challenges has you frustrated and anxiously awaiting results, especially with regard to your career.  Unfortunately, August will not prove particularly fruitful in this regard.  Stay the course.  No short cuts.  Investments do look favorable for you, particularly in the realm of precious metals.  Even more travel, and by extension spending are on the menu for August.  This is a harmonious time for friendships, but a difficult time for your primary relationship.  Keep it light.

June 2012 Horoscope

Gemini

Happy Birthday GeminiGemini benefits from much energetic momentum in June, making this the time to pursue self-improvement with abandon.  Expansion is your theme over the next twelve months.  Go Big – not only in your actions, but in your perspective and world view.  Abandon the myopia for the panorama.  Gemini gets lucky in June, and you may experience an unexpected windfall.  Embrace adventure and travel, submerge yourself in new experiences, and you will grow.  Venus brings favorable cash flow; just don’t let Jupiter’s energy seduce you in to overspending.  Your best advice and support will come from women this month.  Attached Geminis see an uptick in romance; single twins are especially attractive and may find themselves courting several interesting offers.  Been awhile since you tweaked your appearance?  Now is the time for an upgraded personal image.  Start at the gym.  A geographic move is likely – to a new home or new locale, and you will find the transition physically taxing.  The move is a foundational step in shifting your life path.  The challenges that come with this transition are part releasing old patterns.  Change requires struggle, but ultimately you will be deeply satisfied with your choices.

Cancer

Cancers can’t decide in June and find themselves pulled in a variety of directions by a number of competing interests.  What the fuck do you want Crab?  Well you just aren’t sure.  That doesn’t mean someone else should make the decision.  Already moody, Cancers behave even more mercurially this month.  This is likely to drive everyone around you nuts.  Turn the volume down on the drama and realize other people have shit going on too.  When the temper flares, go to bed.  You need extra rest this month to feel truly restored.  Make psychological and emotional space for others.  Break bad habits and stop making excuses for lousy and destructive behavior.  June is not the time to pursue romance, though you will be tempted to allow dalliances to distract you from what you really need to accomplish.  Consider whether the responsibilities that are being thrust upon you by others are legitimately yours to bear.

Leo

Lovely Leos shine socially this June by enjoying friends, family, and parties.  Not all the parties will be the keg and eightball variety; some events function as important networking opportunities.  Make sure you know the difference between the two.  June brings an emphasis on technology and collaboration for Leos.  Use the energy from these partnerships to push past procrastination.  Keep an easygoing attitude and respond with agility to unexpected influences.  Several new avenues present themselves to Leos in June, and frankly the options are yours for the taking.  Choose a path that propels you forward, but avoid impulsivity.  Rest up and eat well; June brings a number of physical demands that will require your full strength.

 Virgo

Virgos must abandon their unrealistic idealism about their central relationship in June.  Get real and take your partner off the pedestal.  Examine intentions from all sides.  Forcefully defend your power; compromise it for no one.  Virgos fight for recognition this month and are acutely aware of their perceived reputation and image.  Insecurity surfaces when dealing with superiors or officials.  This uncertainty causes discomfort as you are unaccustomed to feeling threatened by much.  You may find yourself behaving inappropriately.  Stay focused on a clear direction to withstand scrutiny.  Remain future-oriented when setting goals.  You cannot change what is done.  Set aside extra funds this month to deal with unexpected vehicle expenses.

 Libra

Even more impatient with the daily grind, Libras feel like hitting the road this month for fun adventure and travel.  A trip provides a valuable change in perspective, so don’t let anyone convince you that a getaway is frivolous.  You benefit from the advice and guidance of a facilitator and also pay it forward by sharing your wisdom with others.  Libras expand academically through education either online or abroad.  This investment enhances your marketability and will benefit you materially.  Now is the time to share your big ideas as others will be open to receiving your novel concepts.  Don’t dampen your creative thinking – your ideas, however unorthodox, have substantial merit.  Dig deep and find the courage to bring your subconscious wish to the forefront.

 Scorpio

Scorpios feel cautious in June and find it necessary to weigh every angle of all the options.  While you are adept at analysis, the tedium of the constant mental chatter is wearing thin.  Ask yourself the hard questions and then make a decision.  Onwards and upwards is the theme of the month.  Scorpios get especially tuned in to the energy of others and it can affect your moods.  Not every burden is yours to carry.  To get along with those you rely on you must compromise.  The success of your partnership depends on it.  Seek confidential advice from experts.  Organize your home, get rid of clutter, and let go of what is not relevant.

Sagittarius

Get in the mix Sag; surround yourself with your favorite people and have a good time.  Host a party and bring the summer to life.  You’ll be pleasantly surprised in all the ways the socializing pays off.  Sags grow closer to family now too.  Some of you may be contemplating an engagement.  As for communication, disagreements arise.  Use them as opportunities to clarify your own ideas.  Get off your ass and take dynamic action toward a fucking direction in life.  Make pivotal decisions about where you are headed and then take decisive action. Find a comfortable place to live between hastiness and procrastination.

 Capricorn

Caps learn useful new skills on their feet in June.  All this training requires immense energy, so you better get your ass in shape.  Much of this month you are mired in detail.  You may be reviewing documents or managing a project.  Through work, a romantic opportunity will arise.  Treat the situation with sensitivity.  In fact, sprinkle a little more compassion throughout all your relationships.  Try to have some fun this summer.  Surround yourself with easy-going folks and relax.

 Aquarius

June is a fun and frivolous time for Aquarius.  You embrace spontaneity and interesting opportunities.  Your vibrant life has everyone talking.  Now is the time to shine.  Glow even brighter in the presence of animals and children.  Bask in your energy and enthusiasm, but remain cautious.  This isn’t the time for big risks.  June will bring a wicked flirtation which only adds fuel to your energetic fire.  Whether you take it further or not, the attention provides a nice little buzz through August.

 Pisces

Pisces feel extra creative and compassionate under Neptune’s influence, but watch your tendency towards escapism.  Social opportunities abound this summer, so take the time to connect with people and make new friends.  This will keep you from isolating.  If you want to spend time alone, do so outside with your hands and feet in the dirt.  Pisces value parental advice and your folks influence your decision-making this summer.  Even with their counsel, you’ll still rely mainly on your gut instinct when navigating the choppy waters.

Aries

Aries find themselves on the go this June with many social opportunities arising through the month.  With the flurry of activity and demands on your time you may feel as overwhelmed as an unmedicated Britney.  Wisely choose where to allot your energy.  Your time is best spent devoted to siblings, your nearest friends, and creative endeavors.  A patient attitude will foster support and encouragement from others and allow you to mend fences in relationships stressed by conflict.  Venus frees up the lines of communication and provides an extra level of persuasiveness for you to tap.  Planetary shifts bring communication and self-expression to the forefront over the next year.  Before you begin a new phase, you must complete your current path.  In relation to health and the daily grind, Aries feel frustrated, taxed and annoyed.  Stagnant energy creates health problems for you.  Keep it moving.

 Taurus

Bulls struggle with feelings of insecurity.  No matter their financial achievement, no amount of money in the bank is ever enough to quell the ever-present anxiety.  During June you’ll focus on attainment, maintenance, and protection of your assets.  You may decide to let some things go.  Make sure what you do acquire is practical.  Rather than fixate on what isn’t, grow something that is tangible.  A garden is a great idea for you to pursue.  Plant in the dirt, cultivate, and harvest.  Recognize you can find security in producing a tangible asset that isn’t cash.  A fantastic nurturer, you may discover an unknown talent for gardening.  Those in partnerships need to find a way to work together with regard to managing wealth; by doing so, both will prosper.  For Taurus the easy part is making money and the harder part is making compromises with another.

JANUARY 2012 HOROSCOPE

 

Capricorn

Happy Birthday Capricorn!  Mature, intelligent, and in possession of a great number of esteemed qualities, Capricorns portray themselves honorably and conduct themselves with practicality and patience.  Caps can be blunt and straight to the point which can be off-putting to bullshitters.  Even though you can be serious, your dry sense of humor and keen insights make you a valuable addition to any social circle.  2012 will be a major year for you Capricorn.  While others chase their tails in the tizzy of the New Year, ambition and focus help you forge ahead with confidence and intense purpose.  After much struggle, 2012 will be a year of achievement, advantage, and ultimately success.  Interpersonally, recognize the changes that must take place before you can move past heavy regrets from the past.  Once you do begin to change, the emotions will pass.

Aquarius

Aquarius kicks of the new year with a flurry of social activities involving friends and groups.  Brainy and inquisitive, you’ll discover an avenue that allows you to express yourself.  You’ll explore ideas this year which outsiders perceive as typically uncharacteristic.  This deviation from expectation challenges others, so don’t be surprised if tension surfaces in relationships.  This time it is them, not you, so don’t let their conformity get you down – as if you would.  Now is the time to lead, not follow.

Pisces

Pisces feel overwhelmed by work at the start of the year.  Make lists and knock out responsibilities and obligations in an orderly fashion.  All the hard work pays off and recognition and praise are forecasted in the coming months.  With all this professional momentum, take pause and consider if this is really the direction you want to go.  It is never too late to re-chart the course.  Relationships aren’t the priority this month, which could become a problem for needy partners.  Find small ways to make your nearest and dearest feel special.

Aries

Aries becomes uncharacteristically philosophical in January.  The New Year triggers existential angst and has you reading into every little thing.  Aries navel-gaze in January.  Whatever, just don’t start dressing like a hipster and telling me how great Zooey Deschanel is.  You’re in the mood for London.  Try to get there.  Discover new music and ideas.  Let it fill out your understanding of the world and the big picture of your life.

Taurus

Taurus is back in the game this month and ready to fight for a power position on the path to success.  Don’t be surprised by opposition to your ascent.  In January, others will try to capitalize on your mistakes.   Don’t stoop to the level of petty haters.  Rise above whenever possible; seek reinforcement from higher-ups if necessary.  Your knee-jerk reaction is to take a defensive position.  Choose another strategy this time.

Gemini

Geminis are a little off this month.  You’ll feel disconnected, isolated and distanced from your friends and family.  This dip is just part of the natural cycle for you during this time; don’t read too much into it.  Balance, particularly managing demands on your time, continues to be an issue.  Bring awareness to how you spend your time and energy.  Schedule time for self-care and relaxation.  Be especially kind and patient with yourself.

Cancer

January isn’t going to be the most intellectually satisfying for Crabs.  In fact, you will neither retain nor understand much of what you try to learn.  Your time is better spent exercising and getting your body into shape.  Find a method of exercise you love, so it doesn’t feel like work.  Keep an eye on papers and protect personal information.  Have fun with friends and enjoy a new look for the New Year.

Leo

January is all about shining your artistic and creative heart, Leos.  Your glow will attract others and bring a new energy to your personality.  A new year requires an update to wardrobe and hair.  Keep it fresh kid.  Why?  Because you are on everyone’s invite list and you will be the belle of the ball.  January has you feeling especially nostalgic.  Find comfort by going through old objects and pictures that take you back to childhood.  Listen to the oldies.  By walking through some of the memories you will reach greater forgiveness and understanding.

Virgo

During the first week of the year listen to your love.  Your sweetie hands you some pretty incredible inspiration.  While implementing action at work, beware of the unconscious motivations of others.  With regard to office gossip, don’t believe everything you hear.  Virgos value logic, but the lingering question that haunts you requires an intuitive rather than intellectual answer.

Libra

Rolling in the New Year with low energy, Libras don’t have much to give this January.  Most of your conversations will occur in snippets this month.  You’ll take in information here and there, but there won’t be much in the way of meaningful communication.  After burning a few bridges lately, your social life looks sparse.  Every handful of years, you abandon one group of friends for another.  How has your fear of conflict kept you in this holding pattern?

Scorpio

Scorpios are ready for 2012 after a difficult 2011.  Ring in the New Year by entertaining and organizing fun outings with friends.  Enjoy affection and love from your nearest and dearest.  This month brings increased security which provides Scorpios a welcome opportunity to relax.  You and your sweetie pal around in January.  The sense of camaraderie makes for fun times and will make for great memories.  Grow the friendship and grow the love.

Sagittarius

Sags embrace the nascent spirit of the New Year and consider what possibilities lurk on the horizon.  Spruce up your look.  Get a facial.  Whiten the teeth.  Restore that Sag swagger.  A little superficial, you can get all twisted by the physical change.  Don’t forget what is essential and important to you.  It is fantastic to feel a renewed sense of self-worth, just remember to stay rooted and humble.

DECEMBER 2011 HOROSCOPES

Sagittarius

Happy Birthday Sagittarius!  A mutable sign associated with fire and Jupiter, you are easy-going and popular. Usually extroverted, Sags suffer compromised communication in December.  Overreacting to the frustration has you feeling misunderstood, impotent, and lost.  Rather than acting out against yourself or others, find a nonverbal means of expression.  Play music, create art, dance, get primal, and take a break from your over-articulated life.  Now is a perfect time for a mountain retreat.  Take to the hills.

Capricorn

Caps must get disciplined about spending to hang on to that nest egg.  Take care to monitor income and expenses.  Set a quarter of your earnings aside for conservative investing.  Keep some cash in fire-proof hideaway stashes at home.  Caps move at a snail’s pace when it comes to romance.  Recent limp overtures aren’t going to cut it.  Nut up and go big or don’t bother.  A quality companion won’t respond to half-assed attempts at woo.  Decide who and what you want and then relentlessly pursue your desire.  No one will be able to refuse you.

Aquarius

Have you gotten a little antiquated with your style, swagger, and outlook?  Shake up the presentation in December and create a new conversation.  Rethink attitudes about money and potential avenues for earning.  December brings fresh energy in the areas of home, work, and friends.  Expect changes, friction, and possible fall-out, but also a new tone for the new year.

Pisces

Congratulations Pisces for defining yourself by your true gifts.  When you know your worth, you know your power.  This is an important, strong and decisive phase for Pisces.  The future shows significant promise.  Don’t get bogged down with minutia and petty tasks.  Indulge in writing, communicating, and reordering.  Always a devoted friend, baked goods are always appreciated.

Aries

December is a major month for Aries with planetary play between Venus, Mars, and Jupiter.  An active social calendar presents many opportunities to meet a potential new paramour.  Don’t blow nascent relationship potential with attention-seeking theatrics.  An adventurous and courageous spirit leads you through uncharted waters this December.  You have always been an aggressive risk taker.  This month that spirit may just pay off financially.

Taurus

Spendy December makes Taurus anxious, but it is in your nature to plan ahead and prepare for extremes.  Try not to fixate on finances, but enjoy the celebration of the season and take the necessary costs in stride.  Make a list of items you actually want this year rather than pretending as if any old thing will do.  You like the finest, so don’t be too bashful to ask for it.  Follow through on your plans for giving.  The generosity will come back around to shine on you.

Gemini

Since folks respect your opinion, select your words carefully and speak without exaggeration.  Geminis are at their best when you synthesize your self-expression with your actions.  If you say it, mean it.  If you mean it, do it.  Don’t impose your opinions, moods, or ill-energy on others.  Learn to control yourself and reset when things begin to spiral.  In most circumstances you give good counsel, so contemplate your own motivations and proceed accordingly.

Cancer

The Crabs professional circle accelerates success and prestige at work this month.  Maintain a cooperative attitude and enjoy a shower of admiration, praise and prestige.  Scramble your way to the top on the heads and hearts of others and you might receive hollow success, but not true respect or recognition from your peers.  To tap into your true creative talent, activate your heart.

Leo

This December Leos get wooed by higher-ups for professional advancement.  Usually comfortable in the spotlight, even you can admit some of this attention might be exaggerated.  Skirt the temptation to take undeserved credited.  Look your best.  Act humble and kind.  Don’t let your ego make decisions.

Virgo

Over the past several months, the Virgo trajectory has bent towards cultivating leadership.  Rather than trying to aggressively over-assert yourself, carve out a clear identity from which your personal power can emerge.  Since we are judged from the outside in, now is the time to take a deep look at yourself, beginning with your appearance.  A facial, a pedicure, a haircut; throw some resources at updating and refining your grooming.  After a good polish, look inward and ask whether you are emotionally and spiritually fulfilled.  Move towards a more well-rounded life.

Libra

Enough is enough with the dithering Libras.  December is the month to pursue future goals.  Consider your professional contacts and foster, expand, eliminate, and start anew if needed.  Libras work well on a team, and this isn’t the time to pursue independent professional projects.  Love it up with your special someone this winter.  Find a sweater and settle in for cocoa and a cuddle.

Scorpio

Scorpios waste energy on distant dreams and desires.  All this yearning and longing is unattractive to others who see you as always fixated on a never-arriving future.  Rather than worry about the far off, get pragmatic and go home and clean your house.  Scorpios function best when they minimize complication and clutter.  2011 has been a core-shaking year and what once seemed like cement has now crumbled away like sand.  Find a contemplative activity.

 

AUGUST 2011 HOROSCOPES

Leo

As promised, August is a vast improvement over July for Leos.  Already well-liked, Lions’ magnetism and charisma soars this month.  Established relationships experience romance. Unattached Leos enjoy an end of summer fling.  However, don’t expect anything permanent to come from the dalliance.  That influx of wealth you were counting on, don’t bet on it.  The stars show positive financial momentum for Leos, but not a windfall.

Virgo

For a full 21 days of August Virgos enjoy supercharged magnetism.  Folks will find you ultra enjoyable and appealing.  Soak up all the adoration and you will absolutely glow.  Virgos do not get a pass on the bad communication mojo floating around the astrological wheel this month.  Don’t make any big decisions on critical concerns.  Co-workers keep secrets this month and their non-disclosures cause drama and confusion.  Virgos ask a lot of unanswered questions and find the lack of incoming information maddening.  Best to keep your mouth shut and ears open at work.

Libra

Rely on Libran intuition to navigate August.  Interpersonal landmines dapple the landscape causing the typically gentle Libra to be perceived as downright offensive.  Watch your mouth and ass this month.  No one will give you the benefit of the doubt.  When out with friends or at work, the atmosphere is ripe for misunderstanding.  Communicate clearly and succinctly.  Double check anything important.  Enjoy a love fest around the 5th, whether single or attached.

Scorpio

Direct your energy toward family and the domestic sphere this month Scorpio.  Use that laser-accurate intuition to navigate challenging relationships.  Don’t doubt that feeling in your gut.  It is right on.  You’ll be in the mood to fill that already brimming brain with more knowledge.  Seek out reliable sources for independent learning.  You’ve collected an amazing group of friends and this month they lend support in unexpected ways.  Let them know how much they mean to you.  Work will pretty much suck until the third week of August.

Sagittarius

Stay home this month Sags.  Travel plans are plagued with delays and cancellations.  Give important documents a second look and pay extra attention to minutia.  The Devil is in the details.  There is a strong likelihood you’ll be called for jury duty.  August proves promising professionally with advancements and a bonus on the horizon.  Keep a moderate attitude in relationships and refrain from digging your heels in during petty fights.

Capricorn

Caps miss important long distance communication due to careless oversight.  Thoroughly inspect your inbox for overlooked emails.  Congratulations to those with scholastic pursuits.  You will receive positive responses from scholarship applications.  Caps struggle with relationships and yearn for authentic connection.  August remains inconsistent in this area with satisfying highs and depressing lows.  Expect a few major blowups in August, particularly on the 10th and 25th.  Hold off on big financial decisions until next month.

Aquarius

Miscommunication dominates August for Aquarius.  Much of this month will be spent cleaning up confusing messes in relationships, finances, and work.  Thank Mercury in retrograde for this stressful stretch.  Reduce the potential negativity by mindfully reviewing statements and settling debts in advance of their due date.  Professionally, important conversations need to take place before the 10th or after the 25th to avoid temperamental flare-ups.

Pisces

Retrograde Mercury in Virgo curses Pisces through the majority of August.  Fuck-ups abound, especially interpersonally where crossed wires cause heartache.  This chaos seeps into love and work, leaving you frustrated at every turn.  Delegate responsibility where possible and try to get the hell out of dodge – if not physically, mentally with a little introspection, meditation, or prayer.  Things improve after the third week with love.  This is the time for unattached Pisces to werk the flirt.

Aries

The first week of August brings the gift of fun with friends as Neptune enters the scene.  Unfortch, Aries too will suffer with this Mercury in retrograde situation.  Additionally, other planetary shifts harbor family hostility.  Let’s face it, getting bitched at by the fam ain’t ever fun.  Organization and thoughtful planning prevents future hassles to the extent possible.  Cloudy communication causes distress from every angle; even the hobbies you love will cause more agitation than relaxation until things lighten up in the last five days of the month.

Taurus

Bulls have it easier this month than the rest of the signs of the Zodiac.  Light and positivity shine on Taurus as long as you edit aggressive verbal expression.  That sharp tongue acts as your strongest weapon and greatest weakness.  Fun times with the offspring fill August with genuine joy.  Take pleasure in non-competitive family activities.  Neptune strengthens Taurus professionally during the first week.  Get ready for recognition and financial rewards.  Enjoy this August Taurus; you definitely deserve it.

Gemini

Overall, August looks cautiously positive for Geminis.  Not usually one for planning, this month you map out a future course of action for achieving accomplishments this autumn.  A change of scene provides a fresh perspective.  Seek out a beautiful place for a respite.  Geminis aren’t so much mean as they are careless with their words.  Consider phrasing and select statements with forethought, especially in dealings with family members.  August may bring the temptation to awaken a comatose relationship.  Giving this relationship another go isn’t advised.  The outcome will not be as you hoped.  That side gig you hope might bring in extra cash?  Don’t bet on it.  Focus professional energy on your primary source of income.

Cancer

Cancers should maintain complete control over finances this month.  Crabs may be tempted to delegate money matters to others, but that choice will result in wallet ruin.  Double check important dates and meetings and stay organized.  This month Cancers experience delays, unexpected obstacles, and mishaps.  Work ahead and clear the docket, so when an unplanned challenge arises you have the time and resources to address it.  Look forward to an energy surge the first week.  Leverage it to complete unfinished tasks and gain a real sense of accomplishment.