Tag Archives: Horoscope

February 2014 Horoscopes

AquariusCHRISTOPHER GUEST AND JAMIE LEE

Happy Birthday Aquarius!  The sun beams down on you from above, so you better make sure you look good!  Get right in February with a personal spruce.  Complete important communications and contracts during the first week of the month before Mercury goes retrograde the sixth through the twenty-eighth.  Rather than grandstanding during your birthday acceptance speech, turn those proclamations into appreciativeness.  As for Valentine’s Day, a full moon illuminates your house of commitment.  Engagement anyone?  Single?  This month could bring a true partner.  Post-Valentine’s Day it’s time to buckle down and get back to work.  This industriousness continues for the next month during which your main priorities are productivity and performance.  Now is an excellent time to evaluate whether everything in your life is rising up to meet you.  Take extra good care of yourself as your immunity is compromised and you are susceptible to stress and illness.  Step back and engage your expansive world view to see that all these little hassles are ultimately insignificant.

Pisces

CHRIS AND GWYNETH

Let go Pisces!   Now is the time to surrender to the intense fatigue you’re experiencing.  Hibernate and look back on the last year before your birthday celebrations commence.  Are there things left undone that you’ve been needling yourself to finish?  When you are out and about, your interactions with others won’t feel quite right.  Your first impression won’t be your best.  With Mercury in retrograde in Pisces until the twelfth, resist radical change in any department.  State any instructions clearly and succinctly even if it feels tedious, it will save you much disappointment later.  In your friendship tribe, don’t repeat anything you don’t want repeated.  If you spread gossip, you’ll be hunted down and confronted.  Others will try to shift the blame your way.

AriesVICTORIA AND DAVID

Thank goodness for Aries in February because you coax the hibernators to party.  This socializing has a side order of practicality attached since a few of these associations prove influential.  February sends Mercury back into retrograde and you know what that means: communication breakdown, technological glitches, and the resurfacing of contacts from your past.  February presents a superb opportunity to finally close the trap door to your heart’s ancient pain.  Recognize this pain as a pathological block to your evolution.  The remainder of the month requires a great deal of collaboration.  Working with others ain’t easy, Aries.  Expect the standard interpersonal drama, then add some extra hatery for a clearer picture of the anticipated group dynamic.  Stay far, far away from the meaningless squabbles.  Continue to clearly and patiently reiterate your expectations.  So you want to know about Valentine’s Day, huh?  Unattached Aries, scroll down your contacts list until a spark flies off an old friend.  Committed Aries, go ballsdeep in the romance department – spare no cliché or expense.

Taurus

VINCENT AND ALEXIS

Charged with ambition and a new moon in your career sector, February sets forth a six month strategy for achieving major milestones, Taurus.  Mercury’s retrograde makes this a miserable time for travel, technology, and clarity.  Expect conflict to arise from the confusion.  If things get heated, just withdraw and come back later when the energy is more conducive to resolution.  Use the thrust of Mercury’s backspin to – rearrange, edit, review, and reassess.  Your heart and home are lit from within this Valentine’s Day.  Stay in and nest.  Enjoy entertaining family and friends.  The last third of the month Taurus gets more interested in socializing.  Particularly adept at rounding folks up on social media, use your web reach to gather your people into one big lovefest.  Watch out for untrustworthy motivations and remain skeptical.  Stay off the booze.

Gemini

SARKOZY AND OLSEN

February is about big thinking Gemini – an expansion and broadening of your world view.  Whether it’s travel, study, business, or philanthropy, Gemini wants to stretch the boundaries of your current life.  With your ruler Mercury retrograde in Pisces, not all your energy will be forward moving, especially with regard to career.  Finish what is left undone.  Guard against saboteurs.  Minimize distractions.  Later this month, long term professional goals come into focus.  Priorities become clearer.  The last week of the month expect some relationship drama.  As your confidence grows, so does conflict.  Fights erupt over sex, money, and jealousy.  Your special someone baits you repeatedly in an effort to get you to show that you care.  You respond with emotional detachment.  Happy Valentine’s Day Gemini.

Cancer

WENDY WILLIAMS KEVIN HUNTERFebruary is the time for some serious self-work.  Some Cancers are so emotionally overloaded that you have to insulate in various (often destructive) ways from your own feelings.  Now is the time to face your emotions, stare yourself down, and finally get a handle on your internal world.  Consider this full-on permission to feel it all.  Cancer exudes sexuality this February which coincides nicely with Valentine’s Day; the uptick in clinginess and jealously, not so much.  Expect some tension with your partner when you assert your own needs.  No legitimate reason to sacrifice yourself for the sake of the relationship except you secretly enjoy the control you assert over the arrangement.  Ultimately, neither of you will benefit from such an imbalanced power dynamic.  With Mercury in retrograde in your travel house, best to just stay put unless a trip proves absolutely necessary.  This retrograde also means you might piss people off with a condescending comment, so spend more time listening than talking.  February’s flush with cash, but save instead of spend.

Leo

IMAN AND DAVID BOWIE

Lucky Leo, the stars align for love and partnership in February.  Thriving in collaboration, you generously give and thereby receive in return.  February softens your ego and need for attention allowing you to temporarily share shine with others.  Finances serve as potential conflict hotspots this month.  Shelve any non-urgent money talks.  With Mercury retrograde in Aquarius, imbalances will become apparent and a need for fairness kicks in hard.  Let everyone take the time they need without bullying them into your terms.  Plan a big, confident debut for Valentine’s Day.  After the amorous celebrations wind down, recharge at home with a cuddle on the sofa.  Lions need privacy too, especially in February.  Spend extra time in bed catching up on sleep and sipping on nourishing soups as Leo suffers compromised immunity this month.  In addition, the stress of a betrayal robs you of energy.

Virgo NATE BERKUS JEREMIAH BRENT

Ready, set, organize Virgo!  You are motivated with lists, plans, and goals this February, particularly in the areas of health and fitness.  Quiet the chaos and return to order, and start with your own body Virgo.  Mercury’s retrograde could strain relationships or cause you to overlook critical details.  Review documents thoroughly and excise unnecessary stress.  Valentine’s Day presents a make or break epiphany moment for your relationship.  In the clear light of the full moon you see once and for all whether you can make a go of it with your sweetheart.  If it is time to go, you’ll know.  Distrust permeates all your relationships this month.  Others perceive your concern as prying.  Proceed cautiously; if at all.  All this volatility can easily take you off center.  Take whatever measures necessary to get back to yourself.

Libra

JOEL AND NICOLE

This February, get creative with that legendary Libran beauty and amplify your sex appeal.  Enjoy glamorous evenings flirting, but expect of a few of those coquettish comments to land unintended.  Your intense desire for attention could spiral into drama if you don’t channel it into more constructive endeavors.  Display your creative gifts and receive the right kind of attention.  Don’t forget your friends on Valentine’s Day.  For some of you February means the conception of a baby as you are especially fertile, even if communication with your partner is somewhat strained.  You don’t need to talk to fuck.  Mercury’s retrograde means disorganization and scheduling chaos for Libra.  You may also get a little lax in your wellness maintenance.  The demands of work and home ram up against each other.  Another woman in your family hits a nerve with her comments about the way you distribute your resources and handle your personal biznass.  How will you respond to the dig?

Scorpio

PHAEDRA AND APOLLO

Cozying up at home with family feels right in February, Scorpio.  Root down in solitude and pampering self-care.  Mercury’s retrograde means this is a shitty time to travel, so even if you are dying to flee to sunnier latitudes doing so between the sixth and the twenty-eighth may mean the trip will be more stressful than relaxing.  Furthermore, since the retrograde thins your already transparent tact, spare us all your biting comments by staying home alone.  While you are there, feel free to spruce, but hold off on major makeovers.  Now is not the time.  Valentine’s Day will be more about your professional success than your personal life.  What a nice opportunity to champion your own accomplishments for once.  Towards the end of the month, you are ready to get cute and get out there again.  Do more than contemplate taking risks, actually take them.

SagittariusJULIANNE AND BART

You have much to say this February, Sag.  Make lots of little dates in your neighborhood to catch up with friends and family so you chat everybody’s ear off.  You will feel an almost compulsive need to explain yourself, but with Mercury’s retrograde your message will likely get lost in translation no matter how many times you repeat it.  More than a few squabbles could erupt in your already tense household when your mindlessness ruins something important.  Money and the division of responsibilities also become hot button issues.  Slow down and take care to avoid accidents.  Speak your truth on Valentine’s Day.  It’s time to lay your cards on the candlelit table, Sag.  The latter part of the month stay home with your favorite women and talk about your feelings.  These ladies can help you regroup from your emotional frazzle.

Capricorn

KATE AND JAMIE

Capricorn calms down in February after a flurry of fresh energy at the start of the year.  Return to work, money, and stability, which is the nest where you feel most comfortable.  Back up anything electronic, as Mercury in retrograde means lost data.  In general, February is a good time to dial back on the communication overload – put the phone down, turn the computer off, silence your television.  Potential fiscal chaos ensues this month.  Spend less and carefully review accounts.  You may receive a windfall.  Valentine’s Day brings unexpected depth of feeling and intimacy.  Did you even know that you felt this way?  Enjoy the spark.  Use your creative aptitude to express your feelings in song or art.  Towards the end of the month some interesting new folks come into your life with some fascinating stories.  Listen carefully.

January 2014 Horoscopes

CapricornCAPRICORN

Happy Birthday in this New Year Capricorn!  It gets crowded in your celestial neighborhood with a clusterfuck of planetary activity.  Enjoy all shine on you Capricorn with a new moon and its accompanying nascent verve.  Always the dutiful workhorse, January virtually requires you get self-centered.  That doesn’t mean selfish; it just means self-focused.  Your homework is to do something frivolous that makes you happy.  In midst of fun, you may stumble upon a deeply held unconscious wish.  This is the key to uncovering your true desires.

AquariusAQUARIUS

Happy New Year Aquarius!  You might be writing 2013 on your checks for the next couple weeks because you aren’t quite done with last year.  Aquarius sifts through the recent past remembering an old home, a former lover, or the family that once was.  Letting go of these familiar loves, places, and habits isn’t easy and it will take you a little extra time to shift into the momentum of the New Year.  Take the time you need to close one chapter before you begin another.  Heal the wounds and clear the scar tissue surrounding those old emotional injuries.  When you make way, you’ll see the future clearly.

PiscesPISCES

Best New Year Wishes, Pisces!  Friendship, networking, and nonsexual connections dominate the January landscape.  Form your team.  Gather a worthy and skilled group.  At the helm of this mighty assembly, Pisces wields significant power and influence.  In January, Pisces people-pleasing tendencies butt-up against your own need for self-reflection.  What you really crave is deeper connections, but what you’re immersed in this month is buzzy fleeting interactions.  Make the most of your time with your most important person.  Keep secrets.

AriesARIES 2

Happy New Year Aries!  Take the long view.  Whatever you have simmering now will be perfectly cooked and ready to serve in about seven months.  Your ambitious plan flourishes by your commitment and self-control.  Obviously you work very hard Aries, and you’re one for recognition.  Careful you aren’t begging for attention like an orphaned dog.  Instead, concentrate on executing your vision so you can be the one giving approval instead of seeking it.  With regard to your personal life, those little lies, omissions, and deceptions will catch up to you sooner or later dirty-dealing Aries.  Consider the consequences of your actions and the ways dishonesty is eroding your relationship.  The universe will test your integrity this January.  Will you backstab to get what you want?

 TaurusTAURUS 2

New Year blessings to you Taurus!  Fresh firsts are your favorite and this new beginning has you awash in an optimistic glow.  Usually mired in the minutia, January provides an unusually expansive and beneficial perspective.  Planets align for romance and adventure.  Just whom or what do you want to do beautiful Bull?  How about arrange a super fun trip with friends to a corner of the world you have always wished to visit?  Perhaps a joint-venture with a business-minded friend sounds appealing?  Spearhead the effort and others will be swept up in your enthusiasm.  Level-headed Taurus handles practical considerations in short order, so feel free to fully fantasize.

GeminiGEMINI

Happy New Year Gemini!  While some of you squandered the last moments of 2013 acting desperate and slutty, others among you retained your dignity under the duvet as the proverbial ball dropped.  A number of planets in Capricorn influence gumby-like Gemini in a multitude of possible ways this January.  Will you tap into the power of the Sun, the insight of the Moon, the love of Venus, or the contemplation available in Mercury?  I vote you take the plunge of depth with Pluto.  In standard fashion, Gemini goes all in on the latest obsession/project.  Balance never really has been your strength, has it?  Enjoy your intense focus, the delicate process, and your fruitful results.

Cancer CANCER

New Year Greetings Cancer!  Most of your energy and thought funnels toward your primary relationship in January.  There’s just no escaping the cluster in your seventh house which governs close, confidante-like relationships as well as known enemies.  Exploring a new depth of connection, you’ll find yourself engaged in longing love stares and cuddling up like kittens.  Tension arises when Cancer tries to juggle the demands of partner and family against your own need for domestic downtime.  Will you capitulate to the wishes of your sweetie or will you put your own emotional needs first?

LeoLEO

A felicitous New Year to you Leo!  In January, you become the drill sergeant in the boot camp of your own life.  Leos making health-related resolutions possess the drive, organization, and will power to commit.  Now is the time to streamline your life into a simple and healthy routine.  This includes cleaning out the clutter that is physical, mentally, and spiritually blocking your path.  If you need to rest, do so rather than pushing yourself into illness.  Don’t expect others to embrace your health and cleaning kick with the same enthusiasm.

VirgoJob Number 2009126

Welcome to 2014 Virgo!  You feel like ringing in the New Year with a bang!  Literally.  You’ve got a tingle in your pants and a desire to tell it like it is which makes you a lot of fun to be around in January.  Throw down like the old days.  Remind them there was a time you didn’t sweat the pregame.  Flirting?  Yes.  Exhibitionist behavior?  For sure.  An embarrassing dance move?  I hope so.  Perhaps a smooch or two?  Pucker up.  Just remember we are in the digital age darling.  Keep the goodies covered.  Drag others along on this run of fun as everything is better when you’re ballsdeep in friends.

LibraLIBRA 2

Warm New Year Wishes Libra!  Nested at home is where you feel most comfort in January.  Creating the perfect table full of healthful foods feels deeply satisfying.  Gathering and connecting with the women nearest and dearest to you rounds out this nourishing time.  Replenish in good company and delicious meals.  All this homespun loving is great, but it also gives you a bit too much time to think.  Should you find yourself contemplating insane resolution-style mega shifts for the New Year like a move or a baby you could very well seal your own fate.

ScorpioSCORPIO

New Year Blessings Scorpio!  In January, you will talk and others will talk about you.  Wise Scorpios have watched, listened, and learned in the past months.  Now you have something to say and nothing can stop you from spurting out your true thoughts and feelings.  These ideas could lead to something interesting – a partnership perhaps?  Open up and you could very well catch the attention of a worthy collaborator.  As always, speak your mind, but do so tactfully so that you will be heard.  Now begins a seven month path of professional growth and discovery.

SagittariusSAG

A prosperous New Year to you Sagittarius!  Finally, some revenue accrues which begins January on a productive and lucrative note.  The financial momentum only reinforces the laser focus on your priorities.  More disciplined and professionally energized than ever, your intention has finally aligned with your talent.  Now is the time to eradicate obstacles and disbelief regarding your aptitude and capabilities.  Financial security provides options.  Will it be freedom or stability?  Remember, when it comes to money, make prudent choices like slow, steady saving.  Heed this advice and by summer you’ll have a soft place to land.

October 2013 Horoscopes

LibraLIBRA

Happy Birthday Dear Libra!  This month, dynamic energy triggers instability.  The friction emerges first at work, and then it insidiously seeps into your primary relationship. The New Moon on the 4th delivers a great deal of upset.  A willingness to accommodate unforeseen demands and disappointments meaningfully aids your journey through a very unpredictable October.  I’m sure this advice gets old month after month, but really listen: make yourself happy.  Good luck making anyone else happy this month.  Get rid of what you don’t need physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Love-seekers receive reassuring attention and admiration.  Take your pick.  Committed Libras deepen the connection with your partner on the 12th.  Your theme for this coming year is strength.  Cultivate power in every corner of your life.

ScorpioSCORPIO

Scorpio clings to anger like a baby blanket and takes comfort in rage like a lullaby.  The New Moon’s October 4th arrival isn’t exactly going to help you resolve your miserability since the energy is in direct opposition to your ruling plant.  Expect to get blamed for shit at work this month unless you are extra obnoxiously specific with your directions.  Multiplying the likelihood of chaos, Mercury moving in retrograde clouds your usually laser-sharp judgment.  October isn’t all bad, Scorpio.  Look forward to reaching resolve on a long-lingering relationship thorn this month.  Mischief-lover that you are, get ready for two distinctly sexual interludes – one taking place on Halloween night.  Furthermore and randomly, October is a favorable time to adopt a pet.

Sagittarius

SAGS

Because you are desperately in need of a new look and you have been working so hard, the universe has granted you permission to splurge.  Will it be new hair?  A face treatment?  A wardrobe investment?  Go big and drastic.  Others will see you in a new way after the change – as bolder and more capable.  A New Moon enters the scene the first week of the month and makes it impossible to ignore those underlying problems you’ve been trying to deny for months.  Sags have a way of frosting even the bleakest realities with a cloying sugar coating.  Anticipate a midmonth relationship reckoning.  Typically extroverted, spend October in the pocket watching, learning, absorbing, and thinking.  Single Sags should stay that way until Mercury moves out of retrograde, but feel free to enjoy the attention your new style garners.

 CapricornCAPRICORN

Pack your bags Capricorn because travel is a major theme for you this October.  It’s a good thing too, because there will be a number of difficult situations from which you want to flee.  Domestic drama in particular has you frustrated.  You aren’t that easy to live with, so relax the knit-picking and passive aggressive behaviors.  Shelve major decisions until your judgment is clearer.  No need to rush or persist this October.  There are upsides to waiting out this energetic vortex.  Why not go balls-to-wall ridiculous with your costume this Halloween?  Your wit, creativity, and industry are bound to produce a crowd-pleasing disguise.

AquariusAQUARIUS

Apologies Aquarius, October begins with a bitchslap.  Opposing forces mean bad news surrounding a relationship.  Your partner may victimize or suffer as a victim.  Either way, expect a serious shift in your priorities when it comes to this person.  Use the term “partner” broadly here to encompass a number of meaningful associations in your life.  When faced with other’s wrong-doing obsessively seek out every morsel of information until you are convinced you know everything.  False accusations kill relationships.  Delay any major commitments in October even though Aquarius is awash in impatience.  Devise a strategy comprised of a number of small achievable steps.

PiscesPISCES

Pisces feel extra fragile this October and there are a number of responses you could take to this vulnerability.  I don’t recommend hostility.  Respond with kindness and an intention towards compromise and everything will be much easier.  Financial anxiety only adds to your fear.  Keep your pocketbook zipped.  You’ll need a cushion of money this month.  Consider broadening your career options by tapping into your rich collection of contacts and resources.  Pisces positively glows with the good favor of others beginning the second week of October.  Dial back the risk after the 18th.  Energetically, you are set up for a super fun Halloween, so put your creativity to constructive use.

AriesARIES

Aries can’t keep quiet anymore.  Whatever you need to express, you will have the strength to deliver the message clearly.  Can you deny the serious cracks in the foundation?  Will you take the time to repair or trade up?  Remember Aries, those cracks are a result of you stomping around, so unless you mellow you’ll just break everything.  Detach emotionally from the outcome, and the solution will form like granite.  It takes all damn month, but Aries finally wraps up a major deal by the 31st which has you relieved and up for employee of the month.  Just because the project is complete doesn’t mean the pace will relax.  Without missing a beat prepare to go again and even bigger.

TaurusTAURUS

Taurus feels uncharacteristically rebellious this October.  If you have the option to ease up on work responsibilities or take a personal day, this would be the time. You’ll get in trouble at work when you’re this dipped in spunkiness.  Play now if you can because next month work demands triple.  Revelations of the machinations of others surface and the selfish tone of the maneuvers leave you disappointed.  Trust that you will be shielded from the ugliness.  Taurus, remember you don’t have to tell everyone everything especially early in relationships.  You are freaking people out with your over-intimacy.  Dial it way back.

GeminiGEMINI

Now that fall has set in, so have certain realizations concerning your past mistakes.  The frivolity of summer with all its social exchange made it super easy to dodge responsibility, but all those slimy, icky, guilty feelings have come back with vengeance.  You can no longer ignore the pervasive thoughts centered on a most important relationship.  Trying to dismiss what is evident has frayed your nerves and left you spent.  Realizations aside, hold back on any confrontations or declarations.  October is a better time for planning.  November is a better time for action.  Do take time with unmanaged domestic maintenance matters before they become expensive problems.  This Halloween, instead of agreeing to drive everyone’s drunk asses around and then resenting it, why not go home and give out candy with your parents?  Wear a ridiculous costume and scare the children.

 CancerCANCER

Cancer’s theme this month is consistency in the face of adversity.  If you draw a line in the sand, honor it.  Respecting boundaries has never really been your strength, but this October it is more important than ever to stand your ground and make others move the mountain to meet you.  Incoming information the first week of the month shifts your perspective on a number of matters.  This time you cannot justify or excuse bad behavior.  Already confused, the damning intel won’t help clarify the situation.  Hide out until you know for sure.  The 12th presents a lovely opportunity for a domestic spruce.  Tackling a few home improvement projects will help assuage those anxious feelings of impatience.  Cancer can relax in knowing that work will remain relatively pleasant and calm this October.

 LeoLEO

Consider consciously backing off spending in October even though there’s a palpable temptation to go butt-crazy buying.  Your purchasing choices will not be well-reasoned this month.  October demands an intense operational tempo, but for all the work you put in you’ll see very little immediate return on your hustle.  A double whammy of energetic blockages has you feeling impotent and ineffectual.  Know that it isn’t entirely your fault and your fortune will change.  Listen to the wise counsel of others and take their advice. Your best day for love and surprises is the 16th.

VirgoVIRGO

Is there anything sexier than action?  Nope.  This month you are all do, do, do, and it is a refreshing blast of productivity compared to everyone’s slack.  Forging ahead in the midst of turbulence and resistance wears you out, so practice self-care Virgo.  Maintain a reasonable workout routine.  Continue to fill your savings account and invest wisely.  Strengthen your familial ties.  Stay far away from contracting and commitments as there is someone trying to intentionally deceive you.  Set aside major business dealings until the end of next month.  If you can escape on a trip with a friend, you must make it a priority to do so.  Virgo’s consistent hard work over the past year gives you a pass to relax for a few days.

August 2013 Horoscopes

Leo

LEO

Happy Birthday Leo!  Another year older, but are you any wiser for the wear and tear?  For sure.  Even though Leo is blessed with a number of desirable qualities which tend to stack the deck in your favor (looks, charisma, innate likeability), this year presented a number of character-building challenges that proved you are made of more than just an attractive veneer.  Life’s low points are wonderful indicators of who truly supports you when Leo isn’t pinning the tail on the donkey.  As you well learned, some bitches are just in it for the party.  Shed limiting obligations the first week of August.  By foregoing certain responsibilities other windows of opportunities arise.  Little Lion that anxiety you’ve been feeling shall pass, but you suffer a lack of motivation and a sense of weightiness that endures for at least the next three weeks.  August is not the month for major purchases or executing contracts.  You just aren’t up for reading the fine print and are likely to get suckered at worst and confused at best.  Expect a friend or colleague to throw a little salt your way.  The comment will sting, but you’ll get over it.

 VirgoVIRGO

The first half of the month Virgo benefits from the influence of Venus with a gain in popularity and amplified affection.  That flirtatious spark you’ve been flaming within the campfire of your social circle has all the planetary momentum to set fully ablaze.  Unfortunately, Virgo suffers a major letdown by someone you trust.  This betrayal changes an important relationship.  Don’t let the untrustworthy dealings of one person lead you to deep-freeze everyone.  Office politics, which you usually negotiate deftly, cause problems, delays, and frustrating losses.  With Neptune’s influence, Virgo’s efforts at clear communication get received like smoke signals.  Don’t expect folks to understand you this month.  This August, you may not even understand yourself.  Unresolved anger continues to surface and form into solid undeniable chunks of fury.  Better clean it up because it’s becoming a tripping hazard.

LibraLIBRA

Work and travel twist into themes of upheaval this August for Libra.  A charismatic, (if somewhat shadowy) influence enters into your professional sphere and offers you everything under the Sun to relocate to a major professional opportunity.  Will you stay or will you go?  A fresh wave of optimism sweeps in the second week of August which is only further boosted by a dollop of nepotism/networking.  Libra makes connections with your easy-going nature, and these relationships prove influential.  Libra likes to keep everybody happy, but even with organized time management (which you lack this month) you won’t be able to satisfy all the demands coming your way.  Expect a heavy-handed guilting when you have to say no to certain invitations.  Fuck ‘em. Do you.

ScorpioSCORPIO

August presents Scorpio the opportunity to recast yourself in a new role.  Quite literally, this may mean a professional reinvention or more subtly a personal redefining.  This rewriting of your own narrative will require you to shed one or more self-limiting definitions you’ve clung to for comfort and acceptance.  Scorpio may find that this new trajectory involves relocation, travel, or connecting with great numbers of people via the web.  Pal up with one super supportive friend who sincerely shares your enthusiasm.  This is a good time to soak in other’s ideas and share your thoughts which will be well-received.   Expect an encounter with a ruthless asshole in some official capacity – a cop, a lawyer, someone wielding their despotic power in an annoying way.  Don’t even bother engaging in any kind of challenge, you will be treated unfairly and you will lose.  An unsatisfying relationship meets its demise before month’s end.  Exit with integrity.     

SagittariusSAGS

The theme for Sags this month is random unexpected adventure.  A last minute trip, stepping in where someone else dropped out, Sags are great at seizing moments of spontaneity.  I would advise you not to hesitate, but hesitancy has never really been your problem.  For quite some time now, Sags have been suffering from an intimacy drought in their central relationship.  Intimacy and independence make uneasy bedfellows, and right now hacking your own way through life feels more important than hacking down your partner’s walls.  Past historical messiness comes back to haunt you in August, and you have no choice but to clean it up.  Socially Sags bubble and if you admit it, you have a little crush on someone in your group.  You love to talk, but you must let others have their say.  Sags are not great listeners and this month it becomes a problem.  August is not a favorable time to purchase a property or make family investments.  Just wait.

 CapricornCAPRICORN

 Capricorns hunt for avenues of wealth, and to that end August creates a fortunate window to pursue property investment for Capricorn.  Influenced by the confusion of the retrograde, Capricorn suffered a number of misunderstandings stemming from the end of last month.  Though you hate to admit it, you are hurting from the disconnection between yourself and folks you truly care for.  August clears the way and allows Caps to initiate a mending of those relationships.  Make no mistake: it’s on you.  This month bond with a distant someone who inspires you.  The energy you two create feeds a variety of positive outlets.  Professionally, Caps must curb overreaching ambitions which lead you to behave impatiently and without strategy.  Cut out extracurricular personal spending in August.  You can’t afford it.

 AquariusAQUARIUS

The first three weeks of August are all about relationships and meaningful interaction Aquarius.  Forge new connections and strengthen existing ones.  An interesting and influential iconoclast comes your way and stirs deep inspiration. Your mutual appreciation for each other’s weirdness manifests in supreme synergy.  A needling unresolved issue finally sees its satisfactory close.  Work hard in August.  Aquariaus interested in financial reorganization should pursue options this month.  A new interest rate could be in your future.  Appreciate the broad sweeping optimism that comes with Jupiter’s influence, but maintain realistic limits or suffer fatigue and frayed nerves.  When you overdo it this month, it will show up in your body.  A specific nexus ripens conditions for an opportunist.  Remain skeptical of big promises.  Keep an eye on business advisers and side-eye shady business practices.   A chilly, awkward relationship with a co-worker begins to thaw these last days of summer.  Single Aquarius find their strongest opportunities for love long distance.  Attached Aquarius must root out the truth like a pig in truffle season.

 PiscesPISCES

 A wave of practicality shapes Pisces’ professional focus in the beginning of August.  Get shit done and cross it off the list.  Watch out for the shit-talking backstabber at work.  Dreamy as always, that creative thinking leads you to an unexpected, brilliant scheme for money-making.  Rather than just roll the idea over in your mouth, innovate!  Pursue your hunches.  Doing so is what separates the mere dreamers from the doers.  For you Pisces, power comes from long-term persistence, but commitment and thoroughness are weaknesses for you.  Avoid speculative financial ventures.  Remember to balance optimism against realism.  This is the right time to hit up the bank for credit.  Pisces exudes lovely and sexy evocative swagger all month long, and the last two weeks of the month you experience magical love and hear the mood music swelling in the background.

 AriesARIES

 August ushers in a fascinating time for your love life Aries.  If your central relationship has gone a little limp, from the 9th-12th is the time to stiffen your resolve and get assertive in the bedroom.  August is the time to seriously look at the relationship between work and your health.  Are you personally satisfied with your job?  Are you taking proper care of yourself?  Aries don’t like to admit human weakness.  You must sleep.  You must eat well.  You must move moderately.  Failure on any of these three points sets you up for a really crappy time in August.  Why not slow down a little bit and enjoy the few last drops of summer?  Beware of liars right now as Jupiter makes creates susceptibility to untruths.  August has Aries pinned down by an opponent.  Admit you’ve been bested; sulk for a day, and regroup for revenge.  Now is not the time to leverage your personal wealth for business.

TaurusTAURUS

Taurus likes to run a tight ship and this month you turn that editorial eye towards your home.  First, throw out all the clutter.  Next physically rearrange your home to make it more practical.  Consider the manner and frequency that you use things order your space from there.  Bulls love to create self-systems, just remember that complicated arrangements are difficult to live up to.  Swirling conflict settles, technical glitches resolve, and Taurus hits a diplomatic stride at work.  Fixed or evangelical thinking – yours or theirs – won’t serve you.  Steer clear.  August ain’t the month for rebellion or rule breaking; you are definitely going to get caught.  No caving to your crazy friend’s peer-pressure.  Work relations hit a diplomatic stride.  Maintain a super-realistic if not down right skeptical attitude in your love life.  Either your partner is lying or you might be lying to yourself about your partner.

Gemini

GEMINIGemini demonstrates sparkling style this month and uses ample resources to play host, entertain with delicious food, and enjoy intimate, relaxed, romantic evenings.  Tech driven Gemini shines chatting about gadgets and whatnot.  You enjoy exchanging information with other nerds and find all the novel ideas very exciting.  Over the next year, Gemini’s everyday finances remain quite stable.  In August, greed and your attempts to manipulate prove counterproductive.  Shame on you for acting against your higher values.  Beware of involvement with loose ethics in your business dealings.  The Full moon brings opportunity for dynamic change.  Fear is holding you back.  This is all about your self-perception and your interactions with others.  You’ve tried to strengthen relationships with your family, but August brings a series of lousy, unfulfilling exchanges.  Though frustrating, the discord isn’t permanent.

 CancerCANCER

In August the stars align for romance dear Cancer.  Your normal mode of sulky communication shifts into compelling and sensual conversations.  An out-of-nowhere opportunity lands at your doorstep and you must decide whether to take it without much time to weigh it over.  Go with your gut.  Over the last month, your home situation hasn’t felt quite right.  Spend time arranging your space in a way that genuinely supports you.  Crabs always prefer tidy surroundings.  Rather flexible with the truth, now is the time to communicate without exaggeration.  Cancer stresses over fiscal concerns and feels like there are never quite enough resources to meet every demand.  Spend consciously, and balance everyday costs against long term expenses.  When it comes to your income, stand up for what you deserve and what is rightfully yours.

April 2013 Horoscopes

Aries

Happy Birthday Aries!  You little dirty bitch!  You’ve been up to no good and causing drama in all four corners.  Your reactive emotions fuel this behavior.  Aries tend to externalize which means you are always looking outside for sources of glory, security, joy and gloom.  It also means that those around Aries feel every ping of their energetic pong.  It’s more exhausting than that unrelenting table tennis fuck scene in Girls this season.  Aries generously offer wit, spark, and fun to the mix.  Don’t just skip past the word fun like its three little letters of meaninglessness.  Instead, consider how many people you know that are actually really good fun?  Remarkably few.  That’s why we appreciate you Aries.  Save the yelling, stomping, and fit throwing energy for more productive endeavors this April.  Let’s be honest: you’ve fallen a bit behind in some areas and need to quickly come correct.

Taurus

When the Bull makes up its mind there is no budging her no matter how insane and illogical her position.  Sometimes, Taurus wears this fixedness like a Girl Scout badge sewn arrogantly across the heart.  In other moments of great introspection, the Bull sees the folly in taking such unyielding stances.  Narrow, inflexible thinking limits you.  The sooner you learn that stubbornness is not a reliable power source, the better.  The corresponding positive trait to your stubborn nature is that you have grit and strength like no one else.  When you decide to do, you do.  When you commit, you are sincerely committed.  This tenacity basically guarantees you success if you can stay out of your own damn way.

 Gemini

Gemini takes April by the balls and executes on a number of important projects.  Geminis get a little muddled in their own dithering.  The theme for this year is clarity, power, and control.  Decide what you truly want without external influences.  Gather the resources to move forward.  Guide the process with a specific goal in mind.  How much time did you waste last month on activities that propelled you nowhere?  Exactly.  Now is the time to really examine yourself at the most basic and mundane levels, Gemini.  As a highly intelligent and skilled person, many ask for your help.  Remember you control the gauge on the generosity meter.  Give when it feels right, not out of a misguided sense of obligation.

 Cancer

The idiom “she has her heart in the right place” must have first been spoken about a Cancer.  Certainly, intention matters when you are navigating the world.  Just remember that other old saying – the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  Accountability has never been your strength Crab.  Rather than deal with the consequences of your decisions, you’d rather hole up in your shell and hope the cloudy days and bill collectors pass.  To quote Heathers, “get crucial.”  None of this shit is going away.  One particularly interesting and frustrating thing about you Cancer is that once you decide to change, you do so rather easily.  Use this adaptability to move past some of your most childish and selfish behaviors.

Leo

Lately Leo has ladled up bowlfuls of excuses for bad behavior.  Little Lion is such a busy bee: too taxed for friends, too overstretched to lend an extra hand at work, too exhausted for family dinner.  We get it Leo.  You are much in demand.  Keep on keeping on with the one-sided relationships and you’ll see the demands on your time greatly diminish because no one will want to hang out with you anymore.  This April, concentrate on small gestures that demonstrate that you care about others.  Open doors.  Take the time and courtesy to smile.  Use please and thank you gratuitously.  Your kindness will have ripple effects.  Beyond mundane acts of common courtesy, reach out to that friend that obviously needs you, but that you keep blowing off.

 Virgo

Big change has ruptured the Virgo routine and it’s thrown your world and relationships into a chaotic tailspin.  Denial continues to plague Virgo’s advancement.  Acceptance is the first step, hunny.  Acknowledge the great success you have made in certain areas.  The respect you’ve earned and deserve is truly remarkable and rare.  Accepting your great strengths as part of a total package, it is only fair to consider your shortcomings too.  Virgos have a slow burn rager of a temper.  Adversaries who stoke that fire should prepare for a thrashing.  Virgos won’t hesitate to tell you how much you suck when you fail to meet their typically unreachable standards.  Instead of getting so angry, just get out.

 Libra

Always accommodating, Libra’s relationship idealism often clouds their common sense and better judgment.  Everyone you know isn’t going to move to the same block, line their yards with picket fences, and live happily ever after.  That’s not real life.  Rather than trying to cultivate this false Truman Show ideal, overcome your fear of disharmony.  Conflict and disappointments are realistic counterpoints to the greatest joys of life.  To live fully, Libras must embrace the full spectrum of relationship interactions, including discord.  Less prone to clutter than filth, dust bunnies do not constitute an Easter celebration.  You feel me?

 Scorpio

Unusually scattered Scorpios have been living a-maybe-this-maybe-that existence recently.  This out-of-character approach has you feeling flush with choices and the stress that accompanies multiple opportunities.  So what the fuck do you want to do Scorpio?  Rarely one to take the easy choice just because it’s easy, many won’t understand the reasoning behind your future course of action.  It won’t matter what anyone thinks if you are actually capable of executing on your grand plans.  Let the critics motivate your success.  Expect major breakthrough moments during this year of physical and emotional transit.

 Sagittarius

When Sags get into something, they really immerse themselves in a subject.  You love to learn every nuance and detail until you qualify as an expert in your area of interest.  Mastery fascinates you.  Sags learn with a child-like innocence that makes them excellent and dedicated pupils.  With all this energy directed towards your goals and intention, what time is left for your nearest and dearest?  Remember, other people have shit going on too.  We all enjoy celebrating your successes and joys, but avoid becoming a one-note Nancy.  Make sure your friends and family feel the same intensity of affection.  Meet others’ celebratory moments with the same enthusiasm you expect when sharing yours.

 Capricorn

Nerves.  Let’s talk about your nerves Cap.  You gotta lot of nerve, as demonstrated by your rather audacious and reckless choices.  Lately, all your nervous energy has wrecked your progress with a potential conquest.  At work, your nerves are frayed and your bitchy attitude is getting on everyone’s nerves.  Spend April soothing yourself and calming the fuck down.  Messy skin, dull eyes, clenched jaw, and the constant fidgeting are all evidence of your tightly wound personality.  You are serving us a clenched-ass Cameron from Ferris Bueller and it’s not a good look.  Relax.  Puff a doob.  Sip a scotch.  Enjoy an orgasm.  Meditate.  Find a way to relax.

Aquarius

Aquarius has undergone a period of self-flagellation recently which may have manifested in weight-loss, sleeplessness, and love lost.  Whatever it takes to make it back home, get there.  Now is the time to stabilize, center, and secure.  Get your bearings by surrounding yourself with people who really know you and want only the best for you.  April leaves Aquarius vulnerable to users, manipulators, and liars.  Guard your heart and secrets carefully this month.  Spend time alone walking in nature or playing with pets.  At least the animals won’t betray you.

 Pisces

Pretty Pisces articulates needs clearly this month.  Fishes feel deeply.  This spring, they are ready to reveal their honest sentiments without barriers of insecurity.  A new confidence and swagger comes with a clear understanding of what and who you want.  Just be careful what you wish for little dove.  Pisces tend to extend and then retract themselves, never really exposing true vulnerability.  What if you extended yourself with no expectation in return?  By adapting this courageous approach, you will profoundly evolve.  Pain is an inextricable part of life.  The Piscean tendency to recoil from discomfort explains why they often seek comfort in drugs, sex, or food to destructive ends.

February 2013 Horoscope

Aquarius

Happy Birthday Aquarius!  If life were dessert, you’d be the fluffy, foamy, creamy topping.  You are truly an effervescent joy, so much so that the more cynical among us sometimes read your jubilance as disingenuous.  Depending on how you wield your charisma that reading may or may not be true.  Getting to know you can be difficult Aquarius.  Actually, sometimes just getting you to sit still long enough to have a meaningful conversation is challenging.  Aquarius likes to maintain a wide social circle and has a knack for bringing folks together, albeit, somewhat indiscriminately.  In contrast, many Aquariuses (Aquarii?) also maintain a hermit-like private life.  A flourishing spiritual life is important, and many admire your commitment, but what about LOVE?  Light up in the thrill of flirt, and if you by any chance feel a spark, fan the flame.

 Pisces

Pisces rather selective nature often means they go months without taking a lover, but when they do, watch the fuck out because it is like a thirsty man found water.  Slightly self-obsessed navel gazers, Pisces spend a significant amount of time contemplating their own process and feelings.  Close friends of Pisces know that sometimes little fishes act like life is only happening to them.  Pull your head above water and inventory your nearest and dearest.  Don’t turn every proximate drama or trauma into your own.  Pisces possess a compassionate and forgiving nature; apply these qualities in your dealings with others this month.  Your personal integrity is admired by many.

 Aries

To others, Aries seem really moody and irrational for no apparent reason.  Of course the reason is apparent to you.  When you hit your limit with other people’s inconsiderate actions you aren’t afraid to let them know.  Since the world is full of rude and hateful people, from your point of view you are doing community service by informing them of their annoying behavior.  How noble.  Channel work stress into rough sex.  The bedroom is appropriate place for Aries to aggress this month. Think more heart-felt than extravagant this Valentine’s Day, and don’t forget your Mom.  Small gestures of loving generosity pay dividends in surprising ways.

 Taurus

Taurus envisions things a certain way, and when the illusion is shattered it is truly destabilizing.  The choices of some of your most trusted mentors have come to influence your thinking in certain matters.  Where are you willing to compromise?  More importantly, where are you not willing to compromise?  Life is too fleeting to waste time on the unworthy.  For you Taurus, this is especially true.  Over the next few months, there are consistent and significant demands on your time.  Typically very responsible, there will be some days in February where you just want to blow off your responsibilities.  You can get away with playing hooky once, so choose wisely.

 Gemini

Over the next three months Gemini will experience some serious upheaval that will inevitably throw your rigid world into relative chaos.  Emotionally, this will be a challenging time.  Rely on your intelligence to make wise and thoughtful decisions.  Whatever comes of change, you will adapt, grow, and more importantly thrive.  Spend more time organizing than procrastinating.  Just choose an item of clutter and put it away or get rid of it.  Rinse.  Repeat.  It’s not that deep.  Never one for big romantic gestures, ask yourself what it means when you pass up those small opportunities to show you care.

 Cancer

February should prove especially enchanting for Cancers.  Romance, delicious food and general wooing is coming your way, so brace yourself to swoon.  They say at any given time a person juggles at least five worries.  You shoulder your share of troubles, but lately those concerns have taken a less prominent role in your thinking.  All of your hard work really benefits the bank account which allows you to pay off your debts if you choose to responsibly allocate your resources.  This is an opportunity to break a pattern.  Stay active; it will keep not only your body in shape, but quiet your mind as well.

 Leo

Oh lovely Leo, mundane repairs and maintenance dominate over the first three weeks of the month.  This is a fantastic month for collaboration both professionally and privately.  Professionally, others view you as a contributor and team player.  Your ideas are valued even if you find the perspectives of teammates ludicrous.  Listen carefully to the wise opinions of those you trust. Personally, you begin to realize that your current situation is hindering your progress in general.  When it comes to love Leo, a little strategy wouldn’t hurt.  You are a Lion, so go stalk your prey.  Nothing feels as good as being desired, so express yours.

Virgo

That hectic pace has finally caught up with you dear Virgo and whether you want to or not life has forced you to slow your roll.  Professionally, you’ve proved yourself, but at what expense?  Look at your calendar.  Is there a blank day?  Virgos tend to overschedule.  Virgos need blank days.  We all need blank days.  Towards the end of the month Virgos brim with creative and practical solutions.  February forces conversations about living situations, especially the balance of indoor outdoor space.  These considerations cause you to go back over your past which leads to some interesting personal revelations.

 Libra

After a rather lengthy gray period, February opens up some opportunities for fun, perhaps even including animals or children.  It’s been awhile since Libra enjoyed frivolous, silly fun and activities you enjoy.  Libras gain a renewed sense of confidence with a full dance card, and you come on like a tropical breeze this February.  A little levity lightens your mood and this leads to closer intimacy between you and your partner.  Already prone to nostalgia, February has you contemplating the family legacy.  Libras especially value family and therefore make the perfect candidates for creating tributes to parents.

 Scorpio

Just when you think you know a Scorpio, they totally surprise you – sometimes with their sweetness and sometimes with their stinger.  Profoundly manipulative, there are few lengths Scorpios won’t go to get what they want, especially when motivated by revenge or spite.  When Cartman tells Scott Tenorman, “I made you eat your parents,” Scorpios not only relate to the sentiment, they champion it.  If revenge is a dish best served cold, Scorpios invented the recipe.  What many Scorpios forget is that they are not exempt from the balancing forces of the universe.  What goes around comes around.  So if you are going to serve up a plate of parents, make sure you are prepared to eat yours.

 Sagittarius

Wow Sags what an amazing month!  Sincerest congratulations on all you’ve accomplished.  Sags put a lot of pressure on themselves to be the consummate everything.  You get really worked up and set personal expectations unreasonably high.  Now is the time to set the temptation of future-thinking aside and discipline yourself to fully inhabit this moment.  Humble yourself to receive information rather than suffocating the process.  Sex is important to Sags on many levels, but this month you crave substantial physical validation.  Rather than playing coy, just level with your conquest and let them know what you need to feel fulfilled.

 Capricorn

Experience the New Year as a fresh start Capricorn.  Take stock, reevaluate, and reprioritize what is most important to setting you up for success.  After doing a personal inventory, your path will appear much more clear and obvious.  February will be a social month full of face to face communication.  Pop a mint.  Two-thirds into the month, Capricorn’s focus shifts to property and material security.  Caps expend time and resources on financing and development try to maximize profit on investments.  Gotta love a Cap always trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents.  Your hustle is one of your best qualities.

November 2012 Horoscopes

Scorpio

Happy Birthday Scorpio!  The month of November celebrates gratitude, and you can be sure that more than a few are grateful for you.  Unlike some of their astrological brethren, Scorpios aren’t attention-seeking stunt queens.  Rather, this enigmatic sign attracts others because they are mysterious and interesting.  Scorpios have a quiet and under-credited talent for bringing folks together.  Dependable and loyal friends, Scorpios add texture to the social circle – as long as they aren’t crossed.  The upcoming year has much in store for you Scorpio.  The theme of the last quarter of the year is self-improvement.  More specifically, what can you leave behind in 2012 that is no longer serving you?  Purge vampiric people and habits and begin anew.  Embrace the best and worst of what’s to come free from unnecessary burdens.

Sagittarius

Brave Sags are prepping to for the holidays (perhaps hosting their very first Thanksgiving this year?), and with that responsibility comes heaps of anxiety.  You understandably want everything to be perfect down to the last yam, but release some of the perfectionistic pressure or your ass is going to blow.  Besides, like all meals, there will be highlights and lowlights.  Remember, no one expects Martha Stewart.  After the holidays, prepare for a bit of an energy crash which triggers some reevaluation on your part.  Sags act as loving caretakers, and this physical dedication at times tricks others into believing that you are present when you really aren’t.  What disservice are you doing yourself and your relationships when you dial it in absentmindedly?

Capricorn

The winter holidays get Caps all nostalgic for home and family traditions.  You tend to romanticize the past and get a little weepy and lovelorn this time of year.  This unusual foray into your feelings brings out a tenderness that others find endearing.  Reconsider indulging your moodiness just like you would that second helping of pie.  A packed schedule delivers the end of the year in a flurry.  Prioritize the most important commitments.  Duck out of less critical gatherings early.  Take opportunities for extra cash and then spoil your loved ones rotten.

Aquarius

Oh Aquarius, what a delightful presence you add this November.  Level-headed and neutral, others find your company comforting and non-political when competing interests create tension.  New friends (and perhaps more?) come your way.  Add them to your already wide circle of acquaintances.  Lately a few basic responsibilities have been overlooked because Aquarius is too busy examining the meaning of life or whatever existential bullshit occupies your mind.  We all appreciate a little esoteric thinking now and again, but don’t forget somebody has to pay the electric bill and load the dishwasher.  At the very least scrub the toilet.  You know it’s been an embarrassingly long time.

 Pisces

Pisces fills November with equal amounts of fun and work.  You deserve some extra credit for striking an elegant balance between competing commitments.  Style-wise, it is time for an overhaul.  You love cutesy shit, and that’s all fine, but at some point consider a grown-up investment in quality pieces.  It would not kill you to purchase an impeccably tailored classic garment.  Pisces in love continue to cook in the kitchen and the bedroom.  Make sure the calories from one activity offset the other.  Even though Pisces are gettin’ it good, that’s no excuse to let yourself go – quite the opposite actually.

 Aries

Aries enters a full-on plaza queen phase in November, complete with a ton of high maintenance demands.  Thankfully, Aries add a lot to the party, so most of the antics get a pass.  Add please and thank you liberally.  A snappy outfit boosts your mood at anxiety-inducing social obligations.  Put some thought into what you want to wear, and you’ll have more confidence as a result.  Aries work hard and deserve a break; try to steal some afternoons for lying around on the sofa.  Eat high quality food and lay off the drinking.  Now is the time when your body is most vulnerable, and Aries need a strong immune system to survive the harsh winter months to come. 

 Taurus

Taurus spent the last several months externalizing their energy towards others.  After all this giving, what is left for you little dove?  Since November is all about thanks, open yourself up to receiving gratitude rather than hastily brushing it aside.  Let the kind words land.  Bulls possess an unparalleled work ethic.  Intellectually sharp, no bullshit, and driven, Taurus succeeds for obvious reasons.  Interpersonally however, that same recipe won’t make for pleasing cake.  Wear something subtly incredible to family gatherings.  Good clothes act like armor against cutting comments.

 Gemini

Change ain’t easy, but Geminis have really pulled it together over the last few months.  Well done indeed.  You’ve taken responsibility for past mistakes and demonstrated positive growth.  Maintain the forward momentum.  Work demands significant resources for much of the month, but Gemini can look forward to an enjoyable and relaxing holiday…if you finish all your work on time.  Generous, kind, and loving, Gemini shines this month and positivity radiates your central relationships.  On balance, November looks very kind to your pocketbook, social life, and bedroom.

Cancer

Lovely Cancers enjoy nothing more than a table full of food surrounded by a large and loving family.  Whether hosting or attending, many Crabs get their wish this year and make the most of it, though overindulgence may have you swimming in regret.  On the upside, at least you’ll be exercising.  Burn off some extra calories and guilt by doing the dishes.  Cancers get wrapped up in their own perceptions, much of which are utter bullshit.  Sorry, it’s true.  Step out of the walls of the past depression, self-doubt, and bad decision-making and start running your life.

 Leo

Leo, lemme tell you the truth.  It is super rude to constantly let your eyes wander during a conversation.  That habit demonstrates a fundamental belief that many Leos hold: that there is always something better just over the shoulder of the person they are talking to.  Because they are so big, bright, and bold, Leos take for granted the amount of attention they receive.  Turn some of that radiance back around to the depleted masses huddled around your glowy flame.  When making clothing selections, camouflage becomes an increasingly important consideration.  Do you want to be a creative dresser or rock a killer figure?

 Virgo

Virgos’ singular intent and drive makes them super effective, but also self-righteous and narrow-minded at times.  A generous and caring friend and companion, know that your inner circle deeply cares for you.  Virgos grow more selective with their expenditure of time and energy as they grow wiser.  Remember that if you want an area of your life to grow, you have to nourish it.  If you really want to manifest change, then provide the space for that change to happen.  Otherwise, it’s just lip service, and we all know you are a person of action.  Virgo’s style inspiration for this winter is dewy on the tundra.  Bonus points for those who get the reference.

 Libra

November serves up a round of disappointments to Libra.  You’ve spent a great deal of time planning things which cannot be planned.  There’s that expression, we plan and God laughs.  That cliché is your theme song this month.  So what can you control?  How about your own reaction to disappointing news?  Libras can stew in self pity and entitlement or dust themselves off and get back on the ornery old nag that is life.  To your credit, you’ve stylishly adapted to a number of challenges that have shifted your life in unexpected ways.  Cultivate yourself in the soil where the wind decided you should land.  No one is suggesting you hand your life over to the whim of fate, just recognize where your power lies and where it does not.

September 2012 Horoscopes

Virgo

Happy Birthday Virgo!  You’ve been experiencing quite the career trajectory and are rapidly advancing in the professional world.  Some folks get lucky; Virgos get their hands dirty with hard work.  This dedication, attention to detail, and commitment is what we love about you most dear Virgo.  You stomped down the path, pounded on the door, and success had no choice but to let you through.  Saturn ushers concerns over financial and material security which have you making decisions about savings, possessions, and domicile.  You’ve spent time trying to improve your circumstances, but the leap ahead in lifestyle isn’t coming quite as quickly as you would like.  Commit what resources you can to your nest and make it as cozy and clean as you can.  Personal relationships shift into a new and unexpected dynamic.  Re-imagine the division of responsibility and jointly held resources.  Mystery still surrounds your mate’s true intentions.  Why are you giving your power away?  This year, cultivate change, growth, and creativity on the journey towards the wealthiest time of your life.

Libra

Welcome to a period of intense learning Libra – whether you are ready or not, life’s about to teach you some lessons.  This fall your worldview expands, you will experience a wider range of opportunities, and grow a great deal from exposure to new perspectives.  Now is the time to spread your ideas, assert your intelligence, and develop wide-reaching contacts.  Think Huge.  Over the last several months, Libras have gotten serious about creating the life they want to live.  These efforts – towards sobriety and caution – will ultimately lead to an easier and happier life, but the investments will not result in immediate change.  In September, you’ll find yourself authentically mirrored in a way that has you feeling exposed.  Unpack that baggage from the past to overcome the emotional obstacles that are limiting your power.

Scorpio

Scorpios hit a proactive streak that makes September especially dynamic and fruitful.  Supportive energy from community helps lift you up and give you the push you need to move ahead.  Intellectually, technical details take over and Scorpios apply their side eye to untangle the complications in a novel way.  Who you know becomes very important to your progress this month.  Authority figures perceive you positively which leaves you with an unusual feeling of support, especially since you tend to see the world as acting against you.  The first half of the month, Scorpios are externally rotated.  The second half of the month that rotation turns inward for some heavy navel gazing.  This period of introspection is positive for Scorpios as long as you don’t become too fixed in your thinking or too over-reactive.  An agile mind and openness to the unexpected is required for you to discover the gifts the world has to offer you this September.

Sagittarius 

Sags become super conscious of their overall direction and how their decision-making influences their life course.  You may find yourself desperately seeking validation from external sources.  Your image, appearance, and first impression worry you.  Now more than ever you are invested in how you come off to others.  Sags spend a significant amount of time this month packaging their ideas in ways that are palatable for others.  More than ever, Sags want to instill confidence.  Paternalistic feelings surface as you want to maintain control over a project.  You’ll find yourself connecting with foreign people with cultural differences.  Even though you consider yourself well-traveled and educated, some of the customs will prove surprising and interesting.  Others seek your advice and counsel based on your wealth of experience in a particular area.  Spend the rest of the year weeding out those draining friendships.

Capricorn

Capricorn experiences September as a progressive time.  First and most important, you really need a break – a serious refresher.  Exhale the stale air.  Plan a holiday.  You tend to think of vacations as frivolous, but a trip away to recalibrate is exactly what you need.  When you return, your mind will be ripe for learning from experts.  Ask questions and don’t be shy about it.  Get professional and impartial legal advice.  Caps get a kick out of serving others this month, and this service is greatly appreciated by its recipients.  Avoid hasty professional decision-making; you’ll be tempted to grab at a mediocre opportunity when a better one is around the way.  Funnel extra time and energy into healthy daily routines and practices.  Throw that typical Cap caution to the wind this September in favor of fun, freedom, and humility.

Aquarius

Aquarius feels especially emotional this month.  Others trigger your touchy spots and even though you’re dying to express yourself, you seal all your powerful emotions up like Tupperware.  Suppressing all your feelings makes you moody.  Rather than seethe under the surface, recognize the pattern and find a way to constructively free this energy.  Root out tired habits, cyclical patterns, and counter-productive knee-jerk responses.  Replace your ingrained attitude with a spontaneous one.  Enjoy the children and animals.  Color in a coloring book.  Play fetch.  One of your greatest strengths is your concentration.  Focus now on meaningful communication.  Learn new skills and see how it expands your world view.

Pisces

Pisces find great inspiration in partnership this September.  Collaboration is where you’ll find your greatest professional and personal traction.  Give freely of yourself when joining forces with others.  Let go of any fear of judgment.  Your ideas will be accepted and celebrated.  Pisces discover new ways to make moolah this year that change your finances for the next six years.  Keep a fresh perspective, even when concerns over financial stability arise.  A thought revolution shifts your perceptions of what security means.  Consider valuing your happiness over your hourly rate.  This month many of your Piscean traits get magnified – find yourself more creative and compassionate, but also even more deluded and unrealistic.  Even though you are a loyal and devoted friend, you will see your social circle shift.  Pisces are more willing now to play along nice with the others for the sake of the collective.

Aries

September is a transformational time where Aries shifts from one phase to another or learns how to bridge a transition for others.  The devil is in the details this month – at work, in relationships, and especially with regard to your health.  Don’t ignore the signals your body is sending.  In small increments, Aries gain insight into confidential information.  Keep it a secret.  Make time for repairs – internal or external – you decide what requires more immediate attention.  September provides time for leisure, playtime, and fun.  The stage is set for romance.  Decide which part you want to play in the production.  Are you ready to travel to consummate a long-distance opportunity?  The fall brings a stable home life and from this secure base Aries can focus on external obligations and negotiate the outside world.

Taurus

Taurus enjoys September and shines bright with happiness.  Spend time with people you love, partake in activities that lift your spirit, and spread joy all around.  Others value you and will especially value your positive energy this month.  Bulls experience lucrative advancements which extend into next summer.  These opportunities may present themselves in unexpected and unconventional ways which repel you at first (dumb luck could be one of them).  Allow things to be different while still valuing your experience.  September offers chances for healing yourself and others.  Physically, get back at it in one way or another.  Bulls should not slack on fitness or mindful eating.  To be completely blunt, if you haven’t taken a shit in a while, you really should look into that.

Gemini

Gemini connects with family, home, and neighborhood through property investment in September.  This gets right to the heart of where and with whom you want to live.  Gemini feels and thinks deeper in September, getting philosophical in a quest to determine what you really want.  Insecure about an area requiring attention?  Get over it by moving forward.  You’ll figure it out as you go.  Much of the wisdom you seek comes from life experience.  Dig into new experiences.  Organization is a long running theme for Geminis and simply put – you must improve in ordering your life.  Speculative projects will never come to fruition without a methodical approach.  Apply structure and discipline to your love life.  If that sounds like work, that’s because it is.  Relationships take work; you can’t just float along and hope everything works out okay.

Cancer

Cancers keep busy, busy both socially and professionally in September.  This month is all about forward motion, so much so that you many find yourself spinning.  Get grounded by prioritizing.  What is the most important use of your energy right now?  That is the question you should ask yourself before you go wasting time and effort on detours and frolics.  Some of you will deal with health issues this month, yours or someone close.  Look outside traditional remedies.  Look to your dreams for clues.  That relationship you’ve had on simmer?  Ready to bring it to a boil?  Right now others are relying on and making demands upon you, and their expectations are high.  Prepare to face resistance from others that causes frustrating delays.

Leo

Leos spend much of the month fussing over their stuff.  Watcha gonna do with it?  Donate?  Repair?  Replace?  Move it or lose it?  September brings basic necessities to the forefront – get healthy food on the table, get the house together, these are your goals for the month.  Leo enters a new social circle which provides ample networking opportunities through next summer.  Remember not to ditch your old tried-and-true buddies as your circle broadens.  Internally, you spend much time and energy pondering your future, hopes, and aspirations.  Share some of your insecurities because your friends will prove surprisingly helpful.  Stay organized with correspondence and especially email.  Fail to manage your inbox and you may find yourself mixing up messages to embarrassing results.

 

August 2012 Horoscopes

 Leo

Happy Birthday LionsLeos focus on self-improvement in August starting with a make over.  New hair, new clothes, and a fresh look will serve you well and actually aid in your character and personality ambitions.  Leos radiate energy and magnetic charisma.  At work, people around you will be attracted by your communication skills.  Tighten the purse strings; August is not for expensive luxuries.  Save your money and devote your time to casual get-togethers with friends you enjoy.  Try to avoid driving the last week of the month when the likelihood of an accident, especially at night, is particularly high.

 Virgo 

August provides the opportunity for spiritual awakening for Virgos.  Lately your focus has been very cerebral, but quite rooted in the real world.  Now think bigger, broader, higher, and through the usual.  Virgos spend a significant amount of time pondering the past to prepare for the future.  Keep the ego in check, and adopt an empathetic and humble attitude when dealing with your significant other.  Most importantly, admit when you are wrong.  Single Virgos should stay that way through August.  The first two weeks of the month are perfect for pursuing self-starting business deals.

 Libra

Libras embrace freedom and strength in August by rebelling against many self-imposed restraints.  Professionally you flourish.  Expect accolades and recognition as you position yourself for a meteoric rise.  Treat people kindly.  Your bitchiness is limiting your personal relationships.  Extra demanding to your partner in August, remember if you want space you have to give space.  Keep a conservative profile with regard to investments.  Now is not the time to risk the farm or lend money.

 Scorpio

Scorpios excel professionally this August and enjoy their career more than ever.  When enthusiastic about work, Scorpios shine and inevitably find success.  Now more than ever is the time to push forward with your professional aspirations.  You may even find yourself contemplating an interesting offer.  Mull over any big decisions.  Scorpios require a tremendous amount of emotional support this month.  Ask for what you need.

 Sagittarius

Impatient Sags want everything right now and when you don’t get it you get depressed.  Your desire to succeed and sheer determination can be off-putting, especially when you stampede over those around you.  Relax.  Use your charm to finesse situations.  Explore cultural activities this month like food fairs, carnivals, and neighborhood celebrations.  Keep it local from the 21st-26th, use the time at home to clarify your next move.  Stress manifests in the stomach this month.

 Capricorn

Capricorns experience intense intimacy in August with a shift in your current relationship or the blossoming of a new love.  A tussle with a friend resolves in due time, but the misunderstanding leaves a sourness between you.  Keep the focus on your personal life; this is not the time to get embroiled in petty office politics.  Caps experience financial losses with investments between the 19th-24thCapricorns suffer from distraction and therefore make shitty drivers this month.  Watch out.

 Aquarius

August tests Aquarius on several levels.  First, unless you are exceedingly cautious in your professional dealings, you are likely to offend a few folks in your work circle.  Second, a crisis of confidence erodes your chances at success.  Third, those around you are especially stressed this month and the ill effects spill over.  Focus on love; stoking it and growing it into every nook and cranny of your life.  Curb your blunt tongue.  Keep financially conservative or find yourself preoccupied and obsessed with your own overspending.

 Pisces

Money, money, money, Pisces who owe it must repay it in August.  Find yourself in a position to lend later in the month.  Pisces possess a knack for cultivating opportunities out of thin air.  Maximize this talent in August.  You might be surprised how many people are willing to invest in your ideas.  Wanna get married?  August proves productive with personal relationships as long as you focus on positivity.  Invest energy in a strong foundation before proceeding with any permanent plans.

Aries

Aries enjoy fun times in August as you frolic about from one social engagement to the next.  An upcoming event may very well include a “meet the parents” visit or the coming together of family and friends.  The stars look favorable for introducing your partner to the family. Think like a European: August makes a great time for a leisurely trip.  Students can relax; those of you preparing to study in the fall will receive some good news mid-month, but the last week of the month live especially cautious.  Those on the grind contemplate a new venture.  Get ready to blow a load on home improvement in an end of summer fit of redecoration.

 Taurus

Bulls lead with their horns this August, demonstrating aggression in negotiations and decision-making.  Rather than acting in haste, take time with the major choices and before snapping at colleagues.  Whiny and oversensitive from the 12th to 18th, try not to give in to your worst asshole tendencies.  Towards the end of the month, energies shift for the better and happy folks flock to you.  All this positivity spikes your creativity.  Get ready for some serious and meaningful relationship talks.  August is not the month for proposals or engagements.

Gemini

In August, Gemini’s talent for communication gets plenty of exercise both at work and home.  Towards the end of the month, you fail to do as you promise.  This time it really bites you in the ass, especially at work.  You make a bad situation worse when you say something you shouldn’t in front of your boss.  This month a stressed partner requires extra support and patience.  Try hiking, yoga, and meditating together to strengthen your relationship in a new way.

Cancer

An energetic backspin has Cancers feeling stuck.  This ongoing series of challenges has you frustrated and anxiously awaiting results, especially with regard to your career.  Unfortunately, August will not prove particularly fruitful in this regard.  Stay the course.  No short cuts.  Investments do look favorable for you, particularly in the realm of precious metals.  Even more travel, and by extension spending are on the menu for August.  This is a harmonious time for friendships, but a difficult time for your primary relationship.  Keep it light.