Tag Archives: housekeeping

To Complain or not to Complain?

JANE LANEWhen should we complain?  That’s the question of the moment.  In 2015, We are already mired in passive aggressive energy courtesy of the Year of the Sheep.  That means we are all in for a lot of subtle bitching both serving and getting served in the complaint department.  When you are as critical as I can be, there are always areas of dissatisfaction.  When is it worth it to express that dissatisfaction and expect a meaningful response?POINTLESSThe following unsatisfactory situations recently occurred.  Which would you complain about and which would you just suck up without complaint?

1) I visited a waxer.  After less than 15 minutes on her table, she declared me “finished.”  She did not remove enough hair to actually clear my bikini line.  The line between the crease and the thigh still had hair.  She did not even go a quarter of an inch inside the crease.  The treatment cost $37 for a “classic bikini wax.”  Request more removal or leave hairy and dissatisfied?YOU MOCK MY PAIN

2) I checked into a hotel room and hair from the last guest was all over the floor and bathtub.  Criticize housekeeping or clean up the mess?AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME

3) My dentist urged me to spend big money on a bite analysis and revision.  After thousands of dollars my bite still didn’t feel right and my teeth uncomfortably bumped together.  Furthermore, at my last cleaning, the technician didn’t polish my teeth.  Fuss or suffer?GETTING IN TO4) My neighbors are door slammers.  Bitch to the HOA or endure the clamor?LOUD NOISESHow did you answer to each of these scenarios?  Here are my answers: 1) didn’t request a waxing revision; 2) hate-cleaned it myself; 3) made him fix it (I basically paid for a chunk of his kid’s college last year for what I spent in his office); 4) haven’t notified the HOA….yet. THIS IS BORING

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: Tip the Maid

Like many of these Demeter Clarc Manners Moments, some of you will be like, “duh”, and some of you will claim you’ve never heard of the custom before.  Let’s talk about tipping housekeeping when you stay at a hotel.  We all know that for the most part, cleaning up after others is a boring, thankless, and often disgusting job.  Why not express gratitude for your housekeeper’s service with a tip?

There are different schools of thought on the best way to tip your housekeeper.  I like a daily tip rather than a lump sum offering at the end of the stay.  Tipping daily ensures that even if different folks clean my room, each will get a little thank you gratuity.  Also, a daily tip ensures no shortage of fresh towels and sample size toiletries, while encouraging staff to sniff the other way if clouds of cannabis start wafting from my room.So how much is right?  Well it is all up to what you feel comfortable with, but I would say certainly no less than $1-2 per day and no more than $5 a day, unless the service is nothing short of spectacular and then the sky is the limit.  Frankly, in this age of dismally mediocre service, exemplary conduct should be profusely rewarded.  What wouldn’t I tip to avoid an encounter with a dubious pube?  Don’t even start with the “I don’t have cash” bullshit.  It is your OBLIGATION to carry cash while traveling for this very purpose.  It is just as important as your ID and suitcase. 

For those cheap motherfuckers who never tip, I’m just going to say it straight up – you are showing your ass.  Not a good look.  Take care of your housekeeper and they will take care of you.  Mahalo bitches!

Heads in Beds

This book Heads in Beds: A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality by Jacob Tomsky has been getting a lot of shine, so I Kindled it to see if it indeed included any salacious insider gossip.  Let me save you the trouble – this tell-all doesn’t tell much about the hotel industry or human nature that you don’t already know.Tomsky started in hospitality at the bottom of the valet pile in New Orleans, and eventually made his way up to third-in-command at a mid-to-high-end Manhattan hotel he calls “Bellevue” to protect its identity.  Tomsky works primarily as a front desk clerk.  The self-serving thesis of this book?  Heavily tip the front desk clerk with “bricks” ($100s) or “baby bricks” ($20s) to score under-the-table upgrades.  Throw some money around at the desk and you too can enjoy a $4 comped bottle of shitty pinot.  How Fancy.The inverse is also true.  Mistreat your wife, make a racist comment to the cabbie, or fart downwind from the all powerful desk clerk and find yourself key bombed.   Tomsky will stick you with a bunk key card, book you in the shittiest room, or one that gets all-night phone calls because the room number matches 1+ the local area code and every ninny in the hotel forgets to dial 9 for an outside line.  Remember to be on your very best behavior or the desk despot will punish you!Tomsky promises park views, late check outs, and express check-in if you slide him some cash.  But I don’t really want or need any of that.  Fuck the view.  I’m sleeping here.  Can you get me a clean  room with that $20?  Probably not.  Even the finest hotels suffer from inconsistent housekeeping.  I don’t care about stealing from the mini-bar.   If you do, Tomsky says go wild; the hotel will comp the oft-disputed charges. 

Bribing people to get good service isn’t exactly a profound revelation.  This book is too light on the hookers and diva celebrity behavior (Brian Wilson is the best you got, really?), and too heavy on the unions and the obvious.  As for crazy stories from the hospitality industry, I’ve heard more riveting cum-splattered tales from my Aunt Debbie who runs a Motel 6 in Salina