Tag Archives: hypnosis

The Real L Word: JUICY

Rachel finally cornered Whitney (and the camera crew) in the guest bathroom at a pool party.  With very little solicitation on Rachel’s part, Whitney bent her over the sink and turned her out unbeknownst to the sunbathers just outside.Kacy and Cori visited the fertility specialist who advised baby vessel Cori to kick cigarettes for maximum fertility.  Cori hired a Mark Harmonesque hypnotist named Bruce to cure her of her addiction.  Immediately after Bruce broke the induced trance, Cori felt the treatment worked.Apparently, the spell’s magic only had a shelf life of about 6 hours, because later that evening Cori was crawling out of her skin with a raging nic fit.  Thinking an electric cigarette might ease her suffering, Cori made Kacy drive her from gas station to corner store on the hunt for the elusive device.  In the process of hitting up store after store, Cori left her phone behind, and completely lost her shit when she discovered it had gone missing.Several castmembers ended up at the same girlparty PYT.  Everyone seemed to enjoy mellow fun until one of Whitney’s wasted friends Chas started calling Claire a “deb” from New York.  A debutante burn?  No, apparently “deb” for “Debbie Downer” was the stated explanation, but that doesn’t really make much sense, right?  Was Chas implying it was desperate to relocate from New York to catch shine off a lezzie reality show?  Is Chas bitter she didn’t make The Real L Word cut?  For the most part this show prefers its lesbians of the lipstick or soft butch variety, and Chas is Dan Connor-flavored.

Romi’s friend Drew is a 12-stepper and is easing Romi into the recovery scene.  With Romi abstaining and Kelsey boozing, the two constantly clash and even discussed parting ways.  At 23, Kelsey’s still naïve enough to think this is a lasting arrangement.  In a last ditch effort to salvage the relationship, Kelsey pronounced that she too will quit the bottle.  Quite sure she can’t make it at a club without a drink, she phoned Romi’s sober buddy Drew to take her to AA.  Romi reacted selfishly to the news that Kelsey and Drew spent the evening cuddled in bed watching movies and threw a childish fit. Drew did drop this little nugget of wisdom, “If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you’ll piss all over today.”  Could someone please embroider that on a pillow for me stat?Trading on her new-found recognition among the Lesbian community, professional pussy party pusher Whitney hosted her own girlparty Juicy (grossy).  Whitney and HBICs at The Real L Word deserve a little credit; many shows (eehhemm Hills) don’t want stars to acknowledge the reality of how fame affects their lives after the first season airs.  At least Whitney straight up acknowledges (with a hint of embarrassment) that she’s more or less succumbed to milking her F-list celebrity status.

RHNY:16

Ramona’s daughter Avery and LuAnn’s daughter Victoria both celebrated their 16th birthday on the same night this week.  The first segment skipped back and forth between scenes of overbearing, bratty Avery making demands of her planners, and a vacant Victoria abdicating complete control to hers.Avery nixed a series of ideas from the pushy planner.  Her worst fear seemed to be that the event would feel “bat mitzvah.”  Like most girls their age, both wanted a 21st birthday disguised as a 16th.Prying must run in the family because Jill’s sister couldn’t resist offering unsolicited legal advice to Sonja about her bankruptcy.  Forcing this conversation in Wexler’s waiting room was gross and uncomfortable.But not nearly as gross and uncomfortable as watching Dr. Wexler deliver a series of painful injections around the perimeter of Jill’s face.LuAnn threw a surprise party for Jill’s birthday.  When Ramona arrived, she and LuAnn discovered that their daughters’ birthday parties not only fell on the same night, they also shared the same theme!  Faux Frost Pas.Jill’s nearest and dearest attention-seeking castmates each took turns hogging the spotlight.  First Barshop did some weird poetry reading in a headpiece claiming to evoke Josephine Baker, but her outfit reflects that she had no actual knowledge of Josephine Baker.Then Kelly used her toast time at the mic to repeatedly point out that she was late and apologize to the uninterested crowd.  Ramona donned a red wig and impersonated Jill complaining about the size of her diamonds.  Self-serving LuAnn headed up the rear in full showgirl regalia singing a dragish tribute to Jill that had the crowd searching for her Adam’s Apple.Simon can’t quite quit smoking for good, so he hired a hypnotist to externally lobotomize his nicotine craving.  Like any good junkie, he had to go out for one last fix.  When he returned, Jacob put him under and repeatedly yelled “you are a non-smoker!” in an unidentifiable accent.Ramona checked into the party venue and panicked when she realized her precious Pinot hadn’t arrived.  She kept slurring “seriously” to convey the urgency of the issue to the staff.  From outside appearances, the only serious problem is the one Ramona seems to have with drinking.Both parties were impressive and very different.  Avery went with an all white wedding reception feel, and Victoria went with a downtown clubby vibe.  Ramona admitted she spent more on this party than she has on any other – even on herself and Mario.  Despite the monster budget, Jill couldn’t procure a cocktail napkin, not even from the bartender.In comparing the two parties, Victoria’s seemed more fun (she for sure had the better dress).  Rather than leverage her daughter’s birthday for her own side fiesta, LuAnn left early to bang Jacques and allowed Victoria to finish the night with her friends.  Lest we forget when you’re 16, the great parties aren’t the expensive ones; they are the ones with the least amount of parental supervision.