Tag Archives: Ikea

a kitchen corner

CAM00611Welcome to my kitchen corner.CAM00616Shelves and cabinet = Ikea.

CAM00607CAM00610Bob Marley Mug.CAM00619

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i hate you IKEA

I hate you IKEA because you smell funny.  I blame the restaurant.  The Swedes are not known for their cuisine.  A fellow patron spilled one of those ligonberry drinks and I watched as it penetrated the polished concrete floor like battery acid.  I want to throw a Swedish meatball at your stadium-sized head IKEAIKEA CHINAI hate you IKEA because you seduce me with your displays.  While walking through the showroom, it all looks like Oz.  When your resolve has weakened and you are ready to drop your panties for that $199 dresser, follow the yellow brick road down to the warehouse and pull back the curtain to find a sea of gray, bleak cardboard, and overwhelming confusion stacked from floor to ceiling.  IKEA WAREHOUSEI hate you IKEA because you are still the most affordable option for semi-stylish home furnishings.  What makes IKEA a hassle is what makes IKEA cheap.  THAT'S WHYI hate you IKEA because you make your employees wear the ugliest shirts ever made.  Are you furniture referees?  Lemme get you a whistle and maybe you can wrangle some of these deranged children out of the way.IKEA REFEREESI hate you IKEA because you assign homework.  I have to put this thing together now?  My friend Trish hired some dude off Craigslist to put all her IKEA furniture together – assembling shitty pre-fab furniture is a cottage industry.  Skills for life, people.  Skills for life. IKEA CRAIGSLIST

 

Finally Finished Friday

KEEP CALM AND FINISH STRONGFuck Yes!  After a long and arduous 5 weeks I am done with my condo remodel.  I learned so much from this little project about construction, building materials, Home Depot, and human nature. HOME DEPOTI promise to show you pictures, but first I want to clean it from top to bottom and arrange everything just so.  Promise me you will be kind even it if my taste is not your taste.  Would it surprise you to learn that I made some rather unorthodox choices?  My contractors thought I was smoking crack, but ultimately they had to suck my dick and admit that my odd choices actually make the place special and practical. IKEA VARDE

Thanks for your patience over the last week.  As always, I appreciate your allegiance and support. DCUNDER CONSTRUCTION

 

 

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: No Early Birds

I’m throwing an epic garage sale this weekend and already folks have dropped by and tried to get a jump start on the bargains.  Not only is this early bird trend super rude, it is extra tacky. We’ve already discussed how a drop-in from a friend can be uncomfortable.  When the unexpected visit comes from a totally fucking random stranger it feels downright intrusive.  This presumptuous twat pounded on the door thinking I would give her first look at any bedroom sets.  Bitch please, I would never encourage such gross behavior even if it costs me a sale. Garage sales are hellish enough without assholes repeatedly ringing the bell at all hours days before the sale even begins.  Seriously, it’s a garage sale, not the opening of a new IKEA.  Everybody just calm the fuck down.