Tag Archives: Jennifer Gilbert

RHNY: The Lost (their fucking minds) Footage

Bravo wrung every last drop out of this season of the RHNY, finally putting it to rest by airing unseen clips repackaged as “lost footage.”

Sonja accompanied Ramona to get her sweat glands eradicated by ultrasound.  Note the Tru Renewal in the waiting room, even Dr. Giese is on the payroll. Sonja turned gray as Dr. Giese jabbed a metal rod in and out of Ramona’s armpit.  Sonja compared the scene to a veal chop, and Ramona replied that she was getting hungry.  The staff brought Sonja a juice box to help her through the trauma of witnessing the gruesome procedure. The nausea continued to build as we followed Jill and Bobby into ChopardJill fixated on a rose gold 1.79 diamond carat watch (conservatively $25-30,000.00) whining like Veruca Salt that “she waaaanted it!”  Hoping to extend her good fortune, she requested the salesmen bring over a necklace too!  When the salivating salesmen brought over a 10 carat flawless diamond ring priced at $3.7 million, Bobby started to turn as gray as Sonja did during Ramona’s surgery.  Jill declared she always gets screwed because her birthday, the holidays, and their anniversary come one after another and she gets “combined gifts.”  Yeah, combined gifts worth over $30,000!

Sonja apparently got her liposuction, and Kelly stopped by to see her in her post-operative convalescence.  Kelly brought Sonja a “cleanse” to inspire her to take better (non-surgical) care of herself.  Kelly then got all sanctimonious and said,  “I want you to tell your daughter that you were too lazy to work out and got liposuction.”  Preach Kelly!  P.S. if you want to see some sloppy-ass editing watch this scene again, the cleanse is on the bed in a shot before Kelly gives it to Sonja.   This shit is totally The Hills, cougar-style.

Kelly and Ramona worked out together in St. John.  Kelly kept the elliptical on level three as she talked Ramona’s ear off.  Ramona ignored her while she tried to concentrate on her five lbs shoulder presses.  Kelly, a genetic freak at six feet tall, has no idea of what it takes to maintain a real woman’s body.  Nice forearm plank Ramona, werk!

Sonja, Jen, Alex, and Simon gathered in Times Square for the reveal of Bethenny’s I’d Rather Go Naked campaign.  Whatever.  PETA is so super fucking hypocritical I can’t even get started, but that’s a discush for another day.  Bethenny annoyingly mugged for the cameras as Sonja confessed her jealousy by admitting she wished she was up there.  Sonja’s honesty is so unusual and refreshing, no?

Most of the girls showed for Ramona’s birthday party at the Chat Noir.  Kelly and Jill took it upon themselves to rearrange the place cards.  Ramona lost her shit because it was a rude and presumptuous move.  That said, can we just sit where we want to sit please?  Enough with the control-freak seating chart shit – it’s so antiquated.We wrapped at the Reunion where we learned the Countess has a record deal, Kelly’s working on some top-secret shit, Jill got a hobby – a bedding line, Sonja’s returning to her relaxed lifestyle, Silex is working a summer book tour, Ramona’s enjoying her renewal, and Bethenny declared now it’s all about Bryn and Jason.  I think this is the last time we will see this incarnation of the ladies together.  Adieu materialistic shrews, we will miss you.

RHNY: You Have to Be Effin Kidding

Kelly got the hell outta dodge and the women greeted the day dining alfresco and celebrated the first moments of peace we’ve seen all season.

Peace Out Kelly!

The ladies enjoyed massages, manicures, and pedicures while relaxing in the sun when….

Oh, no this bitch didn’t….Oh, yes this bitch did…

Jill and Bobby showed up unannounced stopping over on the way to St. Barts to surprise the girls.  Alex overreacted, and nobody welcomed the two to stay.  Jill fled to the car where Ramona tried to smooth things over before Jill and Bobby dropped another bundle to fly out of St. John on a private jet.

Jill was justifiably super hurt.  Not inviting Jill and Bobby to stay was fucking cut-throat.  These bitches don’t play.  In an 11,000 square foot house Ramona couldn’t tuck the Zarins in a corner for one night?

Later on, Sonja and Alex threw Ramona and Bethenny mini-bridal showers.  Alex and Simon visited the sex store and picked up some bondage gear for Ramona and Mario to enjoy; too bad they forgot the ball gag.

Toilet paper bridal couture.

Back in NYC, Jill met up with LuAnn, Jen, and later Kelly to dissect the St. John drama.

LuAnn gave Jill an I-told-you-so before chastising Kelly for calling Bethenny a ho-bag.  Kelly talked a bunch of crazy revisionist nonsense and by the end of the lunch failed to engender support from the home team.

Sonja threw another random party which gave Ramona and Bethenny the opportunity to give their side of Kelly’s St. John meltdown.  The two put on a persuasive case which led LuAnn to doubt the veracity of Kelly’s version.

Jill and Jen talked final touches and swag bags for Jill’s super sweet sixteen ice skating party.

Jill conveniently sat Lisa down in front of a promo for their new book to discuss calling Bethenny to ask her for lunch.  Jill doesn’t get it, it’s too little, too late.

Jill called Bethenny and secured a lunch.  This gave her the peace of mind to bust out her skating leotard.

Then she busted her ass.

During the cocktail hour of the holiday party, Ramona and Kelly had it out over Kelly’s perception she was attacked in St. John.Ramona tried to postpone the discush for later, but Kelly forced the issue and accused Ramona of putting her in an awkward position.  Ramona stood her ground regarding her recollection of events, but offered Kelly an apology for any hurt feelings.  In the end, the two hugged it out.In the spirit of emotional housekeeping, Ramona pulled Jill aside to make sure they were cool after the St. John shoo away.Jill listened for the first time all season, and they too were able to reach an understanding before the evening’s end.Even though peace was made among several of the women this episode, one major conflict continued boil behind the scenes.  Next week during the grand finale of the season (and Jill and Bethenny’s friendship), the former BFFs sit down for a ladies who lunch tête-à-tête where I predict Bethenny’s going to tell Jill to fuck off once and for all.

RHNY: Victors Never Flee the Scene

At the Cocktails and Couture Party the condescending Cuntess wasted no time downsizing Alex for last week’s Bethenny dispatch.  Both LuAnn and Bobby chastised Alex for getting in the middle of Jill and Bethenny’s biznass despite simultaneously failing to take their own advice by hypocritically weaseling into her dispute with Jill.Kelly thought someone was going to pay extra because those dresses graced her snatch.  She thinks she’s like Liz Hurley or something.  Nobody gives a fuck Kelly.  Though her dress choice for the party was an improvement over most of her other wardrobe selections this season.

Jill admitted to suffering remorse over the demise of her relationship with Bethenny.  She claimed she wasn’t “ready to make up” at Ramona’s because she felt ambushed.  Unfortunately, she lost her opportunity.  Bethenny’s pride prevents her from trolling for apologies, and at this point Jill’s regret is too little too late.  Tiger and Elin have a greater chance at reconciliation.Alex tried to talk to Jill, but Jill doesn’t give a fuck about Alex.  To Jill, Alex is just a pawn in her power struggle with BethennyJill will never perceive Alex as her social equal and therefore has very little invested in salvaging their fake friendship.  However, Alex isn’t the same woman she was first season; her semi-fame has given her more confidence.

Bethenny and Ramona seem to have gotten over the Brooklyn Bridge blowout, and Bethenny confided in Ramona concerning her visit to L.A. to see her father on his deathbed.  The cynic in me thinks that the show may have strongly encouraged this call; Bethenny is so isolated from the other housewives this season it feels like she’s already shooting her spin off (premiering June 10th).  It is apparent that Bethenny is bursting from the seams of this show and it’s becoming increasingly difficult to keep her in the fold.

A sycophantic wedding dress designer showed up with some gowns for Ramona’s vow renewal.  Avery called bullshit on the whole unabashed grab for camera time pointing out the absurdity of the entire affair.  Avery is actually the only person in Ramona’s life that can get her to momentarily pause and reconsider her juggernaut course.

LuAnn took Jill, Sonja, and Kelly to some uptown yoga studio where they sat around in lotus chairs and swapped depression stories.  If I were any of these vapid, useless, twats I’d be fucking depressed too.

Jennifer Gilbert is the shit, best of the group so far.  Ramona rolled in with Bethenny’s dead dad news and Jill lost her shit — not because she cared about Bethenny, but because there’s nothing Jill hates more than being out of the loop.Ramona gave it as good as Jill and the two screamed at each other in the echoing loft while Jennifer’s kids tried to sleep behind closed doors.

Jill and Kelly took refuge in Jen’s pantry while Sonja strolled in ten minutes late and light years behind.  Sonja doesn’t know what the fuck is going on.

Alex prepared her monologue on the way over from Brooklyn and wasted no time accusing Jill of gossiping about Bethenny’s loss.  Fingers pointing, nose to nose, Alex and Jill finally had it out.High heels hurting, Jill plopped down on one side of Kelly and Alex on the other.  Kelly’s expression is fucking priceless.Alex got in a few cogent barbs accusing Jill of pretending to be nice, never listening, criticizing her kids, house, and husband, and mean-girling.  Alex leveled Jill who didn’t mount much of a defense.  I only wish Alex would have stood her ground and stuck around the party vibing Jill all night.  Remember folks, only the defeated flee the scene.