Tag Archives: Jeremiah

why no zoe?

I apologize.  I watched the last two episodes several times and tried to muster any enthusiasm for this trite, tired-ass show, but I just can’t care.Don’t give a fuck about the self-created moving drama.  The world might literally end if Rachel and Rodger have to spend an extra night in the lap of luxury at the Montage.  Boofuckinghoo. Don’t give a fuck about what Anne Hathaway wore 8 months ago at the dullest Oscars ever. Everything else is pretty much Zoe pimping Zoe. Extra don’t give a fuck about watching femmy Rodger and his cheesy friends toast to a “masculine” child.  If you want a masculine child, don’t name him “Skyler.”Whereas in previous seasons Joey was sprinkled into episodes like a rare Lebanese spice, now the annoying fame-whore sucks the energy out of every scene.  He’s making me hate him.  Zoe’s whole limp dick team this season is so boring, whiny, and kiss-ass.Zoe is obviously exercising her EP muscle and editing out all the real drama because there have to be legit reasons why she can’t seem to keep a stylist for any length of time.  For most staffers, there is an awfully short shelf life at Team Zoe.  Nobody seems to leave on good terms, though the details of the departures are always nebulous.Mostly, I’m just super uninspired by her right now.  I’m over her derivative style and shallow, needy banter with her hired gay.  She’s obviously exhausted this season, and she’s worn me out too.

 

The Rachel Zoe Project: Bitch gets paid for this shit?

Rodger took Jeremiah to the 7,000 square foot rental that Zoe insisted on leasing in anticipation of the baby’s arrival.  This decision makes no sense on a variety of levels.  For one, why spend oodles on furniture for a rental?  Second, what newborn needs 7,000 square feet?  Don’t newborns basically inhabit one foot of space surrounding their mother or father for the first several months of their lives?  Not to mention stylistically the house is totally unlike anything Rachel and Rodger have dwelled in previously.  All these considerations notwithstanding, in typical Team Zoe fashion, Rodger gave Jeremiah a two week deadline to complete the daunting assignment.  Jeremiah looked like he might pop a vessel when Rodger declared that completing the project on the super accelerated time line was his problem.

Rachel got a last minute call to style a shoot for Kim Kardashian.  Realizing the enormity of the ass she needed to cover, Rachel called Joey and Jeremiah for an emergency meeting at Zoe headquarters.  Joey received the call from dispatch and gave Jeremiah all of ten minutes to wipe the sleep out of his eyes and sculpt his Robert Pattinson ‘do before showing up at his door with an impatient toe tap.  The two rushed over to Zoe’s office curious to learn of their latest assignment.When they arrived, Zoe informed them that the world’s most overexposed and under-talented celebuwhore would require a minimum of two looks to shoot her perfume commercial the following day.  The competitive bitchery started brewing between the queens as soon as the Kardashian assignment was handed down from above.  They rushed off to Bismarck to collect every red gown and Brian Atwood shoe in the showroom.  Once at BPCM, Joey and Jeremiah bickered over their approaches to pulling items for the shoot.  Joey stuck with Rachel’s mantra of “more is more,” and Jeremiah thought it wiser to streamline the selections.  After the pull, J+J called Zoe, and she informed them that only one could attend the shoot tomorrow.  It was no surprise when she selected her favorite sycophantic gay Joey to attend in lieu of Jeremiah.  She sure has a way a pitting her staff against one another.  It’s no wonder she goes through employees like she does her Cosabella thongs.

The next day at the shoot, Zoe kissed Kardashian’s gargantuan money-maker before dressing her in two of the most uncreative looks ever.  First, Zoe put together a clichéd men’s button-down with boy shorts and a lace bra ensemble.  Even though this interpretation has been around as long as the white button-down, Rachel described the outfit as if it were a work of creative genius, and as if she had copyrighted that shit.  Rachel dressed Kardashian in an equally uninspired look for the second round of photos.  Joey greased Kim and slid her into a red stretch satin Dolce & Gabbana gown.  The obvious selection read more sausage casing than sexy.  A body-con red gown for Valentine’s Day?  This bitch gets paid for this unoriginal shit?  What a weak-ass lazy effort yo.

The Rachel Zoe Project: Premiere Collection

We met up with Zoe who is 6 months pregnant but barely showing.  She apparently sustained her unborn child on Pellegrino and cranberry juice alone in an effort to maintain her sample size figure through her last trimester.Since we last saw her, Rachel’s expanded and divided her team into four divisions: RZ digital, styling, archive and design, and product development. Mandana’s the new VP of Rachel Zoe, Inc.  Like most of the RZ staff, Mandana’s underqualified for her position, but she aesthetically fulfills a role in Rachel’s editorial vision for the office.  An awkward kiss-ass, she literally lowered down to hug Rachel’s “peanut.”  Don’t ever. There’s always a last minute push at RZ.  Preparations for the launch of her first collection bogged down the office on this particular day.  Zoe invited editors, buyers, and other important fashion folk to view the collection before the rush of fashion week. Since Rachel can’t seem to keep a stylist for more than a year, she and Rodger conducted interviews to fill a nebulous position which basically boiled down to gay sidekick.  Jeremiah came at Mandana’s recommendation and is equally unqualified. It is fair to question the eye of someone who would wear that outfit to an interview at Rachel Zoe.  Although Jeremiah lacked credentials and experience, Rachel predictably adored him and couldn’t wait to add him to the team, despite Rodger’s well-founded hesitation.  During Jeremiah’s second interview, Rachel was wooed by his (not that clever) one-liners and hired him on the spot. In anticipation of his growing family, devoted wife Rodger went house hunting with Zoe’s personal assistant Marisa.  A very slick LA-ish real estate agent showed the two a vacant $20,000 a month, 7,000 square foot behemoth.  Rodger worried about furnishing the massive mansion and asked Marisa not to tell Rachel anything about the unattractive rental.  Later on, Marisa showed Rachel photos of the place and Zoe got a “witch vibe” and obsessed over renting the dated monstrosity.Working a tired Twilight look, Jeremiah showed up for his first day and didn’t even know how to use the steamer.  When Rachel showed up a short while later, she was pleased with the samples of her new collection.  Just as the episode closed, Jordan the fit model (as opposed to Jordan the stylist) arrived to display the line.  Want more RZ Collection coverage? Demeter Clarc included a few different seasons of Rachel Zoe’s offerings earlier this year, use the search feature below to catch up.