The first thing you need to know about The Real L Word is that most of these lesbians are rather late arrivals on the scene. Most came into their sexuality in their twenties. Even Mikey didn’t dine at the Y until college. Whitney is the exception; at nine she put sour cream on her eleven year old friend’s boobs, covered them with Fruity Pebbles and then ate it off — lesbian 9 1/2 weeks Saturday morning cartoon style. We begin with dread-locked Whitney, a pune juggler, fetching a couple of SF lezzies Taylor and Sara (pretentiously pronounced Saw-da) from the airport. While pontificating on the differences between NYC, L.A., and San Francisco lesbians, Whitney declared that L.A. lesbians “lack the working hands” of the NYC lesbian.Next we meet Jill and Nik in matching purples shirts, a type-A preppy lesbian power couple. These two met at summer camp. Nik went out with Jill’s brother way back in the day. The two women reconnected on the camp website and have been together ever since.
Mikey (think West Coast Kelly Cutrone) runs a fashion P.R. firm and enjoys making models cry. Mikey’s in a long-term relationship with Raquel, a hard-working make-up artist.
Tracy a tall, dark, and lanky development exec, popped up at the beach skateboarding. A self-confessed late bloomer, Tracy’s newly involved with Stamie, who is separated from Julie, with whom she co-parents three kids.
America Ferrera doppelganger Rose, a financially successful real estate financier, hit the club with her girls and then reluctantly returned home to her girlfriend, Natalie. She considers herself in the top 1% of lesbians because she looks good, dresses well, has good job, and can show you a good time.
At Fubar, Whitney got stuck in pussy gridlock when Romy, her recent fling, sauntered up to the bar upon which Sara was dancing. In full tear-management mode, Whitney did her best to placate her jilted hook-up without jeopardizing her current one. She adequately finessed the situation and successfully tucked into bed at the end of the evening with Sara.
Jill and Nik are planning their nuptials and spend mornings pouring over wedding-related websites trying to decide between a wedding dress and wedding suit. Nik wants a suit, and doesn’t want to look like twins in white dresses walking down the aisle.Mikey looked extra stupid when she lost her shit on some inexperienced models sent by a casting agent her own office solicited. When it became evident she didn’t know what the fuck was going on in her own office, she overcompensated by ripping the casting agent a new asshole. She truly is the West Coast Kelly Cutrone.
Whitney educated us on the difference between “pumps” and “pants” within the lesbian lexicon. “Pumps” are the “feminine girls” that “wear high heels,” and “pants know how to swing a hammer and are usually in control.” Good to see the lesbians are working towards dismantling all those limiting stereotypes.Rose visited her Grandparents’ house and it was refreshing to hear that they embraced her when she came out and seemed to genuinely like her girlfriend Natalie. Natalie wants babies and starting applying pressure in front of Rose’s family. Rose seemed very reluctant, and it became pretty obvious these two ain’t gonna make it.
Whitney’s friends inform her that she harnessed the power of the clam, but she sleeps with women who are looking for relationships. What lesbians aren’t looking for relationships? Stop sleeping with each other so soon. The lack of pregnancy fear entices these girls into the kip. Sluttiness is so tired. I’m no advocate of purity rings, but rushing into sex has become such a predictable cliché.Episode highlight, Mikey turned to Raquel before bed and said “You can be Jillian Michaels and I’ll be Jackie Warner.” Lesbian workout role play, lovesit. Nik and Jill met up with wedding planner Camilla at the Newsroom to hash out event ideas. The two are planning a traditional Jewish ceremony with a sit down dinner. Jill’s jaw hits the floor when Camilla slides the budget across the table. Not sure why they are letting the wedding planner dictate the budget, but my guess for the estimate is $125,000. Nik reassured Jill that it was their wedding day and worth the expense, while Jill reminded Nik that it was a lot of money to spend on just one day.
At Crown Bar, Whitney, Natalie, Rose, and Tracy and the rest of the sapphic gang mingled. Whitney shamelessly hit on Tracy in front of Sara. Tracy flat out asked Whitney if she and Sara were dating, awkward silence ensued. Sara fled to the bathroom and confessed her jealousy over the attention Whitney was lavishing on Tracy. Eventually, Tracy mentioned her girlfriend, so Whitney cut her losses and returned her attention to Sara in the bathroom stall. They took it to the West Hollywood streets where Whitney smoothed things over by spitting some meaningless playa noise that again dropped Sara’s panties, proving low self-esteem transcends all boundaries. I’ve been wondering how explicit this program is going to get with it playing on Showtime. The L Word was big on girl-on-girl action, and I’m guessing these girls are going to be contractually obligated to show a little somethin’.
Whitney and Sara head to the airport where they shared an emotional goodbye. Whitney then circled around from departures to arrivals and picked up her very well-timed new piece. Play on playa. Play on.