Tag Archives: Johanna Johnson

2012 Oscars Style Review: The Best, The Worst, The Most, The Toast

The Best: Emma Stone in Giambattista Valli

This gorgeous gown fit her body perfectly, accentuated her tiny waist, and stood out in a sea of mediocrity.  Don’t love the accessories, but I’m not in the mood to quibble.

You Saw It Here First: Shailene Woodley in Valentino Couture

Fresh from the couture collections, Shailene Woodley wore this modern, white, long-sleeved number.  It might look familiar since we featured it as part of the best of Fall 2012 Couture earlier this month.  It’s a little old for her, and her face would benefit from a pop of color, but not a flop by any means.

Most Confusing: Viola Davis in Vera Wang

This looks like the homicide of Puff the Magic Dragon.  A full-on unmitigated lapse in aesthetic judgment.

Fulfilled Potential: Tina Fey in Carolina Herrera

We’ve all been waiting for Tina Fey to step out looking this good.  Finally, she’s really come into her own in this navy peplum-detailed gown.

Evoking a Cult Leader: Gwyneth Paltrow in Tom Ford

I’m not saying I don’t like this, but she’s delivering a whole lot of white here.  Can’t you picture her standing at a podium condescendingly addressing an arena full of Goopies in this odd get-up?   “Follow me, affluent women, to the land of organic peas…”

Most Offensive Overtry: Jennifer Lopez in Zuhair Murad

Nude illusion Fruit Stripe Gum.

Culmination of a Bad Fashion Awards Season Run: Jessica Chastain

Fashion-wise, Chastain hasn’t found her identity.  Her style choices were as varied and uneven as her performances this year.  It looks like she skinned Kimora Lee’s sofa.  Let this be a lesson – McQueen is not for everyone.

Let Me Upgrade You: Clooney in Armani, Keibler in Marchesa

Clooney’s clout ensures his girls-of-the-moment have access to all the best fashion houses and some very high-end clothes, but even in all their borrowed sartorial finery, his dates still look like they should be holding cards above their heads in the middle of a wrestling ring.

Most Predictable: Pitt in Tom Ford and Jolie in Versace Atelier

I’m so bored with these two.  Oh, how fucking shocking you two bitches showed up in black.  Close your legs dear, you’re not dancing the can-can.  Ever since I heard that thing she said to him at the Globes, I’ve kinda hated them.  She turned to him and said “you’re prettier than me.”  Fucking voms yo.

The Bridesmaids: Kristin Wiig in J. Mendel

While the bodice of this dress is tailored beautifully for her body, the placement of the break into the texture is awkward and unflattering.

Melissa McCarthy in Marina Rinaldi

Are we calling this mauve?  I’m pretty sure we issued a fatwa on mauve at the end of the 80′s.

Maya Rudolph in Johanna Johnson

Here’s one of the few purple looks of the night.  It’s a safe, conservative, and unoffensive choice.  The side-swept hair is very Mariah.

Building Relationships Pays Off: Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji

After favorable reviews from fashion folk for her Globes look, Octavia went back to Tadashi Shoji for her Oscar gown.  Clearly, cultivating that relationship has paid off; the designer knows her body and the fit is beautiful.  Second best of the night.

Dress I wanna like, but Don’t: Cameron Diaz in Gucci

I really want to like this Gucci gown, but I don’t.  She needs a waist and this dress gives her no shape through the torso.  It reminds me of a melting chocolate and vanilla soft-serve twist cone.

Consistently Wasted Potential: Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton

This dress is too fussy, ill-fitting, and heavy for such a delicate wisp of a girl.  This ensemble ain’t right – the necklace, the bag (and I get where they are going with the clash, but here, no), and that gawd awful frump of a saloon-girl-gone-wrong disaster of a frock.

Sure to be Critically EvisceratedRooney Mara in Givenchy

No one will get this.  Even if they did, the cut isn’t flattering to her body.  If you do avant-garde, you have to do it impeccably.

Post-baby Blah: Natalie Portman in vintage Dior

She gave birth to a new era of shitty style.

Two A-List Underwhelmers: Sandra Bullock in Marchesa and Penelope Cruz in Giorgio Armani.

Sandra’s dress isn’t doing her body any favors.  Is a gold shrub trying to munch her bush?  WTF?  Pene, you are almost forty, enough with the princess shit.  Join us in 2012.

emmy 2011 style review: red, wrong, and blue

The best and worst of the A-list: Kate Winslet in Elie Saab and Gwyneth Paltrow in PucciGwyneth’s face looks better than it has in a while, but the dress is confusing and wrong.  A transparent midriff, really G?Another disappointing turn for Katie Holmes in Calvin Klein Collection.  Bad fit, uninspired color, and boring shoes combined to create another dud for Mrs. CruiseEvan Rachel Wood provided a refreshing relief from the onslaught of red in an immaculately tailored Elie Saab.

Hate to say Christina Hendricks looked unnecessarily big in an embellished Johanna Johnson gown.  The open toe and low heeled shoe makes her legs appear chunky.  A darker tressed Elisabeth Moss stayed in the same color family as her co-star in a pinky-nudish Marchesa adorned with shimmering vines.  Damn, I miss Mad Men.Let’s get the Glee bitches out of the way: self-important Lea Michele vamping for the flashbulbs in Marchesa, Jenna Ushkowitz in an architectural Ghadah Paris, and Diana Agron in Roskanda Ilinic. Naya Rivera’s chic, black, subtly-detailed gown made Heather Morris‘ selection look fussy by comparison. Colfer proves that photographically satin betrays both genders.  Darren Criss showed up his more well-known cast mate in a slender suit by John Varvatos. Of the hostesses, Cat Deeley didn’t embarrass herself or wow in Monique L’Huillier.  I question the clutch choice with this particular gown.  Even with ample style resources, Padma Lakshmi in Armani Privé and Heidi Klum in Christian Siriano reinforce the notion that most models can’t dress themselves worth a shit. You would think that the Fashion Police might dress a skosh more fashionably, right?  Giuliana wore a crimson Cavalli which got lost in the sea of red gowns.  Kelly Osbourne did a bit better in plum J. Mendel.  However, for someone who regularly critiques others for failing to make fashion forward choices, this safe dress felt more Lea Michele than Kelly Osbourne.  Though let’s face it, none of these third tier hangers-on get first pick of the best gowns. Prettier than most ladies, how about a little Mario Lopez palette cleanser?  Werk those dimples son. Joel McHale also looked dapper and fresh in his icy tux coat. Not much better than that dreadful Wonder Woman costume, Adrianne Palicki arrived in anti-photogenic satin.  Super likable Connie Britton looked lovely in a deeper shade of the night’s most favored hue.  For a woman her age, the face and body are damn aspirational and underrated. Minka’s old lady Christian Dior underscored the impact of Galliano’s departure on the house.  This gown isn’t going to give Jeter any regrets.   Usually Claire does Narciso or Calvin Klein; instead she went in a different direction with this flashy Oscar de la Renta gown.  The perennially overrated Emily Blunt donned Elie SaabElie Saab provided many of the evening’s strongest looks, but this wasn’t one of them.  Why does she always have that just-ate-a-canary mug on her face?Julie Bowen did de la Renta this year and kept the accessories minimal.  Sofia Vergara rocked Wang (Vera not Alexander, obviously).  Don’t match the lipstick to the dress please.For comics,  Kristen Wiig impressed in ombre Zac Posen, and Amy Poehler rocked Peter Som.  Her dress was featured right here on Demeter Clarc in the best of blue for Fall 2011 RTW.

Pint-sized Nina Dobrev was swallowed whole by bloodshot Donna Karan.   Hate the necklace too.  Margulies‘ unseasonable white Armani Privé evoked Styrofoam cup. Let’s finish strong and severe with Game of Thrones actress Lena Headey in Alessandra Rich.  A different bag and belt could have catapulted her from an eight to a ten.  The fantastic Christine Baranski served a seasonally appropriate dark blue Zac Posen and outshone many attendees half her age.